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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Quandary

16 May

I’ve said it once and I’ll keep saying it: The worst possible situation ever is to be married (or in a relationship) and bisexual. When someone has been bitten by the bi bug and that urge to do something about it becomes damned near overpowering, one has three choices:

Ask for permission, cheat, or give up any hope of doing either of the first two things. The first one ain’t likely to happen, the second one, well, the dangers are pretty obvious, aren’t they, and the last one is pretty bad because there’s not too much that’s worse than really needing something badly and not being able to get it. If people are saying that bisexuals tend to suffer from mental illness more than any other sexuality (and I don’t believe one word of that, by the way), it’s not hard to see why, is it?

But some bisexuals kinda get lucky in that a proposition for an open relationship is on the table and you might think that if the negotiations for that are successful, well, the bisexual is in good shape.

Um, not really because opening the relationship for additional sex is one thing… but the inclusion of anything that’s “gay” is a whole different matter. You may think – and I’d understand it if you did – that if, say, “Marie” wants to open things up so she can get some new dick and some pussy, “Pete,” if he’s got a taste for dick, now has an opening to indulge himself this way, too.

Um, not really because women are funny about that and, yep – here comes that very annoying double standard that many people say just doesn’t make any sense. Why is it okay for Marie to indulge herself in this but it’s not okay for Pete? The first answer is kinda simple: What Marie wants to do in this has nothing to do with what Pete is hoping to do. Opening the relationship is about her and any extra pussy Pete might get out of this is kinda like an afterthought. She’s gonna be able to fulfill all of her sexual desires and she’ll be happy about that and, Pete, well, even if Marie didn’t know he had a craving for cock, he’s just gonna have to settle for the extra coochie – and that’s provided that Marie is even willing to share some with him.

Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. You can exchange Pete for Marie in this scenario but one of the things I’ve found odd about this situation is that if Marie is the one who wanted this, she isn’t going to have single though in her pretty little head that when she’s romping around with a woman, what she’s doing is gay… but if Pete said something about wanting to suck a dick, that is gay.

And will not be allowed. Nope. Uh-uh. Get the fuck outta here with that shit. Now, whoever gets kicked to the curb on this one usually has a question leap into their head and they might even ask it: How come you can get what you want outta this but I can’t?

And the answer, again, is usually, “This ain’t about you – this is about what I want and need – that that shit you want to do is gay and I don’t care what you have to say!”

Sounds fucked up, doesn’t it? That’s because it is. The situation gets even more fucked up because, believe it or not, a lot of open relationships are actually one-sided; it’s what one person wants and if the other goes along with it, well, they do… but if they try to introduce some ideas of their own – like finding out what it’s like to suck a dick or eat a pussy – well, what the fuck is wrong with you? You should be glad that you can get what I’m allowing you to get, you selfish motherfucker/cunt!

You see, ideally, opening a relationship should be about “us” – what’s this gonna do for us, how will it make our relationship better, etc., but more often than not, opening a relationship is about “me” – what I want and reluctantly giving their partner something in return for being able to get it the way they want it… unless what the partner wants is gay… and, again, even if the person wanting this also wants to do something gay.

A lot of women suck dick… and a lot of women think it’s totally fucked up that guys suck dick and, to me, it seems like women get pissy about that because men are encroaching on their territory and, yeah, we have proclaimed and established that if a dick is gonna be sucked, women are the only ones to be doing that, you know, if they even feel like it. Likewise, a lot of men eat pussy and a lot of men think it’s fucked up that women eat pussy because, damn it, all a woman should ever need is a nice, big, hard dick.

Hard to believe that we can really be that stupid, huh, and more so when we know – and even if we’re not into this particular thing – that guys suck dick, women eat pussy… and that’s the only “gay” thing going on.

I actually sat with a couple to act as a mediator in their open relationship negotiations. They learned that my wife (at that time) and I were up to our eyeballs in it and wanted to know how to be able to do it, too. I listened to the two of them talk about the pros and cons of doing this and paid close attention to why it was felt that this had to be done and things were going rather nicely even though I had told them to expect that some of the things they were gonna have to talk about are going to be painful to hear.

The wife, on day twenty of the negotiations, was talking about how things might change down the road and mentioned that it’s possible that they could be playing with another couple and, in the heat of the moment, she’d get the thought in her head to taste pussy for the first time… and I silently applauded her for having the foresight to understand that it could happen.

Her husband – and not unexpectedly – went right off the deep end; I kinda cut him off at the pass by saying, “All she’s doing is bringing up the fact that it can happen and, believe me, it can happen. Doesn’t mean that it will but it’s like I told you when I agreed to do this – you talk about everything you can think of about this.”

He calmed down and said, “Well, what if we’re getting busy and I start sucking the other guy’s dick?” – and I know he said it just to jerk her chain over what she had said.

Then she went ballistic and the situation got lost as they started accusing each other of having already done something they were just now talking about, her because she realized the possibilities, him because her realization pissed him off.

“Okay, I’m outta here,” I said after failing to reign the two of them back in.

“Why are you leaving?” they both asked at the same time.

“Because y’all are being stupid about this topic,” I said. “And I don’t have the patience for that. She mentions a possibility and you get all pissy and throw it back in her face – they you – pointing to her – get pissy and just forgetting that if you saw the possibility for this, then it makes sense that he could see it, too.”

“When you decide to open your relationship, you also have to open your damned minds about sex – period. Is it possible that, in the heat of the moment, a pussy might get eaten or a dick sucked – and by someone who’s not supposed to be doing that? Yeah – it is possible and if you think that it isn’t, well, grow the fuck up already. I’m telling you that it’s possible and I wouldn’t be telling you that if I didn’t already know that for a fact.”

“It doesn’t mean that it’s gonna happen but if you’re not going to be aware of what might happen and be prepared for it, you’re gonna have problems and the whole idea behind doing this is to do it with as few problems as possible. Shit… I hate it when people start getting like this! Accusing each other of doing shit y’all both know good and damned well neither of you have done. I don’t know if either of you have even thought about it but I gave you – pointing at her again – props for bringing this up; it told me that you are aware that it could happen.”

“You – pointing at him – got your ass all up on your back and said what you did because what she said pissed you off because, fuck, I dunno, maybe you’re not as smart or open-minded as you think you are? Y’all want to argue about this? Go ahead – I’m leaving; call me and let me know if I need to come back because at this point, I’d rather not.”

“That’s some cold-blooded shit, man,” the husband said to me. “I just don’t think she needs to be having her face plastered to some woman’s pussy!”

“It’s not about what you think. It’s not even about what she thinks. Right now, this is about putting it out there that it could happen and if you understand that it could, well, how are we gonna handle that?” I replied.

“I ain’t feeling that shit,” he said.

“Then y’all don’t need to get involved in this,” I said. “Shit happens when people have sex and no matter what rules they have or any other shit. You don’t believe it can or should… and I’m telling you that it can happen and without any prior intentions.”

“And what if it did?” she asked. “Should I be unhappy that him and the other guy are sucking each other’s dick? That ain’t what this is about!”

“If it does, it just does. If no one pitches a bitch about it, what’s the problem? And what this is about is sex… and you going down on some babe because you felt like it was a good idea in that moment or him sucking dick or even being sucked is still sex,” I said.

“So your lady goes down on the other woman… and you ain’t gonna say shit about it?” he asked.

“Well, our marriage is open because she wanted to be able to do that,” I said. “And the only thing I’m gonna say to her about it is, “How does she taste?””

“Shit,” the wife said.

“I told y’all on day one that this shit is way deeper and more involved that you thought it would be,” I said. “Now, we’re either going to sit here and talk about this like the grownups you both believe yourselves to be, or we aren’t and if not, I’m going home and I probably won’t be coming back – y’all can figure this shit out by yourselves.”

Things settled down and they did talk about it although they both wanted to insert a rule to prevent shit from happening and I warned them against doing that and even mentioned that this tends to fail for a lot of people because they think that shit can’t happen and then they get all pissy when it does.

“If you’re gonna have sex with other people, have sex with them,” I said. “But do it with the awareness that something might jump off that you’re not used to. The thing here, again, isn’t that it might happen – y’all need to decide on how that’s gonna affect things, oh, like what if she has a heat of the moment moment and goes down on the other woman, she doesn’t protest, and your lady finds that this shit is fun?”

“She shouldn’t,” he said.

“And you, sir, are dead wrong,” I said. “Most people who try it for the first time – and in any situation – usually finds out that it’s not as bad as they thought it was. Kinda weird, but not bad. And how are you gonna tell her what she can like and what she can’t? You can’t do that anymore than she can tell you what you should like or can’t like.”

By the time Day 90 arrived, they had hacked out the terms of their open relationship but really hadn’t resolved that “gay thing” that could happen. They both felt that neither of them had any need to do something like that, continued to believe that heat of the moment shit can’t and shouldn’t happen but, okay, they proceeded with their plans to be open but with this quandary unresolved.

When you’re working on being open, this stupid double standard cannot be allowed to be invoked. If you’ve decided that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander (or the reverse) then all of it should be good and even if someone’s bisexual potential gets revealed and even in the heat of the moment.

Is it “gay” for guys to suck cock? Yep… and it’s just as gay for women to eat pussy… but it’s not about whether this is or gay or bi: It’s about having sex and, at least in theory, this is the reason why an open relationship is being proposed and, yeah, even more so when being open is being proposed so that one can indulge themselves in a bisexual way.

It always comes down to, “What are you willing to do for your partner’s happiness in this?” and for many, they’re going to allow this quandary to get all up in the mix and, ultimately, fuck everything up. It’s not about what you do or don’t believe in these things: It’s about sex and what you’re willing to do to provide for your partner’s sexual happiness and, yeah, if it’s good for the goose, it has to be good for the gander if things go that way.

Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up to fail. Permission to anything extra will not be given and now you’ve opened the door for infidelity to come in and rule the day and even if that doesn’t happen, you can bet your ass that you’ve now put your partner in a mentally bad place and it’s going to fuck with them… and will fuck with you as well because shit not only happens – and happens when you least expect it – shit also rolls down hill… and misery loves company.

The quandary, sadly, exists and I say to anyone who is thinking about an open relationship – and for any reason – to avoid letting the quandary get between the two of you and the sexual happiness you’re looking for and that which is available. The heat of the moment is a very real thing and I’ve seen it happen enough times to know how real it is… and I’ve seen people react very badly to it. I’ve seen that “this is about me and not you” shit come up and just fuck shit up. I’ve seen women who have a craving to eat pussy want to do this openly… but her man had better not even get it into his head to suck a dick (and the other way around)…

And you gotta ask yourself if putting the quandary in place makes any sense… and I really do hope that you see that it really doesn’t make sense. If one wants to include the bi thing, okay – doesn’t mean you have to do it or that you’re even thinking about doing it. This isn’t so much about one person because this is something that impacts the “us” the two of you are supposed to be.

And if that makes them happy, well, why not? I implore you to not let any sexual shortsightedness get in the way of the sexual happiness in your relationship if you ever decide to be more open about things because if you do, chances are good that you will fail and catastrophically so. Men suck dick and women eat pussy because it’s still sex.

And if you can’t understand that, I don’t know what to tell you other than maybe you need some lessons about what sex really is and can be.

 
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Posted by on 16 May 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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