Some of the most interesting conversations about bisexuality come up when someone is trying to describe what their bisexual means to them and what this or that feels like and/or what doing this or that means to them.
You can have the most expansive vocabulary you can bring to bear and most people can’t tell you much more than “it feels good.” It’s not that they don’t really know but a lot of the things that can be experienced are more like… impressions, intangible things that flow through our minds that we’re aware of but trying to put those things into words?
Incredibly difficult. Hard to do without sometimes sounding like you’ve lost your mind and, indeed, have no level of mastery over language at all. Oh, yeah – I’ve found myself devoting a lot of time trying to describe the indescribable, both to myself and others because it stands to reason that someone is going to ask what this feels like or what that feels like or what are you thinking and feeling about being bisexual in the first place.
Sexual experiences along these lines are unique and subjective even when one pretty much does the same things as a matter of course but that makes sense given that just because we often tend to think that all bisexuals feel and experience the same things. While we can talk among ourselves and agree that we like this, don’t like that, and find some… commonality in our individual experiences, asking someone to explain what they’re feeling and/or thinking when they’re sucking cock usually tends to result in a lot of “gibberish” being said… and finally being simplified to, “It feels good.”
Oh, and try to put words to any of this without sounding pornographic. For a while, I wrote a lot of erotica (and actually got paid for it!) and one of the things I found to be difficult wasn’t writing about the physicality of sex – it was capturing the thoughts and emotions of sex. I’d sit at the keyboard and get my characters to the point where they’re gonna have sex and I’d be reminded of something my editor told me during the first proof of the book I wrote: “There’s only so many ways you can describe how to put A into B, C, or D!”
The key, I was told and advised, was to be able to put the emotion, the thoughts and feelings of it all before, during, and after the fact… and trying to do that would often have me with my fingers on the keyboard… and just being there because I realized that I was trying to put into words some things for which there are no real words for.
It defies being described and, um, no, having a wealth of sexual experiences under my belt didn’t – and still doesn’t – work as well as they probably should contribute toward trying to describe what something feels like or what’s the more deeper meaning connected with doing this or that. It’s not that no one – and regardless to sexuality – doesn’t know this…
It’s damned near impossible to accurately put it into words. The guys on the forum have been responding to this question: “What does anal mean to you?” You should see how everyone is trying to put into words what this means to them and how many have replied that it feels good, they like it, don’t like it, or they can’t wait to experience it.
It’s not that their sentiments are invalid because they really aren’t… but if you were reading the responses and trying to “make sense” of it in your own head, yeah – you’d find out pretty quick that, again, there are no words to describe a lot of this whether you’ve actually done it or waiting to do it.
Then most people try to do this as a high level kind of thing, attempting to take everything they’ve thought and felt – with or without experience – and trying to condense it into one line of expression… and they usually find that anything they’ve written is, at best, incomplete and isn’t specific to any one moment in time. Why? Because our minds are designed to take very complex things and simplify them and to the best we’re able to do so.
Hence the usual answer of, “It feels good.”
One question that gets asked – and re-asked – is what does it feel like when a guy cums in your mouth? For those who know about this, yeah, you should see them trying to put it into words and to capture – and put into words – whatever they’re thinking and feeling at that moment… and I feel their “pain” because even as good as I am with words and writing, I often feel like a dummy trying to explain it even though I know exactly what I’m thinking and feeling. You find that you wind up pushing your vocabulary to its limits and, yeah, even consulting a theasaurus for more adjectives doesn’t help a whole lot because, again, there are things that you think and feel for which there are no words in any language that are even close to being able to provide a description; there aren’t that many adjectives to really explain joy or disappointment or excitement or even ecstacy.
It feels good. It makes me feel good. Indescribable and so much that, at best, these are the two things that are just easier to say or write. Ask someone why they’re bisexual and many can tell you how they came to be bisexual and even what they did (if they did anything at all); try to dig deeper and, well, watch or listen to someone start to trip all over themselves trying to find and put this into words and then in as few words as possible.
I ain’t saying that it can’t be done – I’m just saying it’s an incredibly difficult thing to do and so much that merely saying, “It feels good!” or “It makes me feel good! feels so… inadequate. Inaccurate. Not the thing one wants to really convey.
Because there are no words to describe the intangible things and the things that are “smoky” impressions that one’s mind can have a very hard time grasping and holding onto, let alone struggle to find words that, again, accurately describes them… other than “it feels good.” What does it feel like to be fucked? First, pack a lunch because this gonna take a while and then don’t get frustrated or anything like that when the person you ask says some shit that doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense and so much that even in your mind – and before they say it – you’re gonna think, “It must feel good… I guess.”
And I think we narrow it down to “it feels good” because trying to describe it is, might be, and can be an exercise in futility… yet, we try to do it because, when trying to explain to someone why you’re bisexual, you also have to be able to speak to what you’re thinking and feeling about this and why you’re thinking and feeling the way you do.
Shit… even I’ve condensed it down to, “Because I am.” Yeah… that’s really informative, isn’t it? I’m sitting here typing this and, in the background, I know what my mind is doing and it’s very busy trying to find the words for what I’m typing. You’d think that since I’ve had a lifetime being bisexual, this wouldn’t be so difficult… yet, it is… and I know why it is… yet I continue to attempt to describe the indescribable even to myself.
This… thing is probably the one thing that lends itself to bisexuality – and bisexuals – not being understood all that well because we can’t really explain our thoughts and feelings with any degree of accuracy and wind up simplifying things in few words and words that may be helpful or leave someone with more questions than answers.
And it’s probably why even bisexuals talk more about what they do (or what they wanna do) than they do what they think and feel about being bisexual. People wanna believe that we’re all the same and we really aren’t because the thing that makes us all different and unique is how we’re feeling and thinking and at any given moment in time. Again, it’s not that we don’t know…
We just have one hell of a time trying to describe the indescribable. We – and including myself – wind up saying or writing things like “it feels good” because, well, it does, but that’s really the best we can do. It’s like, duh, um, it must feel good because if it didn’t, you wouldn’t do it so there has to be more to it than just that.
There is. Just don’t ask me to explain it to you in exacting and precise detail. I can’t do it but I sure try to even though I often wind up sounding like I don’t know for sure. I do know. I just suck at finding the words to express those things that, for newbie bisexuals, would be of great assistance to them. And that’s also why, I think, a lot of bisexuals spend a lot of time being introspective; it’s not that they’re trying to explain any of this to others:
They’re trying to explain it to themselves. They know it. They know why. Continually defies explanation. It feels good and it make me feel good. It’s how I feel. It makes sense. I just am. I do this or that because I can and I want to. Not very helpful is it?
That’s about the size of it.