Yeah. Confused. One of the things people have been saying about bisexuals and for as long as I can remember. As with many stereotypes and misconceptions, there’s a measure of truth to this because discovering that you might be bisexual is, in fact, pretty damned confusing since, you know, you’re straight and have been… but your thoughts and feelings aren’t so straight as they’re supposed to be or as you think they should be.
It’s quite the shock to one’s system, to put it mildly. It’ll make you not only question yourself but pretty much everything you’ve ever believed in. It’ll get you so deep inside your own head that, for some, it becomes a big distraction since what you’re feeling ain’t jiving with what you “know” about yourself or, hmm, what you thought you knew about yourself.
Contrary to what’s being said, bisexuals aren’t really confused about “really being gay” and it’s not that they aren’t really aware of how straight they are but feeling this pull in both directions is, well, confusing. I’ve always felt that bisexuals get the “confused” tag slapped on them because of the belief that people are either straight or gay and, well, that’s bullshit and always has been. But since this can be such a shock to one’s system, sure – it’s gets very confusing trying to figure out why they’re feeling the way they are, scouring their brains to find that one thing that might explain this… and then not being able to latch onto anything that really makes sense.
Social opinion about this only adds to the initial confusion – that pick a side and stay on it crap and the mindset that there’s nothing between being straight and gay. We know this; we’ve heard this and, worse, we believe it… well, until this happens to you, huh? I couldn’t begin to put into words what goes on inside someone’s head because it’s pretty harrowing to find out that, in a way, you’re not what you thought yourself to be.
One can flex their mental muscles to ignore the confusion, to push it to the back of their minds and many do succeed in doing this but they find that, eh, it really doesn’t go away so much; it’s “jumping up and down” to get your attention and will keep doing it until you address it – to either acknowledge it or to continue to suppress it. But here’s the thing…
It usually doesn’t take one all that long to say to themselves, “I’m bisexual!” and that’s a pretty tough admission to make given that your feelings don’t seem to be lying to you even if your mind ain’t agreeing so much. But, yeah, the agreement is reached and now many move on to the next thing which is trying to figure out and decide what to do about this.
That’s another kettle of fish but, yep, many do find that the side they picked is the one in the middle – and thus endeth the confusion… for them. For everyone else? Way too easy to believe that bisexuals are always in a constant state of confusion than it is to accept that if someone says they’re bisexual, um, they’re not confused about that – they’ve gotten past this hurdle already.
Again, thought, it’s said that we can’t make up our minds about whether we want to be with women or men – in the opposite sex mode of things; some even insist that since we can’t make up our minds, our attractions and such should be split down the middle or however a guy feels about women should be the same way he feels about men. I’m not gonna say that this is impossible but I will say that it’s unrealistic to think that bisexuals are 50/50 like that… and that the only people who believe this are people who have no clue about what being bisexual is, let alone what it means.
As a life-long bisexual, the only thing that confuses me is why people think the way they do about it or, really, why they continue to think this way and given the much greater exposure bisexuality has been given. Then again – and like I said previously – it’s just easier for some folks to believe in the “hype” that bisexuals are confused and all that other shit that, also again, has been said.
If anyone is confused, it ain’t us. Many of us do go through that very confusing “What the fuck is going on with me?” part of the program. Hell, some of us even get into some denial – but that’s to be expected since one has been strolling through life being straight… and now they’re not so straight and even if only inside their own minds. Nah – there’s no way I’m bisexual! But the fog of confusion eventually clears – sometimes quickly, sometimes it takes x-amount of time – and try as they might, they can’t deny what their feelings have been telling them and once this part is over, the confusion goes away with it.
I’m bisexual. Who knew? Damn! Now it’s on to the “what do I do” part and it’s… optional. Do or do not. Either you can or you just can’t. Confused? No, not any more and, yes, some people are very intuitive about themselves and are able to avoid the high level of confusion or, “I’m bi? Hmm… how about that! Okay!” Nope – it’s not really that simple but fairly close since many who discover this just take it in stride and/or they’re of a mind that it’s easier for them to accept their feelings and thoughts as valid right up front – then, at their leisure, give some thought about how they got to this point and, for many, there’s no real confusion.
And certainly not the kind bisexuals have been accused of. The myths, stereotypes, and misconceptions are a real bitch to be confronted with. Some truth to them… but mostly bullshit and bullshit created by people who are too… hidebound in their thinking and beliefs about sex and sexuality. Ask someone, “Do you think it’s possible for someone to go both ways?” and you’ll probably get that, “Yeah, but…” thing – and if they don’t come right out and say that it’s not possible.
Methinks bisexuals ain’t the ones who are confused.