Time to recognize the elephant in the room. Homosexual sex is a sin. Old Testament fire and brimstone stuff with the promise of a painful and gruesome death with a side of eternal damnation. And many believe this with all their heart and soul and, make no mistake, even bisexuals wind up having a major crisis of faith due to the even more major conflict that they’re feeling a way that, way, way, way back in the the day would get you stoned to death (or some other horrible way to die).
I don’t remember who said this to me but someone said, “You know that’s a sin and you’re gonna die and go to hell, right?” and I said something snarky like, “Yeah, I know it and I’ve probably gotten my reservation but the good thing? I’m not gonna be there by myself!”
Yep… that answer didn’t go over very well. Did I know this? Of course I did; knew it was a bad thing never to be done and once I started going to church and started reading the bible, I found out why it was such a bad thing. I didn’t give the person who brought this up a good impression of me with my snarky answer and by mentioning that by the time I found out why it was bad, it was too late; it was closing the barn door after the cows had long since been gone.
I learned that science and religion have never gotten along with each other and this is one of the many areas that they don’t agree on. Sex is a normal and very human thing to do whether for procreation or just for the fun of it and it didn’t take being a Mensa-level genius to figure out the… discrepancy between what science said and what religion was saying. One of them had to be wrong and more so when it was pretty clear that boys were doing it with other boys and, yep, girls were doing it with other girls. Then you toss in the whole “putting away childish things” thing and I was understanding that experimentation was greatly frowned upon but it was also expected and just as expected to go by the wayside once one reached a certain age.
Which, as a bit of an aside, is why a lot of people who’ve experienced sex like this when they were younger tend to act like what they did back then doesn’t count or mean anything in the here and now. That mindset still sometimes makes me roll my eyes because, being the child of science that I tend to be, I know – even if those folks don’t wanna accept it – that once you do a thing, you cannot ever undo it so acting like it never happened is, um, what’s a good word here?
Lemme get back to you on that one.
I remember the day I was talking to my pastor about this and after his very rousing sermon about sin and the wages of sin and with particular interest in the part of his sermon where he strongly suggested that anyone who were, ah, having sex with their own kind, repent and confess their sin so that God can forgive them. I will tell you the end of this discussion first: I got my ass in a world of trouble for questioning what my pastor and the bible said about this and I spent my two-week grounding given a lot of thought about being grounded for asking questions about something when, the reality that I understood was saying very different things.
My pastor, a man I respected very much, didn’t take offense to my questioning but as he talked to me, I did notice that he didn’t really answer my questions; all he really did was reword what the Old Testament said about it and, perhaps, thinking that I didn’t understand it as written – but I did understand it as written. I even had the temerity to point out to him – and like he didn’t know it – that the Old Testament was about Jewish folks more than anyone else so why were we – people who weren’t Jewish – obeying rules meant for Jewish people?
Yep… I’d dug a deep hole for myself and kept right on digging deeper because what I knew – and what I had been experiencing – seriously clashed with what we were being told on Sunday mornings and, of course, with what a lot of people firmly believed in. I’m sure I also outed myself to him but if I did, he didn’t take me to task for being a sinner (which is why I respected him so much) but after all that time talking to him and listening to his explanations, all that did was create more questions in my mind that needed answering. And the question I asked that really got my ass in very hot water?
“If the bible said what it says so that people will make babies, why is it a sin to have sex when no babies are gonna be made?” Yeah… talk about being too smart for my own good. I saw the flaw and got “punished” for questioning it and the source of it all. Thirteen year olds have no business even knowing about this, right, let alone being able to put two and two together to expose a very big flaw about this and more so when I knew that people were having sex and in sinful ways… a lot of people. More people than I could have imagined at that point in my life.
And I understood why homosexuals were getting their heads handed to them and for pretty much the same reason bisexuals, today, are getting their heads handed to them. Because having sex in either mode is a sin and it’s a sin because no babies will ever be made. There’s the elephant and its standing right there waving its trunk and, if it could, it’s laughing its ass off because so many of us believe in something that, in fact, isn’t so much a lie as it is a specific way to do things that has an expected and desired outcome… and anything that doesn’t lend itself to those things are a sin.
Can you say fornication? Sure you can. Who among us hasn’t fornicated? But, yep, there are those of us who fornicate with others who are, at the very least, physically like ourselves and, uh-huh, fornicate in the expected and opposite sex way, too. And, yeah, were I to call for a show of hands on this one, mine would be among the first raised. Did I just confess to being a sinner?
Yeah, I did. Am I worried about it? Worried about the wages of sin? Honestly? Kinda but not so much because everyone dies, saint and sinner alike and if there’s really a heaven or hell, well, one day, I’m gonna find out for sure. Could I repent? Give up my sinful thoughts and ways? I could… but that means going back to conforming to something that I believe is erroneous and too much like a stacked deck, if you catch my drift. I know why the rules say what they say. I don’t disagree with them so much as I am very aware of the inherent flaw in it.
The elephant in the room just nods at me and kinda winks as if to say, “Yeah, you see it… and you get it, don’t you?” I do… and I do. While the bible is pretty damned confusing and open to great interpretation people, on the other hand, aren’t so confusing in this respect. We like sex. We like being intimate with each other and in every way we can be… and including throwing the rule book out of the window… and because we can. Religion knew this and rules were put in place to prevent it and to keep us focused on making babies and doing other things the way those early religious leaders wanted us to do them – and all in the name of God and disobedience wasn’t going to be tolerated and punishment, well, yeah – it had a certain finality to it.
When I really became aware of this, I did consider that I could be 100% wrong about what I was finding out and, believe me, I’ve had so many arguments with others about this and some that got pretty ugly but all that proved to serve was that, crap – what I had learned about why these particular sins are sins was right but what everyone tended to believe? They believed what they were being told and, as such, not believing things when, duh, it was very damned clear that boys did it to boy and girls were having a fun good time with each other.
Not really in defiance of the rules and laws… but because it could be done like this and it was being done like this… a lot and so much that it had to stop… except, it didn’t. Does this mean I don’t believe in God or a supreme being? No because I do… I just don’t believe everything that religion, as an institution, says about this.
The elephant in the room, if it really could, starts laughing. Again, the science says that we are social animals and among the few species that has sex just for the hell of it and, yeah, one of the species that has developed homosexual tendencies as well and it just stands to reason that “figuring out” that there was a middle ground in this, to me, wasn’t all that surprising given how our species developed to have this higher brain function and all its added abilities that allows us to be, for the most part, the dominant species on the whole fucking planet.
I ain’t saying that the bible is lying… it’s just not tell anyone the whole story and, depending on what you believe, is guilty of lies of omission more than anything else. And, yeah… still the guy who knows how much “trouble” I can get into just by pointing this out and the good thing is that I’m not the only one who, by some means or the other, figured this out. It is… easier to obey the rules than it is to break them since breaking rules do have consequences… but isn’t there a reason why it’s said that rules are made to be broken?
All you need is a good reason to break them and the human mind is more than capable of coming up with reasons to break these particular rules and even if those reasons only makes sense to the person breaking them. We can get all into the emotions of it all; we can get into that biological imperative hard-coded into us to have sex but the real reason and the one that few people ever really give?
It’s because we can. And the rules be damned. I see so much stuff written about why people are like this and I’ve yet to read something that states we can be like this because we can be like this, you know, if we want and/or need to. Such stuff likes to point to a lot of stuff – and a lot of it socially-based or even as a result of our long-standing social contract and alleges a lot of defiance to what the social contract – re our morality – says. The real answer and the one religion will never speak to is rather simple:
We’re human. It’s the way we once were before the rules. It’s they way we can be despite the rules, admonishments and promises of eternal damnation and being made to pony up the wages of sin. It’s equally simple: You either believe this… or you don’t. A lot of bisexuals, in particular, have been known to say, “If God didn’t mean for me to be this way, I wouldn’t be this way.”
I had asked my pastor, “If God gave us free will, why do we get punished for expressing our free will in some things?”
He blinked. I’m sure he could have come up with a plausible explanation but I think I shocked him a bit to be asking questions I shouldn’t have known to ask. I got a lot older and thought back to that moment and realized that he didn’t answer my question… because he couldn’t and he couldn’t answer it without exposing the hypocrisy that’s included in any of this… and the inherent flaw and fallacy.
I didn’t get the ass-kicking I had expected to get for doing the unthinkable but I got a tongue-lashing that I will always remember for having the gall to question “the Word of God.” That’s not what I was doing; I was asking why it was the way it was because it didn’t jive with what I was learning and, specifically, about sex. I wasn’t – and don’t – question the Word of God… but I do question the word of the men who wrote it so very long ago and, yeah, in some very different flavors. I don’t ever deny that the rules, as written, do serve a purpose – they do and for a great many people.
Just not everyone. Never did. Never will. I have, at times, thrown the science at some seriously religious people and they either reject the science of our biology or say, “Yeah, but…” and the “but” is usually, “It’s a sin!” Bluntly? It’s only a sin because it’s said to be one… and we believe it until we have reason to either question it… or not believe it.
There are currently 7.7 billion people on the planet (and counting) and there are an untold number of people who aren’t playing by the rules and sinning their happy asses off, not only fornicating but having homosexual sex and going both ways in this. There’s this thing that says one person could be wrong but a whole lot of people doing the same thing? Is it possible that the untold number of people who aren’t straight – even in their thoughts alone – are, in fact, wrong?
They are if you believe what religion says… and religion ain’t ever gonna tell the whole story and most certainly will never speak about what it really means to be human when it comes to love, sex, and relationships. Religion’s way is only one way – it’s just not the only way and the funny part? We know this; we’ve always known this.
We just don’t all believe it even with all the evidence over all this time that, at least to me, proves, without any doubt, that what we believe isn’t the whole truth of things. Easier to say folks are disobedient, sinning, rule breakers than it is to admit that we’re just like this and always have been and the thing that we’ve not yet learned is that the more you try to stop people in this, the more the attempt to stop them will fail.
It’s failed before with homosexuals. It will fail with bisexuals. The elephant in the room is doing the Cha-cha Slide and dancing a jig and I’m watching it dance its ass off… but I’ve always been able to see it and to behave as if it’s not really there (metaphorically speaking, of course) doesn’t make sense.
Who knew elephants could be so graceful? As in any of this, I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind in these things; I’m just telling you something that I learned and I learned it because I had a reason to and it came in the form of a question:
“How can something that’s so bad feel so good?” I know why; went through some shit to find out why and got cussed out, laughed at, dissed, etc., along the way. I know I could be wrong… I just don’t think I am and, again, I’m not the only one who figured this out since everyone who isn’t straight also had to figure it out and in whatever way they could.
I’m just the guy who will point to the elephant in the room that’s still dancing. There’s a lot of talk about acceptance in sexuality and what’s the best way to accomplish this very necessary goal and while we can talk about it, hold referendums and all that, I’m of a mind that the institution of religion is in great need of an update… or perhaps should be “abolished” in some way because it’s not telling us the whole truth and it never did… because we aren’t supposed to know the whole truth.
Yeah… that’s not gonna happen any time soon and even if it did, as long as there is one person who believes in this and believes that not being straight is a sin, acceptance will continue to be a goal that will be hard to reach “universally.”