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Life, Living and Loving: Mrs. Feve’s Memoir Project – Shoes

10 Jul

I saw the notification of Mrs. Feve’s latest post pop up on my iPad and I had two thoughts: The first was, “Shoes?” and the next was that whatever Mrs. Feve is smoking when she thinks of these topics, she needs to share and the sooner, the better.

Not a whole lot about shoes comes to mind; the actual footwear isn’t something I lose my mind over and when I’ve needed a new pair of shoes, fashion doesn’t matter – if it fits and looks good on my feet and will last a while, I’m good with that. I can’t even remember the last time I bought shoes but I can tell you that I still have them.

What did come to mind was the old saw about not judging someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes and, as a bisexual, I’ve run into so many people in my travels who, instead of ranting and raving about something they really don’t understand, should put my “shoes” on and take a nice, long walk so that they can really understand what’s good – and “bad” – about being bisexual.

One of the things you learn is what it’s like, in part or in whole, to walk in the shoes of women and gay men; some of it is and can be a pleasant walk while some of it is anything but pleasant and, depending on how you care to look at things. well, let’s just say that it doesn’t make men look good at all and understanding what it’s like to be, um, intimately exposed to men just makes our reputation as men a lot worse or, really, you get to seriously understand why some women are the way they are about sex and intimacy.

I’ve even suggested to some to put on my shoes and go for a walk and the suggestion has been rejected… but they continue to judge, bash, or otherwise denigrate something that, again, they really don’t understand. As I’m prone to saying, I grew up with this and in a very different time when homosexuals were the target of societal angst and prejudice and bisexuals – aka switch-hitters – were a joke, maybe even a myth of sorts and a way to yank someone’s chain… well, until recently anyway. The shoes these more… modern bisexuals are walking in is a poor fit for them, probably giving them blisters and callouses as they try to walk this path and their shoes fit badly because they don’t seem to understand the one thing that, growing up when I did and given my ability to see through the dumb shit:

It’s just being human. Born to be this way if we choose to or, yeah, even if it’s a “last ditch” option and even if one is given litter or no choice but to be this way because we are biologically compelled to be social – and intimate – with each other. People struggle wearing their shoes and maybe because they’re of a mind that one size fits all and that’s never been the case and all it takes to understand this is to think about any time you’ve bought that sweet pair of shoes… and they don’t quite fit right… and you try to walk in them anyway.

One must become a cobbler and, with shoes in hand, make them fit the way they need to fit and fit so well and comfortably that even when you’re wearing them, it feels as if you’re not wearing them. Again, growing up with this when I did, it was an important lesson to learn, a personal skill to master and, most of all, be comfortable walking this path. I’ve said time and time again that the sex is easy… but in this context, making your shoes fit well and comfortably isn’t all that easy:

If you can’t be comfortable wearing these shoes, that’s a problem. Even shoes that fit have to be broken in and if you don’t wear them and take many steps in them, your feet are gonna have problems. So many have these shoes… and keep them in the box, still with the tag on them and as much as they want to put them on, they don’t… but when they try to get their feet into them the fit and comfort just isn’t there.

And back in the box they go.

My shoes are very broken in; they’re well-worn and, sure, like any pair of shoes, sometimes you need to re-sole them, put new heels on them so that when I do walk in them, I walk… better. More comfortable. Even that much more confident that my shoes will continue to be equal to the task and more so when, these days, bisexuality has become more of a minefield than a… rugged and difficult path to walk.

It’s not about style or trends or even “fashion statements.” These shoes have to be custom made to fit your feet and, yep, sometimes, you gotta try on several pairs to find the ones that will not only fit well and comfortably but will be durable and long-lasting. One size does not fit all and common sense says that if you wear a size nine shoe, trying to shove your tootsies in a size eight shoe is going to give you nothing but grief and make your ability to walk in them much more difficult and problematic.

“If the shoe fits, wear it…” and I’ll add that if you do wear it, do so with both pride and confidence and no matter how many people aren’t gonna like the shoes you’re wearing. I’ve worn women’s shoes and I’ve learned – and sometimes the hard way – why their feet hurt so much and when men are involved. I’ve worn the shoes of a gay man and I understand why some like guys who wear bisexual shoes… and why some just hate the fact that we have the nerve to put on shoes that are so similar – but not so much – to the shoes they wear.

To be bisexual, you just need to find the right shoes that fit the way you need and want them to fit… then walk in them. Break them in even though you just might wind up scuffing the toe tripping over things along your path. Sometimes the soles will wear out; the heel will get worn down and sometimes, you just gotta get a new pair of the exact same shoes and once again begin the process of breaking them in so that they fit perfectly and comfortable.

And that’s the real problem when walking in the shoes of someone else: They’re someone else’s shoe and they might not fit if at all… but become a cobbler and design your own unique and customized fit.

Then walk. Don’t put too much weight on what others say about your shoes; find out how to make your shoes fit the way you want and need them to and then don’t ever be afraid to wear them.

Shoes. Even the metaphysical ones. If they fit, wear them because even real shoes have no real purpose unless you wear them.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 10 July 2020 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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2 responses to “Life, Living and Loving: Mrs. Feve’s Memoir Project – Shoes

  1. Mrs Fever

    10 July 2020 at 20:36

    See? Plenty to “run with” on the topic of shoes! 😉

    (And I’m not smoking anything, but I tend to get flashes of “Oh, that’s be a fun prompt!” brilliance at 3am when I’m awake for no good reason.)

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      10 July 2020 at 20:47

      And isn’t it interesting that I saw it right around 3am?

      Like

       

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