…when you’re bisexual is that being this way is just another way to be intimate with someone. It’s either “just sex” or it’s more than that. I’ve said that people make this harder than it has to be and because our societal norms and morality makes this harder to indulge in the very human pleasure of having sex.
It’s not an easy lesson to learn since, like so many things are in this, you have to unlearn pretty much everything you’ve ever learned about sex in order to learn a “new” way to do it, not by substituting one for the other but really including another way to be physically – and even emotionally – intimate.
We tend to behave that we need a reason to have sex other than the most obvious one: We want and need to have sex. It’s that itch that wants to be scratched and while the itch really doesn’t care how it gets scratched, our mindset about sex does mind. There’s a reason why I’ve heard so many guys say, after having their first experience with another guy, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” and similar things and, yes, women say the same thing although one kinda get the impression that women “just know” this as a matter of course and for them it’s just making the decision to check it out.
And everyone winds up making that decision and it’s never easy since if you’re discovered, the chances you’re gonna have to ride a raft of shit about it is pretty damned good. Many do not make the decision… because they can’t think of a good reason why they should make it and, again, overlooking the most obvious reason:
Because they want and need to have that sexual release and accompanying sense of satisfaction. Still, we get into the right and wrong of it and because some of the sex that can be had is immoral, sure – one needs a reason to defy the rules and buck the system and, sure, it needs to be a damned good reason. The thing is that many people know that the only real reason you need is… because you want to even if it’s not conventional. But we will convince ourselves that this isn’t a good enough reason or that the reason why we won’t let that girl over there, who has made it clear that she wants some very biblical knowledge of you, is that you’re not gonna like it… even though, um, you do enjoy having a guy going down on you and all that.
Hmm. “Reasoning” tends to cause a disconnect as well as there being a need to justify one’s actions. If “Don” winds up getting into a hot and heavy blow job session with “Greg” – and it was one of those “it just happened” kind of things, eh, Don might not get a whole lot of push back over shit happening… but if he did this and he planned on doing it, well, that’s different and now – if this gets out – people will want to know what his reason was for doing that which is considered to be unthinkable.
“Because I wanted to,” apparently, isn’t a good reason. Neither is, “Because I can.” Even I’ve been asked how I justify it and/or what my reason is and, sometimes, you just can’t explain it or get whoever’s asking to understand that my reason and justification is because I want to and because I can… because at the end of any day, it’s still sex… and you really can have sex with anyone provided they want to have sex with you.
Many do, in fact, learn this and see the truth of it… and continue to struggle with the morality of it and, yeah, justifying it to themselves and racking their brains to come up with that damned good reason for going this way since, at some point, they’re gonna have to explain it to someone…
And “because I wanted to” and “because I could” aren’t considered to be good reasons. Over our existence, we’ve managed to take the humanity out of something that, in truth, we were all born to do – have sex. Boy/girl is good… and anything other than that just isn’t. We know that despite this, yeah, buddy, people have sex in the dual way just the same and if you ask them why they do it like this, you can be sure that they’ll have a reason and one that’s pretty complex and complicated… while not mentioning the most simplest of reasons:
Because I wanted to. I needed to do it like this. I can do it like this because I find sex satisfying – period. What’s my reason for sucking a guy’s cock? There’s several of them including I wanted to and I can… and it makes me feel good. What’s my reason for letting a guy blow me? Same things. Simple. Uncomplicated. No other reason needed.
The funny part? People think that I should have some other reason… and many more folks who are like me also think or otherwise believe that they should have a reason other than that which is – or should be – obvious. We apply stuff like attraction and chemistry and other conditions and qualifications when, really, they’re not needed – we just continue to believe that they are. Sex without that emotional connection? Blasphemy! Unheard of! And many also overlook the fact that having sex, in and of itself, is an emotional connection – just not the one our morality says has to be in place in order to have sex.
I’d even “challenge” you, dear reader, to think about the reasons why you have sex or what reason you’d give someone who’d have the nerve to ask you about whatever sex you’re having and the way you’re having it. Is “because I want to and can” one of the reasons you’d give them? And if you gave them this very obvious reason, would it be accepted? Try it, you know, if you can and what you might discover – and as I did – that any resistance that comes from the way you like to have your boat floated doesn’t come from you:
It’ll come from those around you and those who really and truly believe that you need some other reason to have sex other than, “Because I want to and I can…” and especially if you happen to be bisexual – then you really need a damned good reason other than the most simplest of reasons.
What makes being bisexual so hard for many people is that they are so very worried about what others will say and think about them; many get even more worried because they know – even if no one else does – that their reason for being bisexual is pretty simple but, sure enough, if called on the carpet for it, they are expected to have a damned good reason for throwing the rule book out and pretty much dissing the morality that’s been imposed upon us.
“Because I wanted to” just isn’t seen as a valid reason and neither is, “Because I could.” Neither is, “I really do like/love sex and who I have it with doesn’t really matter as long as they want to have sex with me.” “It’s sex – so why not?” is also not an acceptable reason.
Do you feel me? Maybe and maybe not… still the guy who has the gall to point this out. Being bisexual is hard because we make it hard; we look beyond that which is – and should be – obvious, not only in explaining it to ourselves but especially if we find ourselves having to explain our sexual proclivities to someone else.
“I don’t know why you gotta be into that shit.” Of course you don’t know why and I’m pretty sure that when I tell you why, you’re not gonna accept my answer. It’s because I want to. It’s because I can. It’s sex. It feels good.
What other reasons do you need?
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