Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In the Heat of the Moment

19 Aug

Not sure why this popped into my head other than maybe hearing it’s going to be 100 degrees or more somewhere in Arizona on The Weather Channel. I’m thinking I heard the weather guy say the word, “heat,” and the Certified Dirty Old Man part of me made this connection because, well, um, that’s what he does.

As such, I got to thinking about a few things about this and the first was that a lot of people believe that heat of the moment stuff should never happen; when having sex, the participants should always remain in control of themselves and stick to the script and even when things go off-script and group sex of some kind is on the menu.

Sheesh… I don’t know how many times I’ve been in a group sex situation and the other guy – or guys – start talking about no funny stuff happening; sometimes, in the process of deciding that the three or more of us getting naked and doing it until we all pass out, the “keep your hands to yourself” card is tossed onto the table and the people throwing it out there would sometimes insist that, again, doing something in the heat of the moment should never happen… and better not happen.

Yet, it does and I know quite a few people who have had their latent bisexuality triggered into activity due to a heat of the moment moment. I also know quite a few people who have lost their ever-loving mind when a heat of the moment action landed on them… and sometimes even more bent out of shape when they were the one doing a heat of the moment thing.

The loss of control due to being in the heat of the moment tends to scare the shit out of people and I was discovering that for a lot of people, being worried about having a heat of the moment moment was very inhibiting and some admitted that they didn’t enjoy the sex as much as they wanted to because they had this in the front of their minds and paying more attention to this not happening than they were paying attention to the sex they were having.

Quite a few guys and gals have said some version of, “And the next thing I know, he was sucking my dick/she was eating my pussy – and I freaked out!” Or, “I started to freak out… but I just went with it and was gonna say something about it later…” Or, a lot of times, I’ve heard people caught up in the heat of the moment say after the fact, “I don’t know why I did that” or “I don’t know why I didn’t stop them because I ain’t like that!”

I’m guessing ya didn’t stop it because… it felt good? Had something pop into your head, seeing the other guy’s hard dick bobbing around while he’s doing something else, that whispers in your ear, “Go ahead… suck it!” Or maybe being the odd person out and not really a part of the action and that… something suggests that you should just get in there somewhere and do something.

I’d seen it enough – and had it happen to me enough – to make me wonder if people really didn’t understand the power of sex and, in the heat of the moment, how it can make someone go off-script, not really because it’s something they’ve always wanted to do but, yeah – it sounded like a good idea at the moment. I’d be lying my ass off if I were to say that I’ve never had a heat of the moment moment… or two… or ten… but I also learned to make my HOTM intentions known and often like, “I’m sorry but I gotta do this…” and sometimes take my lumps later… or whoever was on the receiving end of my moment wasn’t of a mind to give me any lumps.

Having sex with someone is… an agreement laced with expectations and one of the things that gets kinda/sorta discussed is what one likes and dislikes, what they’re gonna do and ain’t ever gonna do. The boundaries get set and they are inviolate… or so we think. True enough, a whole lot of people “stay within the lines…” but some people have told me that while they stayed in their lane, that wasn’t what was going on inside their head.

Like the one guy I was talking to about threesomes who said that one time, him and his boy were getting with this babe who was down for it and the “no funny stuff” rule was in effect but, as he said, “I wanted to suck his dick so bad it wasn’t funny… and I’ll be damned if I know why!”

Another guy was telling me that in a foursome with his lady and another couple, he almost had a heart attack when, all of a sudden, his lady snatched his head from between the other woman’s legs and took his place and, as he said, “Started eating her pussy like her life depended on it!” The other woman was shocked… for a moment and he said that himself and the other guy wound up sitting on the sidelines watching their ladies doing something that they both said they would never do or allow.

“It happens,” I said in both situations. “You do everything you can to not allow it to happen but sex is pretty damned powerful and powerful enough to unlock some shit within you that you either didn’t know was there or you would have preferred to not have unlocked…”

“But that shit ain’t supposed to happen!” Again, I’ve heard this so many times I think I lost count of the number of times somewhere back in the 1980s. I’ve had guys ask me, “So, what if y’all are getting busy, the shit is going good… and homeboy just leans over and starts sucking your dick? What do you do?”

And I’ve said, “Enjoy it – it’s a better situation than getting offended, starting a fight or argument and ruining the mood of things.” To the question of why would I allow it, my answer is, “Because it’s still sex – just some sex you didn’t expect. I don’t know about you but I like having my dick sucked…”

Or, on occasion, the question would be what would be my reaction if my lady started eating pussy “all of a sudden…” and the questioner would get a puzzled and confused look on their face when I’d say something like, “Take notes and enjoy the show…”

Having a heat of the moment moment can be… embarrassing because it’s a clear indication that we’re not as much in control of ourselves as we’d like to be or are supposed to be. They are so unexpected that, sure – shit just goes sideways and the whole thing crashes to a halt – then the shit really hits the fan and all that. I’ve seen it happen way too many times and it’s not like I don’t understand it because I do… but what puzzled me was why a lot of other people didn’t seem to understand it. Yep – it’s very bad form to do something to someone who doesn’t want whatever that something was to happen to them… but to just assume that it wouldn’t ever happen – and in the heat of the moment? Hmm. Even in normal, regular sex, I learned not to be all that surprised when a partner does something in the heat of the moment or goes off-script in some way.

I learned to really expect the unexpected and even with someone you’ve had sex with a lot because you just never know what’s going on inside of them when they’re caught in the throes of sex. Still, restraint is the order of the day, isn’t it? You really don’t want to offend the person or persons you’re having sex with so you tend to not let yourself go so much, don’t let yourself get too into whatever’s happening because, again, it’s pretty embarrassing… and no one wants to wind up getting punched in the mouth, cussed out, or all of the above.

Again, prior to group sex activity, I’ve sat and listened to the admonishments to not let any heat of the moment stuff happen… or else. And I’ve found it totally hilarious to have seen some of those folks who have made this a very clear thing go off the reservation in their own heat of the moment moment… and now they got some explaining to do… and few are able to explain it other than to say something like, “I didn’t think they’d really mind…” or, infamously, “I don’t know what the fuck made me do that!”

Sex made you do that. Being in the moment made you do that. You had yourself on lock down and playing by the rules of engagement… and the lock down got rescinded: I can’t explain it any better than that. If you know what to look for, you can sometimes tell when someone is fighting a heat of the moment moment and sometimes that can happen when something is happening to them that they want… but whatever that may be is about to unlock some stuff inside of them they don’t want unlocked – so they cut whatever it is short, tell the other person to stop, or just escape the moment.

It’s some pretty scary shit to be right on the edge of losing control of yourself during sex… and even scarier if it actually happens. Like the one guy who suddenly started blowing me during a group sex thing who said, “I couldn’t stop sucking your dick… and I didn’t want to! But…!” Boy… he was a mess for a few and I had a side conversation with him to, one, let him know that I wasn’t offended or otherwise pissed off and, two, yeah – sometimes, it just happens and there’s no explanation for it other than “it felt like a good idea at the time.”

I saw that same guy like two weeks later and I wasn’t too surprised when he suggested that, hmm, well, um, it wouldn’t be that bad of a thing if he were to suck my dick again and, you know, maybe, ah, it wouldn’t be all that bad for me to suck his.

And it wasn’t bad at all…

The military has a saying: No plan survives first contact with the enemy. The reason for this is that you can plan your actions right down to the nth degree and you can postulate how the enemy is going to react – or should react and respond to your plan – and chances are they’re gonna do something there’s no way you could have planned for or, really, they just don’t do what you want them to do in order to make your plan a successful one.

Sex can be like that and I think that people do know this… and go out of their way to make sure it doesn’t go off the reservation. I know some folks who have said that they’ve never had a heat of the moment moment and have never had any thoughts along those lines. Now, whether I believe them or not is a whole different matter… but it doesn’t matter what I believe one way or the other because I know it happens and, um, if your mind is focused on not having one of those moments, the fact that you’re thinking hard about not having a moment is pretty telling and, well, this aspect gets pretty… interesting given that you’re thinking about not doing something.

Let that one soak in for a moment and perhaps you might see why I find that interesting.

These moments can be scary, embarrassing, a real-deal mood killer and, yes, potentially physically dangerous during or after the fact. Hence, I think, our “need” to always remain in total control of ourselves and either hoping the other person – or everyone else in the mix – is in total control of themselves or even doing your best to make sure they stay in control of themselves.

What if some dude just started sucking my dick… and after he invoked the “no funny stuff” rule? Honestly? It’ll be everything I can do not to start laughing – that would be rude. What if I’m throwing it down with a lady and she slips a finger in my butt and out of the clear blue sky? No biggie and more so since, um, I’ve had bigger things than fingers in there – but that’s not really the point. Shit happens and sometimes it happens in the heat of the moment and now it’s up to you to decide what, if anything, you’re gonna do or say about it. Yes, you, too, could be subject to having one of those moments and now the inner “argument” is to either go with it or force your mind to shut it down before it can happen.

I think people who are of a mind that such things should never happen are… well, shit, maybe just a tad bit naive; that or they know something about themselves that they’d rather not let anyone else bear witness to. Losing control of one’s self during sex seems to be… anathema to a lot of people and, again, that can be some very scary shit and a lot of people do have inhibitions and inhibitors that, hopefully, will keep them on lock down during sex so that only the “expected” stuff happens.

In the swinging lifestyle, oh, boy – bi guys aren’t always a welcome addition to the mix and a lot of straight swinging dudes are of a mind that a bi guy isn’t going to be able to control his urge to do something with homey’s cock… and that’s kinda silly but to them, it’s a real fear as well as a real and present danger to their sensibilities – and some think that all bi guys are like that. They don’t seem to understand or take into consideration that, say, if you tell me that there will be no funny stuff between us, I will make sure no funny stuff is coming from me… but I’m really not gonna be surprised one bit if the other guy does some funny stuff – and I’m gonna enjoy hearing him explain that because I’m gonna ask him, “Didn’t you say no funny stuff?”

And, yeah – I have sat and watch them trip all over themselves trying to explain why they broke their own “no funny stuff” rule. In these things, incidental contact is… forgivable and even expected when you’re in a pile of hot, sweaty bodies. But deliberate contact? Oh, hell no! Had a guy who grabbed my dick and “helped” me get it into his lady – and he actually apologized for it and for breaking the “no contact” rule.

And I said, “Really? Did you hear me complaining about that? Come on, man… sheesh!” I have learned to expect the unexpected because I know, even if no one else wants to admit it, that heat of the moment things do happen and can come from any direction. I know me and I know – and admit – that I have a gazillion heat of the moment things running around in my head that would best serve the moment by staying in my head and not making an appearance. Thinking and doing, after all, still aren’t the same things. In my experiences, however, if a heat of the moment event happens, um, I’m not the one who gave into it – I just went with it because there’s no point in pitching a bitch about it and trashing the mood of the moment.

When with a guy, I have – in the heat of the moment – told the guy to fuck me… even though we both agreed that this was off the table. We go on the premise that once we make up our minds what we’re gonna do and allow that we can’t change our minds… or that the moment itself is incapable of getting us to change our minds about something. In such a setting, I learned to not be surprised to hear a guy say, “Stick it in me…” and have learned to have the presence of mind to ask, “You sure about that?”

People often get surprised… or they surprise themselves because, I guess at a high level, they really aren’t all that aware of the power sex has. Like I said, I’ve seen men and women get their bisexuality activated in the heat of the moment and it can be quite disturbing for them; the thing, at this point, is to assure them that no matter what they’re thinking now – and usually after the fact – it’s okay – it happens and like shit tends to do, when you least expect it or don’t want it happening.

The question I ask them – and specifically so – “Were you having fun when you were in the moment – and try not to tell me what you think about it now; go back to that moment in your mind and tell me if you had fun during that moment.”

Most find that they did have fun in the moment. Embarrassed and surprised but grudgingly admit that it was… satisfying. Now how the other person reacts to it, well, that’s something else, isn’t it? Some just go with the flow and make the snap decision to deal with the matter afterward… and some just lose their freaking minds and the shit hits the fan… and that happens, too.

“That would never happen to me!” I’ve heard it and for many, it’s the truth of things. Maybe they’re underestimating the true power of sex or maybe they’re really that overconfident in their ability to remain in total control of themselves at all times… but I do often wonder what’s going on inside their head that they’re “going out of their way” to make it stay in their head?

Only they know… and they’re not likely to say anything about it. Sometimes, I’ve had someone tell me – after the fact, of course, “I was thinking about (add whatever they were thinking here) but decided, nah, better not do that.” And that’s fine although someone hearing what might have happened during sex can be… upset about it. I get it… but it didn’t happen, did it? More proof that thinking and doing aren’t the same things. Some folks have asked me what I’m thinking about during sex… and I’ve told them, “You really don’t want to know…” and, well, sometimes, they do want to know and I’ll tell them… and they’re glad that I didn’t do what I was thinking about and, sometimes, the next question is, “Well, why didn’t you?”

Because it’s better to be safe than sorry. The heat of the moment, folks, is a real thing whether it’s just going on inside your head or – gasp – it manages to escape the prison you’ve locked such things into. Now it’s a matter of how you and the other person – or persons – are gonna deal with it and, of course, how you’re gonna deal with it to find yourself on the receiving end of a heat of the moment moment.

My “advice” – and if you can call it that – is to never underestimate the power of sex or its effects on you… or anyone else.

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Posted by on 19 August 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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