…to see other bloggers writing about how they figured out bisexuality and what it means to them. On the down side – but just as interesting – is when I see them pretty much rehashing the same old stuff that’s been said about bisexuality.
As one of those OG bisexuals from way back in the day, sometimes I feel like frowning to see the huge disconnect that’s been going on ever since I started really digging into this bisexual thing; generation after generation has this tendency to drag out the dogma, misconceptions and stereotypes, once again making me of a mind that it’s not what we know about bisexuality that’s the problem:
It’s what we don’t know. One blogger said that heterosexuality is the norm… but they didn’t understand why it is and as I got this look on my face upon seeing this, my brain rhetorically asked, “Why don’t you know? Everyone knows why it’s the norm…”
Maybe not. The real question is should heterosexuality remain in its position as the definitive standard? Somewhere along the line, and as others rehash the negative rhetoric, they get around to writing some real-deal stuff about how they feel, when they first felt the way they do and sometimes write about their wakeup call; because they do this, it seems to me that while they’re writing, they wind up bringing up the dumb shit because they do, in fact, see that it’s dumb shit.
Some will invariably bring up the LGBTQ+ community and say a few words in favor of it or voice their displeasure over how bisexuals are being treated as the red-headed stepchild by an organization that’s supposed to have everyone’s back in this.
Bisexuals exist. Bisexuality is really a real thing. Duh. It’s not that we – collectively – don’t know this; it’s just that there a large part of the global population who can’t accept this, not because they lack the intelligence to be able to do that, but because they’re not supposed to. So it makes sense that others who write about bisexuality often write about the high need for acceptance and justifiably so; if we got around to accepting that homosexuality was real and that homosexuals are people just like everyone else is and, as such, entitled to the same rights and privileges as everyone else, what’s the problem with bisexuality gaining this level of acceptance?
Because humans don’t work like that. We’ve proven time and time again that we love not learning from history so we can keep repeating the same mistakes and, in this, almost the exact same way we approached the issue of homosexuality.
When I see other blogs written about bisexuality, it doesn’t surprise me that lot of them are written by… women. Every now and then I’ll come across something written by a man about it and even the fellas have a tendency to rehash the rhetoric while doing their best to write about what it means to them and the problems they face due to the rhetoric and stigma that men have had to deal with more than women… but the ladies have their own stigma they find themselves dealing with.
I think it’s a good thing that a lot of women are kinda/sorta talking about this, well, more than any other time I can remember. It’s a good thing that a lot of them are standing up and defiantly telling society that they’re gonna do things in the way they want and need to and if anyone doesn’t like, tough titty. For both men and women, personal acceptance isn’t the issue; comparatively speaking, that’s a lot easier than being able to express one’s self in this way. There’s also some… confusion about what’s the best way for one to express themselves in this; some feel that the heteronormative standard is the best model – do it within a relationship – while others feel… hamstrung or maybe even shoe-horned into being bisexual in a way that doesn’t fit they way they want to do things.
I recall reading a long time ago where one woman empathically stated that all she wanted to do was find a woman and one she can take to bed and wreck shop on without having to deal with a lot of shit about it. Of the writings I’ve seen done by women, eh, they don’t seem to be all that worried about what other people are gonna say outside of expectedly being worried over what their parents might say about it. Guys, on the other hand, wow – they tend to worry so much that it makes many of them paranoid and very hesitant.
I sit back and think, “Yes… things are changing…” but, given the nature of change, it’s still slower than molasses in January at the Arctic Circle. All the angst is flying around because those who are morally and/or philosophically against anything not heterosexual or homosexual are starting to really see the writing on the wall: Not only is bisexuality real, it’s always been with us and it isn’t going anywhere.
Decades ago, someone asked me why so many people are bent out of shape regarding sexuality and, after some long minutes of thinking, I responded by saying something you’ve probably seen me write hundreds of times: Bisexuality takes everything we think we know about love, sex, and even relationships and throws it all out the window. It definitively disproves both the tenets of hetero- and homosexuality and exposes an inherent flaw in us – that we tend to think in absolutes and that grey areas don’t and can’t exist. Besides, who in their right mind would want to be both straight and gay to begin with?
Uh, more people than you can count, actually. While a lot of “new” bisexuals are ranting and raving against the machine, a lot of bisexuals are saying – have said – “Fuck this shit – I’m getting mine the way I want to whether anyone else likes it or not!” The rhetoric and stigma? Ain’t got time for that shit. Worry about what others are gonna think and say about them? They’re cordially invited to kiss their ass and with tongues involved.
It has seemed to me that when it comes to bisexuality, we have a couple of choices: Either keep ranting and raving and even defending it… or just do it. Intellectually, it’s not all that difficult to understand bisexuality and provided you don’t inject unnecessary elements like gender – that just tends to confuse things even more and, no, this isn’t my dislike of the inclusion of this word talking. Having said that, the resistance is emotional; it’s getting slapped in the face and being shown, told, or whatever that, again, what you believe to be true isn’t all that true.
As such, the rhetoric and other dogmatic shit gets dusted off and thrown out there, bisexuals see it, and they say something about it and some let this crap get to them and has them second-guessing themselves. A guy wrote on the the forum that he has a history of sex with men – mostly oral – but he also enjoys sex with women and asks if he’s bisexual.
You’d be surprised at how many people are gonna tell him that, one, he’s whatever he says he is and, two, start rehashing the angst toward the word/label of bisexual, how it’s not needed, how it doesn’t mean anything, so on and so forth.
I see bisexuals writing in this vein as well and it’s just as disturbing as it is interesting… then again, humans also have a long-standing hatred of being called something they don’t think they are. I see so many bisexuals writing about how they struggle with this, that the word really doesn’t define them or their actions or, they’re not the ducks they’re quacking like. All that really does is give the haters a stick to beat bisexuals with because rejecting the word does, sadly, lend itself to the statement that all bisexuals are confused and in denial.
Maybe none of the labels we use to define sexuality should just go away… but it’s very damned likely that they will any time soon because humans? We love our labels just as much as we’ve come to hate a lot of them. Cityman and I talk about this from time to time and we try to address the question of what’s it gonna take for everyone to stop being so cray-cray about bisexuality?
What it’s gonna take is something that I’m fairly sure is going to be incredibly difficult: Change what people believe in. Modern day bisexuals talk about education and more of it in things sexual… but that’s been tried before and it got crushed just like those who’ve tried to, on their own, to educate about this has been crushed. Remember what I said about the blogger who didn’t seem to know why heterosexuality is the norm?
Religion says it is and it says that God said it is and as long as there are people who believe this, people are going to be cray-cray about bisexuality and just as they were – and still are – about homosexuality. Some of those who are writing today also see this… and the see the futility of the matter because it’s incredibly difficult to change what people want and need to believe when it comes to this. What comes to my mind – and if it hasn’t to anyone else – is that even if we were to rewrite or even abolish the religious dogma about sexuality, there will still be people who aren’t going to accept this and continue to believe in something that “the majority” is now saying shouldn’t be believed.
I applaud those bisexuals who write and point out stuff like this… and then they do they version of, “I don’t care what they say; I’m gonna get mine!” and I’m thinking that this is probably the “best” way to fight city hall and as more bisexuals become more active and out there, it sends a message and pretty much the same one homosexuals sent:
We’re gonna do us whether you like it or not. You can’t stop it. You’ve never been able to stop it. You can tell us how much you disapprove of it and we hear you… and that’s about the extent of it. The more you rant and rave against us, all you’re really doing is driving us further underground and, as such, we might not be all up in your face with it… but we’re still being bisexual.
It’s interesting to see people really beginning to see bisexuality and in the way I’ve always seen it and, of course, I’m not the only one who sees it for what it really is. It’s real. Always has been. Resistance is futile because a lot of bisexuals are sick and tired of the dumb shit and the fruitless attempts to suppress it by citing invisibility and that stupid, moronic notion of some kind of straight privilege.
They’re speaking out and this is good. Some are still… iffy about actually doing something about it but, yeah, that’s changing, too, and faster than the push for acceptance is moving. It’s like bisexuals are gearing themselves up and saying, “Okay, while we twiddle our thumbs waiting for the world to accept us, we’re gonna get our freak on because that’s way better than sitting on our asses and doing nothing while waiting for something that might not show up any time soon.”
Good. Very interesting.