Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Discovering Bisexuality

26 Sep

Okay… bisexuality is real and so are bisexuals. I was just reading another blogger’s post about her bisexuality and the one thing that stood out to me was that much of what she was writing about was all too familiar to me… because I’ve heard it before. I have been honored and privileged to have learned how a lot of people discovered bisexuality and have done so to the point where it’s kinda easy for me to spot commonalities despite the many ways people discover it.

I dunno… a lot of people seem to think that this is something new in the human experience and I supposed that to them, it is something new to them but, again, I can see a lot of things that I’ve known about, thought about myself, stuff like that and I’m thinking that it’s not a coincidence that so many people who are discovering bisexuality are saying a lot of the same things that I was exposed to while figuring it out for myself.

Even in 2020, there are so many people who are shocked to discover that they have feelings of bisexuality or, at some point, they stumble upon the… confusion of being straight (and like we’re all supposed to be) but, nah, it’s not really working the way it’s supposed to but when they consider that guy/gal over there? Oh, yeah – that feels so much better! And then there’s my favorite people: Those folks who say, “I’d never do some shit like that!” – and then find themselves up to their eyeballs in it and they do, not surprisingly, always find a way to justify things.

Because, simply, it’s something that can make sense no matter what path you take to justify what you’re feeling, let alone what one might do about those feelings. I just keep seeing the same things I’ve been seeing all along and things that reconfirms some stuff about this: Anyone who doesn’t believe that bisexuality isn’t real or they don’t believe in anything that’s not being straight, well, they’re wrong about it. All of it. It paints a… disturbing picture about how we – collectively, of course – look at sex and sexuality and a continuing – but ebbing – sense of abject denial combined with a belief in something that has been proven to be incorrect at best.

When all the serious riffing about homosexuality was taking place, one of the things that I wondered about was that there had to be something about this given that there were a lot of homosexuals running around. I was of a mind that, sure – one person could be wrong about this… but how was it possible for millions of people to be wrong about it? And I’m seeing the same mindset regarding bisexuality; it’s not only “more of the same,” it’s more of the same conflict between belief and reality and, again, that says some very disturbing things to me about us and on the whole. It makes no sense for us to keep insisting that something isn’t real or shouldn’t be real when there’s way too much evidence to support that it is very damned real.

Cityman and I revisited our ongoing conversation about why more people aren’t bisexual and the thing is that more people are discovering bisexual – and more than ever before. The resistance against it is actually starting to fade but, as the Borg famously said, “Resistance is futile; we will add your uniqueness to our own…” – and even if people aren’t getting naked and throwing it down in this way and in great, hedonistic droves, they are thinking about it and seeing the reality of things: Bisexuality is very real… and now it’s just a matter of what to do about it when they – and in another cinematic way, “Search your feelings…”

And when they do – and for a growing number of people – they see bisexuality staring back at them and with open and welcoming arms; they are deciding for themselves that they should, at the very least, give this some serious thought even though societal norms, I guess, “stupidly,” continues to insist that everyone be heterosexual. It’s not that people are coming to this conclusion and by whatever means they have to accomplish this: From where I’m sitting, they’re processing this in very similar ways and, again, ways that I’ve been seeing all along and it’s kinda eerie to see this commonality of thought and how persistent it is.

I said to Cityman during our more recent conversation that an untold number of people are now saying, “Fuck the rules – I’m gonna do what I gotta do!” We are going on and on about social acceptance of sexuality – on the whole of it – and while that’s all nice and everything, people are – and people have – gotten into, uh, um, not being straight without that acceptance; as long as they’re able to get a firm grip on their feelings – and feelings that do kinda come out of nowhere for some folks – it’s the only acceptance that they really need: This is the way I feel and as strange as that might seem and, holy shit, it does feel very strange!

Now it’s about what to do about it and, yeah, without drawing any unwanted attention because, sadly, there are still a great many people who still believe that which is grossly incorrect and they’d be of a mind to jump in your case about it. The girl who wrote the piece I mentioned? It was… refreshing to read about what was going on in her mind and, again, it wasn’t anything that I wasn’t already familiar with because I’ve heard it so many times before. She’s just one of many people who managed to find out that being straight, well, that’s nice… but not the whole answer to some things.

One of the things that people almost immediate learn about bisexuality is that attraction doesn’t really work the way everyone says it’s supposed to be and it doesn’t work the way we, individually, thinks it’s supposed to work. The rule is one of no same-sex attractions yet those who discover bisexuality really do get confused when they find themselves having same-sex attractions and it doesn’t really make a difference whether the attraction that poked them to get their attention makes their heart go pitter-patter… or makes them incredibly horny which, again, is pretty confusing. Even in this, some bisexuals are pretty adamant about not being attracted to the same sex and what that really means is that they’re not attractive in the “I wanna be in a relationship with them” way… but if they wanted to do the nasty, well, hmm – that can be arranged.

Some of us insist that it’s “impossible” to be attracted to the sex that’s possible and that there has to be some kind of attraction that isn’t rooted in sex and that means, to them, is that person relationship material… and overlooking the fact that if you’re thinking about them like this – and whether you reject them or not – there’s some “attraction” going on that’s telling you to get with this person while conscious thinking insist that, nah, you don’t find them attractive at all. The thing here is that when people discover their bisexuality, that which they now find attracting just changes; they feel drawn in a direction that they’re not supposed to be even paying any attention to… and now they wanna know why and, yep, eventually, they figure it out:

Holy shit – am I bisexual? I see people getting to this point and, again, going through a thought process that is so familiar to me that when I get to see it, I’m not ever surprised – I’ve seen it before. People do take different paths in wrapping their heads around this surprising and shocking realization but even then, there is still a lot of commonality that remains pretty persistence over all this time…

And it is just fascinating to see it and to see how… consistent it is. It reconfirms something I’ve found to be true: Bisexuality isn’t really all about doing – it’s about what you think and feel; it’s just that, um, doing has some appeal to it and there’s that inexplicable compulsion to get to doing some doing. And social acceptance be damned. That invisibility thing? It’s not that big of a deal and like so many people seem to think it is; the reality of it is it’s no one else’s business how you feel about people and/or how you go about having sex with someone, you know, if that’s what you wanna do.

In this, Cityman seems to be of a mind that there’s not enough men and women getting into this and I counter with, “But a lot of people are getting into it – there’s just no way of knowing who is, is there?” As usual, I pointed out that even as we spoke about this, someone is discovering that, at the least, they feel bisexual and there is always someone – and in any given moment – having their first same-sex sexual experience. The problem – and if you can really call it a problem – is that you just do not and cannot know who is making this discovery about themselves and you sure as hell can’t know who is doing something about it.

People discover this about themselves “right out of the gate” and early in their life while others, as I say, are late to the party and some of those folks have always known how they feel while others do get hit “out of nowhere” with this discovery. They rationalize it and justify it in the way they can manage it… it’s just that I’ve seen how eerily similar this process is and has been. Whether action is now called for or not, well, that’s a different kind of cluster fuck since, at all times, we are aware of society’s mandates, rules, edicts and outright prejudice toward anyone who is straight and like they’re supposed to be.

Some people do discover that they’re not really all that straight and how they can discover this is a recurring theme, to put it in those terms. I mean, there must be some truth and reality involved here since, duh, a lot of people do discover bisexuality and even those who say, “I don’t believe in that shit and I’d never do some shit like that!” A lot of people do say, “Well, I might try it…” and followed by whatever terms and conditions under which they just might do that but it is to remember – and believe, if you can – that bisexuality isn’t just about having the sex and it’s very much worth repeating that it is about what one thinks and feels. And, sure – if you can “point” to a reason or two that “explains” how you’re feeling, well, so much the better and the ever-repeating thing here is that humans have the uncanny ability to justify anything they might do… and even if that justification doesn’t make any sense to someone else.

People discover this about themselves; someone is discovering and processing it right this very moment and along the same lines of thought that, again, I’ve seen time and time again. Indeed, some people learn by doing – shit really does happen, ya know? Not everyone figures this out in that after the fact way but, yeah – discovery can happen even when some shit that ain’t supposed to happen does happen. And here’s the kicker: If you found yourself making this discovery because shit did happen, um, didn’t it happen because unbeknownst to you, you wanted it to happen and not allowing it to happen, ah, kinda didn’t make any sense? Quite the cluster fuck after the fact – what the hell just happened and, even better, why did it happen and why did I allow it to happen?

And even for these folks, there is a commonality that I’ve seen at work. Not everyone discovers this and not everyone wants or needs to and that’s fine… but people do discover it and they, again, process it in ways that I don’t ever find surprising because I’ve seen it before and I’m still seeing it now. This is some very real shit and those who are objecting to it – and insisting that it isn’t real, well, they’re clueless and they’ve been misled. Some objectors do so based on their own experiences – and usually because it was, well, pretty fucked up; a lot of people are of a mind that since this is something they wouldn’t do, no one else would want to or should get into; again, it paints a pretty disturbing picture about how we, on the whole, see sex and sexuality.

It’s why those who discover this almost immediately wind up in a major conflict with themselves. It’s not acceptance we need in this: We need to have the rules and other shit… eliminated. Disposed of. Rewritten to reflect the reality of things. The social programming and conditioning we receive has to be changed to reflect the reality. Doesn’t mean that everyone now has to be bisexual but if one discovers it, well, okay – not a problem. And the one thing that continues to defy what we believe is that people, in every moment of every day and for whatever reason makes sense to them, are discovering bisexuality and whether it’s “just sex” or more than just that; whether it’s an all-encompassing intellectual exercise or, yeah – shit happened.

It’s so familiar because that’s the way it’s always been – I’m just one of many people who’s been able to actually see the commonality involved when someone discovers that, whoa – they may not be a straight as they believed themselves to be… but they’re not gay – or they think they’re are and sometimes hope that they aren’t. It’s just that the discovery process for so many people gets… muddied because so many others continue to be in denial and keep insisting that it’s not real or this is something that it really isn’t and whatever other garbage they want to throw onto the pile… and all because it’s them who can’t accept the truth of this.

Not everyone is straight… and a lot of people do discover this about themselves and some of them, if you had told them that they would, would have laughed in your face and told you that you were out of your fucking mind if you thought that one day, they, too, might discover bisexuality… and, yeah, I’ve heard that one before, too.

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Posted by on 26 September 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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