I honestly don’t really know other than, in my opinion, it seems to be something that’s… encoded into our male DNA. One of the “mysteries” of male bisexuality has been how a guy who’s raised to be straight “suddenly” gets it into his head that, um, you know, sucking a dick (or some other sexual act with a guy) is just what the doctor ordered. It’s true that some guys are really “bi right out of the gate” and, nope – I can’t really explain that, either; some guys just know that they’re just not attracted to females and like we’re all supposed to be but, again, it does point to the thought that we’re all hard-wired for sex… but our social conditioning seeks to make and keep us heterosexual.
It’s just that in some point – and with some guys – having sex with a guy is “just something” that makes a whole lot of sense… while not making any sense at all. Of course, there’s always been youthful exploration – and note that I didn’t say “experimentation;” hormones wake up and get redlined and since we’re supposed to direct all of this toward females, well, okay, that works if you could convince a girl that it would be okay if she’d let you fuck her but when that’s not gonna happen, turning to other guys for sex, well, it makes sense and whether or not one is aware of the rules that say that it shouldn’t make sense and sure as fuck should never be done… or even thought about.
In my life to date, I’ve heard so many people say that they don’t understand this and it took me a while to figure out why they didn’t understand it – and they didn’t because our social programming and religious stuff says that it’s not supposed to go like that; then, too, a lot of people grow up learning sex in a very limited way and they get around to developing their own thoughts about it but since those thoughts tend to be more in line with the way it’s supposed to be, yeah – that a guy would want to have sex with another guy isn’t all that easy to understand.
Tack on that we’re really not supposed to have sex just because we can have sex; it must have a purpose and, as such, there’s only certain conditions under which having sex is deemed to be okay… and good luck telling guys with “out of control” hormones or being in very dire need to have sex that they can’t do or get it and by any means necessary… and that usually means having sex with another guy. It’s not that masturbation “doesn’t work” because, duh, it sure does but sex is always better when you have it with someone else and, yeah, a guy could spank his monkey several times a day and not get that full sense of satisfaction that can be had if/when someone else is, um, helping you to get off.
I’ve often written about one of the entry points: Cock sucking. Now, in their youth, some guys get exposed to that “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” thing that, as far as I know, always been a part of being a guy. Looking leads to touching and that leads to sucking and, again, the process behind this is pretty baffling and more so when the guys doing this might not know or have heard of a damned thing about oral sex… and it’s even stranger when a guy asks the other guy, “Can I suck it?” and after a moment of – uncertainty? Trepidation? – they somehow know how to suck a guy’s dick. Whether it’s enjoyable to both guys isn’t at issue at this point in the scribble… but the fact that they’d even do this in the first place is the thing that stands out.
Not all guys check this out. And a lot of guys will tell you in a heartbeat that they’d never do some shit like that. Yet, those guys often find themselves checking it out and even when I’ve asked them why they changed their minds, few have been able to say much about that other than, “I don’t know.” I know that some guys actually do have sex with other guys on their list of sexual things to do… but it’s way down on the list and in that “in case of emergency” way. Guys are… kinda funny about this because they tend to make this aspect conditional and, sometimes, I think, in such a way that, at least in their minds, those exact conditions will never present themselves.
Despite what a lot of people might be saying today, a guy discovering his bisexuality usually isn’t thinking about, wow, that guy over there looks hot and sexy! There’s really some attraction thing going on but, as I’ve said, not in the way we like to think; the eyes see, the brain processes and, sometimes, the body reacts in a way that one’s conscious mind isn’t even thinking about or, as I like to say, a guy sees a guy – no biggie because there’s a whole lot of them walking around… but that guy over there? He gets your attention and without one really knowing why. Seriously spooky kind of stuff happening but if people are of a mind that a guy always gets interested in sex with other guys and things like romance are always involved, well, I hate to tell you but you’d be wrong about that – but, this, too, is the way it’s supposed to be.
“I don’t even like dudes like that!” is something I’ve heard time and time again and I’ve asked, “Who says you have to?” and it’s a good question because I know – even if it takes some guys some time to figure it out – that it’s not really about liking guys like that: It’s about the potential to have sex with them and even I learned that you just and only have to like the guy enough to want to… and sometimes not even that because if there’s one thing about guys, it’s that we are opportunists. You can have two guys just sitting around and doing a lot of nothing – and read this as being bored silly – and I’ll be damned if I really understand how those guys just get it into their head that giving each other a blow job would be a great thing to do… and even if they’ve never done such a thing before.
Nothing has surprised me more at times than hearing a guy I’m hanging out with say, “I got this urge to suck your dick… and I don’t know why I do! Is that weird or what?” Uh, apparently, not so weird as it seems to be but, again, some folks have a difficult time trying to make sense of this since there’s no way of really knowing where this is coming from to begin with… and while I have my own thoughts about the source, nah – I don’t have that much of a clue of what’s really going on for this to surface. There is that whole latency thing that’s been talked about since like forever and, sure, that would explain it to a degree… but what makes a guy who has never given any thought to this suddenly get it into his head that doing something with another guy is, again, exactly what the doctor ordered?
Beats me and like a lot of things about male bisexuality, I just know that it happens. Is it really a matter of us guys being so incontrovertibly hard-wired to have sex or is it possible that the social conditioning we get just stops working or gets shoved away and in favor of something more primal – and something that, again, has become a part of what it means to physically be male? We often talk about nature versus nurture in these things… but rarely do we mention evolutionary process and if there’s a reason why guy can and do gravitate to, at the least, bisexuality, the answers just might lie there.
Some geneticists are looking for a “gay gene” and I’m not sure there’s such a thing but I also know that they say we have a lot of “junk DNA” that seems to have no purpose – it’s just there and not doing anything… or anything that they can tell or even recognize and I’m thinking – and maybe the experts are as well – that if there’s a genetic reason that explains why people “stop” being heterosexual, it just might be something in that junk DNA.
Again, this is one of those things where it can easily be asked, “Why even bother trying to figure this shit out?” Well, because someone needs to and even if you discount that, a lot of people are asking why anyone, for one, wouldn’t want to be straight and stay that way and, for another, what makes someone not want to be so straight? Why is “boys being boys” a thing that a lot of us embody and especially when it comes to sex? Hormones… or something deeper than that?
I think that, in a way, no one really cares and that’s understandable since it’s very damned complicated and even those of us who are and have been up to our eyeballs being bisexual have an incredibly difficult time trying to explain why we are other than, “I tried it and liked it!” We all have that first time and for many of us, it was like a puzzle piece going in place – and there’s is that whole thing of many a guy saying that, to them, it felt right and normal to do what which we’ve been told not to do.
And the simplest explanation is that it feels right and normal… because it really is; it’s just that some guys never find this out, some guys, again, find out right out of the gate, and some guys don’t find out until later on down the road – and let’s not forget that women can go through this as well. We can justify it – sometimes easily, sometimes not so much – but that’s part of the incredible power of the human mind at work and more so when, um, if someone were to ask you about this, saying, “I don’t know!” isn’t really an acceptable answer and, yeah, one is “compelled” to explain, even to themselves, why they broke the rules like this.
Lots of overthinking? Again, maybe… and maybe not and given how many times I’ve heard guys ask so many questions about why having sex with a guy makes so much sense when, again, it’s not supposed to and, yeah – I wanna know, too; it’s just that I haven’t really figured it out and I may never figure it out. We gravitate to this… because we do; there are so many reasons why and many of them defy explanation or, as I’ve said time and time again, I do know why… I just don’t have the words to explain it because a lot of this, well, there are no words for it.
It’s probably just “easier” to say that bi guys are just nasty and immoral sons of a bitch and to maintain that there’s no reason for any man to want to lie and have carnal knowledge of another man… except, there are reasons and even that gets simplified when saying, “Because we can.” One of the questions Cityman asks me at times is, “If you hadn’t started out being bisexual, do you think you would have eventually gotten into it?”
I tell him, “Probably…” but the truth is I don’t know because, for me, it’s a moot point: I’m bisexual and pretty much always have been. But he – and like I’ve heard a lot of guys say – has said that if anyone had told him way back when that he’d not only wind up having sex with a guy but he’d enjoy the shit out of it, he would have laughed and suggested that you’ve lost whatever mind you thought you had…
And he’s not laughing now and the other guys who have uttered similar sentiments aren’t laughing, either. We gravitate to sex like this… because we do and, apparently, we always have. Not all of us do and, if they can be believed, not all guys ever have this cross their minds other than it being something they’re never gonna do. It’s not really a guy thing – anyone can be bitten by the bisexual bug and, apparently, at any time; it’s just that we’re more… infamous for checking out sex with each other. Boys will, indeed, be boys… but no one really knows why and, shit, maybe I really do know why…
I just don’t have the ability to explain it. What I know is that there is no truth to the statement that if a guy has sex with a guy, he must really be into guys because, duh, not all guys who have sex with others guy are, in truth, into guys or, to simplify, we aren’t gay and on a full-time basis and gayness does very much influence the thinking about bisexuality. Part-time gay? You betcha and, again, a lot of people just tend to forget that, bluntly, we still like pussy… a lot and the dick thing is really and merely just another way to have sex and bust a nut.