It has been a long-held truth that sex that isn’t boy/girl is just flat out wrong and immoral yet it’s also true that humans have been having sex like this all along. We’re taught, expected, demanded, and required to avoid this at all costs or, biblically – one can say – you’re gonna burn in hell for all of eternity… but we know that a lot of people have been stocking up on SPF 100,000,000 to take care of the burn.
One of the things I’ve always found… interesting is when someone has that “aha” moment; that moment when despite all of their trepidation and fears, they do the unthinkable and find out that, hmm, that wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be. Yes, yes – not everyone feels that way so let’s get that out of the way, aight?
The taboos against this are pretty powerful, invasive, and insidious; it’s been hammered into everyone and from the moment they’re old enough to understand it even in that “because I said so” way. They are, of course, designed to prevent it and, well, yeah – how’s that really working? So many have been faced with being in that moment – and how they got to the moment, for this scribble, isn’t a real consideration – and the internal conflicts they go through are… epic and if they’re able to get past them – which isn’t all that easy to do – and just go for it, it’s always with that sense of, oh, I dunno, let’s see what’s gonna happen – and then with the hope that a wrong decision wasn’t made and a grave mistake is about to come into play.
Lust, driven by curiosity and other factors, is pretty damned powerful but there’s always that fear of the unknown and something that, given my sense of humor, is kinda funny because, as I’ve said time and time again, it’s one thing to know that people have sex like this… but so very different when it’s you being in that moment. I’ve thought that this… perception is what lends itself to many thinking that, say, having a guy performing oral sex on another guy is not only different, it’s wildly different and, yeah, in the moment they realize that it isn’t different, here comes the “aha” moment.
I’ve heard guys say, before the fact, that they know they’re not gonna like it and I used to wonder just how they knew this – then learned that they know they’re not gonna like it because they were told not to and that it’s not something to be liked. Oh, okay… but maybe someone would be kind enough to explain to me why a guy who knows that he’s not going to like it… does it anyway? Yeah, I know – kinda rhetorical because I know, to put it as simply as possible, something inside their head is asking, “Why not?” and against what we’ve been told about this.
In for a penny and all that.
It’s an understandable moment; there’s the tension, the anticipation, even the fear that’s still having a field day inside their head and, for some, it’s like that bad accident you don’t ever want to see… but you’re gonna look anyway. Before mouth meets cock, eh, some guys are looking with wide-eyes and some have their eyes so tightly closed that it’s probably giving them a headache. The connection is made and, I think, there’s a bit of a war going on; the mind is saying this is some fucked up shit and the body is saying, “Ahh… damn, that feels good!” It’s at this point where either one’s mind is going to win and this is gonna be a bust and a problem… or the body wins and, oh, yeah, this is gonna be good… I think.
The “funny” part is that at times, I’ve been able to feel that war going on inside the other guy in how his body is reacting; it wants to give in but it’s also resisting because the mind is still saying that this shouldn’t be happening… and their body is telling the mind to shut the fuck up. Even while it’s happening, the mind can overrule the body and the guy being blown wants it to stop; it’s just way too much to deal with and that’s fine – it happens. If the body is winning, you can almost feel the moment when the mind starts waving the white flag and, in some cases, is telling the body that its gonna get them for this later and lay on some seriously heavy guilt so, yeah, body – enjoy it while you can.
I’ve looked up at guys to see how they’re doing and they either have their eyes closed or they’re looking at me with that deer in the headlights look and as if they don’t believe that it’s happening and still kinda not believing that they agreed to this happening. And then they cum – and sometimes they don’t and there are reasons for that I’m not going to get into and, wow, there’s a firestorm of cluster fuck stuff happening that, more often than not, if the mind is still pitching a bitch about the decision to do this, that orgasmic release just shuts it down and like slamming a door… and now the real cluster fuck shows up as the body goes into recovery mode and the mind returns from being evicted from the situation.
The guy is most definitely gonna be feeling some kind of way now… and it’s not always good and, again, I’m not gonna talk about the refractionary period of sex so much but acknowledge that it does play a major role in what he’s gonna say next and, yep – a lot of times it’s, “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” Sometimes that’s the first thing they say… after they relearn how to breathe and talk and sometimes there’s this, “What the fuck did I just do?” look they get and, as such, it’s gonna take them a moment to realize some stuff like it didn’t kill them – oh, yeah, they got hit by a bolt of lightning but not “fatally” so and, importantly, they don’t feel as if they instantly stopped feeling masculine. Sometimes I’ve heard guys say that they’re not sure if they really liked it or not and it’s important, I think, to give them time to reset their mind so they can think but, at least in my experiences, it usually doesn’t take them very long to come to the realization that, nope – it really wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be.
Or my other favorite: “I don’t know why I never did this before now!” and this is also applicable when the guy has just finished sucking cock for the very first time. Well, okay… there is that taste thing that scares the shit out of everyone and it’s either gonna be very yucky or, uh-huh – not as bad as they thought it would be. And I’ve just sat there watching all of this reality settle in with them and, um, trying not to smile because I did tell you that it’s not as bad as you think it is, didn’t I?
Now it comes down to whatever else might be going through their minds and when – not if so much – the mind does as promised and brings a whole lot of guilt to the party and the internal way begins again and along these lines: You weren’t supposed to do this shit but you did it; it wasn’t supposed to feel good, but it did and you sure as fuck wasn’t supposed to like any of it but, hmm, it really wasn’t that bad. Guys need x-amount of time to really and fully process all of this… and some guys don’t really need a whole lot of time to come to, at the very least, a tentative decision: They liked it, it wasn’t really all that bad and, in some, the beginning of thinking about whether they’re going to do it again or not.
Guys – and I suspect gals – have that “aha” moment that not only confirms that, nope – it really wasn’t all that bad even if it was a bit weird – but I think it’s also at that moment where everything they thought they knew about sex gets rewritten and even if, by chance, what they just experienced is being deemed to be not all that much to their liking… for right now. Again, this is some shit that, more often than not, requires a great deal of very introverted thinking and, for some, the war is still going on inside of them. It was bad in that moral sense but it was good, too, and then all of their fears return to plague them and trying to shout down the reality of it:
They did it. Liked it or not really sure they did but close enough for government work at the moment. May or may not do it again but it didn’t “kill” them and it didn’t turn them into the boisterously flamboyant gay dude. It wasn’t as bad as everyone said it is and as they previously thought.
And to be able to sit and watch them process this is, for me, precious and priceless. When I say that this is a life-changing event, I’m not kidding or overly exaggerating it: It really is. It is a moment of truth that is as profound as anything I know of and so much that, yeah, it can really fuck one’s head up and not in a good way… or it can be the greatest discovery since man discovered fire – depends on the person and their ability to process things.
It can also produce that “Yeah, but…” moment, too… but most of the time – and, again in my experiences – that’s usually all about whether they’d do it again or not or, famously, that “It’s not something I’d do all of the time” thing that tends to give me the giggles. It is why I think it’s so very damned important to talk about it all after the fact because I know and have learned that not everyone adjusts to this all that well or easily. Did they just do something horribly wrong? Well, yes… and no: Rules did get broken and there’s no getting away from that poignant fact of things but we just got finished doing something that men have always been doing to, with, and for each other and, really, several million gay men can’t all be wrong, can they?
It’s a very and seriously emotional moment and one that has to be handled with as much care as possible since that “aha” moment can quickly turn into an “oh, no” moment – the war and internal arguments are still going on and can go on for some time but, again, that depends on the individual and their ability to process such a complex situation… and not everyone wins that battle… but a lot of people come out of the other side of the war and they’re quite okay.
I’ve seen guys get… pissed because in that after the fact moment, they know and understand that they were lied to about this or, actually, they weren’t told the whole truth about the sex thing; I’ve seen some guys get pissed because they’ve found themselves thinking about any time prior to this life-changing event that, shit, they could have done this already but they didn’t; they know why they didn’t and, most of the time, the reason why they didn’t – because men just ain’t ever supposed to do this – just doesn’t match the reality of what just happened. And even when a guy is having this kind of a moment, I believe it’s just as important to be there for them to tamp down any anger they maybe experiencing. There’s a reason why the rules are the way they are and, as such, there’s a reason why the truth of this is being kept from everyone…
It’s just one of those things that no matter how much society and our morality tries to hide the truth, someone – and even as you read this – is finding out that the truth – and the reality – is very different and, one way or the other, it is going to change one’s life and the way they look at things going forward; it’s either going to be – and continue to be – that “aha” moment or it’s going to be that “oh, no” moment and, um, yeah – they can actually flip-flop since I’ve heard guys, after the fact, say they hated it and hated themselves for doing it but after they’ve had some time to think about it, nah – it really wasn’t all that bad.
Quite interesting how the human mind works, huh? The rules and taboo against sex like this are very real – they exist… and covers up the real reality of things: People have sex like this; we, on the whole, have been having sex like this for the longest time and because we have, it’s why the rules and taboo was put into place to stop us from having sex like this. When someone says that they’d never do this, it’s because they don’t believe in doing this and because they were told not to and, yup, they believe in all of the reasons why it’s never to be done. You’d think that logic and intelligence is at work when someone emphatically says that they know for a damned fact that they’re not going to like it when, um, actually, they were told not to like it and by telling them not to even go there in the first place.
Some get that confirmation that, nope -they shouldn’t have done this and that’s because the experience wasn’t able to override the social and moral imperatives… but a whole lot of people have that “aha” moment and get around to figuring out that what they were taught and/or believed, well, it’s just ain’t the whole truth of things… and being made to cum/orgasm? Well, yeah – that felt pretty good… because it’s supposed to feel good. I’ve heard guys say that, eh, they’re not sure if they’d ever do this again… and I’ve had guys ask me if we can do it again and “right now” again… or if, you know, if they want to do it again, can they come see me about that?
To the question of whether or not this is really as bad as it’s said to be, the honest answer is, yes – it can be that bad and then some depending on how your mind works and all that but, no: It can be not all bad as it’s said to be, too. Is it really all that different? Well, it is different but only in who is doing the sex thing… but not what is or has taken place. I think it’s one of the reasons why so many men have an easier time adjusting to cock sucking and find out that while it’s quite the insult to be called a cock sucker, doing it? Not as bad as everyone says it is and the real reason why it’s not as bad as everyone says is… because it really isn’t. It’s not to say that it’s not without its own problems but sex has always come with a shitload of problems and there’s always been a reason why it’s been said that sex is dirty and nasty – and not because of the moral implications involved.
The “aha” moment. It’s really something to witness and, according to those who’ve shared their “aha” moment with me, it’s really something to go through although, sure, it might take a few for it to really sink in… and it may never sink in: Your experience, if you choose to have one, can vary. If you tried it and it wasn’t all that, well, that’s how it was for you… that one time. Some keep at it and, nope, still ain’t working but I think that the moral implications may not really be at work since some folks go into this with some preconceived notions about it and wind up getting all bummed out when it doesn’t go the way they want, thought, or believed it should go.
It happens. How does one get their head around this? It may or may not help but I’ve learned that it’s… easier to think about what and not be “all that concerned” with who is doing whatever; this doesn’t mean that who lacks importance because it can. The “hard” part in looking at it in this way and having that “aha” moment is that we’ve been conditioned to always think about who we’re having sex with and there’s some rules, terms, and conditions involved here and, well, to just think about having sex at all isn’t considered to be all that right and proper. The way it supposed to be just overrides some obvious stuff:
What’s the difference between a guy sucking dick and a gal doing it? It’s who’s doing it and the rules that, albeit unspoken and unwritten, say that this is something only women are supposed to do. What’s the difference between having a guy eat a pussy and a woman doing it? The same thing but what gets overlooked and, really, not many people think of is that the act itself isn’t different – but who is doing it is and, again, we place so much importance on who than we do what and because we do. it’s the very thing that has given so many people that “aha” moment because they learn, in that moment, that a difference which makes no difference is no difference.
That and if it didn’t go well, um, it’s usually because the other person involved didn’t give a fuck about whether it went well for the other person or not or a continued disbelief that it just ain’t ever gonna go well or be good. Not much that can be done about that but, if nothing else, this should get folks thinking about one thing: Everyone who is into this and no matter how much or whatever can’t all be wrong even if the morality that rules us says it is. Many believe it’s wrong…
And many more have that “aha” moment. It wasn’t all that bad. Wondering why they never did this before now. Asking themselves what were they afraid of. Some people can cope with the reality and the truth – aha! And some people just can’t – oh. no!
And I’m still the guy who not only knows this but will tell you about it.