Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Should I Do It Again?”

23 Oct

If a guy manages to get through some pretty rugged and intense stuff involved in accepting that, ah, playing with a guy’s cock would be a good idea as well as being in that moment of truth before the fact, dealing with some stuff during the fact, and putting things into perspective after the fact, there’s only one question left to be answered – and, of course, it’s the title of this scribble.

It’s one of those “yes or no” kind of questions but it’s conditional and I’ll write it like this: If you did (add what was done here) and you liked it, then do it again; else don’t do it again. As a logical expression, duh – that makes sense but I know that it’s not really all that simple because a guy can do something, find out that he didn’t like it… and he’s asking himself if he should do it again. If he were to ask someone – and someone he could trust and be comfortable with having such a conversation – they just might ask him what’s the point of doing something again when ya didn’t like doing it the first time? And it’s a valid question… if you think any of this follows the tenets of conventional thinking.

In my last scribble, I mentioned that some guys deal with the after the fact stuff pretty quickly and for some guys, it’ll take quite a bit of time for them to process things and other than going back and forth with themselves about whatever happened being right or wrong, they could still be asking themselves if they really like it or not and, yes – coming to that conclusion can be impacted by their thoughts about rightness/wrongness.

The thought processes are beyond complex and even I have one hell of a time trying to get what’s going on in my head out where it can be seen or heard but it can go something like this:

“I thought I was gonna like it and I thought I wasn’t gonna like it and I did like it but but not really because I know I did something wrong so I shouldn’t have done it but I did do it and it felt good but then I started feeling bad about it…”

You get the idea, don’t you? Now, if you can, imagine what it’s like to have this running around in your head pretty much all of the time and even when you’re sleeping. Now, some guys – again – have this logic loop going on in their head and they have the ability to shut it down quickly: I did it, I liked it even if I thought I wasn’t going to; I know it was a wrong thing to do but I did it… now shut the fuck up and leave me alone. What? Am I gonna do it again? I’ll worry about that if I have to.

At the other end, some guys will manage to convince themselves that they didn’t like it because it was wrong for them to do it and they’ll never do it again and this will shut down the loop fairly quickly and I do mean within seconds after they busted a nut or, as I like to call it, the moment of absolute clarity.

Not all guys make the liked it/didn’t like it decision quickly; it can take an untold amount of time for them to work this out in their heads and you can liken this to mentally flipping a coin about two thing – whether they really did like it or not… and if they would do it again if the opportunity presented itself. In the after action debriefings I’ve had with guys, I’ve seen them be very certain that they liked it and that they will do it again; I’ve seen them become so overwhelmed with “guilt” that, nope – didn’t like it, ain’t gonna do that again. I’ve seen many more guys say that not only are they not really sure if they liked it or not, they couldn’t begin to even think about doing it again.

All of this is pretty normal. Yes, I’ve had them ask me if I think they should do it again and it would be so easy for me to say, “Yes! You should!” but I’ve found that the response to this actually isn’t all that helpful when I had time to think about it: “You can if you want to but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.” Yeah – that helps, doesn’t it? There’s really no… absolute way to answer this question since doing it again is heavily dependent upon what the guy has going on in his head about it. So saying something like, “Do you think you should do it again?” – which is a good question – really doesn’t address the issue. And it’s probably not all that helpful for me to say to them – but it’s the truth – that I can’t say one way or the other and, no, asking me what I’d do isn’t going to help you one bit.

For those folks who think that male bisexuals are just mindless slaves to their libido and all we do is think with our dicks, I just very much beg to differ with you; folks who have never been in the position or situation to have this looping around in their mind may or may not really and truly understand how much this can seriously fuck with one’s mind. Easy to intelligently say that it must be a bitch to think about and they’d be right; it’s just that being able to answer this particular question is and can be even more bitchy.

If a guy does it once, does that mean he’ll do it again? Yes. Nope. Let me get back to you on that one. Will he want to? Yep. Eh, nah, not really but maybe and let’s not and say we did. As tough as the decision can be to do it in the first place, it’s not so much of a no-brainer when it comes to doing it again. True enough, some guys want to do it again… and as soon as everyone involved can get it up again. Other guys? Not so much because there’s still that whole refractionary period going on so, at least inside their head, oh, yeah – they wanna do it again… but their body ain’t feeling that right now.

I’ve heard guys correctly say that the only way they’re gonna know for sure is to do it again and I give them props for being able to see this and more so given the Category 5 hurricane that’s going on inside their head… but they still have to gird their loins to do it again and many guys find themselves right back at the beginning of all of this. Wash. Rinse. Repeat if necessary. Yeppers… if I was the one who gave them their first time, they’ve asked me that if they want to do this again, can they come back and see me about it? Sure they can… if they want to; I’d even go as far as to say that it would be in their best interest to come back and see me again about it since I’m not going to “do them dirty” in any way or judge them.

Maybe they come back… maybe they don’t and either way, it’s no big deal since doing it a second time with anyone is a tough decision to make and, again, it’s not an easy question to answer. I mean, um, I’d do it again… but I also know that I might not – it depends and it depends on a lot of stuff that a guy who’s new to this isn’t really aware of – experience teaches you a lot of shit and not all of it is the kind of stuff that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.

Hence the rather wishy-washy answer that feels too much like backpedaling: You can if you want to… but you don’t have to; I dunno – what do you think you should do? It really becomes a thing of going over the pros and cons of it all over again because the same reasons to do it – or not – haven’t really changed; the only thing that did change is the guy isn’t so much of a newbie now; he’s taken the plunge and now, damn, now he’s got some decisions to make and it sucks to not be able to give him a definitive answer and more so when it is well within the realm of possibility that the “definitive” answer could turn out to be the wrong one… for him.

“Eddie” has oral sex with “Tom” and it’s Eddie’s first time but Tom is experienced in these things. It all goes well for Eddie and he wants to do it again – and with Tom, preferably – but, eh, that might not be so easy to arrange but Eddie can find another guy to do this with – and he does… and it didn’t go well and definitely not as well as the first time… and now Eddie is feeling some kind of way and thinking that his decision to do this again was, in fact, a bad one…

But was it really a bad decision? This is where the shit gets really complicated because, as I mentioned the last time, we have this tendency to believe that if things went sideways this time, they will go sideways the next – and every – time. Now the question is, “I did it again and I didn’t like it one bit… should I do it again?” For many, the answer is, “Oh, hell no!” but the reality is that they let one bad experience influence any- and everything that might happen in the future. And the same kind of thinking can happen while Eddie was trying to figure out whether or not he liked his first time or not and the decision to do it again… or not.

This just isn’t as simple as some folks may think it is and even with more forward-thinking guys, knowing that this decision to do it again just might have to be made – and before they even do it for the first time – can be enough to turn that Category 5 hurricane inside their head into a monster of a storm you’d have to look at Jupiter’s Great Red Spot as a point of comparison. Deciding to do it the first time is a bitch and a half; trying to decide to do it again is a motherfucker times three because the same condition exists: You just don’t know how it’s going to turn out. You hope that it will go as well as the first time but, um, wait – it didn’t go that well the first time and, yes, some guys will intuitively reason that the first time could have just been a fluke so doing it again is warranted… and maybe not since it didn’t go that well for them the first time.

Confused? You should be – this is what can go on inside someone’s head about this. For anyone, doing it for the first time isn’t easy to process and at any point in the process – before, during, and after. Doing it again? Even to prove or disprove whether the first time was liked or not? Just as hard and, for some, even harder than making the decision to do it the first time… and sometimes, it ain’t all that hard. Some guys will swear that they’ll never do it again… and they do it again; some are very eager to do it again… and they never do. And some guys are still trying to figure out if they should do it for the first time or not.

Yep… still the guy who’ll point this out.

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Posted by on 23 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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