I saw this yesterday while perusing Twitter while swiping past all of the political-laden stuff about LGBTQ+ but this was a part of such a thing that happened to catch my eye. It continues to amaze me how many people out in the world who can’t get their heads around bisexuality and how many are “happy” to spout, rehash, and even regurgitate tired-ass dogmatic rhetoric over something that, if they used their intelligence for a few moments, isn’t that difficult a thing to understand even at a basic level.
I knew I had a frown on my face as I took in some of the responses to the tweet – and I looked at them just to see if someone – anyone – was saying anything that made a half-ounce of sense and wasn’t laced with political diatribe and venom… and I didn’t see any such responses but that didn’t really surprise me a whole lot.
The answer to the question isn’t what you think it is: It’s not about the sex first and foremost and, not trying to insult anyone, but anyone who thinks that the sex is “down the road” consideration in bisexuality needs a bit of a reality check. What bisexuality does – and what’s so good about it – is that it literally frees one from traditional and conventional thinking where love, sex, and relationships are concerned. It exposes a great many flaws in our long-held beliefs in these things beginning with not everyone is heterosexual and there is a whole lot of stuff between heterosexual and homosexual.
“Free your mind and your ass will follow…” is a lyric from a song from way back in the day that makes a pretty profound statement; it did back then and it does today and in the case of bisexuality, um, it can be pretty literal given how many people do, in fact and in deed, have the sex that’s possible. Even if they don’t – or can’t – having one’s eyes opened to some truths that our morality would prefer us not to know about is some eye and mind opening shit. Beliefs get dispelled and rewritten and I know when my mind got opened, man, was I pissed that the truth was being kept from me and the only thing being said about not being straight was that you’d better not be a faggot queer bull dyke homo.
Then it hit me that the adults around me weren’t the only ones lying and hiding the truth: It was being kept from everyone all along; homosexuality, it turned out, was/is a very real thing and so was/is bisexuality. I was just that overly curious human being who had a need to get to the bottom of this and it took a great many years as well as having a whole lot of sex to get answers to the questions I had once the lies were exposed and especially the question that put me on the hunt: How can something that feels so good be so bad?
It feels so good because it’s supposed to and it’s so bad because they said so. Can you imagine what it’s like to have everything you’ve been taught or otherwise made to believe about sex (and other things) just shattered into tiny little pieces? Can you imagine all the questions that can flood your mind and can you imagine what it’s like to know that if you went and asked someone those questions, chances were good you were gonna get your head handed to you… and the lies that you uncovered would just be repeated?
What’s good about it is the truth about human sexuality. When I say that bisexuality can be a life-changing event, I’m not kidding about it because, if nothing else, it will change your perception of things and not just about sex; even I found that it changed the way I look at the world as a whole; it changed the way I made decisions about things by allowing me to look at things in more of a big picture kind of way, to be more aware of the details and, importantly, the possibilities that exist in our everyday lives – and possibilities that we don’t always think about or are always aware of.
We know that there’s more than one side to any story and bisexuality, if one allows it to, brings it to the surface; it’s a lot to process and I heard a woman describe it as going from being blind to being able to see. Having one’s eyes opened can be unsettling and I’ve been of a mind that the older you are, the more unsettling it can be; it’s the reason, I’ve learned, why a lot of people who don’t, um, get in on the ground floor as early adopters can have a difficult time adjusting to a new reality… but it’s really not all that new but it feels that way since, over all of this time, things that aren’t heterosexual just aren’t talked about (in positive ways) and they sure as hell aren’t taught and, as such, if people are getting themselves into trouble with sexuality, it’s because we’ve been left to our own devices…
That’s rarely a good thing. I get it that because of this… omission, both homo- and bisexuality are seen as not being all that good and, as such, almost anyone can “easily” point to whatever bad shit they care to point to but, at least from where I’m sitting, if we were being taught that there’s more to life, living, love, sex, and relationships than we’d been told, chances are there would be less problems in all of this even though, yeah – there is always going to be at least one person who just isn’t going to accept the truth of things – they’re just not going to believe it and no matter what evidence you present to them that contradicts that which they believe.
It’s the same… resistive behavior we’re seeing today. As I keep saying, it’s not that we don’t know anything about this – we don’t believe it; it’s not the way things are supposed to be and this continued mindset, well, all it does is keep lending itself to the confusion a lot of bisexuals find themselves dealing with because, sure – they know about the way things are supposed to be… but now they know that it’s not the only way things can be. Homosexuality taught us this and bisexuality is greatly upsetting the moral apple cart because, duh, it’s not true that one is either straight or gay.
And, nope: We still haven’t learned a damned thing… but you can bet whatever you care to that a whole lot of people are learning it these days even if it’s via on-the-job training. There are resources available now but, at best, there’s a lot of mixed signals being sent since even bisexuals can’t seem to agree on what bisexuality is and many have great issue accepting the word at face value: Bi = two; sexual, well, do you really need a couple of doctorate degrees to figure that part out? One of the things in this… label hating spree that’s going on is that people are either male or female – unless some genetic shit happens to give someone attributes of both sexes. We’ve included gender into the mix and, as you know, I have a “problem” with that given that sex and gender aren’t the same things but they’ve been traditionally connected to one another and, well, some folks have a problem with that and I can’t imagine for the life of me why they do since the science of it is pretty simple: That whole XX/XY thing.
Down to the nitty gritty. What we have learned – and despite all of the efforts to keep us from learning it – is that you can literally have sex with anyone and being male or female doesn’t really have much to do with it other than some… logistics and certain anatomical difference. But, again, we’ve always known this – we just maintain that such sexual acts shouldn’t ever be done; what bisexuality does is make some folks ask, “Why would someone want to have sex with both males and females?” To many, this doesn’t seem to make sense; there’s no reason to do things this way; but it’s the reality that bisexuality opens one’s eyes and mind to and, I hate to tell ya, but if there’s one reason for it, it’s because sex feels pretty damned good – what other reason is needed?
A lot more, it seems. I’ve seen this shift from the sexual aspects to the more emotional and romantic aspects and, as we tend to do, just gloss over the sexual part and, these days, there’s more of a push to make being bisexual pretty much the same as being heterosexual is… and I’m still not 100% sure if this is a good or “bad” thing. My perspective, of course, is different from more modern views and that perspective was less… complicated than it is today. Humans habitually love overly complicating things but, outside of that, what makes bisexuality be seen as a very bad thing, again, isn’t what we know:
It’s what we don’t know. It’s what is not being taught as a matter of course and we are so… prudish that we don’t even teach about sex and the way it’s supposed to work and be. Yeah… leave humans to their own devices and find out what can happen. Get your eyes and minds opened and you see the hole we’ve dug for ourselves and a hole that a lot of people are just okay being stuck in. What’s bad about bisexuality?
Nothing, actually but humans are seriously good at making things be bad; it’s not really a problem until someone makes it a problem or, again, it’s only bad because one believes it to be and, sadly, with or without any real facts and I mention this because it’s probably something very deeply ingrained in us but when we have one bad experience with something, it gets stuck in our heads that it will always be bad. Some things in life are that way but when it comes to bisexuality, yeah – we learn the “good and bad” of it but we don’t always understand that just because it didn’t go so well the first time (or the last time), it doesn’t mean it won’t go well the next time… and if there is a next time.
We’ve got a long way to go to collectively be able to see what’s really good about not being so tightly bound to just two aspects of human sexuality and seeing – understanding – that we are so tightly bound is what bisexuality reveals; then it’s all about the other stuff and, yeah, I’m talking about doing the nasty but, um, we’ve always known how to do that.
The stuff I was looking at on Twitter was the “usual” religious prohibitions and now becoming even more… contaminated with political leanings that is just cray-cray. It’s being worried that the latest appointment to the Supreme Court is going to undo everything homosexuals worked – and died – for including the right they fought so hard for to be married… which proponents in favor of bisexuality seem to think this is going to affect bisexuality, too. People are straight up losing their minds over the political ramification over sexuality and I guess they feel they have reason to… but overlooking what I see as the obvious: Neither religion or politics has ever stopped anyone from being the kind of sexual they want and need to be.
People are kinda like this: You ain’t gonna tell me how I can be intimate with someone if that’s what I wanna do and if you tell me I can’t be, well, fuck you – and not in a good way: I’m gonna do it anyway. Bisexuality, again, opens the eyes of many and lets them see that just being straight or gay isn’t the only way to be the way you want and need to be. If your eyes and mind really gets opened, perhaps you’re like me and wondering why we’re doing all this fussing over something that humans have been doing all along? That’s actually an easy one to answer: It’s the way we are and always has been. We just don’t seem to be happy unless we’re fussing and fighting over something.
The good thing is that a whole lot of people are finding out what’s so good about being bisexual; the bad thing is that a whole lot of people just ain’t believing any of it and still aren’t buying it even though the evidence that bisexuality is very damned real is there to be seen. I mean, really: Is it really possible for all of humanity to be pitching a royal bitch about something that doesn’t exist? I don’t think it is possible for the whole damned world to be suffering from mass hallucination so, um, yeah – bisexuality must be real and as real as being hetero- and homosexual is.
We just don’t believe that it is… because our eyes and minds remain closed; our minds haven’t been freed so our asses can’t follow, figuratively or literally. We can barely wrap our heads around it intelligently and it does make a lot of people say, “Yeah, but…”
But the good thing is that people are having their minds free and their asses are following because, hmm, the sex ain’t all that bad either.