First, here’s wishing everyone a safe, healthy and prosperous 2021! Next, a little rant and an admission to having a senior moment, sitting here at my desk and staring at the wall behind my monitor trying to remember that great idea to write about that came to me as I was starting to wake up; the good part is that after a couple more sips of coffee, I remember what that was but frowned because this isn’t the first time I’ve had one humdinger of a blog to write, the idea came to me “in the midnight hour,” and upon awakening, I can’t remember what the hell it was. But, I remembered so let’s get to it, shall we?
Had a good conversation with Cityman last night and, as his mentor, I am so proud of the progress he’s made in being comfortable with his bisexuality and going from being unsure of things to getting a good grip on all of the associated nuances that bisexuality can allow one to see. At one point, we were talking about how some guys gravitate to bisexuality and to ward off that sense of maybe being gay, some guys try to get even more sex with women as they can manage and if that ain’t working for them, ahem, taking matters into their own hands can, for a time, work well to keep thoughts of hard cocks out of their heads and can make for some good visualization while the matter is in hand…
But at some point, a guy can wank to the point where he’s doing it so much that there’s a chance of removing some skin and nothing – not even getting some pussy – will get those visions of cock out of their head, let alone provide any real belief. We talked about those guys who would find themselves in the very much dreaded drought, that period of time a lot of guys just seem to be destined to go through where they can’t get laid and it’s so bad that if they could pay a hooker to take care of things, she’d turn him down. It’s an awful time and things get desperate and, um, taking the matter in hand does little more than create even more frustration. We talked about those poor guys who, when it comes to the ladies, if they didn’t have bad luck, they wouldn’t have any luck at all and, again, those guys who just have that ‘something’ about them that a professional wouldn’t bed them for any amount of money.
Their only recourse is to beat that meat; it’s not that it doesn’t feel good but it’s not enough and the only thing that will produce that overall good feeling is to have sex with someone… but if women aren’t, um, let’s say, available, Cityman and I took some moment to talk about how some guys just intuitively know that if you can’t get any pussy and jerking off ain’t doing anything other than pissing them off, getting busy with another guy just makes all the sense in the world. We both allowed that there probably aren’t that many men who doesn’t know about gay men but even when there’s not much awareness – and no matter why there isn’t – it seemed to us that either our minds or our bodies – and maybe both – just put two and two together and decide that against every rule written about it, having sex with a guy is what the doctor ordered.
Or so they think. I know that for some guys, getting busy with a dude is so far down on the List of Ways to Get Off that it may as well not even be on the list at all; it is absolutely, positively a measure of last resort and then the glass only gets broken in the most direst of emergencies and, of course, depending on what the guy says constitutes a dire emergency. A lot of guys have said that they’d rather jerk off several times a day than to invoke the measure of last resort but, again, there comes a moment in this where doing that just isn’t enough and I know, being a guy and all that, that there’s nothing that feels worst than to spank the monkey and feel unfulfilled and that however long it took was a complete waste of time, effort, and whatever lube was used to facilitate things.
We touched on the fact that this always sounds like a good idea and that it takes a guy doing a lot of soul searching and internal feuding – and being ‘desperate’ enough to need that human interaction to decide that at the first opportunity, they’re going to do the unthinkable; they’re gonna do what ‘everyone’ says men aren’t supposed to be doing even though, again, it’s not like we know nothing about gay men. Fear, trepidation and a lot of other things do their best to keep a guy from implementing this measure of last resort; I’ve heard and known of guys who will “go out of their way” to convince themselves that they prefer women and despite having those implacable visions of cock stomping around in their head, yeah, you guessed it, they’re not gay. Some guys will continue to try to get some pussy or beat the shit out of their meat and more than they’ve ever done before and find that no matter what they do, those visions just do not go away and it’s at this point where it usually doesn’t take a whole lot to push a guy to the brink and over it…
And they get some dick and sometimes they get very surprised when, sometimes, they get it in a way they didn’t anticipate or discover, in that very real moment of truth, they want more than what they may have initially thought would be enough to scratch this now very bothersome itch… and then some guys are of a mind that once is and will be enough only to find out that it isn’t. Cityman and I talked about how, at this moment, a lot of guys get woke up; they realize that they’ve been freed from the limitations that are put on everyone where having sex is concerned and now their view of things is much clearer. Still, a lot of guys remain iffy about what they’ve done and now they’re convincing themselves, and as best they can, that getting some dick isn’t something they’d do all of the time but it’s moved up on the List of Ways to Get Off and while getting pussy and/or masturbating gets back to being enjoyable and satisfying, yeah, wow – that dick thing?
We talked about having one’s eyes opened to the possibilities that now present themselves and, as an aside – and when I was half-awake and thinking about this – I reminded myself of that bullshit quote Woody Allen made about being bisexual and it guaranteeing you a date… because it really doesn’t but once a guy takes the plunge and finds it to his liking, a guy can see the potential and possibilities and many are – for lack of a better word – bright enough to gain a very serious understanding of what sex really is – it just isn’t something that happens between men and women only; again, it’s not like they didn’t know this but as this tends to work, it doesn’t get real until you’re the one finding this out for a very undisputable fact. That guys find that the sex isn’t really as bad as reported, the biggest part of this is what they learn, not only about themselves but, well, that which we believe and, as I say, it’s not the whole truth of thing when it comes to love, sex, and relationships and, um, no – you really don’t need love and a relationship in order to have sex… but it would be nice.
When Cityman and I talk about these things, goodness – I am so proud of him to see him looking at things the way they can be and coming to conclusions on his own; he’s embraced both the physical aspects and the intellectual side of bisexuality in men and I get the giggles every time I hear him say that men should stop being afraid to have sex with other men and to not be or get all bent out of shape over being gay or thinking that they’re the most evilest creatures ever conceived and born because it’s really all pretty natural and as proven by the sheer fact that men have been doing each other – and for whatever reason that worked – all along and enough to warrant trying to put a stop to it.
We know – and have known – that, hmm – how’s that really been working?
In my half-awake state, there was a very solid thought in my mind that said even though there is a lot of stigma and angst attached to being male and bisexual, it’s not stopping guys from checking it out and not just because they’ve reach the bottom of the List of Ways to Get Off or they’re not getting any pussy and chicken choking hasn’t become that annoying waste of time and energy – it’s because it fulfills a need for them to be the kind of guy they want to be and many don’t even get into the sexual aspects of this because just being liberated and having their eyes wide open is, for them, enough.
Cityman gets it… and he’s not the only one. At one point, he pointed out that I had the advantage of learning all of this early on and while that’s obviously true, I pointed out that even though he was late to the party, he’s pretty much learned what I’ve learned… and learned it pretty damned quick compared to other guys who arrive late to the party. He questions the current mindset about bisexual males and even though he is very aware of what all the fuss is about, he will ask that very rhetorical question and it’s a question that should always be asked and understands that they answers, such as they tend to be are, in a word, bullshit. Archaic and very much outdated thinking and based upon a premise that isn’t a complete or correct as it’s touted to be. He even accurately and correctly notes that this bisexual thing isn’t just a “guy only” thing and that women, well, they figured it out even if for differing reasons and he’s said at times that women do seem to handle this better than men do and even with their own stigma and angst to deal with.
A sentiment that I’ve said many times myself… but he figured this out on his own and he was able to do so because he got woke up… and just like a lot of men and women are getting woke up and understanding that the intimacy they’ve been restricted to… just isn’t enough. It’s not enough sex; it’s not enough emotional expression; there’s kinda no such thing as “too much human interaction” – but it becomes more than enough understanding of self then gaining an ever bigger and better look at the big picture. Which, um, makes sense because guys – and since I’m talking about us – can go from “I ain’t ever gonna do some shit like that!” to “I can’t seem to get enough of it!” and in the space of time it takes to actually do something. My caffeine-starved brain reminded me that the moment of first experience is the defining moment for all bisexuals, that moment when their eyes are opened and, if they learn nothing else, they learn about themselves; it can be very unsettling and some make it through this and some just don’t… but they’ve still learned something about themselves just the same.
Sometimes, doing stuff the way it’s supposed to be done just isn’t enough; a lot of men and women ask themselves, “Is this all there is? Is there nothing more?” Well, um, yeah… there is and there always has been more if one is brave, bold, and daring enough to go find out what that is and one important aspect of this is that those who are all of those things don’t have to have the sex to be liberated and awakened… but it’s not that bad of a thing to experience…
Or, as Cityman is very fond of saying, if you can, well, why not? He’s even of a mind that, as men, we can establish better bonds with each other if, you know, we spend some time giving each other blow jobs and taking it further if and when needs must and even something as simple as beating each other’s meat is way better than doing it yourself… and he makes some good points but also points out that men are, indeed, just as funny sex and stuff and probably more so than women are funny about it. I even think at times that bisexuality would be so much better if people weren’t involved but, yeah, that’s kinda impossible but it does point to, I guess, the one glaring flaw in human sexuality in that we’ve never been on the same page about any of this but that makes sense because while we might all want the same things – love, sex, and relationships – we all have our own ideas about how to go about these things but, in a big picture kind of way, it’s all about people deciding that they have a need and reason to go about this.
While I have no real opinion about the greater ability for men to bond, um, whew, okay – having sex with a guy can be pretty damned satisfying and, yup, it is better than, er, taking the matter in hand and finding it not all that satisfying and doing so doesn’t serve to even take the edge off. It’s not even a matter of women being “unable and/or unwilling” to get involved in this process but, yeah, sometimes? Even pussy, as good as it can be, isn’t enough; so many men and women just know that there’s something missing, that whatever they’re currently doing is all well and good… but it isn’t enough… and many of those men and women are, have, and will take that big step to not only find out what they’ve been missing but doing what they can to get it and even if it never goes past having one’s eyes opened and seeing things as they can be, you know, if you can actually do something about it.
I don’t know about other bisexuals but I’ve never felt so… alive as I do as a bisexual and not because of the sex; it’s not being tied down to a single way of seeing and/or doing things, to be able to see that which is possible but also understanding why there is still so much resistance to people finding out that, at times, what’s “normal” for them just isn’t enough and that there is more to this. As I wrote yesterday, you don’ t have to be bisexual in order to see any of this… but it doesn’t hurt having your eyes opened in this fashion and, um, yeah, it’s better than being consigned to get yourself off and it’s not enough but learning that you don’t have to be all that picky about who you can get off with (and I’m not talking about preferences) can go a long way toward not only physical satisfaction but emotional satisfaction as well; it does a mind good to know and accept that, you know, if ya wanted to, you can do it in the same-sex way and, oh, yeah, you’re not gay – you’re really just one of the many people who are doing what they need to in order to be okay with themselves and, for many, to feel whole, complete, and free from the chains of dogmatic believe.
Guys are finding this out and more than at any other time I can recall; it’s no longer a measure of last resort nor is it at the very bottom of the List of Ways to Get Off; it’s even more than just being able to get off physically because a lot of men are finding a great deal of emotional comfiture knowing that if they wanted and are able to, they could. After huge sips of coffee (and I need some more, by the way), I sighed to myself to think that this – this right here – is the aspects of male bisexuality that no one really talks about and definitely not in the way that I do; many are still hard at work trying to make sense of bisexuality in men and none of what I’ve seen written really speaks to men embracing bisexuality not just because they can but because they need to because the way we’re always supposed to go about love, sex, and relationships often just isn’t enough and, fuck no – it is not an indictment against women who can be more than a handful but it is about feeling whole, complete, and that now there’s nothing that feels like it’s missing even though for many, doing some stuff ain’t all that easy…
But that’s a topic for another time… and I really do need another cup of coffee.