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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The OTHER Anticipation

30 Jan

Heart pounding like a jackhammer; that weird sense of anticipation and trepidation that comes when your in a position and you’re just moments away from some other guy getting ready to push his cock into your ass and knowing that it’s going to feel good and not so much.

You look forward to it; you want it and not just because it’s something he wants to do but you know that it’s what really closes the circle when it comes to having sex with other men. Before he even gets around to pressing his knob against my well-lubricated hole, goodness; so many thoughts and feelings are running around inside of me. It’s not like I’ve never been here before and that this part of things is all that unknown to me since, and I’ll say a bit embarrassing, I’ve probably been fucked more than most women I know.

Not because I had “no choice” in the matter but because I wanted to; because it makes me feel a certain kind of way that conflicts greatly with what I’ve been told about what males should and should not ever do with each other… and then learning a different truth about this as well as understanding that our “job” as men – the thing we’re biologically hard-wired to do – is to fuck, to slide our dicks in and work them until we cum and, hopefully, the person we’re fucking will enjoy it, too. But it’s so very different when it’s you about to be fucked… and I know this. It excites me as much as it bothers me, not because I know that it’s going to hurt going in – you just train mind and body to get used to it and to even embrace the pain and discomfort of entry.

No… what “bothers” and excites me is how it’s going to make me feel, from feeling unnaturally dirty and filthy since, you know, he’s about to fuck me in my ass to getting a very good understanding of what it feels like to be a girl and there’s no telling how I’m going to be feeling once I feel his knob begin to press into me but I know that I’m going to like it… and not so much and knowing this makes the anticipation even worse… or better?

Even when I hear him ask, “Are you ready?” and I say that I am, I’m sure that I am… and sure that I’m not, too. Ideally, this shouldn’t be a problem because, again, it’s not the first time nor will it be the last time (unless I deem it so) but I also know it’s that voice in my head that likes to loudly remind me of how wrong this is and even more wrong that when, prior to assuming the position, I was sucking his cock and as if my very life depended on it… and maybe it really did but I don’t have time to ponder this because here comes the pressure…

Mind and body automatically relaxes, ready to embrace the discomfort and there’s a sense of helplessness in knowing that he’s now in control of how things are going to take place and I’m at his mercy and his own ideas about how to best get all of his cock into me; fast or slow does make a difference and while I know I can always say something about this, there’s something… exciting about remaining silent and as to see if he’s really as good at this as he said he was… and that I hope he is. I can feel those muscles whose job it is to keep things in protesting about being made to allow something in… and in the back of my mind, I actually “hear” myself laughing because it’s true that if something big can come out of there, something big – and even bigger – can go in there. I am so relaxed that if I relax any more, I might nod off for a moment and given how much effort I put into to giving his dick a very good sucking.

God… it hurts and hurts so good now that he’s in me; it’s scary good anticipation because I do not know what he’s going to do now that he’s in me and as far as he can manage; will he fuck me slowly and with tenderness… or is he going pause for just a moment before fucking me with short, hard, and fast strokes that will jar my body and shake my organs around in ways they don’t like being shaken? I can, if I wanted to, say something to him about that… but I also know that I can’t trust myself to say what I mean; how many times have I thought to tell him to go slow and easy… but what comes out of my mouth is something entirely different? Fuck me… make me feel you inside of me and fill me with your maleness and manhood.

I feel so… feminine that the man inside of me – and the man I know myself to be and without question – who should be very used to this, is having a fit along with that damned voice in my head that keeps asking me what am I doing and why am I not only allowing him to fuck me like a girl but I have the damned nerve to be liking it? Ah… he feels so good inside of me and while it doesn’t hurt a whole lot now, it still hurts so good; I can feel his cock against my prostate and no matter how many times I’ve felt this, it feels so weird feeling his cock knob giving it a good beat-down and making me feel things I still haven’t learned to put into words.

My own dick, which was very hard before he mounted me and inserted himself into my body, is not only soft but… diminished and so much smaller than what’s normal for me to be flaccid. Even as he continues to fuck into me, grunting and groaning and telling me how good my ass feels around his hardness, there’s always that one part of my mind that’s detached and not paying attention to the fact that I’m being fucked in the ass… and wondering how some guys can get fucked and their dick is as hard as steel the whole time. Then again, that might be because I’m laying on it and in my favorite and most preferred way to be fucked: On my stomach and with him lying atop me, thrusting over and over into me as I bear up – and enjoy – being fucked and having his weight pressing down on me. Ah… that just feels so good… and I’ve never understood why it does.

I love being fucked and as much as I don’t like it; I’ve learned that I really don’t like being fucked for a long period of time – and, again, something I know that women aren’t as fond of as us guys like to believe. I can feel the lube beginning to break down and become less viscous; I can feel the heat and friction of his cock inside me and it’s now becoming the kind of uncomfortable that I just don’t enjoy and never did. His thrusts into me are still jarring my body and I am oddly very much aware of how wide his prick has stretched my hole open to accommodate him and it all feels good and not all that much but I know that this is just what must be endured – and enjoyed – so that he will get to the moment I’m almost ashamed to admit that I enjoy the most:

When he cums inside of me; to be inseminated and exactly as I’ve inseminated so many men and women. I know what it means, what it implies and I always – always – remember that one time when a guy fucking me cried out that he was gonna cum and my idiot mind say, “He’s trying to get you pregnant!” Impossible, of course, but yeah – that’s the whole “thing” about unloading one’s seed into someone else in this manner. Even in my somewhat dream-like state, I know he’s getting close and mostly because he’s doing everything he can think of not to cum and this time isn’t any different from any other time I’ve been fucked; I’m getting… miffed because I want him to cum inside me and he’s back there fucking around and as to not just go ahead and do what the fuck I need him to do; otherwise, all of this has been for nothing, hasn’t it? But I know what to do and I do it; I tell him, “Stop playing around and bust that nut in me! Cum in me! Do it! Give it to me! I need it… and I need it now!”

Yeah, it’s a trick that I actually learned from women who’ve told me how to get a guy to cum when he’s taking his own sweet time about it… and they’re not feeling that. Indeed, there have been so many times when I’ve been impaled by a dick and I’ve hated him being in me so much that I’ve actually be silently praying for him to hurry up and cum so he can get the hell out of me. Yes… I could have demanded it and in the moment it stopped being fun and pleasurable and, yes… I have made guys get out of me when they’ve refused to immediately cease, desist, and withdraw immediately but I really do understand why some women won’t and don’t to this and why it makes sense to just let him finish. But this isn’t one of those awful moments; his cock has felt nice inside of me and my prostate has been nicely stimulated and all that… but now it’s time for the gravy on top of the whole thing.

I feel his cock swelling inside me, stretching my hole out even more and like that tends to do, it hurts really good; I hear him cuss; I feel him ram his cock into me as far as he can get it… and I can feel it pumping away inside of me and as always, it’s both an ugly and dirty feeling that also feels so goddamned good. I feel so… bitch-like and girly; it used to bother me a lot but I learned that if I embrace these feelings instead of fighting them, being fucked feels so much better, has much more meaning other than that which is obvious. There’s a kind of joy and even a sense of relief as his contractions in my ass begin to weaken and diminish; I can feel him starting to soften as he continues to fuck into me, milking the last dregs of cum. I can feel the feverish heat emanating off of him in waves as well as his sweat that’s been raining down onto me the whole time.

He’s beginning to withdraw and there’s a part of me that still wants him to stay inside me… but get the fuck out of me and it’s such an absurd thought that I’ve sometimes caught myself laughing at myself to be of such a confusing mind. I know his sperm is inside me and sometimes I can feel it there and depending on how much he’s unloaded into me, it’s already starting to ooze out and my hole is both pleasantly and unpleasantly sore and tender. And here’s the funny part: I’m glad that he’s finished and not all that happy that he is; I want him back in me because the part I really found that I don’t like is the emptiness he’s left me feeling; what an odd feeling that is and one that no one who has never been fucked could possible understand.

He’s telling me how good it was for him and, predictably, asking me if it was good for me and I say that it was and, often, let it go at that because I also know and have learned that there are some guys who really don’t want to know what I thought about being fucked by them or the truth that the only thing I really liked about it was the moment he shot his load into me. I’ve even had guys ask me if I came while they were fucking me and while I know and can tell him that having him inside of me gave me quite a few orgasms, that’s not what he’s asking; he wants to know if he fucked me so good that his cock in my ass made me bust a nut of my own.

And sometimes it has… but not as a matter of course and not this time; I can count on one hand the number of times a guy has fucked me so good that I’ve ejaculated and without my dick being hard. Nah… he doesn’t need to know this because I know how fragile the male ego really is – sometimes it really is better not to ask questions you really don’t want to hear the answers to. I used to feel bad about lying to a guy and telling him how good he was at fucking me… when the reality was that I had some regrets over the whole thing, well, until he did the one thing I like men doing – cumming in me, feeling his cock pulsing and pumping away in there… and knowing exactly what it all really means.

I don’t feel all that bad if his fucking left me feeling less than satisfied but I tell him that he did a good job anyway… and I do very much understand why women do the exact same thing. As we recover and decide on what, if anything, is going to happen next – there’s always this… argument going on inside my head: If being fucked can be so “iffy” and other such things, why do I want to be fucked and let certain guys fuck me? Um, because it feels good to be fucked and in ways that none of what I’ve written here today really does any justice to how it makes me feel.

Good. Sometimes not so much and more so if the guy was hammering me like he was trying to insert his whole body into mine. I feel… dirty and in a way that there’s no amount of soap and water that will ever make me feel clean again… and that’s not necessarily a bad thing every time and, yeah, not this time. I feel… like myself because part of who I am has an inner girl who not only loves to suck cock but also loves to be fucked. It exposes me, challenges my perception of being male, it make me feel… whole and complete and in a way not many can really understand. We’re looking at each other and I can hazard a guess as to how he might be feeling and it’s probably as good and as bad as I’m feeling. And the good and bad part?

My dick is back to being very hard and he sees that I am… and he knows that it’s going to be his turn to be fucked and to feel the anticipation and, yes, even some concern since he’s already spilled his load and I know his body is telling him that having more sex? Don’t even think about it! I know what he’s thinking; he really doesn’t want to be fucked but he wants to be and he even agreed, way back before any of this got started, that he wants to be fucked and have me bust a nut inside of him. He’s now feeling the same excitement and trepidation that I felt; I can feel it in his body as I slip my lubricated fingers into his tight hole and I’ve learned not to laugh – aloud – when thinking that his hole isn’t going to keep being this tight for very long. I can hear how he’s breathing and why he’s breathing the way he is, not just to relax and in anticipation of me invading his body but because he’s already spilled his seed, he’s really not feeling this so much… and I know this; I understand it; and it matters to me… and doesn’t as I position my lubed-up prick at the entrance of his forbidden place, and push…

The real truth, as I sink my dick into his body, is that I really kinda/sorta don’t want to fuck him but, at the same time, oh, yeah – I most certainly do and I’ve wondered why I tend to feel this way and it’s probably because I empathically know what he’s feeling as inch after inch of my hardness slides into him; I can feel his body trying to get me out of there even as it’s allowing me inside of him – and I know all too well what that feels like since my body just recently did the same thing to him. I can even feel his sperm still oozing out of me as I begin to fuck him; even though I still kinda don’t like this, it’s a silly thought because fucking feels so good; the slick tightness of his ass, the combined heat of our bodies and know that he’s feeling similar things that I felt when I was impaled upon his cock and making contact with his prostate. I know what he knows; I’m still oddly feeling what he’s feeling now and I know he’s waiting for that moment when he feels my cock swelling inside of him before it starts to pump my seed into him.

Dirty. Nasty. Generally accepted as forbidden and no matter if the person being fucked in the ass is male or female… but that’s also the fun of it all, to do the forbidden things that “decent” people are too afraid to experience. Ah… it feels so good to cum in him; it feels good to know that he’s feeling what I felt not that long ago when it was his dick making that nice, spermy delivery. I can feel the refracting setting in as I slowly withdraw from him – and the site of my cock in his ass did go a long way to making my release an even better one and, yes, my seed is starting to ooze out and I know he’s going to like that as much as I did… and not like it as much as I didn’t because that empty feeling is a bitch to deal with.

I don’t know about him but there’s never been a time that I’ve been fucked and I’ve not said, “I’m not gonna do this again.” I’ve said it; I’ve sworn to never be fucked and inseminated again; and I know it’s a lie I keep telling myself because there will be another time when I will want and need to be fucked and I’ll want and need this even when the next guy and I agree that there will be no fucking. I don’t know about him or any other guy in this… but I know myself. I know that I can happily be sucking on his cock or he’s sucking on mine and the next sound I hear is my own voice saying, “Fuck me… stick it in me and fuck me; I want you to cum inside of me…”

And the other anticipation – the anticipation of knowing that I’m about to get fucked – is so good and delicious and greatly satisfied as I feel his knob press against my hole… and slips inside to once again spread me open and it hurts so good and in a way that only feeling him cumming inside of me will make the pain go away and make all of this worth going through…

The thing I always take away from this… other than having a load of sperm inside of me? It’s an understanding of what women think and feel like when I want to fuck them and when I do; I know what it feels like to submit to something that, sometimes, you really don’t want to do but it’s gonna happen anyway because, well, it’s supposed to. I know, like they know, what feels so stupidly good about it… and what feels so terribly awful about being fucked and that, yeah – men are just not all that good at fucking as they think they are and that they tend to talk shit that they can’t back up with their body. I even know that men can cum too fast and sometimes before they can get the head into me – and it’s so annoying that I had to learn not to get pissed off about it and, given what I know about fragile male egos, learned to not make a fuss about it and more so since it’s not like I’ve not had that happen to me before – it just is what it is. But if he does manage to get the head in and then cums right then and there, well, hmm – didn’t he do what I wanted him to do? Yeah, he did and sometimes – and thankfully – it didn’t take him forever and one dark day to do it which is fine and dandy with me and, yep – I know what women know about this, too.

We’re done fucking each other and now it’s time to get cleaned up, get dressed, and go on about the rest of our day. My ass is sore but in a good/not good way that again makes me lie to myself and say, “We won’t be doing this again anytime soon…” while already thinking about what the next time is going to be like and beginning with the anticipation of feeling yet another cock knob pressing against my hole and being impaled upon his length and girth and being fucked by him for as long as it’s going to take to experience the best part of this nasty, dirty, invasion:

When he cums inside of me.

 
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Posted by on 30 January 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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