Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: No Right or Wrong Way

15 Feb

Lots of social discourse about what bisexuality is, what’s involved with being bisexual; how someone should be bisexual and other such stuff… and I sit back and take in all of these things – and right along with the quasi-political stuff going on – and I ask myself, “Why don’t they get it? How come they don’t seem to understand that there’s no right or wrong way to be bisexual and if there’s a wrong way, it’s knowing that you are and not doing anything about it, up to and including that they are?”

I see lots of stuff that attempts to definitively qualify and quantify bisexuality and with a lot of emphasis on gender and like that really makes a difference here but I’d guess that it’s just human nature at work when we find ourselves going out of our way to explain or define something that’s pretty self-explanatory; I continue to see people who have such great angst over the word itself even though they look like a duck and quack like one.

Things get so nitpicky that I see, on a daily basis, guys going back and forth about the right way to suck a dick and an insistence that one only sucks cock to please and satisfy the guy attached to it and even that one should forego their own need to be pleasured or satisfied or to even cum… and let’s not leave out that there must be genuine attraction first and foremost… but one shouldn’t just be attracted to the sex alone.

What to do. How to do it. Who to do it with. When and where to do it and, sometimes, why do it at all? On the ladies’ side of things, if they’re worried about anything, it’s finding someone who feels the way they do to either to just talk or, yep – do that other kind of talking. They have their own concerns, of course, but the thing I’ve noticed over the decades is that women just seem to roll with it without making a whole lot of fuss about it and I’ve rarely seen the kind of nitpicking that I see men doing. Clearly, everyone who is bisexual has their own thoughts about what it means to be bisexual and all that and, well, shit… it often cracks me up to see a guy say that this is how he feels, what he likes, etc., and then see other guys “give him da bizness” over his idea of what it means to him to be male and bisexual and like their own idea of this is the way it should be done and without exception.

Do they not understand that there is no right or wrong way to be bisexual? Do they not understand that if there’s a wrong way, it’s not being bisexual in the way you can, want, and need to be bisexual and that the reason you’re bisexual isn’t going to be the same as anyone else’s? I get to shaking my head watching them going back and forth about cock size and if you didn’t know that guys can be size queens, now you know… and I ask myself, “Do they not know that the size of the dick, first, is what it is and, second, as long as it works the way it’s supposed to – and its owner is gonna let them have fun with it – that’s the only thing that really matters?”

Um, apparently not, it seems although, in their defense, they do seem to understand the basic principles… but lets them slip in favor of that which they prefer – and then whatever that might be is forever inviolate and unchangeable and if you don’t prefer that which I prefer, well, what the fuck is wrong with you, homey? I often find myself “stuck on stupid” to see guys trying to intellectualize something that they really don’t seem to understand; more often than not, they’re just parroting things that I see in other places, like Twitter, or from “news sources” that are, at best, questionable in origin and their own purpose of trying to qualify and quantify an aspect of human sexual behavior that just defies those things. And, yes – I’ve been running my mouth about it here for quite some time and I’d have to say that what makes me different from other guys is that I know – and if no one else knows or believes it – I’ve spent almost the entirety of my life asking questions about bisexuality and finding the answers to them, based upon my own experiences and what I’ve learned from guys and gals wherever I’ve traveled in the world.

I kinda know a little something about this bisexual thing. Like them, jeez, there was so much stuff and bullshit I had to sort through and make sense of and at every turn asking, “Why?” and even as long as I’ve been pursuing the answers, I still haven’t been able to do what so many others are trying to do: Nail it down to one single kind of thing… because bisexuality is a lot of things that encompasses and includes everything it means to be human… but without differentiating between males and females. Not men or women but men and women; things like race, color, creed, economic status, levels of education, or other such things have no real meaning in this. It’s just sex and more than that… and what it is depends on what one needs, why they need it, so on and so forth.

Casual sex or relationship-based sex? Which is the right way and which is the wrong way… and why do we continue to believe that one is more right than the other? Well, we just do… but I know that there’s no right or wrong way in this – there’s only what the individual thinks is right or wrong but if you wanna have some fun, ask them why they think something is right or wrong and just listen to it and maybe you’ll see what I learned about this and where it all comes from… then you might be able to see and understand how bisexuality takes all of that stuff and just totally invalidates things.

Is it better to give than receive? A lot of guys believe that is is and they feel some kind of way about the notion of receiving; are they right or wrong? The answer is no… because there is no right or wrong going on here either. If you’re into being fucked, what’s right or wrong way to be fucked? Well, um, still no right or wrong way even in this but, er, given where the dick is going to wind up, there is some common sense to be observed but if you like it bare, well, you like it like that; if you like it covered up, ditto. What’s the best position? Um, whichever one gets the dick in you and you can be in without a great deal of discomfort… but, yep, some guys (and, dare I say, a lot of guys) are of a mind that if you’re not on your knees and with your ass in the air, you might be doing it wrong; if you’re not on your back with your legs widely apart or draped over the other guy’s shoulders, well, you might not be getting boned the right way.

And, yeah – if you and the guy you’re trying to have sex with aren’t into each other, you are most definitely going about this the wrong way and no matter what you are doing… or not doing. Do they not understand that this, while nice and all that, isn’t a hard-set requirement and that all the two guys need is having the desire to do each other and in whatever way they can agree upon? I watch guys “flying around” all over the place about being with younger or older men being the right or wrong ways to get one’s jollies when, in fact, the only real concern is whether or not the guy in question is legally old enough to consent to sex which is being 18 – your state laws about this will vary in some specific circumstances but, sure – if you’re both over the age of 18, you’re good to go and being 21, well, that’s just being more on the safe side of things. Otherwise, if Guy #1 is 23 and Guy #2 is 43 and both wanna do something, well, what are you waiting for, an engraved invitation or something?

HWP – Height/Weight Proportionate. Does it matter? Actually, it doesn’t but a lot of guys are of a mind that it does. Are they right or wrong? Actually, no – they aren’t… but get guys talking about this and having some popcorn or other snacks on hand would be a good thing because you’re gonna be treated to quite the show and performance. I’ve learned that if there’s something to be preferred above any other consideration, the guys in question should be healthy enough to have sex – and in every way that can mean; um, yeah, you’d probably not want to make a guy bust a nut and he keels over from a heart attack or stroke, huh?

Do they not understand that bisexuality is – and can be – so very damned diverse that, in any of this, there is no right or wrong ways involved… except those that we impose upon ourselves? Then the big one: Is it right or wrong for someone in a relationship to step outside of the relationship to satisfy their need for some same-sex involvement? We say that it is wrong; we say that if you gotta have it and getting it gives you great peace of mind and other senses of being okay with yourself, well, it sucks to be you… because you can’t have it and you shouldn’t even want it. And if you go ahead and get your freak on anyway, wow, aren’t you some kind of fucked up asshole or cunt? If you do not confess your sins and sinful thoughts to the person you’re with, yep – you’re most definitely doing the wrong thing and if you do the right thing and confess your perversion to them – and it fucks up your whole life after you do – well, tough titties: You shouldn’t have been thinking about or wanting to have something you aren’t supposed to think about, want, or even get.

This one gets very sticky, doesn’t it? It begs what I’ve learned is a very important question: If the person you’re with needs dick or pussy and you don’t have a dick or a pussy, um, how are you gonna provide them with what they need? You can’t, obviously but, again, the right way is that you shouldn’t ever want or need anything other than what you already have and the wrong way is for the person with this need to take matters into their own hands and get it anyway. Do they not understand that by denying them what they need causes more problems than them actually getting what they need? And the bad part? People know this… and don’t give a fuck; if he/she winds up being depressed or otherwise screwed up about themselves and their existence together starts to fall apart at the seams – and in some seriously fucked up ways – well, too bad, you pervert. How dare you want something that you’re not supposed to want! I should be enough for you and all that you’ll ever need!

Is it right or wrong to say, “It’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission?” Yes… and no, to be honest even though chances are that you might not ever be forgiven and getting permission seems to be impossible and assumed to not be worth asking for since you know for a “fact” that the answer is gonna be not only no but fuck no. Is it right or wrong to deprive one’s self or to suppress themselves and, in fact, put themselves at risk for some shit that can be very bad for them and those around them? Extremely sticky and messy situation and if bisexuals don’t agree on anything, we all agree that this is, hands down, the absolute worse situation a bisexual can be in… and there’s no right way to go about making it better without a great deal of suffering and/or loss.

Other than this, the thing I learned – and I learned it before I was even a teenager – is that there is no right or wrong way to be bisexual since one has to figure out what’s going to work for them and what ain’t gonna cut the mustard… and there is no way that I’m aware of that we, as a whole social entity, make a singular determination that covers every who is bisexual and anyone who maybe bisexual in future times. Does gender figure into the rightness or wrongness of how to be bisexual? Nope and if you think it does, you probably need to open a dictionary app and read the definition for gender. If you’re more about parts than hearts, are you doing it wrongly? People will say that you are… but I know that you’re not wrong to be into the parts since, uh, um, that’s what you’re into and, my goodness, aren’t the parts nice to play with?

The only wrong way to be bisexual is to not be bisexual in the way you want, can, and need to be; anything else is a matter of opinion and preference since we’re really not all the same when it comes to this. The factions trying to homogenize this is making a mistake: Taking the person, the individual, out of the equation. Insisting that bisexuality has to be a certain, all-encompassing way that might sound good… in theory… but when it comes to individual practical application? That all falls apart because bisexuality isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. There are untold millions of bisexual men and women and the one thing they have in common with me is that we’re bisexual – that sameness – but right or wrong tends to become a non-issue at the individual level which is just people being diverse… but not right or wrong in that sense if their idea of being sexually diverse differs from, say, my own… and it’s supposed to differ since, duh, we are different.

But we all are bisexual, well, those of us who actually are in thought and/or deed; there are many more who are… curious; what’s it like? How does it all work out? And even they are neither right nor wrong when it comes to pondering the nature of their curiosity; neither are those who learn and decide for themselves that, nah… don’t need the sex even though it might be nice… and they’re not wrong for making such a decision. Amongst us all, we’re either about the hearts, the parts, or all of the above and there’s nothing wrong with “picking” the thing that works best for your own sensibilities. It’s not even wrong to have dyed-in-the-wool preferences… but there are those who’d say that it’s right to not have them so solidly locked down because, if nothing else, you tend to wind up missing out on the thing you want and need as well as not really understanding how dynamically diverse bisexuality really is and can be.

The only right or wrong ways are those we create for ourselves and morality notwithstanding and even that says that if you’re not heterosexual, you’re just wrong… but do we not know that our morality isn’t quite right about that? Is there not one of us who thinks, “If being bi is wrong, I don’t wanna be right?” And are we really wrong for thinking and feeling this way? Yeah, there are many who say you are as wrong as it gets… but the reality says a very different thing, doesn’t it?

It’s a social bone of contention because we make it this way; it’s becoming a political one, too, because we make it this way and as if a political stance really makes a difference in this and as if we just do not have the right to self-determination when it comes right down to busting nuts and having orgasms. We’ve managed to, wrongly, I think, overly complicate bisexuality and removing the simplicity of it so that we can’t gird our loins, look at the person who’s the same sex as we are and ask, “Hey, do you wanna do it with me? Because I sure wouldn’t mind doing it with you!”

Why would you want to? Well, duh and really: What do you think? Do you really need a reason other than because you want to and if that’s the only reason you have, are you wrong for not having a more detailed reason? Depends on who you ask, huh? And can one be right or wrong when, at the end of any day, what they really want is to feel good about themselves and to make whoever wants to be with them in this feel good, too?

Nothing wrong about that from where I’m sitting and however one wants to go about this is up to them and certain legalities aside, there’s no right or wrong way to achieve this level of feeling good:

I just don’t seem to be able to understand why people don’t know this because it’s not really that hard of a thing to get one’s head around.

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Posted by on 15 February 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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