I think my brain is having “one of those days” because, out of nowhere, it got me thinking about some stuff about sex with guys, like, how many gay guys I’ve slept with versus the number of bi guys/very curious guys… and I looked at my coffee cup and wondered for a moment if there was something in there other than coffee.
But my brain wasn’t done; it wasn’t content with sorting that out and went on to remind me of what kind of sex I’d had with both… catagories of men, thinking about how they hit on me – blatantly or with much subtlety – and I took a sip of coffee and… yep, still coffee even though I may have shorted myself a few scant grains of sugar in today’s first cup.
Oh, yeah – this was getting crazily interesting and, as always and when my noodle gets to running away with itself, I didn’t question where all of this was coming from; I knew I had to write it all down before it got “erased;” and now it’s about just going along for the ride. My brain was even nice enough to remind me that I don’t have any angst or whatever toward gay men and pointed out that I should write that to let y’all know this as well; my brain is such a nice guy at times.
“Did you know that you’ve been fucked by more non-gay guys than gay guys?” my brain pointed out to me… and in the internal conversation I’m having with myself I was like, yeah, I do know that since, um, I was there remember? My brain “nodded” in agreement and went on to point out – and in its somewhat snarky voice, “Well, then you know that you’ve sucked more cock that wasn’t attached to a gay man… but have had more gay men suck your dick… but the numbers for guys who weren’t gay are pretty damned close, right?“
Yep, I know that, too; I’m not sure where my brain is going with this but as I said, I’m just going along for the ride at this point; it’s just better to let these moments run their course since when I get like this, it can be rather interesting. Then my brain switched gears and direction on me!
“Hey, do you remember that time when you and your boy “Finn” went to get some weed from this dude that Finn knew? You know, the guy with the Steinway piano?“
Does my brain not know that I do remember that? Sheesh. I “nod” to myself and urge my brain to get to the point it’s obviously trying to make.
“Well, you remember that you’re sitting at the piano and playing and while you were playing, home boy showed you those pictures, you remember, the ones where in one picture, two dudes were sucking each other in a 69 and, in the other, they were fucking… and then he asked you which picture did you like the most?“
I do indeed remember that and I remember how weird that moment was, up to and including the fact that this guy, who was obviously gay, was rubbing my back and kinda whispering in my ear about those pictures… and my boy Finn was sitting there trying not to laugh his ass off. I even remember looking at him and seeing him shrug like he was saying, “Hey, you’re on your own with this one!” I stopped playing since, for one, he was now rubbing my lower back and close to my ass and if it was his intent to distract me, well, it worked. That and he was still so close to me that he could have been in my shirt with me and waiting for me to answer his question… and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to answer it or not. But, eh, fuck it; I said that I more liked the picture of the two guys in a 69 than the guys fucking; I remember mentally slapping myself because I knew that the moment the words got out of my mouth, I knew what he was going to say next – and he didn’t disappoint in that regard.
“Yeah, I know you remember the look you had on your face when he said, “Well, come on – let’s do that one!” don’t you?“
Yeah, asshole – I don’t know why you keep thinking that I don’t remember it and before you see fit to remind me, yes – I very much remember the two of us in his huge poster bed and sucking each other off… twice. And, yes, I do remember that I enjoyed the fuck out of it and I definitely remember punching Finn dead in his face for not warning me that his weed dealer was gay and there was a chance he was gonna hit on me an, yeah, yeah, I remember that happened after Finn fucked the guy.
“I pointed that out to you to ask if you are aware that between bi and gay guys, almost all gay men have been so blatantly forward and in your face about getting with you… while bi guys were more or less subtle,” my brain said and, well, it was right, of course; if there was a thing I liked about gay guys, it was they had no shame in their game about what they wanted to do with me and letting me know in no uncertain terms. There were many times when a gay guy would look at me, start licking his lips or something, and let me know – with a great deal of confident certainty – that not only wanted to suck my dick, it would be better than I’ve ever experienced. And, um, sometimes, it was but I also remembered that, in a lot of those moments, the gay guy thought he was about to get with a virgin in these things… and got one hell of a surprise to find out that sucking dick? Not my first rodeo.
“How about that time when you went over to that gay dude’s place and he kinda got pissed off because, when he put on some gay porn, he caught you rolling your eyes over it?” my brain asked. Yep… I remember that time, too, as well as all of the times a gay dude threw on some gay porn and then asked me what I thought about whatever was playing… and getting miffed to hear me tell them that it doesn’t excite me one bit. I also remember being with guys who’s idea of throwing hints my way was to put on some straight porn but instead of offering up a running monologue about how hot the woman was, they’re trying to be, uh, nonchalant about the guy’s dick, how big it was, stuff like that.
I remember this one guy who was providing such a monologue and when the woman in the flick started going down on her on-screen partner, the guy showing the porno tried to sneak in his question: Have I ever wondered what it’s like to suck a guy’s dick or what it might be like to be fucked? I actually remember thinking – and while also thinking about whether or not I wanted to answer him – that gay guys are so much better about making their intentions known right up front. I wound up saying to this guy, “If that’s what you want us to do, why don’t you just fucking say it instead of trying to sneak it past me?” I went on to tell him that I didn’t have to wonder about either thing since I’d done more of it than he probably has and longer than he could imagine… and when he “formally” asked if we could do that, I said, “Nope…” and left.
I didn’t care if he was pissed off or not. While I do find the way some guys try to get into your underwear to be hilariously funny at times, I don’t like having my intelligence insulted; if you wanna do something, just fucking ask me if I want to since if you’re being honest about it – and not trying to “fake me out” about it, chances are I’ll say yes and having seen whatever porn is being shown has nothing to do with it.
That gay man I mentioned a few paragraphs ago? Oh, my goodness – he was royally pissed that I didn’t find the gay porn he was showing as interesting as he did and asked me why I didn’t. My answer was, “I’d rather do it than watch it on a screen…” and proceeded to blow his brains out to, ah, illustrate my point. The next time we got together, he didn’t bother to put on any porn.
“Of course I know you remember how many gay dudes were highly pissed with you because you aren’t gay,” my brain said and, boy, do I ever remember those times! The worst “insult” I’ve ever gotten from a gay man was him saying that he’d gladly suck my dick and let me fuck him if I hadn’t told him that I was bi and still liked that nasty-assed pussy. I’ve had more gay men just lose their shit because, for one, I made it clear that there was no dick on the planet that could make me give up women and pussy and being their boyfriend was out of the question. Bi guys get the “advantage” in this because if anything, they’d want to know if we could get together again at some point but being “boyfriends?” Yeah, let’s not and say we did. While my memory contains many instances where a gay man was all NSA about things, a lot of them just weren’t.
The good thing about all of this… comparative thinking is that I got to learn some important differences between my bi brothers and the gay ones… and I still don’t know why my brain chose this moment to remind me of any of this but, still going along for the ride anyway. Without any prompting from my brain, I remember the many times I’ve gotten into heated arguments with gay men who had a beef with me because I was one of those confused and in denial motherfuckers and I didn’t make the situation any better by saying, “You didn’t say that when I had my dick all up in your mouth/ass, did you? You didn’t seem to have a problem with me being bi then, did you? So, what are you really saying? That bi guys are good enough to have sex with but we’re all fucked up or some shit like that because we’re not gay? Is that what you’re saying?”
I very much remember saying that to a gay dude and, welp, he decided to take a swing at me. I was already pissed off at what he had to say to begin with and, well, let’s say that I’m sure he’d think twice about doing some dumb shit like that… and with someone who is, essentially, a trained killer. No, not to worry – I didn’t kill him but he did get his ass kicked. I don’t have much of a problem having such heated debates on bi versus gay – I expect it – but when you decide that you wanna resort to violence? I will make you regret it. One such guy said, after some really good sex, that he had a mind to slap the taste out of my mouth and actually drew his hand back… and I told him that if his hand even twitched a little bit, he’s gonna wake up in the ER because I do not play that shit at all. Get mad at me all you want… but keep your hands to yourself.
The good part is that while I had a few of those kinds of experiences, they’ve been far and few between. I don’t discriminate between bi and gay men but for those people in the “hearts, not parts” contingent, I very much pay attention to attitudes and mindsets when it comes to things M2M first and foremost. Some gay men are delightfully direct and have no shame about making their intentions known but some bi guys, well, not so much and it might take them a few to get to asking if we can do something and even then, it’s not what’s being asked but how it’s being asked. I don’t play “macho” games or get into all that alpha male bullshit since I’m just as alpha as the next guy and more bi guys seem to like this shit than gay guys I’ve run into. With gay men, you just know where they’re coming from but with bi guys, eh, not always which has always served to reinforce my three pieces of criteria and especially the last one: Don’t be my idea of an asshole.
It often pains me to know that I’ve run into more bi guys who were my idea of an asshole than gay guys who met or exceeded this one and there’s a reason for it… but one I can’t actually explain and more so when I’d probably still be writing this for a couple of days trying to really and truly explain it. I know guys who wouldn’t sleep with a gay man if they had to in order to save their life and I know gay men who wouldn’t sleep with a bi guy even if you threatened their life… and none of that really makes any damned sense but the short version, I think, is that both sides of this M2M coin have developed some “bad apple prejudices” about each other and have applied them across the board: If one is like this, all are like this. The ongoing “trend” of instant gratification plays heavily into this as well, methinks: I want what I want and in the exact way I want it and without exception… and I want it right the fuck now.
One of the things that I talk to Cityman about is how exasperated he gets when guys – and, it seems, mostly gay guys where he lives – tend to get very pissy with him because he’s not of a mind to drop whatever he happens to be doing in order to accommodate them and in ways that he’s not of a mind to do so… and there are a lot of both bi and gay men who have this very annoying and often very rude behavior. I’m able to remember all of the times some guy has gone on and on about how he’s going to fuck me and how I’m gonna beg him to fuck me… even though I made it clear that I’m not interested in fucking… and coming out their face like this does nothing other than to increase my disinterest… and, statistically, there have been more bi guys who behave this badly than gay men I’ve come across.
Yes, my runaway brain: I do remember this stuff and I can’t ever forget it. If my bisexuality has taught me anything of great import, it’s why women behave the way they do about men and, yes, brain, there’s a lot of stuff I’ve learned about men from women up to including even their tendency to make all of us guilty for any offenses one guy threw at them way back in the day or the last time they dealt with a dude. Male bisexuality isn’t all peaches and cream; it’s gritty and messy and heavily laden with a lot more internal prejudices than one can shake a stick – or a dick – at… and now I’m pretty sure that my mind decided to get into this… statistical comparison to keep me grounded and looking at this as realistically as possible and that it’s not so much what we can do with each other but, more often than not, how we go about things.
And being my idea of an asshole isn’t going to get anyone anywhere. If I don’t think that your head is in a place that I think is, um, conducive for us doing something, nothing is going to happen and trying to bullshit me or otherwise fake me out? Please… I’m a guy and, as such, I know how to play the game and, again, chances are good that I’ve been playing it a lot longer than they have and in some cases, well before a lot of guys were even born – the advantage of being an OG bisexual from back in the day. It doesn’t really matter if a guy is gay or bi but what does matter – what always matters – isn’t what they want to do:
It’s where their head is about it and even more important, where my head is about it, too. There are a lot of guys on both sides of the M2M coin who either forgot or never knew that you really can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. My brain did ask, at some point while I was typing all of this, “How many times have you said to a guy, “You can’t ask me any better than that?“”
Too many times and, statistically, it’s not a good thing and when it comes to bi guys versus gay guys in this, they’re about even in this regard and my brain, for some reason, saw fit to remind me that bi or gay, you stand a better chance of getting me naked by not being my idea of an asshole or otherwise trying to play or bullshit me.
“Okay – I’m done now,” my brain just informed me and, whew, I’m glad that this ride is over with – for now – and just as glad to have gotten all of this out of my head… and now I can stop and let my computer reboot after the Windows update finishes installing…