Twitter was kinda blowing up – again – with a lot of pro-bisexuality folks chiming in on some stuff that, after reading it, had me asking myself, “Where are they getting this stuff from?” One of the more populated tweets was about bisexual mental health and some provided sources one can check out for this and that’s all well and good… but it all made me wonder why so many people take for granted that being bisexual is mentally unhealthy to begin with.
I understand how discovering that you’re bisexual can fuck with your head because it’s one hell of a shock to one’s system and if one can’t deal with that, yeah, it’s not all that pretty, to be kinda nice about it. I read about how so many bisexuals are talking about how jacked up their mental state has become since being aware that they’re bisexual and the scientist in me asks why this happens in the first place? What’s the root cause at work here? There’s something else going on other than one having some mental turmoil over realizing that they’re not all that straight.
It actually didn’t take me long to get to the root cause and to have the thought that, okay, it’s unsettling for some to find that they’re bisexual but what I saw that tends to fuck up a lot of people’s mental health isn’t the fact that they’re bisexual:
It’s what everyone else thinks and says about it. It’s that ongoing angst we’ve always had about anyone who isn’t straight and our habit of doing and saying the nastiest things about and to anyone who isn’t straight. A lot of bisexuals are very concerned about what someone else is going to say about them being bisexual and once this concern takes root in one’s mind, unless they can learn not to be concerned about what someone else thinks – and their thoughts are in the negative – it’s going to fuck with their head. It’s a motherfucker and then some because we’d prefer for others to accept us as we are but when part of what we are is bisexual, we go right to assuming that it is a problem because we know that other people see it as a problem. And we have a very bad habit of “killing” problems rather than trying to resolve or understand them.
It’s easier to bad-mouth a bisexual and bisexuality than it is to accept that this is how that person thinks and feels and, yeah, even does some stuff about… and all over a standard of belief that – and I can never say it enough – not as correct as we’re supposed to believe it is. And, in the “easier said than done” department, it’s not all that easy for some to ignore the dogmatic rhetoric so that it doesn’t fuck with them. Yeah, even I had to get to a point in my life as a male bisexual and ask myself why I was getting so bent out of shape over what someone else had to say about my being bisexual. Part of the answer is that we do care or otherwise give a fuck about how others see us and what, if anything, they have to say or think about us and we always want those things to be on the good side of things and it usually is… until they find out that we’re bisexual – and here comes the drama and, as I came to learn, drama from people who really, truly, and actually have no idea what they’re talking about and more so when all of their objections and other negative shit stems from whatever religious beliefs they have.
That and, I hate to say it (nah, not really), they’re pretty stupid to be pitching a royal bitch about something that religion says shouldn’t happen… but it’s been happening just the same. Now it becomes a question of whether or not you’re going to let someone else’s ignorance fuck with you to the point where now you’re spending time seeing therapists and taking anti-depression medications, not because being bisexual “automatically” makes one depressed… but knowing that people are going to react badly to finding this out about you most certainly will.
And makes me ask, rhetorically and sometimes literally, “Why are you even listening to this crap?” The current pile of very smelly bullshit says that if you’re bisexual, you will greatly suffer from depression and statistics are being spun to say that bisexuals “lead the league” in mental illnesses and seeing this shit had me asking – rhetorically and literally – how is something that any human can experience be a bisexuality-only thing? Then you add in the power of belief to all of this: If you believe that being bisexual is a primary cause of being depressed, you’ve drank the Kool-Aid being served up by those who are anti-bisexual and, yep, that’s what you’re going to believe…
Making me ask who are you really going to believe: Yourself… or any of those idiots who insist that you cannot be what you know yourself to be? If you give the dumb shit any weight at all, it will fuck with your head and in some very un-nice ways. Add on the proven fact that humans don’t handle rejection very well and, yep, that’s some depressing shit and it will depress you but only if you allow it to. And, yes, I know that not everyone is or can be that mentally tough but, again, at some point, I’d think that a bisexual who is suffering from depression almost has to ask themselves why they’re feeling the way they are and if they do, chances are good that they’re feeling this way because whatever they’re thinking about what others will have to say about it is, in fact, the source of their depression.
Since this shit has been dumped around, I’ve had folks ask me if being bisexual depresses me and I don’t think they believe me when I say that it doesn’t. I had a stroke and its aftereffects are, all by themselves, pretty damned depressing; the state of things these days are, all by themselves, depressing as all get out… but being bisexual? Not even because I learned that the only way being bisexual can make me depressed is if I have reason not to believe in myself… because I sure as fuck ain’t gonna believe any of the shit people are saying these days. I am aware of it, of course, and I see what it’s doing to people and it is fucking with people because they’re not only listening to it but giving it weight it doesn’t deserve.
It’s pretty normal to think, “Shit, I’m bisexual… and I know some people who are gonna give me a lot of shit about it!” and then get your panties in a bunch thinking about all the drama you can face and on top of what the anti-bisexual faction has been putting out there and taking facts and spinning them to fit their negative views. If you can’t find it within yourself to keep your own counsel about being bisexual – and you’re paying a lot of attention and giving weight to the inaccurate shit being said, well, that can be pretty depressing and it’s not because this dumb shit exists:
You’re believing it. Maybe you’ve told family and friends that you’re bisexual and they’ve pretty much shit their pants over it and giving you all kinds of grief about it… and that just fucking hurts and that’s being really nice about it. It hurts so much that it can make you forget that you have a responsibility to yourself to be the best person you can be and that includes being the best bisexual you can be and in the face of much derision and prejudice. You tend to forget that this is your life and the only person who can live it is… you. If you’re out there trying to live your life the way someone else expects you to, well, do you not think that this is a problem?
And, yep, chances are you will wind up being in therapy and taking medications but if you can’t or don’t understand that depression isn’t a sexuality-only kind of thing, well, there’s your problem. If there’s a depressing problem with being bisexual, it’s not being and staying true to yourself and no matter what anyone else has to say about it. If you don’t understand that the anti-bisexual faction is going to do or say anything to validate their position that they’re right, well, why are you even taking any of this shit to heart?
If you don’t understand that no matter what anyone says or does, it’s not going to change the fact that you’re bisexual, yep, I can see why one would be depressed… but it’s not bisexuality that’s doing it and many bisexuals are their own worst enemy because, again, the tendency is to start thinking that everyone else is going to hate the shit out of you because you’re not straight and like you – and everyone – is supposed to be… and in the face of the certain fact that not everyone is straight.
Duh. That’s the part that makes me roll my eyes until they hurt: The continued belief in something that isn’t true and, again, with the evidence being all up in one’s face. What others think and believe is so far out of touch with the reality of things that if anyone should be depressed, it should be the people who have had their whole worldview destroyed to know that there are bisexuals and bisexuality is some very real shit.
And when you let other people make their problems your problems, yep, you’re gonna have problems and while I know it’s easy for me to say that you should never allow this, it’s not easy for others to do and one has to have the strength of will to believe in themselves and while being under fire being something that other people don’t believe in.
Being bisexual doesn’t fuck with me. This pain-in-the-ass ache in my left shoulder does; the non-stop neuropathic pain left behind from my stroke is very damned depressing and, oh, yeah, I have polycystic kidney disease that has no cure and it may or may not kill me and that’s even more depressing and would be if I allowed it to fuck with my head and, to be honest, with the level of pain I’m always in, I’m surprised that I’ve managed to remain sane. This is some depressing shit… but my bisexuality?
Not even depressing. I know what others have to say against it is bullshit; it’s their own fears and continued belief in shit that has never been true that’s driving all of the shit being said against bisexuality. I hear it; I know about it; doesn’t and never will change or impact the fact that I am bisexual. It’s easy to say that if I can do it, anyone can do it and that’s more hubris than fact because it obviously cannot be done by a whole lot of people. But what I do know – what I’ve learned over all of the time I’ve been bisexual – is that if you’re depressed, the main source of your depression isn’t that you’re bisexual but the negativity, prejudice, and outright hatred others have will keep fucking with your head until you learn or figure out not to let yourself be bothered by the dumb shit and be and remain true to what you know yourself to be.
Once upon a time, I was doing what others are doing today: I was letting what other people had to say bother the shit out of me and it wasn’t their fault that it was: It was mine. I was my own worst enemy; I let them make their problems with not being straight my problems… then I learned not to do this to myself and if/when anyone else saw fit to want to give me grief about not being straight? Let them… because nothing they can say or do was or is going to change the fact that I am bisexual and I’m okay with being bisexual.
And I have more and better things to worry about that letting others make me depressed over something they think they know… and don’t know a damned thing about. Being bisexual, in truth, is no more hazardous that being straight or gay because the common denominator here is that we are all human and we are all subject to the frailties that comes with being human and always subject to man’s inhumanity to man which includes our inherent fear of the other or, if you’re not like us, you’re against us and our habit of killing anything we don’t understand and/or isn’t like us. either literally our with our prejudicial thoughts, behaviors, and words.
And if you let this shit depress you, well, stop doing that because it really is in your best interest not to let that happen. It is a matter of great concern and let’s not make any mistake about this but the key to dealing with depression isn’t so much what is depression you but why something is and, I’d dare say for the most part, if you’re bisexual and depressed, chances are you’ve done this to yourself… and there’s a whole lot of people who are more than willing add on to your woes… and you’re letting them do it to you and not in, let’s say, a fun way when it comes to someone doing it to you (wink, wink).
Some folks get depressed over not being able to do anything about their thoughts and feelings and this, too, is some very real shit and many who are tend to blame everyone else for the way they’re feeling when, truthfully, the person responsible is… themselves and, I’d say nine out of ten times, because they’re worried sick about what someone else is going to say or think about them or they’re more concerned over the consequences of their actions more than they’re concerned about their own well-being and especially their mental wellness… and far too many people are just too willing to sacrifice their own mental wellness in favor of someone else’s sensibilities. I get it and because I used to do the same thing… then I stopped doing it and the consequences be damned because if there’s something I believe in the most, it’s Rule Number One:
Look after you own ass first and all that crap about sacrificing yourself for the greater good? Oh, hell, no, and more so when there are few people who’d do the same for you. If you don’t look after your own ass, who’s supposed to? Who is going to?
And, importantly and in line with Rule Number One, if you feel or believe that being bisexual is negatively affecting your mental health, go get help for it and do it now and don’t kid yourself into thinking that you can handle this all by yourself. There is no shame in seeking the help you need so that you can be okay with yourself and do not let anyone tell you that you’re wrong for taking care of yourself in this or anything else that depresses you.