I get to see guys talking about having their first time having sex with other guys; they can be wary, leery, a bit paranoid, definitely hesitant and uncertain; some seem to lack confidence, feel some kind of way about their dick (usually not good), tend to overthink things, and of course, overly worried about someone finding out what they did. On the more positive side, they’re excited, eager and just chomping at the bit to have their first experience and their minds are overflowing with how they’d want that first experience to go and, often, consisting of every fantasy that’s ever gotten their dick hard.
Some guys have a definite thing in mind which is often exactingly detailed from the first meeting right through what will happen after nuts get busted – and that, of course, includes all of this happening with the right guy they’ve decided is the right guy for them to have that first experience. All of this is all well and good… and probably the biggest mistake a lot of guys make that has a Murphy’s Law-like tendency to prove something the military has proven to be true:
No plan survives first contact with the enemy. The reason why this is true is that you can sit down and plan something out to the nth degree while trying to predict how the other guy is going to react and based on whatever information they have on hand… except, uh, military planners can never fully account or foresee the enemy doing something other what they think they might or can do. It’s no different from putting a plan together to have that first experience; even if you get to know the guy and well enough to decide that he’s gonna be the one to, um, take your cherry, the thing you don’t know – the thing you can’t know – is what is going to be taking place in his head as things begin to happen.
So many guys have that storybook first time thing in their head… and so many guys get totally and completely disillusioned and disappointed when things don’t go the way they wanted and/or expected them to and now they’re sitting back wondering how it all went wrong and having great regrets over wanting to do whatever happened in the first place. They’ll blame the other guy for messing it all up and especially if, during whatever’s going on, homey deviates from the agreed upon plan but, really, the person to be blamed is the guy who set this “perfect scenario” up in their mind and then expected it to go as planned because it’s also been proven time and time again that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong.
When I’ve sat and talked to guys looking for their first time, it’s pretty normal for them to ask about what they can expect and depending on the first-time experience they’re looking to have and, for the purpose of this scribble, we’ll go with the thing most guys experience: Oral sex. It’s one thing to sit and talk about sucking dick and in great detail and, really, how hard can it actually be? It can be harder than you think it is; you can plan it out in your head and be totally amped up to finally experience it and the moment it’s time for some sucking, it can go wrong right off the bat because, as I’ve written time and time again, it’s a whole different thing when there’s a dick in your face waiting for you to do something to it and just as different to watch a guy opening his mouth and lowering his head so he can suck your dick.
There are all kinds of things that can go wrong and, again, beginning with expecting it to go the way one envisioned it… which is why one of the things I’ll tell a first-timer is to not expect anything other than we’re going to try to do this. It’s very normal to have expectations and more so over something that, for the most part, you know about… and not so much. And, to be honest, a lot of first times go very well and with few or no hiccups… but not always. I personally like it when a guy says – and honestly – that he doesn’t really know what to expect; that tells me that he’s aware that thinking about it and doing it are very different. There are the guys who are so amped up to experience this that they’ve made up their mind that no matter what happens, they’re gonna do this and come hell or high water. My “problem children” are always the guys who have a plan about how this is gonna happen and I’ve learned that with such guys, even the slightest deviation from their plan will make the whole thing go down the drain and, usually, in a hurry.
I’ve had guys lay out their plan for dicks to get sucked and, sometimes, in some detailed ways that either gets me trying not to laugh at them… or makes me very worried. One of the things that’s known to go wrong is guys saying that they want to suck my dick… but I can’t cum in their mouth. Now, you might think that this is an easily avoided situation but it makes the assumption that I – or, really, any guy – can prevent themselves from cumming… which is exactly why proper cock sucking etiquette pretty much demands that if he’s sucking your dick and you’re about to lose it, you tell him so he can move away. I’ve sat with such guys and they’ve asked me how they can suck dick but not get cum in their mouth and I’ll tell them honestly that the best way to avoid getting a mouthful of cum is to not suck dick at all (other than using a condom but a lot of guys, well, they ain’t gonna do that).
Even giving the warning doesn’t always go well since getting to the point of no return can show up quickly and hit the guy being sucked so hard that he might have planned to issue the warning… but that moment has chucked the plan out the window… and now the guy who expected to not get his tonsils creamed is getting their tonsils creamed… and not at all happy about that. Or, my other favorite, those guys who have said that they want their dick sucked… but don’t make them cum. I understand this and it’s not all that unreasonable since – and, again, as I’ve written time and time again – once a guy cums, it’s game over for them. Except, the fly in the ointment is guys tend to think about women sucking them and them not allowing them to cum so they kinda get it into their head that they’re going to be able to stop themselves from cumming, you know, provided that the guy sucking them can pick up on the signs that homey is about to lose it and just stop.
Yeah, well, nope. What a lot of guys don’t know – and because there’s no way for them to know – is how their body is going to react and because it’s a guy doing the sucking. My personal record for getting a guy to cum is… ten seconds. And all I did to him was suck on his nuts because, well, he had asked me to do that first. I got down there and started sucking his balls and ten seconds later, I heard him yelp, “Oh, shit!” I looked up at him… and got a face full of spunk. He wasn’t happy about that (and, truthfully, neither was I but it was an accident) and even said that it wasn’t what he had expected. But in doing my due diligence, I had told him that whatever expectations he had in mind before we get started? Get rid of them because there’s no telling what’s really going to happen until it actually does. The good part for both of us is that he did officially get his dick sucked but in the time it took for him to recover, I had to explain to him that neither of us did anything wrong – you just can’t have an expectation about how something is going to happen and then expect it to happen like that.
I’ve had guys, after the fact, be totally bummed out and usually because what we did didn’t go the way he had expected or, in the devilish details, he didn’t feel the way he had thought he would. Ditto for those guys who got it into their head that just being able to take a dick in their mouth at all was gonna be easy and a no-brainer… then, in that moment of truth, they find out that, nope, can’t bring themselves to do it… and their first time wasn’t even close to the one they imagined and/or expected. I’ve had guys practically lose their shit and get to feeling some kind of way because they expected to get their dick sucked and bust the biggest nut ever… and the reality was that they couldn’t even get hard. Not my fault… but definitely theirs because they let whatever was going on in their head cause their body to not react as expected. I’ve told them, at this very embarrassing point, to stop thinking about it which, of course, is easier said than done. Likewise, I’ve had guys not cum at all and even though I explained to them that, yep, it’s very possible that one can get so excited about this that they can wind up overstimulating themselves and, nope, busting a nut ain’t gonna happen.
So many thing can go wrong and the things that usual do go wrong are the things that no one thinks will go wrong. It’s one thing for a guy to tell me that he’s kinda sure that when it’s time to do it, he hopes I don’t get angry with him when he chickens out; at least he’s aware that he might not be able to go through with it. But those guys who are 100% sure they’re not gonna chicken out? Yeah, that. And the number one culprit is usually having expectations that, honesty, cannot always be met since, again, thinking about how this is going to go just might not match the reality of how things can happen… or not.
In my early cock sucking days, shit… I don’t know how many times I kicked my own ass when a cock sucking session didn’t go the way I expected it to and because it didn’t, fuck, it just had to be my fault that things didn’t go as expected. I’m not going to say that in some of those times it wasn’t my fault… because it probably was or I know for a fact that I screwed it up for both of us. But I also began to understand that when a blow job goes wrong, um, it’s not because of anything I did or didn’t do and it wasn’t one of those situations where shit just got fucked up and for no apparent reason and neither of us were to blame… because it’s almost impossible to account and “plan” for every little thing that could go wrong. And, yeah, if things didn’t go well or right, it was because I expected it to… and I shouldn’t have.
First-timers wanna know how not to be disappointed and I tell them that the best way to not be disappointed is to not expect anything to happen before it actually does and then, whatever happens, just happens and if it doesn’t, well, sometimes, shit doesn’t happen and it’s not always someone’s fault that it didn’t. The actual physical act of sucking a dick and being sucked isn’t the no-brainer it can be assumed to be and more so when the one thing that can fuck everything up tends to happen within one’s own skull. As a first-time provider, I’ve learned that if I expect anything, it’s to expect the unexpected and, yeah, I know, that sounds kinda weird since I’ve already said that the best way to go about sucking dicks is to not have any expectations but this is the one exception to the rule. Even I don’t know what’s going to happen and that includes anything that might go on with myself.
Guys get to talking about their thoughts and feelings and, yes, their expectations and it’s good to let them talk about these things so I can tell them to let all of that go and just let whatever is going to happen, happen. Stop thinking about it. Relax as much as you can and just breathe; you might be surprised at how something as simple as not breathing can make the whole thing go wrong; I’ve seen guys hyperventilate or start holding their breath – and almost pass out… and I’ve had a couple of guys pass out. Things like cumming “too soon” or not at all can be devastating for a first-timer and, yep, not getting hard or losing their erection along the way can have the same effect and impact.
Of all of the things I associate with giving a guy his first experience, the one thing I’ve learned to not like so much is doing damage control which is very damned important just the same. Things in this just do not always go as expected. Like the guy who busted in ten seconds flat? It took me almost an hour to get him to understand that what just happened can happen; not anyone’s fault and I wasn’t going to blame him for something that I know he has no real control over and that there was no way he could have imagined that what did happen was going to happen. He was mortified and embarrassed and I had to convince him that there was no reason for him to feel the way he was feeling – it happens but, yes, I understand that it’s a whole and very different thing when it happens to you and when you didn’t expect it to.
If there’s a “real” problem, it’s having expectations. It’s normal to expect that some cock sucking is going to happen and it’s just as normal to expect that the unexpected isn’t going to show up and fuck everything up… but you gotta know that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong – and then don’t think like that. A guy asked me what expectations I had when we were talking about sucking each other off and I think he was surprised or baffled when I said, “I don’t have any expectations.” I knew what I wanted to do but experience had taught me a long time ago to not expect anything before the fact and that includes anything happening at all – and then, if/when it all goes wrong, don’t get all fucked up in the head about it because shit happens and almost always when you don’t expect, want, or need it to.
For some guys, it can go wrong before they can even find themselves in the situation of making their first experience real… because they have some very specific shit in mind that, again, includes their ideal guy to have that first experience with and, of course, what goes wrong is not being able to find him and that gets compounded because a lot of guys are looking for that ideal guy… and quite unwilling to put in any work toward finding him… and if he even and really exists at all. Sometimes, things go wrong just because they can but usually? They go wrong because the person expecting it to go as planned got it into their head that things were going to go as planned, wanted and, yes, expected.
No plan survives first contact with the enemy… and not every first experience does, either… or any experience for that matter. At best, one can always hope that nothing does go wrong and, ideally, do not get it into your head that it will go wrong because, another of those things I’ve never pretended to understand is the uncanny “ability” for a guy to just know it’s going to go wrong… and that’s exactly what happens. Realistically – and because I can’t think of a better word – you fix it in your mind that this is what you want to do and that you’re going to do everything you can to make it happen and even know that it might not happen as expected or at all… then push all of that out of your head and just let whatever’s going to happen do just that. Don’t wanna deal with spunk? Wrap the dicks up in latex. Got concerns about performance? Cumming too soon or not at all? Hard to convince yourself not to get such thoughts in your head but you gotta learn not to let any such thoughts run wild since chances are that having such thoughts will lend themselves to things going wrong.
I talk about being in the moment and can’t say enough about how important that is… and how hard it is. Guys tend to think about the end of things – busting a nut – and they tend to get fixated on this and so much that they wind up not being in the moment – not being in the here and now – but envisioning a future event that hasn’t happened yet… and might not happen at all. It’s okay to say to yourself, “I’m looking forward to sucking dick and being sucked and cumming!” but when it’s moment of truth time, it’s not all that easy to set all of those before the fact thoughts aside and just be in each and every moment and going with them as they progress… and, yeah, again, if they do at all. Expectations are nice… but the sheer reality of things often turns out to teach someone that things just do not unfold as expected… so don’t expect anything until something actually happens and then be only in that moment.
I know… it sounds counterproductive and even counterintuitive, doesn’t it? That’s probably because it is… and not really when you consider that in almost every situations where something M2M goes wrong, it’s not always because of something you didn’t foresee – it’s something you expected to happen including that something was going to happen at all. Making all of this even more problematic is… human nature. Much of our lives is centered upon cause and effect and computer programming-like thinking – if, then, else. Those three conditions opens up a Pandora’s Box of potential probabilities, outcomes – and in this case, that’s literal – and alternatives and all based upon whether things turn out to be to true or false. It’s the way we think and there’s not much we can do about that…
And to make it through a first time sexual situation with another guy, sometimes, it pays not to think. Be concerned; be “worried” about whatever has you concerned and before anything gets started, voice these things and have them addressed. Then, when you think you’re ready to do the deed, relax as much as possible, don’t forget to breathe, and just let it happen and unless something happens to really screw up the moment, well, just be aware that it could happen and, hopefully, the guy giving you your introduction has been considerate and honest enough to tell you that you can stop everything in its tracks at any time you want and need to… and it’s no big deal.
Experience has taught me that when a guy goes into this with some very specific shit in mind about what’s to be experienced, how it’s to be experienced, and how they expect to feel when it’s all said and done, ugh – sometimes, it just opens the door for shit to go wrong because, as previously mentioned, Mr. Murphy lives for being able to fuck up someone’s most deepest desires. And what can really bake one’s noodle is that sometimes something “has” to go wrongly so one can learn how to achieve the right, desired, and expected results.
The glorious and mind-blowing first time does happen… and sometimes it just doesn’t. No one wants to wind up being disappointed and all that and there’s no easy way to avoid it other than, I think, not to set yourself up to fail by letting your expectations dictate things, uh, let’s say, too much.