Twitter was a-buzz yesterday speaking out about the plight of all those bisexuals who are, bluntly, feeling very shitty about being bisexual due to biphobia and the call continues to resound throughout the Twitterverse that more and better mental health care is a very much needed right and one that’s being denied to those who need it.
That one is going to hear the bullshit over being bisexual is a given; the stereotypes and misconceptions are way older than I am and, again, only and really serves to shine a light on how ignorant and hidebound we are about the nature of what we are and can be.
My question to the Twitterverse, when I first saw this blowing up was, “Why are you listening to the dumb shit?” Not surprising to me was that none of the tweeters providing this information bothered to respond to my question and, yesterday, it seemed that a lot of bisexual tweeters are still listening to it. Maybe twenty or thirty years ago, some folks I knew – both male and female – were feeling some kind of way about being bisexual; even way back then, there were grumblings about how fucked up it was to be a greedy switch-hitter who couldn’t pick a side and stay on it along with the usual anti-homosexual rhetoric and they wanted to know how to not let this crap bother them.
My answer to each of them was… don’t listen to it. Don’t let anyone who proves that they have no idea what bisexuality is tell you that it’s fucked up for you to be this way. Of course, they all said that one couldn’t help but hear this stuff and I agreed that this is true… but you don’t have to let it fuck with you like this. One woman asked how and why none of the dumb shit seemed to bother me and I told her, “I know what I am and why I am this way – and I believe in myself more than I do anyone else and especially those who don’t know what they’re talking about…”
Biphobia is only “real” because we made it real; we allow it to be a thing even though it is within our nature to give voice to that which we have fears about. Phobias are defined as being irrational fears; doesn’t mean that, say, someone who suffers with astraphobia – that’s the fear of thunderstorms – isn’t fearful due to being traumatized in some way and it’s some very real shit to them but they also know that they shouldn’t be fearful of thunderstorms. Still, it is a part of what we are to be fearful of that which we don’t understand; to be fearful of that which is different from us; and in a lot of fearful situations, we do our best to “kill” that which makes us afraid. When homophobia was running rampant, a lot of homosexuals literally lost their lives because of this irrational fear others got on board with. Today, there’s much talk about bisexuals being subjected to all kinds of violence and if there’s something bisexuals should be wary of, it’s this particular thing because, well, some people aren’t intelligent enough to handle a situation without being violent.
Otherwise? All that crap about bisexuality not being real and the continued insistence that it’s just homosexuality in disguise? It makes no sense to pay attention to this and more so when you consider that, again, the people putting this dumb shit out there really and truly have no idea what they’re talking about and that the shit they keep throwing at bisexuals isn’t new shit at all: It’s the same shit I’ve been hearing since 1964.
Okay. Being bisexual is troubling enough and depending on when the bug bit you. In conversations with Cityman about this, he’s asked why none of this biphobia stuff bothers me and I said it was simple: I’ve been this way for a very, very long time and I know bullshit when I smell it… so while I’m aware of what’s being said, it doesn’t have any impact on me because I know who and what I am and I’m very okay with it so people riffing about me being all fucked up in the head because I’m neither straight or gay gets ignored… because I know that they have no idea or clue about what they’re fussing about… that and it’s the same shit I’ve been hearing damned near all of my life.
I’ve explained this to folks and they’ve said, “You make it sound easy…” and, well, it is but only if you can believe more in yourself than you do in what other people have to say about this that’s obviously both negative and lacking in actual facts. Okay… some people have biphobia and, well, it sucks to be them since living a life in fear isn’t a life worth living but just because they’re irrationally fearful of bisexuals means that I’m going to buy into this fear since, um, I know that I don’t have anything to be afraid of. I understand that we – humans – are quick to let our prejudices run things and letting that ingrained fear of the other overrule our intelligence. I understand that mixed in with the bullshit is some truths and I understand that we’d rather believe the bullshit and invoke blanket condemnations.
Biphobic people think they’re right and justified in their phobia… and I know they aren’t. They allow their fears to make them foolish and, well, I’m happy to let them wallow in their fearful ignorance and, most important, I’m not going to be fearful of something I understand – and I wouldn’t even if I weren’t already bisexual. I see and hear this biphobic shit; I see and hear how it’s fucking people up and when I looked for the root cause, it was clear to me that some bisexuals are, indeed, all fucked up about being bisexual… because they’re listening and paying a lot of attention to the dumb shit and, worse for them, they believe it.
I do very much agree that if all of this crap is fucking with your head in negative ways, by all means: Seek and get some professional help and do it yesterday. And while you’re working on this, um, stop listening and buying into the biphobic bullshit. Trust and believe in yourself first and foremost; you might not know why you’re feeling the way you are but you do know what you’re feeling.
Quite a few years ago, I was conversing with a bisexual advocate about things bisexual and they thought it would be a good idea for me to come speak at their next gathering and I actually declined because I wasn’t going to pay lip-service to bisexuality and that some feelings were going to get hurt when I started talking about how fearful they are about some stuff they shouldn’t be all that fearful of. I told the advocate, “Yeah, no – I’m sure that I wouldn’t get five minutes into my speech before the room cleared out like a fire drill or I’d get booed off the stage…” When they asked why I felt that way, I again told them that talking to them about how I handle bisexuality is going to hit them with some truths that should be obvious and ones that they should be paying more attention to instead of pissing their pants over what other people have to say and are saying.
“I’m going to tell them some truths they’re not gonna want to hear,” I said. “I’m not going to get up there and lie to them; I’m not ever going to blow smoke up their asses and I’m definitely not going to be all politically correct in what I have to say – I’m not a pie-in-the-sky kind of bisexual and I’m sure as hell not going to tell someone something just because that’s what they wanna hear.”
And considering that they were insisting that I not only write down what I was going to say, they were going to screen it and edit it accordingly? I wasn’t having any of that; if I’m going to speak to a group about being bisexual, I won’t be wearing kid gloves because I know what’s good about it and I know the ugliness that comes with it as well… and I wouldn’t be true to myself to not speak to all of what I know and have learned.
They agreed that it would be best for me not to speak to their group. Still, they did ask me how I dealt with the stigma of being a male bisexual and my answer was, “I don’t deal with it; I don’t really pay attention to it because I don’t have to. I understand the stigma; I know the source of it and I know why it exists… and it’s bullshit and I have better and more important things to do and pay attention to other than a bunch of rhetorical bullshit.”
I actually had someone tell me that if I don’t acknowledge biphobia as a clear and present danger, I’m just contributing to it and that I was clearly suffering from some internalized biphobia of my own. Are you fucking kidding me? Let’s see… I’ve been bisexual since I was nine years old and you’re trying to tell me that I’m irrationally fearful of something I know myself to be and something that I’ve proven to myself time and time again? Really? I said to them, “Look, just because you’re afraid of it doesn’t mean I or anyone else has to be afraid of it; you’d do well to not let your own fears make you foolish…”
The thing I learned to understand a long time ago now is that no matter what anyone says or tries to do, it’s not going to stop me from being the way I am. I’ve heard some pretty awful shit from people about it and those who tried to do something about it, well, let’s just say that they won’t be doing that again since I tend to be the last person you’d wanna fuck with like that. None of the stuff that seems to be a pandemic in its own right where bisexuals are concerned doesn’t bother me… because I don’t allow it to and while all of this is new to a lot of people, it’s not new to me: It was bullshit back in 1964 and it’s still bullshit in 2021. I know about it but I’m never going to let the fears other people have affect me other than to maybe feel sorry for them in some way.
One of the things I noticed from what I’ve been seeing on Twitter is that there are a lot of advocates who do, indeed, think this is a wholesale pandemic that affects all bisexuals and, um, well, no – it doesn’t. Stuff like being depressed isn’t totally in the wheelhouse of bisexuality; neither is being subjected to domestic violence and, being blunt, anyone can catch something nasty from someone else and sexuality doesn’t have much to do with that, either. Lots of emphasis on self-care and I’m all for that but from where I’m sitting – and where I’ve been sitting all this time, self-care begins with not listening to bullshit that you know doesn’t apply to you and, again, even more so when the people flinging the bullshit and drowning in their self-induced biphobia doesn’t have any idea of what they’re talking about; they can’t tell the difference between bisexuality and homosexuality… and that speaks volumes to me.
Or as I said to someone who tried to give me some grief about being bi, “What part of I love women and pussy didn’t you understand?”
And then there’s this: We have throughout history pitched a bitch about homosexuality and that it wasn’t real and it’s abnormally unnatural… and none of that did a damned thing to get rid of homosexuality, did it? So what makes people think that vilifying bisexuality is going to do anything? People were bisexual before all of this biphobia shit went “viral…” and despite that, people are still bisexual and, indeed, more people are opening themselves up to bisexuality because – and as Cityman again loves to say – “Why not?”
How… idiotic is it for people to be ranting, raving, and pitching a bitch over something they say doesn’t really exist? And, yeah… I’d love for you to think about that one for a moment and perhaps you’ll see why none of this shit bothers me and, if you’re bisexual or even leaning that way, you shouldn’t be bothered with it either. True enough: A lot of people aren’t going to like you because you’re bisexual but I’m here today to tell you that if you let them stop you from being the kind of person you know you want and need to be, well, what’s wrong with you? Is this your life to live… or theirs? I do know that getting dissed because I’m bi doesn’t feel good at all… and none of that heartache has done a thing to stop me from being what I need to be in this. None of it.
Because I know that the only thing I can be is… myself. If you don’t like what I am, you just don’t like it. I may or may not even give a fuck that you don’t like what I am. I know there’s nothing you can say to me that I haven’t heard already and heard it a lot; I know that there’s a good chance that whatever you might say is just some shit that has been said over and over and over for a very damned long time. There is a chance that you just might have found yourself in a bisexual situation and it went all kinds of wrong – because I know it can – and, as such, whatever you have to say about it is based on that alone and, you know, since you are human, I know that you’re going to be of a mind that just because it was all fucked up that one time, it’s always going to be fucked up and I know that no one is going to tell you any different…
Which makes you trying to tell me to not be the way I am pretty silly, doesn’t it? The fact is that I know a lot about being bisexual and if you’re riffing at me about it, I’m pretty sure that you don’t know jack shit about it and, again, you’re just parroting some dogmatic shit that I’ve already proven to myself is… dogmatic bullshit. If all this crap is bothering the shit out of you, I have just one question for you:
Why are you still listening to it? The follow-up question is why are you believing it? And, finally, who are you gonna believe more: Yourself… or a bunch of people who clearly have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about? Oh, what about the statistics? Well, what about them? I happen to be an expert in statistical analysis – my job required me to be one – and I know that I can take some data and make it say anything I want it to… and I do mean anything. I sit and watch bi guys shit all over themselves because the CDC says that if you suck a man’s cock, there is a 4% chance of getting something other than sperm in your mouth; the part they’re not paying attention to?
There’s a 96% chance that all you’re going to get in your mouth is a dick and some sperm. There are stats for instances of sexuality related domestic violence and people buy into the percentages of it happening… and just overlooking the larger percentage that says it won’t happen to you. Same with being depressed and this one really makes me roll my eyes because the data is being interpreted to say that if you’re bisexual, you will become clinically depressed but totally glossing over the obvious fact that people suffer depression… and sexuality has nothing to do with it. They would have you believe that all bisexual women everywhere in the world are being subjected to rape and other forms of violence when, in actuality, the percentages are small and doesn’t include shit that hasn’t been reported – and even if it’s happened at all.
They want you to be afraid and I think they’re doing a fairly good job of making bisexuals afraid of themselves… and I do not know why anyone would allow this to happen. If bisexuality is so traumatizing, it’s because we let the stigma fuck with us and take it as the gospel truth… and over what we know about ourselves and, oh, by the way and in case you haven’t noticed, the idiotic stigma still ain’t stopping anyone who wants to be bisexual from being bisexual.
It can only fuck with you if you believe it’s gonna fuck with you. The fear others have are their fears – don’t let their fears be your fears. And who are you gonna believe: The untold number of bisexuals… or those who aren’t bisexual?