Well, most bisexuals would tell you that bisexuality is the best of both worlds. Despite how the definition of the word has been sliced, diced, and mutilated beyond recognition, it’s either emotional, physical, or both.
What it can be depends on you.
One of the things that tends to constantly take me out to lunch and often get me feeling confused is how so many people tend to go out of their way to overly describe something that is, basically, rather simple. You’re either into men and women in some way… or you aren’t. Even with the inclusion of gender identity, all that seems to do is add some… extra stuff that, at least in my opinion, only serves to make this even more confusing and less in the way of simplicity and the current lexicon – cis-this, cis-that, non-binary, etc., just tends to make me get that look on my face and often reminds me of a James Brown song that went, “Just talkin’ loud and sayin’ nothing!”
Is it just sex? It can be. Is it more emotionally binding? It can be. To the question of what should you do about it, I tend to do that “bad thing” of answering a question with a question: What do you wanna do about it? I can tell you a whole lot about being bisexual… but I can’t tell someone what they should do. I can speak to what easily enough but, jeez, the talking heads in favor of bisexuality seem to want to make this a “one size fits all” kind of thing which I’m thinking is unrealistic since we are all very different and all up and down the line; what works for me could work for someone else but it might not.
To be able to answer the question of what you should do about it, you need to answer some other questions and beginning with what do you need? What do you want to get out of being bisexual? I sometimes think that because this has become a SNAFU kind of thing – and that’s Situation Normal, All Fucked Up if you didn’t know what it means – that it’s hard for people to answer those two questions while everyone around them are offering up a lot of different takes on what bisexuality is, what it should look like, and how it’s supposed to go… but not advocating simplicity and the lack of it only lends itself to a lack of clarity.
In the movie, “Star Trek III – The Search for Spock,” Captain Scott said, after doing a number on the USS Excelsior and left it broken down just outside of space dock, “The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.” And that’s pretty much what we’re doing with bisexuality and, I dunno, like it just can’t be what it really is and what it has always been. Not men or women but men and women and in whatever way works for someone.
I get that as individuals, we have to define it for ourselves but it always begins with feeling some kind of way about men and women and “equally,” well, yeah, doesn’t really work like that. What turns this into a cluster fuck is that a lot of us just don’t stop there then go on to figuring out what they wanna do about it; no, we just gotta slice and dice it down to the nth degree and maybe because that’s just the way we are or, again, perhaps we’re of a mind that there’s no way it can be that simple…
When it actually is that simple.
Yep, at one point in my life, I caught myself overthinking it and of a mind that, uh-huh, it couldn’t really be that simple… could it? Turns out that it was that simple but what wasn’t simple were the things going on inside my head about it until I was able to simplify things and look at being bisexual in the simplest way I could and for no other reason than to stop giving myself massive headaches trying to figure out if there was more to this than what was apparently obvious.
And once I did that, it allowed me to see so many others just overly complicating the shit out of bisexuality and usually because the simplest answer somehow just didn’t make sense to them… and it still doesn’t seem to make sense today. I’m a fairly intelligent person… and I understand quantum physics a lot better than I do what people today are saying about bisexuality. I’m bisexual and that means that I’m both straight and gay physically and sometimes even emotionally and I included this part in my simple view of things once I fell head over heels in love with a guy and that, in a way, completed a circle of sorts and proof that bisexuality just wasn’t all about having a lot of sex… not that having a whole lot of sex is a bad thing.
“You make this sound so easy!“
Yeah, I know… because it really is that easy; what’s not so easy is getting deep down into the why of things and while there are a lot of similarities, there is a uniqueness to being bisexual that I’m not sure people today are able to see since the way I learned to be bisexual was to tailor it to my needs, thoughts, feelings, etc., while being fully aware of the possibilities. At the root of my bisexuality is having “a thing” for both men and women. Gender, the big and hot-button word of the day, isn’t and, I believe, shouldn’t have anything to do with this since when I learned the word, it meant the act of being male or female and according to social norms that were established a very long time ago… and some norms that a lot of people disagree with or feel that they don’t apply to them in any way. That doesn’t mean that changing one’s gender identity excludes them or otherwise prevents them from being bisexual so it’s a different which makes no difference.
Cityman – and like a lot of today’s bisexuals – throws the “G” word out there and like it really does make a difference when it comes to defining bisexuality… and whenever he does, I’ll ask him, “What does gender have to do with any of this?” and he – and like others I’ve asked this question – can’t really answer the question other than to parrot what’s being said about gender being an important aspect of bisexuality. What it does, if nothing else, is to further confuse something that, if you stuck to simplicity, isn’t all that confusing: You’re either – and still – into both men and women and in whatever way works for you… or you aren’t. I get that there’s a lot of focus on transgenders but despite whatever’s going on with them with this, um, they can be bisexual, too, so leaving them out of the conversation doesn’t make a lot of sense to me… but gender, well, it’s not really a factor other than to, again, remove the simplicity that’s always been there.
“You just don’t understand this like everyone else does; you’re old school and we’re the new school of thought!“
I thought that those who’ve said that to me just could have been right and I was just stuck in the “good old days” until I realized that I wasn’t all that stuck; it was just a thing that nothing those in the new school of thought was saying – and are still saying – really makes any sense as they go on and on describing and defining bisexuality in ways that isn’t, simply, having a thing for both men and women and the thing that, again, has always been at the root of bisexuality. Indeed, they’re looking for… something that doesn’t really exist and they’re of a mind to create some stuff to fill a “void” that, again, doesn’t really exist if one is able to take a huge step away from what’s being said and look at this… simply.
And if bisexuality wasn’t a bitch to wrap one’s head around to begin with, we’re not helping things by coining words that, when you get right down to it, is one being bisexual, like, heteroflexible. I’ve made it clear on many occasions about how much I dislike that word because it doesn’t mean anything other than another way to say “bisexual.” We are of a mind that frequency has everything to do with it… and it never did. I’ve been hearing, “It’s not something I’d do all of the time!” so much that my eyes just roll all by themselves because I know – and I’m very damned bisexual – that’s not something I do all of the time so this is yet another difference which makes no difference.
Or, “It’s only something I’d do with the right person and the right situation.” Well, fucking duh! Again, very damned bisexual and I only do stuff with the right person and the right situation… and just like anyone else goes about doing things – and another difference which makes no difference.
And if all of this wasn’t bad enough and a departure from simplistic clarity, let’s add in the sociopolitical cluster fuck that has emerged and how bisexuals are being urged to stand up for their right to be bisexual… and as if they never had that right to begin with. Yeah… there are people who ain’t fond of bisexuals and, as such, are of a mind that they shouldn’t be – that pick a side bullshit that’s been around – and that bisexuality isn’t real and those folks have yet to be able to explain to me that if this isn’t real, um, what the fuck are y’all pitching a bitch about, hmm? The bad part is that bisexuals are hearing this and the waters are getting even more muddied than it’s been made to be and making simplicity and clarity difficult to get to, well, for people who don’t see this the way I’ve been seeing it over all of these decades and that the simplest answer to what this is just happens to be the right answer.
Men and women. Hearts and parts and not all that inclusive as is being touted. We’ve overthought the plumbing so much that someone who is just about the dick – or just about the pussy – is considered to be some kind of fucked up if they’re not into the person the parts are attached to. We don’t have to worry about someone coming along and stopping up the drain – we’ve been doing one hell of a job doing that all by ourselves…
Because we can’t seem to look at this and accept how simple it really is. What one might do about this is just as simple and Captain Obvious simple: You’re either gonna do what can be done… or you aren’t. What’s even “funnier” is that we are also bitching about the binary nature of things and there’s a lot of angst toward being binary when, um, humans are pretty binary and it’s also a part of our ability to think and process things. I’ve asked those who are ranting and raving that we need to stop being binary that if you’re not male or female, um, what, exactly, are you? I’m sure that a DNA test will most definitely speak to the very binary nature of being human – the whole XX/XY thing. I get the whole thing about self-perception and I get that there are people who believe that they were born into the wrong body… and I get that those who perceives themselves in this way can be just as bisexual as I am.
Maybe we really do think/believe that this can’t be as simple as it appears to be and maybe we’re just not happy or content about things if we’re not keeping things simple and it’s in our nature to make mountains out of molehills. What is it really? It’s whatever you say it is and, wow, a lot of people are saying some pretty “interesting” shit about what they say it is… and just not of a mind to keep it simple. If we’re wondering why so many bisexuals are having issues and need to be in therapy and taking medications, well, it’s not because of what others are trying to kick our asses over:
It’s because we can’t embrace simplicity and, as such, we make this harder on ourselves and more complicated than it has to be and really is.