I still kinda remember the day when I happily sucked a guy’s dick… and he didn’t say thanks, dog kiss my ass, or anything; he just stuffed his dick back in his pants, gave me a nod, and went on about his business. I was devastated; I finally understood what it felt like to be used and unappreciated. I didn’t cry but I felt like it and I spent the next week or so running the encounter through my mind from beginning to end to see what I might have did wrongly to cause him not to appreciate what I’d done for him.
Every time I looked back at it, I couldn’t find anything that I did wrong; I even “obeyed” his commands to slow down, speed up, suck harder or softer, and give the head of his dick more attention. I could easily take him deep and, thinking about that in particular, he liked that and kept telling me to do that again over and over so, in a way – and maybe I was grasping at straws – he appreciated that I could eat his dick right down to his pubic bone and even did so when he came. Seeing this took some of the sting off of that used feeling but it was still pretty fucked up and more so when I was always mindful to let the guy sucking me know that I did, in fact, appreciate what he’d done because I knew that he didn’t have to agree to it at all.
It was a harsh lesson, that cold slap in the face and one hell of a wakeup call: This was a whole new ballgame and one that if I was going to keep sucking dicks, I’d better learn how to play and learn the “rules,” as it were. I realized that with my horny friends, I’d gotten spoiled and to the point where they didn’t really have to voice their appreciation – I just knew they did – but when they did, it was more confirmation that they enjoyed the experience; sometimes, just looking at them grinning like an idiot would make me feel all warm and fuzzy. That was then… and now was something else and that experience really fucked with my head and had me asking myself what was the purpose for sucking a guy off if he wasn’t going to show any appreciation?
It was an equally harsh lesson on how some guys could be. They’d feed me their dick or stuff it in my ass and their demeanor told me that all I was to them was a means to an end and that just sucked and took the shine off of how good the sex actually was. I had to sit and thing really hard what meant the most to me and whether or not I really needed praises and compliments at every turn. The good thing is that I didn’t run into a whole lot of unappreciative bastards but when I did, I had to learn to not let their lack of appreciation bother me and to face the fact that by agreeing to do this with a guy, being used was a consequence that I’d either learn to deal with or keep letting it fuck with me and my view of myself.
I wasn’t that I didn’t know that I was a damned good cock sucker; I’d had way too many guys tell me this and it stood to reason that if a guy found my work less than stellar, he wasn’t going to tell me to my face but, yeah, sometimes, he didn’t have to say anything because I was learning to read a guy’s body language as I blew them and that, more than anything they could say, told the whole story. It was an aspect I had to come to terms with as well: Did it really matter if the other guy thought I was all that or was it being able to satisfy my desire to suck dick mean more to me? I thought long and hard about this and after more deliberation – and with more dicks having been sucked – I decided that being able to suck dick meant more… but I didn’t have to put up with unappreciative assholes and more so when I could talk to a guy and tell that he was going to be an asshole about it… and then doing something that I rarely did:
Say no to them. Now if you were my idea of an asshole, there would be nothing you could say to me that would convince me to go ahead and do this with you. I actually didn’t want to be like that but something else came to mind – and while in the middle of a 69 with a guy – that, in fact, we were using each other plain and simple and things like the “common courtesy” to thank a guy for his efforts was something that could be unrealistic to expect each and every time. Idealistically, it was some fucked up shit but it was what it was; some guys would be appreciative and say so and some guys wouldn’t say anything or, if they did, they often didn’t really mean it all that much. I had to bite a bullet or two and understand that there are men out there who’d really only see me as a means to an end and nothing more than that and just because that’s not the way I behaved in these things, well, I don’t have any control over whatever went through their mind as dicks got sucked and balls got emptied, do I?
In the end, it didn’t “matter” a whole lot because appreciative or not, I sucked their dick and made them cum and that’s what I wanted to do and this was about the time when, after a furious cock sucking session with a guy, he told me that I was a selfish cock sucker. Oh, I wanted to break his nose and actually sat on my hands to keep from doing it as he explained what he meant which was I wasn’t following his instructions on how he wanted his dick sucked and his contention that I should have been sucking him for his pleasure first and foremost.
Oh, fuck that! Been there. Done that. Wasn’t at all appreciated for it at times. Decided that I wasn’t going to put myself through dealing with feeling inadequate or anything like that. I was a cock sucker and one who loved to do it and if they didn’t like it, too bad because I did get to do what I wanted to do so I could feel the way I wanted to feel. Was I being an asshole about it? Being the one thing I had learned the hard way not to like one bit? No, not really because I did appreciate the fact that he let me suck his dick to begin with and, yeah, I’d even say as much but not only had the game changed for me that fateful day, I’d introduced some changes of my own and focused on the thing that meant the most to me:
Being able to suck dick – period – and truly appreciating being able to do that and, yeah, appreciating him because, again, he could have said no and just as I had to learn how to do. Today, I see guys getting all bent out of shape over the much hated blow and go but being “smarter than the average bear,” I understood it; it didn’t mean that the other guy didn’t appreciate what I’d done to him but simply that god-damned refractionary period that sometimes affected me in that same blow and go way. Whatever. Nothing to be done about it and no point in getting pissed or feeling used since, um, I did use him to get my rocks off as well. I’d run into guys who needed to be told that their efforts were appreciated and I understood why: That being used feeling just did not feel good at all and that’s being very nice about it. I was used to guys asking me after the fact if they did it right and I wouldn’t lie to them about it even though I probably could have but even when they’d not do it “right” – too much teeth, sucking way too hard, and other things like that, I felt… obligated to tell them that, yes, you did it right but here’s what you can do to make it better for me or the next guy and in a way as to not hurt his feelings…
Because no one wants to be told that they’re lousy at sucking dick. I found that it was important to, at the least, let a guy know that I appreciated his efforts because, again and again, he could have said no and at any time. Truth was – and still is – that I very much appreciate being able to go down on anyone and if I don’t say it, I will show it… but to expect other guys to be that… courteous was, in reality, being unrealistic. If appreciation was shown or given, fine, but if not, that’s just how shit happens. I could prefer and “demand” proof of appreciation… but what would be the point and was my ego and feeling just that fragile that I had to be told that I gave great head?
Yes and no but I am a veteran cock sucker and have learned some shit… but, today, there are guys who need to have their egos stroked and massaged and expect it to happen each and every time and without fail. It’s just my opinion but guys who think like this are setting themselves up for one hell of a shock to their systems because I know that not every guy you give a blowjob to is going to always be gushing with praise for your ability to get them off. I even learned that in the rare times I failed to get a guy off, it wasn’t a reflection on me but said some shit about them and, importantly, I knew the shit that could happen to prevent him from busting the nut we both wanted him to do. Shit happens… and sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes it’s no one’s fault.
Did dicks get sucked? They sure did. Was the effort appreciated just the same? I appreciated it and I wouldn’t dare to assume that the other guy really did or not but for me, what was of greater import was I got to feed my need to have a hard dick in my mouth and, okay, I’m selfish and can admit to it without feeling shitty (and like I would in the past) because I know why I suck dick and if the other guy doesn’t appreciate it, that’s fine because if he didn’t have fun, I sure did. Sure, it’d be nice to hear some praise or other sentiments and more often than not I’ve gotten them but when I haven’t? Just the way shit goes and more so when I considered how diligently I went about seeking other men who weren’t my idea of an asshole and if I got the tiniest whiff that they were, very major deal breaker.
I understand why guys today are demanding to be appreciated but the mistake they make is expecting to be appreciated at every turn and then, if they aren’t, now they’re feeling all “used and abused” and I understand that feeling all too well but if I’ve learned nothing else, I learned some shit about men and shit that a lot of guys today need to learn as well. The sometimes unbearable truth is that you’re not going to please everyone every time you give head; it can be how you give it or it could be something going on with them and appreciation, while nice, isn’t always going to be shown each and every time. I’ve had guys tell me that I was okay and if that’s what they thought, well, okay – my ego is fine with “okay” but if he says nothing, my ego is okay with that… because that dick got sucked and those balls got emptied and if it didn’t happen the way they preferred or expected to, that’s not my problem so much and, yeah, I know better than to expect anything other than what actually happens and that doing so, more often than not, is going to get someone’s feelings hurt and sometimes badly.
You learn to grow some pretty thick skin and take things in stride. I want to please everyone I go down on… and I know that there will be times when I can’t and, yeah, that sucks in a not so good way but it is what it is and, at least for me, it’s now about not dwelling on it like I used to but to take any failures in hand and give some thought to them so as not to make those unappreciative mistakes again – and provided I was the one who screwed up and I know when I do. I’ll even get down on myself and say that I could have been better in this or that way but in all of this giving head stuff, to me, everything is a learning situation and no matter how long I’ve been sucking dick – and eating pussy – I learn something every time and, yeah, I really do appreciate it… even if I don’t say that I do every single cotton-picking time.
And if there are times when I forget to voice my appreciation, it stands to reason that other guys might not as well. At some point, you learn that you can only do what you can do and even when you do your best, the other guy not be of a mind to start gushing praises and handing out compliments for your most excellent skills. And, I think, that if the reason why you’re sucking cock is to be praised at every turn, well, you might be doing it for the wrong reason because the reality is that not every dude you suck off will be singing your praises.
Expectations can be a royal bitch and a half and I’ve seen guys sticking hard and fast to their preferences – which includes being acknowledged as a good cock sucker – so much that it’s no wonder that so many men (a) haven’t sucked a dick yet and (b) are feeling some kind of way and thinking about giving it up because that praise didn’t happen the way they expected it to. Um, really – did you make the guy cum? Did you get to suck a dick? And you’re not happy about that and more so given how paranoid some guys are about the disease card hanging over their head?
What else do you want?