I have, in my time, heard a lot of guys poo-poo getting with a guy because, as they say, they don’t or can’t get turned on by men like they do with women and the misconception is that they actually believe it’s supposed to be that way.
Okay and, duh, men and women are different. Physically. Emotionally. Making out with a woman “isn’t the same” as making out with a guy but, um, if you know some stuff about the human body, it is the same. Lips can be kissed, ears messed with, necks, nipples, and all the skin everywhere. I’ve thought that this… misconception happens because of the disconnect between mind and body; your body tends to not give a fuck who is making it feel good… but your mind does. Women even feel subliminally… different; you tack on the thing that we’ve been told, that if you’re gonna get sexually turned on, women are the ones to flip your switches and, truth be told, they’re very good at it…
But so are men… if they can get their heads past the fact that there’s a guy doing his best to turn them on. We – bi guys – get all into deep discussions about whether we’re really attracted to the guy… or just his dick and there are a lot of guys who’ll tell you that they’re all about the dick and not the guy so much but not, I think, considering that if they’re getting some guy’s dick to play with, there is, in fact, some “attraction” taking place and in line with our “habit” of not having sex with anyone we don’t have some kind of attraction to. It’s just that attraction is about more than what you can see with your eyes and many of us, both men and women, have found out the hard way that just because it looks good doesn’t mean that it is good.
For a guy to expect a man to turn him on and in the same way a woman would when making out is… unrealistic since, duh, women are different but that doesn’t mean that a guy couldn’t get his switched flipped to the on position making out with another guy and more so when in terms of making out, there aren’t that many things that you can do with a woman that you can’t do with a man and accounting for the obvious physical differences. That men have a somewhat shitty reputation when it comes to making out and in the form of foreplay probably doesn’t help any but I think that because, duh, men and women are physically different, a lot of guys just have it in their head that they can’t get highly turned on making out with another guy and, as such, if your head doesn’t believe it, it’s not likely to happen.
So a lot of guys, I think and because they can’t get their head around making out with a guy and like they would with a woman, are all and just about the dick as the focus of their “attraction.” Even with myself, I’ll admit that I don’t look at other men and get all weak in the knees; you ask me what type of guy I like and you’ll get my laundry list that doesn’t include how he looks; I’m more about personality, intelligence, stuff like that more than I am about him looking all GQ cool or having to wrap his dick around his waist a couple of times to keep from tripping over it. Just as with food, we eat with our eyes… but in this – and I’ve written it time and time again – you have to see with better eyes and look for that which is attractive… and that which has nothing to do with the way he actually looks.
I mean, seriously: It’s not like we’re gonna be making babies with each other. Good sex is where you find it and with anyone but if you keep relying on what your eyes see, eh, you just might wind up missing out on a lot of good sex. I think my protege, Cityman, often gets baffled when we talk about being attracted to a guy and I say, “I don’t particularly give a fuck what he looks like…” because I don’t. Ah, but where is his head about this and other things? What’s his personality like? Stuff like that. Does he have the fire and desire? And, you betcha – does his dick work? Most important, is he not my idea of an asshole? All nice and healthy? Doesn’t reek like a sewer on a hot summer’s day? Homey could be butt-ugly even to my sense of aesthetics but if he’s willing to throw it down and has passed my “tests,” let’s do this and, really, if I’m going to let my mind get in the way of me being turned on, I seriously need to get my head checked out and have a very serious conversation with myself because, um, the purpose of having sex is to get turned on, you know, unless I’ve managed to miss something.
Like I said to Cityman, when you start talking about not getting with a guy because you’re not attracted to him, you might want to ask yourself what you’re looking at and rethink what “being attracted” to someone means and like someone being unattractive because you just cannot find a single thing that is attractive about him but, yeah, if it’s just his cock, that actually works… and we probably think that it shouldn’t. I’m not sure that Cityman, when we talk about being attracted, really gets it when I say, “If I’m going to be attracted to anything, I’m attracted to having sex first and foremost…” Then again, I have a different “idea” of what is attractive and it’s not just looks because I know they don’t mean a whole lot and, um, yeah, if I’m blowing him, I’m too busy to be looking at him and making googly eyes at him or fawning over how good looking he is… and I know his body works just like everyone else’s body does and it can be fun trying to find all of his good spots that, when fucked with, will turn his ass on and even before I get to his dick.
When you get all caught up with who and more than you do what, sure – a lot of guys aren’t gonna get turned on by another guy and they sure as hell ain’t gonna get turned on like they would with a woman and, again, if they expect to get turned on in the exact same way, dude, you ain’t looking at this the “right” way since, um, in order to be turned on, you have to want to be turned on and, ah, it doesn’t happen “automatically” and not even or always with women since there’s a part of your mind that is paying attention to things about the other person that doesn’t have a damned thing to do with they way they look. Having said this, there are a lot of guys who will tell you what the other guy has to look like and, often, in very exacting terms and ways; they’ll mention stuff like personality, intelligence and having other things in common but first and foremost, they’re all about what the other guy looks like and if a guy doesn’t match up with this, deal-breaker and not even worth talking to.
It’s understandable, actually – we’re conditioned to look at people this way and I’d be one of the first to tell you that watching two guys making out looks ugly… but it’s not about what it looks like but all about what it feels like, you know, if you could allow yourself to get into what it feels like. I’ve had guys tell me that I go about this the wrong way, that how he looks is important and I say, “You act like I’m gonna marry the guy or we’re gonna have babies; I want to have sex with him or he wants to with me and what he looks like doesn’t mean a whole lot but, sure, there are other things about him that do mean a whole lot. He has a dick and I know what to do with it and, again, he can be as ugly as the original sin… but if his head is in my idea of the right place and his desire is genuine – and, please, don’t ask me to explain that because I can’t but I know if it is or not – then let’s so somewhere, get each other hard, and make each other soft and if we had fun doing it, sure – I wouldn’t object to doing it again.
Because I learned not to expect men to turn me on like a woman would or like she’s “supposed to.” Indeed, one of the things I had to get used to early on was the fact that my body would go off the reservation being touched and fondled by both guys and gals. Start kissing my neck and I’m going to melt all over you; suck on my nipples and I’ll melt even more. I’ve never been of a mind that a guy couldn’t turn me on because they sure as fuck can… but not because of how they look or the shape of their body or even the size of their dick or lack thereof. If they want to get you turned on, you have to be open to getting turned on because, um, duh, isn’t that what’s supposed to happen? If you aren’t, it might not be solely because the other person is inept at it… but could be about what’s going on inside your head that’s pretty much cock-blocking you from getting turned on. I also happen to know that some people put a limiter on their ability to get turned on… by anyone because it’s going to unlock them emotionally and usually in ways they don’t want to get unlocked.
Sometimes, I think this… misconception is borne out of the fact that some guys just find it way too weird to know that a guy could turn them on… and just like a woman could. It is more likely a disconnect that a lot of guys put in place because getting that turned on by a guy just might be “too gay” for their sensibilities to handle so it’s… convenient and a lot more comfortable for some guys to say that the only thing that turns them on is the guy’s dick… but it’s really more than that and not that they’d admit to it. Most guys don’t get my attention; some are actually quite handsome and I can acknowledge and appreciate that… but it doesn’t mean I wanna sleep with them because, again, I learned the hard way to look past appearances. Sure, if he were to pull his dick out, he will most certainly get my attention and no matter what it looks like but even that doesn’t guarantee I’m going to be all over it even if my body is telling me to go for it. Nah… you gotta pass inspection and I’m going to look as deep as I can; I might be good and horny… but I’m not stupid or careless and I know for a fact that my eyes can and have deceived me and I’m not gonna trust them.
Making out is… making out. Hell, I’ve even kissed guys from time to time and I know that if my lips on his is off-limits, um, I know a little somethin’-somethin’ about human bodies and the most sensual organ on the human body: Our skin. But all of what I know will only work on someone if they allow it to work and guys, well, yeah, we can be very, very funny about that and, yeah, expecting to experience the exact same kind of turn-on that we can experience with women. It just remains true that if you’re not of a mind to be turned on, it ain’t gonna happen. I don’t know about anyone else but I wanna be turned on and, again, I know that what someone looks like or anything else my eyes can see isn’t and can’t be the “only thing” that’ll turn me on but if we’re getting ready to have sex, um, I’m already turned on because I am very much attracted to having sex. I know that after it’s all said and done, uh, yeah – might not be “all that” which, for a lot of people, tends to sour the whole thing but even I had to ask myself, “Was I having fun before it was decided that it wasn’t that much fun?”
Chances are that I was and this was the thing to pay the most attention to… and not whether or not the other person was good-looking or had other desirable physical characteristics and, oh, yeah, characteristics that women have… and men don’t, well, not by design anyway. The “Hearts Not Parts” gang just cracks me up when they insist that to be bisexual means being attracted to the person first and foremost… and I’m of a mind that they don’t understand how this really works and that men can have sex just to be doing it and without a single attractive thing being in play other than being horny as fuck which, historically, is the “wrong reason” to have sex with anyone. You have to be attracted to them and a lot of people expect that attraction to happen instantly and, it seems to me, not of a mind to be bothered by looking into someone and finding something that’s attractive about them enough to scratch some itches.
I once had sex with a 400-pound gay man… and he handed my head to me and turned me on like few gay men ever have. It wasn’t his physical form that I found attractive – it was who he was as a person and how we wound up bonding to the point where, um, okay, he wants to back up all that shit he’s been talking? I’m game… and even though I actually thought that he wouldn’t be able to back it up, oh, hell, yeah – he most certainly did and he turned me on big time and before we even got undressed. Yeah… holy shit. That’s what I’m talking about. But the key factor in this – and anytime I’ve had sex with anyone – is that I wanted to get turned on and just knowing that we’re about to have sex is, all by itself, a major turn-on until it’s proven not to be. Just about anyone can flip my switches to the on position right up to the moment they do or say something to flip those switches off… and sometimes, all one has to do to to turn me off is to open their mouth. Or to be aggressive. Or a few other things that continues to prove to me that beauty is only skin deep but ugly is deep to the bone and if that’s the case, you’ll not be seeing my bone and I wouldn’t have sex with you with my worst enemy’s dick.
Sigh. I don’t get turned on by men in the same way I do with women… but I get turned on and that’s the whole point and one that’s key to the sexual part of bisexual. Shit… I’m almost always turned on and now it’s a thing of what someone is going to do or say that will result in turning me off… and both men and women are more than capable of turning me off. But this is me… and not all bi guys and definitely not those guys who expect to experience the exact same kind of turning on that they’d experience with a woman.
But they could… if they’d allow themselves to be and some guys for some reason ain’t feeling that. Sucks to be them since being this way ain’t getting them any dick at all (and probably not any pussy, either).