Sixty-six years and one day later, I’m looking through the forum for new items and new comments to topic of interest and on one such topic, I see a member saying that for his first time, he just went all in and did it all… and I smiled to myself as my brain flashed back to the good old days and how us horny motherfuckers did everything except kiss each other although I won’t say that some of the guys didn’t give it a try but I was an adult before I actually kissed a guy (it was yucky because homey couldn’t kiss worth a damn).
In a time where guys are more likely to pick and choose the things they want to experience with a guy (one from column A, one from column B), the unspoken rule between us was that if you were gonna do it with any or all of us, everything got done and if you had objections, well, you might get kicked out of the club or subject to a peer review. As things got heated up, eh, okay, you might not get kicked out if there was something you didn’t like doing – but we’d talk about your chicken ass like a dog – and on things went. In a time where one of the choices a guy “has to” make between being a top or a bottom, all of us – except that one gay kid among us – were versatile and it was just “proper etiquette” that if you sucked a guy’s dick, he’d suck yours and if he fucked you, he’d be fucked as well.
Yeah, I kinda recall some initial… resistance to this “equal opportunity” thing but while no one was ever coerced into doing anything, peer pressure – which should never be underestimated – went a long way to making that resistance going away; no one wanted to be labeled as being a chicken or scardy-cat or wind up being outside of our horny-assed group. True enough, some guys weren’t having any of it and, yeah, we talked about them like dogs (and you thought girls were vicious gossipers?) and kept it going.
Even when we got “invaded” by some of the teens in the ‘hood, you both were either going to do it all or not at all; their bigger cocks were, I felt, a delightful challenge to suck and take in the ass but, sure, if ya wanted to do it, let’s go somewhere and do it! While some guys weren’t particularly thrilled to wind up with a mouthful of cum, they’d hang in there just the same and, probably, more so when they’d get to give the other guy a mouthful; likewise, whew, getting it stuck in was getting easier for the majority of us but as dicks got bigger, yeah, ouch, but that’s okay because it’d stop hurting pretty quickly. Some guys weren’t particularly of a mind to be screwed but just like getting that mouthful, they knew they’d get an opportunity to, ah, return that particular favor but, for the most part, everyone looked forward to being able to have sex with someone and, I’d have to guess that any initial “trepidation” would tend to go by the wayside.
While the number and composition of our group would begin to change as we got older and with some guys either giving it up or moving away, if you were gonna do it with a guy, everything that could be done would be done… except that kissing thing. I wouldn’t say that we exactly cuddled in that sense given that a lot of “sessions” would sometimes start out as “wrassling,” which was pretty much guaranteed to get one’s blood flowing and getting heated up and that thrill of feeling each other’s hard dicks. I’d have to say at this point that the fellas didn’t like wrassling with me because I was well into learning judo so them trying to pin me down would often frustrate them since I knew how to escape and since they’d complain about it, well, okay – I’ll play along and more so when I knew what other wrassling we’d be doing.
As memory serves, about the time we were a couple of years into being teens, things began to change; some guys weren’t as all in as they were before and running into new guys in our travels would often result in some good sex but, eh, not so much in that “equal” way many of us had adopted from the start. Now, in a nod to things cultural, white guys were, to me, a lot of fun because they were usually all in while my Black peers weren’t so much; the few Hispanic guys were kinda/sorta all in but, on the whole, it wasn’t something I paid a lot of attention to since the end result would be we’d both get laid in some way and, at the least, we’d suck each other off a couple of times. Those white guys, though; man, many of the ones I met would make me and the guys I grew up with look like we didn’t know anything about doing it to guys! Way more eager for the most part and pretty “brazen” about it, too, and given the many times I’d meet a white guy for the first time, we’d exchange names, and the next thing out of his mouth would be, “Have you ever done it with a boy?” and the question was asked because he sure as hell wanted to do it and some would even say, “Um, ah, I wanna do it to you so you can do it to me, okay?”
Okay! Still, even with those horny fuckers, going all in was becoming a thing of the past because, I think, guys were settling into just doing their favorite things to do and totally avoiding those things they didn’t like so much. I’d be… disappointed at times with guys who refused to suck or fuck – and read this as returning favors – but, okay, not having my dick sucked was something else to get used to since a lot of girls weren’t of a mind to do it, either; or happily screwing a guy and being hyped in anticipation of being screwed… and he’d say that he didn’t like doing that and other such disconnects that really took a lot of the fun out of doing it with a guy.
It was becoming rare to run into a guy whose idea of doing it was going all in, well, um, hmm, except some of the new guys I’d wind up being the first guy they had sex with. Most wanted to find out about cock sucking; some wanted to find out about fucking as that first thing but some guys were either totally gung ho to do it all as their first time or since they weren’t sure what thing they might like the most, let’s do all of it and see how things go. But by and large, guys were starting to… specialize. The dynamic was turning into a top/bottom thing even though those terms were unknown at the time and few guys were of the versatile way of things and, oddly in my experiences, especially gay guys; using today’s terms, most of the gay guys I had sex with were bottoms, a scant few of them were versatile (like myself) and I rarely came across a guy who’d just want to top me and I’d better not expect any reciprocation. Which, um, sometimes, that was okay but for the most part, eh, not all that much; I’d find myself walking away from such encounters thinking, “At least I got laid…” and calling it a day.
Not all encounters started out in that “one way” way that was becoming more prevalent… but with some guys, it’d become that way; some guy who’d did it to me but didn’t want it done to him would, the next time we’d happen to meet, would be all for getting my dick stuffed in their butt. If they weren’t of a mind to suck my dick the first time, they were now of a mindset that said, “I don’t do this with every guy I meet… but I wanna do this with you, okay?” and, um, since I very much loved getting my dick sucked, I wasn’t of a mind to object a whole lot – and even if the guy couldn’t bring himself to finish me off because a lot of girls weren’t having any of that as well.
I was discovering that some guys thought I was “weird” for being versatile and maybe because in their experience, they weren’t running into guys like me all that often and that included gay guys who, admittedly, were hard for me to figure out. My gay roommate in the service was a bottom; the guy I fell in love with was also a bottom and while it shouldn’t have been a problem, well, it was; it wasn’t that I was naïve about these things but I knew what I liked and wanted and why should they have all of the fun? Meeting men who’d initially lay out what they like and didn’t like and, okay, we can do something but then, when we’re all naked and shit, they’d want to do the things they said they didn’t like doing and a “persistent” behavior I had to get used to like those guys who’d make it very clear that they’d suck my dick but I’d better not cum in their mouth and when I’d warn them, they’d just nod or say, “Mmm-mmm” and keep going until I came.
Same with the guys who were adamant that no dick was going in their ass… then hearing guys blurt out, “Fuck me!” or after giving me the high hard one saying, “Okay, your turn to do me…” or, like one guy said, “What are you waiting for, an invitation?” before assuming the position (on his knees) and giving me shit about dawdling when the truth was I’d be in shock for a moment.
I was learning a lot of stuff about being in the heat of the moment being with guys who, for the most part, weren’t like me so much, well, as a “default.” That top/bottom way of things had now become a… thing, for lack of a better word. Being a top meant that you got your dick sucked but you weren’t sucking any dick; you’d fuck the other guy but the only thing happening with his ass was you’d get to see it and nothing more than that. Being a bottom harkened back to the early days were guys got a kick out of taking their turn “being the girl…” except bottoms were “the girl” all of the time and many just outright refused to be sucked and don’t even ask them to stick it in you unless, of course, you wanted a “cheap thrill” from the look they’d get on their face.
Versatile guys like myself had… vanished. Or were incredibly difficult to find/meet. From the advent of bulletin board chat rooms to the advent of websites and apps dedicated to the purpose of men “dating,” the first question usually asked was, “Are you a top or a bottom?” and, for me, that question was hard to answer because I was both… and because I was, that would, more often than not be a deal-breaker unless we could agree to limiting things to dicks getting sucked… but those guys “dedicated” to being either a top or a bottom, well, that made shit… interesting and difficult. Don’t get me wrong: There were a lot of times where I’d be happy to suck a guy’s dick and not be sucked in return since, um, oral sex was my most favorite thing to do with anyone; even if he offered to blow me, I was okay with saying, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to – it’s okay.” If they did, fine but if they didn’t, I was good… but I was very much wondering where the guys who were like me were, the ones who, in today’s terms, were very much into flip-flopping (and a term I actually don’t like for some reason but it is what it is).
I’d also learned a lot of stuff about instant gratification or, as I’d put it, “I want what I want and in the exact way I want it and without exception and I want it right the fuck now!” Guys were, from my point of view, going out of their way to make sure that they weren’t going to get any action at all; many would DQ me in a flat skinny second and for a lot of shit that didn’t make sense to me; imagine my surprise and discomfiture to have been talking to a guy online, we were about to make the deal and when he found out that I was Black, he didn’t ghost me… but he made it clear that there was no way we could do anything – then he ghosted me. What the fuck? Guys were making it clear that if I didn’t have 9 to 12 inches of dick, no deal and don’t get me started on the very aggressive guys who’d just ignore my likes and dislikes and be all about my dislikes… then dissing my manhood because I wasn’t having any of that shit, like the guy who demanded I drop what I was doing and come worship his feet before fucking me like the whore I was (or he wanted me to be).
Disqualifying guys now became very much a part of my online behavior and it helped that a lot of guys would DQ themselves right off the bat. Much of it was attitude and them being my idea of an asshole or I’d test them when they’d go on and on about what they were gonna do to me and I’d come back with, “Well, I won’t be the only one getting done like that…” and, yep, ghosted. Fine and more so when there were plenty of guys who’d be willing to make the deal for us to blow each other and if anything were to happen other than that, I just went with the flow of things but even I had noticed that the “majority” of the guys I made deals with were… bottoms. Some were of the variety of not wanting to be sucked and I’d just have to set aside my fondness for sucking dick… at first because we’d meet and they’d usually change their minds about being sucked and the thing that would fuck with me was whether or not they changed their mind because of the type of guy I was or they really had second thoughts about it.
Again, that heat of the moment thing would often happen and with any of this, eh, I just learned to go with the flow of things and not be all that disappointed when I’d hear myself blurt out, “I want you to fuck me!” and they didn’t or they’d change the terms of the deal by blurting that particular thing out or, if they weren’t of a mind to get sucked, well, now they were. I had to get used to that, “This isn’t something I do all of the time” thing that was also going around and, again, making me wonder where all the guys who were versatile “by default” were. It was… curious that the guys who were versatile were more of a mind to be bottoms and not tops so much or, to my dismay, would find something to cause any deal on the table to be broken, like the race thing or me not having that “preferred” monster-sized dick… or having body hair or my age or, well, just pick something – anything. One versatile guy broke the deal because I was taller than he was and, no, I sure as fuck ain’t making that up. Or the versatile guy who was two years older than I was telling me that I was too young for him. Wait, what? All manners of “nonsense” that was – and still is – part of the dynamic… and let’s not forget all the guys with fetishes and of the kind that are firmly on my list of shit I ain’t ever gonna do for or with anyone like the guy who wanted me to urinate on and inside him. Yeah, no – not even going there.
You just learn to play the hand you’re dealt and if not, just fold. And, as I guess fate would have it, the guys who’d be gung ho to go all in… live hundreds or thousands of miles away; getting on a plane for what amounts to a booty call is not all that practical even though such a meeting would be more than just that but, still. I went from an aspect of the dynamic where it was stupidly easy to get with a guy and one who’d be down for all that could happen and, yeah, sometimes, even kissing and cuddling, to a dynamic that is so… specific and often limiting that, to me, it’s no wonder a lot of guys aren’t getting the dick they want… because they tend to make it damned near impossible for them to do so. Their preferences, while respected, are more important that getting with a guy and seeing what the two of them can do with each other; when a guy tells me that we can’t do anything because I don’t weigh 225 pounds or more, yeah, there’s something not quite right about that, methinks. Methinks something ain’t quite right when a guy’s preferences include him wanting me to, literally, kick his ass and slap him around because if I don’t, he can’t cum and not doing it means the sex wasn’t good.
It was “bad enough” that I went through that part of the dynamic where guys wanted to get with me… just because I was Black and not so much because I am, in fact, a pretty decent kind of guy and one you wouldn’t mind being friends with at the least. But, alas, that aspect changed when all the size queens showed up and, again, I might be Black and as they prefer but since I don’t have wrap my dick around my waist a few times to keep from tripping over it, deal broken. Or, yeah, I’m Black and I’m to be avoided like, well, like COVID-19 and at all costs.
I’m not complaining, whining, or bitching about this – I’m just painting yet another picture of how things have changed over the decades and from my perspective. From eagerly wanting to be all in to, yeah, let’s not and say we did. Oh, and I did forget to mention all of the guys who are scared to death of having casual sex and no amount of convincing them that I am, in fact, safe doesn’t mean a whole lot. No deal.
All of which has me wondering how the dynamic is going to change going forward… and it will change because it always does. I understand the instant gratification thing and wanting exactly what one wants but, more often than not, the sex becomes one-sided if it happens at all and even my protégé, Cityman, gets to riffing about guys who are not about mutual satisfaction in all things; they just want what they want and nothing more than that and do not ever expect them to change their minds. He’s very much like me in that if we can’t agree to suck each other off at the very least, then there’s nothing we can do.
Yeah, even the two of us have been caught up in this instant gratification thing but we’re willing to give a guy a chance to change his mind… and not all that different from how we, as men, are to always give a lady a chance to say no and change her mind if she wants to. Yeah, when I say that a lot of guys are now behaving as I’ve known women to behave, I’m really not trying to be funny because everything I’m seeing is pointing right at this and I don’t yet know if this is a good or bad thing seeing how the lines that exist are now being blurred and maybe even on their way to being erased.
Or that, wow, bisexual is the new heterosexual or on its way to being so. I’ve not said a whole lot about gay men because there’s still that… line in the sand that has gay men not being fans of bisexual men or they’re… uncomfortable with being sexually involved with a bi guy; I hear about this one from Cityman a lot and we often talk about why us being bi should make such a difference but, yeah, for some, it does and most likely because some bi guys aren’t of a mind to add a literal boyfriend to their life or, if that’s what they want, it’s going to be… complicated and more so with all the married guys who are bisexual and, yeah, gay. I see a slight “return” to the way things used to be in that some gay men are of a mind that just because you’re bisexual really doesn’t mean that the sex won’t be all that and then some; we’re men; we both have dicks so why not put them to use on each other and that sexuality difference between us, well, we can talk about that later if at all. The top/bottom thing is still very much in place although the dynamic has seen the emergence of guys declaring that they’re top/verse or bottom/verse and, maybe it’s because I’m an old fuck now but that doesn’t make much sense to me; you’re either versatile or you aren’t but, okay, I get it; that means that one is either primarily a top or bottom but can be versatile with the right guy – and whatever that means.
Man… do I ever miss the good old days where the only thing that mattered was two guys wanting to do it to each other and for the purpose of being mutually satisfied. You suck me, I suck you; you fuck me, I fuck you. Repeat. See you later or tomorrow so we can go all in with each other again? Sure – you know where to find me! What wasn’t an issue but where and when most certainly was and when, oh, let’s say 99% of the time was right now or as soon as humanly possible and dependent upon where. For the first seven or so years of my bisexual life, guys were all in and by “default” both out of “fairness” and, um, why should you have all of the fun?
But things change – they always do – and this isn’t immune to change. There are more bisexual men today than at any time in the past and I think this is a good thing but the jury is still out on how guys are going about getting the dick they want and not being of a mind to be returning any favors.
Bummer… but very damned interesting just the same.