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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: And the One You Don’t

02 Oct

There’s something… gritty about the devil you don’t know or don’t know a whole lot about. Gritty. Kinda scary in some way. Being hit on and being in the position to either accept the proposal or reject it. Your imagination starts going off the rails and conjuring up all kinds of shit – both good and bad. Or one of those situations where you make eye contact with someone and you just know that they’re either gonna head your way or, if they’re already right there, the conversation is about to take an interesting turn and one that you may or may not really be interested in.

Or, sometimes, you can’t shake the feeling that someone is staring at you and you almost automatically start looking and, oh, shit, there he is! Sometimes they look away quickly but in the brief moment your eyes made contact, you just know why he was staring at you and now – and depending on some stuff – you’re either hoping he stays where he is… or hoping that he comes on over to introduce himself. Of course, I’m all too aware of what goes on in my head in these moments and I could spend three or four days trying to write it down but I can boil it down to a couple of things: Don’t bother me or, hmm, let’s hear what he’s gonna say about what he most likely wants do.

Get me somewhere, get me naked, and have his way with me or he very much wants me to have my way with him. Okay, either way, I can do that – not like I’ve never done it before but the “problem” is that I don’t know anything about him; I can see him which means I can try to read his body language and especially if he’s trying to hide it… but it’s only going to tell me so much but if they’re not standing “right next” to me, it’s sometimes funny to watch them trying to stay put when they know that they want to come on over and introduce themselves or the exact moment when they’ve decided to make their move and now, again, I’m like, “Fuck… here he comes…” or, “Yay! He’s coming over! Let’s hear what he has to say!”

I’d learned to switch over to “learning mode” because, um, sometimes, the devil you don’t know can be a lot of fun to be with but it’s prudent to absorb all the information you can about them and with the understanding that, well, he’s a guy with sex on his mind and he may or may not be, ah, honestly forthcoming about who he is but you can be sure of what he wants to do – and now it’s a matter of the details. Guys use pickup lines on other guys and I’ve heard a lot of them; some of them are actually pretty good and some are just… corny but, uh-huh, sometimes it’s deliberate. I’ve had the devil I didn’t know roll up to me and get right to the point: “I want to have sex with you!” and, wow, that’s both rather bold and right to the point… and that’s not necessarily a bad thing given how some guys hem and haw and tap dance all around them wanting to do something that I know they want to and now I’m like, “Hurry up and get to the point already so I can say yes or no!”

In that situation, the first thing out of my mouth is, “Do you now? I’m flattered… but I don’t know you so who are you?” Or, if I don’t feel like being bothered, a polite, “Thanks but no, thanks…” is the response and sometimes that’s the response when I do feel like being bothered… but my instincts are 100% sure that this is a devil I don’t want to know anything about and sometimes I know this before he even sidles up to me so he can work his way up to the indecent proposal.

As I wrote yesterday, the devil I don’t know doesn’t scare me because I’ve learned to trust my instincts and, um, yeah, kinda/sorta the hard way; there’s nothing worse than meeting the devil I didn’t know, have sex with him, and my instincts are kicking my ass for ignoring them and usually because the guy didn’t make the sex as good as promised or he said or did something that completely turned me off or something else along those lines. Bad enough to have someone else tell you, “I told you so!” and that “someone else” is that little voice in your head.

Well, it sounded like a good idea at the time. You have enough of those moments and you learn some shit and beginning with you can be “prey” just like anyone else can be and now it’s all about finding out what kind of “hunter” he is. I don’t fear the devil I don’t know because I only have three sub-preferences: Be of legal age (and I will ask for proof if I think you aren’t), be healthy enough for sex – and I know what to look for – and don’t be my idea of an asshole… and that will be determined the moment the devil I don’t know starts talking.

Do you remember me telling you that one of the things bisexual men wind up learning is what we put women through when we’re trying to get into their panties? Contrary to “popular belief,” we really don’t just roll up on each other and get right into jumping each other’s bones; nope, you gotta be convincing and in a way that tells us that doing some bone jumping with you isn’t going to be a huge mistake for either of us. Okay… part of the very bad rep guys have is that we’ll say anything to get you out of your clothes… and we most certain do that with each other. And, just like women, if you get “bullshitted” enough, you get to know when what he’s saying is a load of shit or not and one red flag issue with the devil you don’t know is him not really wanting to be bothered to say much about himself or find out about you other than, of course, can we go somewhere and do this thing he’s proposing.

Believe it or not, the devil you don’t know is… a known entity. You know they’re out there and they can literally be anyone and, as such, you’re bound to attract someone’s attention and whether you want it or not – just the way such things go and now it’s all about how you’re going to deal with this particular devil. Having said that, I think the more… “scarier” devil is the one you thought you knew and finding out that you really didn’t. I think that a lot of us have a “plan” for the devils we don’t know but that plan doesn’t quite work when the devil we do know turns out to be the devil you didn’t think they were.

That… bothers me more than the devil I don’t know shit about, because, um, yeah, I know them… but I didn’t know this. Didn’t have a clue or there was no indication of being a devil I really didn’t know. It’s… bothersome because, like most people, it’s unsettling to find out that someone you thought you knew quite well is now someone that, well, you didn’t know this about them and especially when you’ve gotten so comfortable with them that you would never expect them to ask you to have sex with them since, you know, friends don’t screw each other. Now, when I say that it bothers me, it doesn’t really upset me or anything like that but, um, I kinda don’t like surprises and, again, like a lot of people, I don’t like having what I thought I knew turn into something I sure as shit didn’t know or even think about.

The devil you don’t know, well, if you run into them, you pretty much know what they have on their mind and now it’s a matter of whether or not you’re gonna feel like buying or renting what they’re gonna try to sell you. The devil you know and the one you didn’t know this about is more of a “problem” since, again, friends don’t screw each other but now the devil you thought you knew is putting it on the table and, worst, I think, the existing mood in that moment is, ah, highly suggesting that getting naked and getting busy is the thing that should happen… and while that sounds like a good idea, it also sounds like the worst idea you’ve ever had because the other thing you don’t know is what’s gonna happen if you do… and what’s gonna happen if you say no.

Kinda makes dealing with the devil you don’t know shit about “easier” to deal with. Telling them no is, at best, a missed opportunity but with the devil you thought you knew, there can be other things “at risk” and in the form of your continued friendship with them at the very least. Okay – I’ve talked about the bro-job quite a bit and, um, that can manifest itself if your “bro” happens to be female, too. I’ve looked at this as one of those damned if you do and damned if you don’t kind of situations. You know them to some degree. You trust them and also to some degree. The person who, if they asked you to do them a favor, your first thought wouldn’t be that you’d not do the favor they’re about to ask you… then you hear what that favor is and, oh, shit. You know them… but you didn’t know this; you didn’t see it coming and for good reason because, at some point, you both agreed that you like each other… but you didn’t like each other that much and I think you know what I mean by that.

The devil you find out that you didn’t really know can be scarier than the one you don’t know shit about or even wanted to. Now there’s a lot at stake here and, again, your friendship with them. With a guy, even if you knew he was bi, the “friends don’t screw friends” rule is, by “default,” in effect and it’s just a given that he’s not gonna hit on you and, yeah, I’ve seen and heard of this happening with women. You want to say no to their proposition but you don’t know how that rejection is going to affect them and it might not be a good thing and could add a very sour note to the friendship. There is, of course, the thing that almost everyone says about this: You agree to their very surprising proposition, get it on with them, and now the relationship gets ruined and in that, “We shouldn’t have done this” kind of way but, of course, you can’t undo it.

Shit. Give me the devil I don’t know shit about any day; at least I know what’s going to happen or, most likely, what’s not going to happen. You’d think that I would have learned that the devil I thought I knew could turn into the devil I didn’t know this about and that it really doesn’t take a whole lot for that to happen because I’ve met that devil I thought I knew quite a few times and, most of the time, I got blindsided to find out that I didn’t know this about them and, of course, the “this” is them wanting to have sex with me. Yeah, it’s, um, kinda nice to let your imagination have fun wondering what it would be like to have sex with them but, nah, that’ll never happen; indeed, some really weird shit would have to line up just right and some much weird shit that it makes such a “fantasy” nothing more than that because you know they don’t like you that much or like that… then you find out that they do.

And then they hit you “low” and give you the, “If you’re really my friend, you’ll say yes… because I need you to say yes” thing. Or hit you even “lower” and say that, “I thought we were friends and that there isn’t too many things we wouldn’t do for each other” thing that I know makes me feel pretty shitty because now my honor is at risk. Shit. Where’s the devil I don’t know shit about hiding? Dealing with them is way easier than dealing with this devil I thought I knew and now I know that I didn’t.

I might be damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I’ve seen myself doing some serious backpedaling in this situation from my “usual” thought of being willing and able to have sex with anyone who wants to… but this is different. This is the devil I know and the devil who, up to this moment, was smack dab in the middle of the friend zone and that rule is applicable even though I know that it’s… a bit of bullshit because friends do screw each other and more so when I’ve screwed quite a few of my friend because I wanted to or, yeah, I didn’t have a clue that they’d want to have sex with me – ever. For no reason whatsoever and I “knew for a fact” that they wouldn’t even in that “to save their life” thing… and realizing that in some way, the devil you thought you knew is now the devil you didn’t know this about because you just might be “saving their life” and in the sense that if you can’t ask a friend to take you to bed, who can you ask? The devil you don’t know shit about and probably don’t want to know anything about?

I don’t know about y’all… but I’m more “afraid” of the devil I think I know because there’s always that chance that there’s going to be, ah, that something I didn’t know about them. That “If we weren’t friends I’d have sex with you!” thing that has that… unspoken question of “What does our being friends have to do with this? If you want to, why not? Better the devil you know than the one you don’t, right?”

Yeah, not always. You know what the devil you don’t know is about… but you didn’t know this about the devil you thought you knew. I’ve heard guys ask, “What would you do it so-and-so – and usually another guy who’s a friend – hit on you for sex?” I’ve heard guys state emphatically that such a thing would never come up with that guy and even if it did, it ain’t gonna happen. I’d learned that my answer to that question is, “Well, that depends on why they’d ask and if we’re that close as friends…” which is, on the surface, a good and sensible answer since if you’re close friends with someone, is there really a whole lot of things you wouldn’t do for them if they asked you to? Sure there is! But this? To have that close friend and the one you thought you knew ask you to give him some dick… and you didn’t even know that he was like that and even if you did, you knew – because of the rule – that you’d be the last person on the planet that he’d hit on because of the great risk of totally destroying the friendship?

Way scarier than the devil you don’t know jack shit about other than what their intentions are. You can tell that devil no and risk nothing other than them being pissed at being rejected. But with the devil you thought you knew and found out that you really didn’t? Shit. Shit, shit, shit. All that stuff about consenting adults and all that gets a bit shattered and, of course, your honor as their friend is being called into question. Shit. Because you don’t know – and didn’t know – what’s been going on inside their head or there’s something going on in their life that they’ve now suggested “the impossible” because you are their friend and “duty and honor bound” to help them in their times of need and if you’re able to.

Having sex, well, you know how to do that but this is the devil you know and you just found out something that you didn’t know about them and now things have gotten… complicated. Potentially messy and not necessarily in a good way. Or maybe it would be – that depends on what they’re going to say toward why they’re asking you to break that rule and it had better be a “life or death” kind of thing… then the more, um, complicated thing when they say, “We’re friends so why not?” Um, did you not get the email about friends not screwing each other? I know you did because I got the same email and, for the moment, let’s just forget about the fact that I’ve broken this rule… a lot… because my friend needed me to and, yeah – what are friends for? If you can’t do it with a friend and someone you both know and trust, who can you do it with and more so when the devil you don’t know jack shit about could be out there looking to “prey” upon you and especially them not giving a shit about you other than just another conquest?

Makes the devil I don’t know shit about look rather attractive in that I know what they want and while that can come with some risks, it’s not as bad as dealing with the consequences of your actions or inactions with the devil you thought you knew… but you didn’t know this about them. Or maybe you did and never expected them to take the friendship to a whole different level. You can ruin the friendship by saying no or you could deepen the bond between you if you say yes and, yeah, if this is a same-sex situation, shit. You just missed it. You know what they’ve said about such things and not in a favorable kind of way and you’ve heard this enough times that you’re not worried about them wanting to get with you and on top of friends don’t have sex with each other.

Then the devil you know turns into the devil you didn’t know this about… and that’s scarier than the devil you don’t know jack shit about. I’ve broken that rule. With mixed results and, knock on wood, not always in that ruined friendship kind of way but, yeah, it’s taken a bit of a hit because they, more than myself, have had regrets about it in some way; for some, it doesn’t feel good to break that particular friend rule even when (1) it sounded like a good idea at the time and (2) the thing that says that if you can’t do this with a friend and someone you know and trust, who can you do it with and without having to worry about some kind of “harm” happening?

It is… awkward. Kinda exciting and kinda scary. Feeling… honored that they hit you with this thing you didn’t know about them and bothered by it because you could be damned if you do and damned if you don’t… and an innate understanding that they’re thinking the same thing. They have… a need and in their mind, it really is better the devil you know than the one you don’t although the one you don’t might be a better option because you don’t really stand to lose anything or gain anything other than having an itch scratched.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I’ve heard myself say, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship…” and knowing that it might… or it might not. We could be closer friends or the level of regret and “guilt” could be such that we’re now lesser friends or, yeah, any feelings we had for each other has crossed over into that “way more than just friends” area that may or may not be a good… or a bad thing. Shit. Give me the devil I don’t know a damned thing about because they’re less scary than the devil I thought I knew… and found out I really didn’t.

Okay, if you really want to do this, there’s some shit that goes with it and beginning with it’s really not a mistake or a bad thing if we do this. We’re all adults here. Capable of not only making such decisions and understanding – and being able and prepared – the consequences of our actions or the lack thereof. If we do this, I won’t think any less of you and I’m not going to regret it as long as you don’t; if you think you might regret it, nothing’s gonna happen and “we didn’t have this conversation.” I don’t know what’s going to happen but this is going to severely test our friendship and in ways that could be good… or not so much. I’m your friend. I’ve told you that there’s nothing you can’t ask me and not too many things that I won’t do; if I can do it, I’ll do it… and this is included and whatever happens if we do this, happens and I’m prepared to deal with the consequences of my saying yes or no… and you’d better be, too.

Shit. The devil you don’t know is easier to deal with. Less scary in a lot of ways. You don’t know if you can trust this devil and you probably shouldn’t until, by chance and if possible at all, they become the devil you do know something about and can only trust them so much since you already know what their intentions are. And when you’re bisexual, these devils can literally be anyone. It can put the saying into question whether it is better the devil you know than the one you don’t since the devil you know could be the devil you didn’t know this about and that kinda puts them into the devil you don’t area.

And you really don’t know what to do because that rule is what it is and many take it as the gospel truth or, um, shit, they did until this moment because, sure – what are friends for and if you can’t trust a friend, who can you trust since the devil you don’t know is said to be a very bad choice and extremely risky.

What would you do?

 
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Posted by on 2 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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