Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Handle Your Bizness

04 Oct

This “message” is for anyone who is trying to come to grips with being bisexual; it’s for those who are clamoring for “instant approval” of bisexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation; it’s for those who are, sorry, sitting around and whining about “everybody” hating them because they’re bisexual. It’s for those who are sitting and thinking that, you know, checking this out might not be all that bad and for those who feel as if they have “no other choice” than to embrace bisexuality even as a measure of last resort. It’s for those who are sitting around and doing nothing more than making excuses for why they shouldn’t handle their bizness when they know they damned well need to.

Handle your bizness. Do whatever it is you have to do to take care of yourself in this. Taking in all the feel good stuff that can be seen is all well and good since there’s no reason for anyone to feel badly about themselves and just because the haters are out there doing their level best to do just that:

Make you feel bad. Get you to thinking that there’s something wrong with you. Pervert. Freak. Taking advantage of a straight privilege that is, in my opinion, bullshit since there’s a lot about being straight that ain’t all that cool and not all straight people play by the rules and like they expect everyone else to. Those same people insisting that you accept that you’re really gay and spreading all sorts of doom and gloom messages. That being on the DL is a den of deceit and disease and a clear and present danger to everyone around them. These people want to scare you straight and if you’re listening to them, they’re winning; they’ve made you be someone you know you aren’t. How do you feel about that, hmm?

I am here today to tell you that none of that crap has ever stopped anyone from handling their bizness. A lot of the recent things I’ve seen is about self-care… and handling your bizness is very much a part of that self-care thing. Being able to admit to yourself that, yep, this is how I feel and what I’ve been thinking about, which is the first part of handling your bizness. Rule Number One: Look after your own ass first. Do what you gotta do and, yes, if you must, by any means necessary. If you’re sitting around waiting for societal approval, I hope you’re not holding your breath on this because it won’t be coming any time soon; look at how long it took for homosexuals to gain the level of approval they have at this point – it took centuries and some political/legal actions for society to finally – and grudgingly – admit that homosexuals are people just like everyone else is.

Handle your bizness. Don’t mindfuck yourself into believing that you shouldn’t handle your bizness because – and I’ll keep reminding you – your first responsibility is to yourself and the adage that says if you can’t take care of yourself, how can you expect to take care of anyone else always comes to mind. Some will tell you that sacrifices must be made for the greater good or, to quote Star Trek, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” Yeah… not really; not when it comes to your mental and physical health and well-being it doesn’t because when it comes to bisexuality, we are the many.

Handle your bizness. You were never alone in this. Never. If you feel isolated, it’s because you’ve done that to yourself because you believe that no one is going to accept the fact that you’re not all that straight. The truth is that a lot of people aren’t going to and there’s nothing new about that but if you let this stop you from handling your bizness, they win. They’re in control of you. Got the utter gall to tell you that you can’t be what you want and need to be and more so when being “like them” isn’t working for you all that well or, yes, it’s not enough to make you feel good and right about yourself. They say bisexuals are greedy and to this charge, I plead guilty as a motherfucker and always will.

Even if you’re just “bisexual in your head,” handle your bizness. You’re allowed to think what you want; you’re allowed to feel what you feel. Being bisexual isn’t all about doing but I’ll never lie to you: Doing feels pretty damned good and it’s supposed to because sex feels good; being intimate with someone feels good. “Naughty” as fuck and that can make it even more fun or, as I’ve said, it’s sinfully delicious. Even if you’re just entertaining these thoughts and feelings, do yourself a favor: Don’t overthink it. Don’t make this any more complicated than it already is and with the understanding that all of this is complicated because of the many people who steadfastly, fervently, and dogmatically believe that being straight is the only way to be.

Yeah, um, no – it isn’t. It never was. It still isn’t. Handle your bizness. Do you, boo. Because one sure fact is that no one is going to do it for you and, really, who’s supposed to? Again, I’m not going to lie to you: It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission but, um, some do ask permission… and they get it and, hmm, the person giving the permission has been known to benefit as well because they just might have been sitting around and wondering how they were gonna handle their bizness without bringing all kinds of unholy hell down around them. In this, it really is better to try and fail than to not try at all but, yeah, when you get right down to it, the only person’s permission you need is… your own. Lemme tell you something about the DL…

At any point and time in our existence as a species, humans have always been doing this or that and with the express purpose of not letting anyone else know what they’re doing and that includes “mundane” things. too, like buying something you probably shouldn’t have bought but you wanted it so you got it and there’s always that one person who, if they found out you did this, will tell you that you shouldn’t have. The DL is the place a whole lot of people go to when there’s something they’re doing that they don’t want too many other people knowing about and that can literally be anything… but there are those who will tell you that going on the DL for sex and other intimacies makes you the lowest of the low and the worst person ever born. Why? Mostly because they don’t know what you’re doing there and, in these bisexual things, it’s not as if they’d happily and gladly give you permission to handle this particular bit of the bizness and all out in the open.

The truth is that a lot of bisexuals are on the DL because they have no other choice than to be there and many don’t like being there… but needs always must. Oh, and it’s not just married bisexuals who are on the DL – single ones are and can be, too… because they don’t want the people who know them – and who will most likely object to them handling their bizness – to know that they’re handling their bizness…

Which is why a lot of people are on the DL about this, that, or the other. I have even heard of people being accused of being on the DL just for having thoughts or that thing they call emotional infidelity or, really, that coveting thing the Ten Commandments says we should and cannot ever do. Well, um, if you wanna go there, who among us isn’t on the DL inside their own head? Thinking about stuff you don’t want anyone else to know that you’re thinking?

Handle your bizness because a life lived in fear is a life that’s not worth living. Is being bisexual risky? Yes. Just as risky as being straight or gay can be. But being sexually intimate with someone – anyone – is the bane of our existence as a species and I’ve seen and heard of people – usually straight people – doing things that even I wouldn’t do but I get it: The risk is acceptable and can be mitigated and/or minimized. I know guys who will not ever hesitate to go down on a woman… but will lose their shit over going down on a man… and they want this. I know guys who won’t hesitate to feed a woman his cock… and lose their shit over feeding it to another guy… and they want to. Why? Because they’re afraid of handling their bizness and their heads are full of nightmares of guilt and disease. There is a reason, my friends, that having sex is said to be dirty and nasty… but that’s never stopped anyone from having sex all that much.

Handle your bizness… and that means being smart about it. Taking whatever precautions and preventive measures you can bring to bear and with the understanding that the only safe sex is not having sex at all. Ever. Period. Oh, wait… that’s not exactly all that healthy, is it? Not having sex or otherwise being intimate does some shit to one’s mind and body that can have short and long term deleterious effects. You wanna know why so many bisexuals say they’re depressed? It’s because they ain’t handling all of their bizness. All of the fearmongering going on about being fatally infected, being raped, and subjected to acts of violence is, in part, real-deal shit… but what they don’t tell you – what they will never tell you – is that not all bisexuals experience this. Even the people who are pro-bisexuality take this as a given… because they believe what the haters are saying and, yes, taking into consideration all those unfortunate bisexuals who have, sadly, experienced these things.

Still hasn’t stopped a lot of bisexuals from handling their bizness. Yes… we can be some seriously horny people but we’re not stupid or as careless as others say we are. People make mistakes; nothing new going on here. People don’t always “get it right” every time. Shit always happens when you sure as fuck don’t need it happening or aren’t even expecting it to happen. Just the nature of the beast and all of that. It’s why one of the things I tell people contemplating bisexuality to think first, then act if they must and, yeah, if they can. When in doubt, do nothing even if doing nothing isn’t what you had in mind. Act responsibly so you can keep Rule Number One in effect and not causing yourself any issues that will keep you from keeping Rule Number One in effect.

It’s not really that difficult. Yes… if part of handling your bizness is doing the deed, choose carefully and wisely but, again, don’t overthink it. Do you best not to make it harder to do it and employ the KISS principle. Doing so doesn’t make you a slut or a whore or anything else you’ve been made to believe in order to shame the fuck out of you for wanting and needing intimacy: It makes you smarter and, yep, in line with the subsets of Rule Number One. Make it easy on yourself to do the deed… and handle your bizness if you can.

Bisexuality isn’t just a thing to do: It’s a way to be. Mind and body. Seeing the truth about what it means to be human and the social – and very damned sexual – critters we’ve always been and despite all those rules that serve to keep these things about ourselves in check… but still hasn’t stopped anyone from handling their bizness and sexuality doesn’t have a damned thing to do with it in every situation. Many do not want you to be what you are or think you may be and the funny part is they’re more afraid of you than you should be afraid of them… because bisexuality sure as hell takes everything we’re made to believe about love, sex, and relationships… and trashes it. Totally debunks that “you’re either straight or gay” bullshit. Makes people uneasy because “the type” looks like… everyone. Anyone. Invokes our hard-wired fear of the other and our fear of the unknown like nothing else can in these things.

In this, I’ve allowed that you could be right next to a bisexual… and you’d never know it. Could very well be someone you know, too, and unless they told you – and they’re probably very much of a mind to keep that on the DL (see what I did?) – you wouldn’t know it and especially if they’re only “bisexual in their head” and they’re handling their bizness this way and it’s perfectly acceptable for them handle it like this because, gasp, not all bisexuals have the sex and they don’t want or need to.

Just. Handle. Your. Bizness. The best way you can and even in the much-heralded self-care way that is, again, becoming a mainstream kind of thing. It really is okay for you to be… you. Some folks, again, might not like you for being who you need to be and that’s a shame and a pretty fucked up way for people to behave; we say, “Live and let live” but we really don’t mean that all that much and especially for those people – we bisexuals – who aren’t exactly living the way we’re supposed to be which is straight. Oh, wait – we are straight, well, until we do something that isn’t. And that reminds me that if there’s something that proves that thinking and doing aren’t always the same thing, it’s this. Being bisexual. One of the most important lessons I learned about being bisexual is just because I can do it doesn’t mean I always have to… but I can think about it. As a matter of fact, I always think about it because, truth be told, I can’t think in any other way since it’s how I look after my own ass first. Handling my bizness.

Being myself. Because if I’m not going to be me, who’s supposed to and who am I supposed to be if not myself? Who really gets to tell me how to be me? Well, a lot of people think and have thought that they could do just that and, honestly, I’ve not paid them a lot of attention since, you know, this happens to be my life and all that. Yes, what I do can impact and affect others and I’m always aware and mindful of this but I still gotta be myself and, at the least, handle the bizness of being… myself and I am very damned bisexual and right along with everything else that I am. Because the biggest part of handling the bizness is accepting that I am what I am and, yep, I’ve done what I’ve done and have zero regrets about it.

And if, by chance, you’re thinking, “Yeah, but…,” don’t. Just don’t. Anything you’re going to say about that “but” is some stuff that social and moral norms wants and needs you to say and, I hate to say it, but you look kinda… silly doing the “Yeah, but…” thing because you’re telling me that you understand what I’m saying and that you don’t and due to whatever you believe and, yeah, what you wouldn’t do and almost just like all of those people – those haters – who really do believe that because it’s something they wouldn’t do, no one ever should… but, lol, people are handling their bizness just the same because it doesn’t make sense for them not to and many have found that they’re doing more harm to themselves by not handling their bizness and by any means available to them.

You don’t have to believe me. Many don’t and especially this “new breed” of bisexuals who, admittedly, kinda confuse me with their view of things and all this political crap that’s coming down the pike and, yeah, with all their bitching and moaning and whining about how they can’t be the way they need to be because “everyone else” won’t let them and they feel all alone and unloved and, oh, yeah, ain’t getting any the way they want and need to and not, it seems, being about handling that part of the bizness that says it’s okay to be the way you are even if no one else is gonna like it.

I know what’s being said. Don’t much give a fuck about it and haven’t for a long time now because I’m all about Rule Number One… and I know what’s being said is mostly bullshit to begin with and ancient bullshit at that. Nothing that’s being said today is anything I haven’t heard before… about homosexuals. They’re on the DL, too, and they invoke that “straight privilege” and were doing it before society even got close to taking bisexuality seriously… and then accusing us of invoking this imaginary privilege. I handle my bizness in the face of all of this because I gotta be me and, yeah, not like I have much of a choice in not being myself and, yeah, part of myself is…

Bisexual. Happily handling the bizness of being myself first and foremost and as anyone should be doing instead of constantly worrying themselves sick about what someone else is going to think about them or sitting back and waiting for the world to change when that’s not likely to happen any time soon or coming up with all kinds of reasons why they can’t be what they know themselves to be and, yeah, living a life full of fear and then wondering why they feel so shitty about things.

Handle your damned bizness. Do what you gotta do even if that also means not doing anything. Be you. Do you. Because no one else can or will do it for you. If you don’t look after your own ass, who’s supposed to? Are you really happy to put your mental and physical well-being in someone else’s hands and more so if that someone ain’t feeling this part of what goes well toward that mental and physical well-being?

Handle your bizness… or don’t. Totally up to you but you gotta know that there are a growing number of people who are and have been handling their bizness and doing quite well, too. I’m one of them and I’m not even the only one. I’m not trying to convert anyone because I know for a fact that some people just can’t be bisexual even inside their own head. It’s okay. Really. I’m just the guy who has the nerve to suggest that if you are or wanna be, fuck the dumb shit and be who you need to be and find out if merely accepting that you are can make you feel better about yourself… and if you wanna do something about, heh, heh, you just might like it because a whole lot of us most certainly do.

Don’t get to fussing about the label; it’s just an identifier because we gotta call it something because it is very much a part of the world we are interacting with. Don’t get caught up in the psychobabble that suggests that bisexuality isn’t really and only about men and women because those who don’t believe themselves to be either can be bisexual, too. Don’t take the horror stories as the gospel truth of things; they happen but they don’t happen to everyone who is bisexual (and I’m living proof of that). Understand that you’re not living two different lives; you’re still living one life and one with two, ah, sexual or semi-sexual interests, you know, depending on how you really feel about doing the nasty.

Don’t think you could? That’s okay – a lot of people don’t think they could… until they find out that they can and who knew it could feel pretty normal? Oh, that’s right – bisexuals knew that because it is normal; it’s sex and more than that. Handling your bizness in this is being able to grasp these things and it will change the way you look at a lot of things and, yep, uh-huh, doing the nasty which, um, well, okay, it’s fun and healthy. Feels good but the biggest feel good thing is knowing that you can if you wanted or need to… and you don’t have to do it all of time time…

But you gotta be about the bizness of being who you want and need to be all of the time, don’t you? If so, handle it. Deal with it. Take care of the bizness of being the person you are or want to be in these things. The only thing stopping you is yourself and, believe me when I say that there’s a whole lot of other people who ain’t stopping and handling their bizness in some way or the other so, nope, not and never alone in this. And, yes, part of handling your bizness in this is being able to stand tall in the face of all this adversity and prejudice.

Handle your bizness or don’t and ask yourself how that’s working for you in the real-deal self-care way of things.

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Posted by on 4 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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