Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: App Angst

10 Oct

I recall the deep curiosity I felt when a, ah, particular website was recommended to me for the purpose of finding like-minded men who liked/love to suck dick and maybe more depending on some stuff. I recall being… leery about it, too; I could easily remember all the dumb shit experienced on BBS (bulletin board service) and IRC rooms (internet relay chat) and feeling some kind of way about the way so many guys were just so full of shit as they hid behind their keyboards and screens playing games and not being all that serious about things.

In the rooms for bisexual men, some “radical gay men” invaded to debunk our bisexuality and doing their best to get us all to admit that we were really gay and if we didn’t, we were a bunch of fake bitches who were too confused for our own good. And let’s include all the underage dudes who managed to sneak past the rooms’ moderators and looking for older guys to take care of their daddy issues and sometimes at a monetary price. Then I can include that very weird thing where some guys checked all of the boxes for me… but they weren’t local and sometimes not even in my part of the country. Then there were the guys who were into the “fad” of the times: Cybersex. I had no patience for it, didn’t see the sense in it, was probably too literal minded for it in that if I wanted to masturbate, I could do that without trying to jerk off with one hand while typing with the other and reading guys writing shit that was, to me, beyond the corniness you could see in written porn.

So I had mixed feelings about this website but it was recommended to me by someone I trusted – even if it had me wondering how he found out about it – and decided that the only way to find out about this site was to join it and see how things worked and flowed. I filled out all of the required stuff and even managed to upload a few pics of myself and as suggested… then sat back to see what was going to happen. Shit… I hadn’t really finished uploading my few pics before I started getting messages and notifications that guys were looking at my profile! It was… encouraging but I had a big-assed salt block “sitting next to me” because if it sounds too good to be true, it probably ain’t true at all.

Right away, I got subjected to those very annoying, “Sup” messages from men who, after further investigation, had incomplete profiles and no pics and, apparently, an inability to converse like they had a modicum of command of the written form of the English language… or any language, as it would often turn out and making me, not for the first time, regret not taking Spanish in high school. Indeed, my first active day on the site produced few credible possibilities; it was disappointing but I really hadn’t expected a whole lot, either. I recall that it took a week before I came across a guy who (1) could say more than, “Sup” and could write without using slang and/or misspelling simple words and as far as stating intentions went, he could say more than, “Can I fuck?” which was bothersome right off the bat and more so when my profile said that I wasn’t interested in fucking and a clear indication that those guys were either not reading my profile… or maybe they couldn’t read. I didn’t know but what I did know was that I found it annoying.

So this one guy and I held an involved conversation about our origins, likes and dislikes and we even spoke on the phone; I was still leery because even in the BBC/IRC days, a few guys would get to this point and, in today’s terms, wind up ghosting me but this guy sounded like the real deal so we set a date for a meet so we could spend some times sucking each other’s dicks. It was… refreshing. He was a skilled and enthusiastic cocksucker and on top of being a decent guy which meant he wasn’t my idea of an asshole. We pretty much wore each other out and when we weren’t trying to suck the life out of each other, we sat and talked like we’d been friends for years. As it turned out, we became somewhat steady with each other and, on a couple of occasions, took things to the next step and would screw each other. As luck would have it, just when things were getting good, he wound up taking a job in another state and that was that.

In between, there were the guys who were too aggressive and pushy; the guys who could talk a good game but had no intentions on going through with anything; the guys who would give me shit about being bisexual and the guys who declared that I wasn’t a “real man” because I had no interest in being their “daddy,” sugar daddy, or their bitch. If I’d not learned anything about this site and the resulting app, it was that you had to dig through a lot of shit in order to find the diamonds. There was always the rejections and for what I thought was for the stupidest reasons; when I tell you that a guy kicked me to the curb because my dick was a half-inch too short for him, I’m really not trying to exaggerate or be funny. When I tell you that there was this one guy who passed all of my tests that rejected me because I was Black and he was quite surprised that I was; I remember his… discomfiture as he accused me of trying to trick him by writing like a very educated white person, something I took great offense to because sure, I’m not white… but I am a college-educated man with two degrees in the science of computers.

There were the guys who’d demand that I drop whatever I was doing and come get them so they could do whatever they wanted to and without any concern or consideration for what I wanted to do and, yeah, those guys who I guess thought their dick was so good that I would be told that if I couldn’t pay them, I wasn’t shit. Or the guys who demanded that I have a job, home, and a car and take care of all their needs and as payment for them fucking my ass roughly and brutally. And there was always those guys who could only say, “Sup” and nothing more than that and didn’t seem to understand that I couldn’t make an informed decision about them if all the were willing to say was a single, three-letter “word.”

There were still a few diamonds in the shit and, notably, quite a few gay men who were great to be with but some would go from being thrilled about what we’d done to each other to being pissy because I wasn’t gay like them and had no intention to give up being with women. Now, this particular thing wasn’t anything new to me but I was kinda taken aback to get hit with it a few decades after the first time a gay man gave me grief about not being gay… after we had some very good sex. And, yes, some of them would give me grief about being bi and that was a deal-breaker for them and it just seemed that they couldn’t just say, “Thanks but no thanks;” no – they had to launch into a diatribe about how fucked up bisexual men were and how we should just stop being in denial about being gay and other such shit that, combined with all the other bullshit, made me not want to open the app all that much.

Hell, I was having more positive successes without the damned app. I could easily agree with the things the “diamonds” had to say about this app and some other ones; because of the anonymity afforded by the Internet, guys could just say all kinds of shit and in anyway they pleased or being fake and/or flaky; hundreds of so-called like-minded men who, as it turned out, weren’t all that like-minded; the app went from a somewhat nice place to look for dick to a cesspool no one wanted to visit all that much. I didn’t know which thing was worse: The guys giving me shit and calling my manhood into question because I wasn’t gonna let them fuck me or the gay men who gave me shit for not being gay… or the guys who’d kick me to the curb for “petty” shit and including the fact that I was out and my wife knew I was into guys.

That one confused the shit out of me but I was learning some shit about this M2M thing that was often surprising but quite disappointing. That “you’re not a real man” shit really got on my last good nerve because I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out what pretty much being some dude’s bitch of a sex slave had to do with my being a man other than I wasn’t having any of that bullshit. My participation in a few forums revealed that I wasn’t the only bi guy who was disillusioned and disappointed in the apps and other websites. I figured that any time I could go on a regular “dating” app and get pussy easier than I could get dick, something was very wrong about that.

I got to better understand what my bi brothers meant when they’d say that they couldn’t find a guy to have sex with. It wasn’t that there weren’t local guys but there weren’t guy of any meaningful substance, to put it like that. If guys on the apps weren’t being overly aggressive and pushy or whoring themselves, they were feeding the great dislike for fakes and flakes and being ghosted. Now, at this point, I gotta say that trying to get laid isn’t the only purpose of the various apps and sites; some guys just want to find other guys who are like them and be able to talk about things and confirming for me that the only thing that was worst than being bi and married is being bi… and having no one you could talk to about it.

I can’t say that it wasn’t nice being able to talk to such guys because it was… but I was learning a lot about why some guys weren’t getting the dick they said that they wanted and because they weren’t, they’d pretty much given up. For some, the issue wasn’t being worried about catching something nasty as much as it was signing up on the app and getting swamped by all the bullshit that can be found there these days or being ghosted or stood up and those things were deemed to be more of a problem than the risk of being outed and more so for those guys who were married and were looking to get some dick on the side.

I figure that any time I hear my protégé complaining about what he sees on all the apps he has, something is rotten in the state of Denmark, or, um, the good old USA. Overly aggressive guys; the apps have more flakes than someone with the worst case of dandruff ever and an almost equal amount of fakes – guys who talk a good game but when it’s time to shit or get off the pot, they always have an excuse and some of them aren’t even plausible. What’s funny is that he often complains about the men on the apps looking for a relationship… and I see other guys complaining about not being able to find a guy who’d want to be an FWB.

I know I got so fed up with the bullshit and dumb shit that when my app sent me the email saying that they’d delete my account if I didn’t sign in within ninety days, I was happy to let them delete it although, admittedly, I haven’t checked to see if it really did get deleted; I keep saying that I gotta check to make sure but I haven’t… and I might not even bother; the fact that I’m not getting emails from them telling me that someone’s looking at me can serve as proof that my profile and account has been deleted… and I’m good with that; again, I stand a better chance of running into a guy who’s not my idea of an asshole just walking out of my front door.

The apps themselves aren’t bad but you do have to have a great deal of patience in order to wade through the bullshit that populates the apps in order to find that “rare” diamond and, well, you gotta be willing to put in the work that’s required to find them. Guys are successful using the various apps and when I was actively using one, I was quite successful as well but, yeah, you gotta go through some shit along with a lot of fits and starts to get lucky and that’s probably more literal than figurative. Some guys have said that they’ve had better success getting some dick by not using the apps because they’ve run into their kind of guy purely by chance. The people who own the apps and sites do their best to clean things up but it’s not all that easy to police things. That some apps require one to pay for the features that would connect them with favorable men is just the business this has turned out to be but for some men, it’s like betting whatever it costs for those features is going to get them the dick they want… and it’s not a given that they will, not that it was a given to begin with.

I remember this one guy who gave me a huge raft of shit because I wasn’t interested in him fucking me “all night long” saying, “If you’re on this app, you’re on here to be fucked!” He went on to question my masculinity but, yeah, that seems to be the prevailing thought held by a lot of men using the apps. To them, the whole purpose of the apps is to have sex with some guy even though they’re called dating apps and, as such, some guys get disillusioned and downright pissed off to run into guys who have zero interest in dating them and want to skip all that getting to know you better stuff so they can get right to having their way with you… and sometimes in a way you’re not feeling one bit.

Like this one guy’s profile I read that was probably the most arrogant thing I’ve ever read. The dude went on and on about his very large dick and how he expected real men to allow him to ravage their holes with his very large dick – and, yeah, the photo he supplied revealed a very large dick – and how he expected men who are going to bottom for them to be real men and not femme in any way. It was… insulting and I thought it was pretty hypocritical since one of the things you can easily find out on the apps is that most bottoms are “femme” being bottoms; I mean, they live to be the girl and take the dick in the ass (and the bigger the better) and since homey was complaining about there being more femme-acting guys than real men, it even had me wondering whether a “real man” – and as he claimed himself to be – would buy into his diatribe and just give up his ass because this asshole said so.

Cityman often regales me with such profiles and it continues to make me wonder if these dudes understand the old saying that says you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. You’re just not going to get any takers by insulting a guy’s masculinity and even if he “acts like a girl” when getting some dick or reaching out to a guy and telling him that he’s gonna submit to some shit that he’s not even interested in – then calling him a fake/flake because of it.

The various apps have become messes that a lot of men don’t want to be bothered with. There’s this… internal “struggle” between the guys who just want to get into your underwear and the guys who aren’t feeling this because they want their sex to be more meaningful than that or, yep, relationship sex. In all those times I’ve said something about men being more funnier about this than women can be, I’m really and seriously not making this up and, yeah, you can get a very good idea of what women have to put up with as they search whatever apps they happen to be on… and none of this works toward making men look desirable and it most certainly fucks it up for decent, well-meaning guys and regardless to sexuality.

Where are all the good and decent guys? Not on the apps. They’re not all “off the market;” you just and probably won’t find them on any of the “dating” apps and no matter how successful these apps are being advertised to be. Not many people are willing to spend a whole lot of time, effort, and even money to have to wade through the cesspools most apps have become in order to find a diamond… and I can’t say that I blame them for not wanting to wade through the shit and especially the large number of men looking for a dick to play with and only finding shit instead or anything other than what they’re looking for.

Thus endeth the “rant” and one about the reality of trying to use apps. They do give you a huge selection of men to choose from and there is literally something for everyone… if you can put up with the dumb shit and petty bullshit that a lot of men bring to such apps. One’s preferences are the alpha and omega of things and usually no-negotiable and there are a lot of men who aren’t willing to negotiate for some ground they can both stand upon. Cityman rhetorically asks me why a lot of guys aren’t, at the least, cocksuckers and my answer is they aren’t… because they aren’t. Personally, I believe that sucking dick should be a basic skill and something two guys can do if they can’t agree on any fucking going on… but that’s not all that realistic and I’m not all that surprised that my protégé is like me in that if you’re not gonna suck my dick, don’t be asking to get yours sucked and then start talking about shoving your dick in my ass and after I’ve made it clear that I’m not feeling that.

Such stuff takes the fun out of being a cocksucker and it’s like I say: Why should the other guy be the only one having fun? On the app, I could easily get rid of the assholes who wanted me to suck them off b saying that I can do that… but they’re gonna be sucking my dick, too. Oh, they’d get so indignant that it was laughable and, while I laughed in their faces, I’d ask them what made them think that I wouldn’t like or want my dick to be sucked, too? I mean, really, dude? But they want what they want and in the exact way they want it and that way is non-negotiable.

The apps are… messy. You can still find a diamond or two if you’re willing to put up with the dumb and petty shit in order to find them. A lot of guys ain’t so willing and for good reason. It seems that there are just a lot of guys whose sole purpose is to make getting some dick harder than it has to be… and that’s a damned shame.

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Posted by on 10 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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