Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: When It Goes Badly

18 Oct

I just got finished re-reading the piece I wrote about coming to terms with being a cocksucker (and I gotta edit it to fix some errors I didn’t catch) and while the caffeine was starting to permeate my brain, I thought about all the moments experienced when sucking a guy’s dick had me wondering just why in the hell I thought it would be nirvana to blow him.

Those of you who, well, fuck – you know what I’m gonna say. As I re-read and frowned at the boo-boos I made, coming to terms with being a cocksucker is one thing and right up to those moments when some dude just makes you feel some kind of way about being one… and definitely not talking good things here.

From shitty attitudes to really funky junk to nasty-tasting spunk, it’s a total bummer to have the realization hit home that there are guys who just do not know how to get their dick sucked… and maybe they should never get their dick sucked. Once again, it’s one of those things that when you’re a guy who sucks cock, you get to understand why some women just ain’t fans of doing it. I’d guess, at this particular moment, it’s probably a good thing that it’s not the daily chore some folks think it is for bi guys but, yeah, it can be and more so if you happen to have a circle of friends who happens to know that you’re a cocksucker.

Time machine time!

In the early days and after acquiring the taste, oh, damn – couldn’t get enough of dick in my mouth! That the majority of my male friends also seemed to have learned or discovered this at about the same time as I did just made it even better to be able to “cut our teeth” on each other like this. The sensual impact – and I mean the impact on one’s senses – was pretty interesting and fun when one of my friends would pull their pants down and, yeah, boy, his dick was already hard in anticipation of being sucked, then him getting a temporary bad case of the giggles as I’d close my mouth around him and make it feel wonderfully amazing for the both of us. No spunk to deal with at that time but there was always that good feeling that would flow over and through you like a warm blanket in wintertime. Didn’t know what it was but it sure as hell felt good and feeling it would either make us sigh… or giggle.

Depending on how one felt about it, the really nice part was that you could suck on a dick, he’d get that good feeling and you could keep right on sucking him and making him feel it over and over while feeling pretty good yourself. It was heavenly to feel one of my friends licking and sucking on my dick and making it feel all tingly and once we figured out that we could do it together? Shit… how did it get any better than that? Oh, yeah – shooting the stuff!

Warm. Salty-sweet. Thick and a lot of it. Make a guy shoot his stuff in my mouth, wait a couple of minutes, and get him to do it again. And again. And while he was doing the same thing to me or just taking turns shooting “the jizz” into each other’s mouth until we couldn’t do it but it still felt good. Being on my knees or lying next to him and licking and sucking while his body would start fucking into my mouth all by itself… and trying not to laugh as he’d make those silly sex sounds before blurting out that he was gonna do it. Then feeling his prick twitching and jerking in my mouth as gobs of his stuff landed on my tongue and sometimes having to hustle to keep up with all of the stuff he was shooting.

Some guys were just assholes about it. Not only would they run me down and pretty much beg me to suck them – which I didn’t mind all that much – but to use a more modern term, they acted like they were entitled to get sucked off and doing shit like grabbing my head and slamming themselves into my face as hard as they could or the first time a guy said, “Yeah, suck my dick, bitch!” Yeah… he didn’t say that to me twice and I remember feeling… very bad for doing it. Not that guilty thing but giving into their demand to be sucked just turned out to be a bad idea and even more so when they’d be all funky down there and even worse when their jizz didn’t taste good at all.

Or I’d make them cum and they had little or no appreciation for what I’d done for them and, worse, reneging on their promise to suck me off and getting all pissy about it to be reminded of that promise. The good thing was that once an asshole made himself known, everyone would find out that if he asked you to suck him off, the answer had to be not only no but hell, no. They didn’t act right. Didn’t taste or smell good. Wanted to be all rough about it and reneging like a motherfucker. The other good thing was that it was easy to avoid the assholes because there were plenty of guys who weren’t assholes and, importantly, were very appreciative of the efforts it took to get them to cum.

You not only learned why girls were funny about doing it but you also learned some shit about boys that, in hindsight, you’d wind up wishing you hadn’t learned. Sucking dick is supposed to be fun and preferably mutually satisfying but the truth was that there were a lot of guys who’d make me regret giving into my need to suck them and swallow their spunk. It was bad enough that they made sucking them “the worst thing ever;” even worse when they got finished unloading and then say that it wasn’t good for them and then – worse still – they’d go around telling everybody who’d listen to them that you were a lousy cocksucker and once you got that tacked on to your reputation, nothing you could say or do would get that stigma removed and if you did manage to get rid of it, it was usually because you wound up sucking a lot of dick to prove that you weren’t lousy at it which was either a good or a bad thing depending on how much that bothered you.

Yep… it always bothered me when a guy would make me feel like shit over doing something that I loved doing. Sure, I knew what guys to stay away from but another thing you learned about this was that it wasn’t the guys you knew about that could be a problem: It’s the guys who never gave you any indication that sucking his dick would be a bad call and, of course, you wouldn’t know until he started acting like an asshole about it. Yeah, you also learned that pretty fucked up thing of the guy turning out to be an asshole about it but, shit, you’ve started doing it and it just kinda doesn’t make any sense to just stop; you find yourself in this situation enough times and you learn to cease and desist immediately if not sooner… and chances were very good that stopping things wasn’t going to be received all that well by the asshole.

One such asshole called me a bitch and a whore while I was sucking him so I stopped and he got indignant and asked why I did; I told him why I did and I guess my answer was unacceptable because he said he was gonna make me finish him off… and I invited him to try it. It didn’t go well and especially for him. Yeah… I got a busted lip out of the deal along with some scrapes and a couple of bruises but that was nothing compared to what happened to him. I was even more pissed the hell off because he took something I loved doing and made me not like doing it, well, to him and one of many lessons about not letting someone else steal your joy.

Like getting cussed out because he came before he wanted to. Um, not my fault, homey. Or working over a guy for a long period of time and nothing you’re doing is going to entice him to give up the nut… and then he’s blaming me because he couldn’t cum. Oh, wait – you jerked off before we got together, didn’t you? I really tried to not dislike guys for their antics but there are guys who just go out of their way to make you not like them a whole lot and make you regret doing it. Coming to terms about being a cocksucker also means coming to terms with the fact that some guys are going to give you bad experiences. I hated having my face fucked, for example. I hated guys trying ram their dick down my throat and not giving me a chance to breathe or grabbing my head and holding it so they could ravage my mouth and throat and, of course, the bigger the dick, the more I hated it.

I had to stop too many times to tell guys that I didn’t need any help from them; just lay your ass back and let me do what I know how to do… and calling me out of my name is going to result in something you’re not going to find in the least bit fun. Yeah… no wonder girls were extremely funny and conditional about sucking dick and/or wouldn’t do it at all. Yes, indeedy: The moment you make it not be any fun for a woman, you’ve pretty much screwed the pooch and not in a good way. I remember a guy telling me that I’d better not bite him and I wondered why he even mentioned it… then I found out why. Oh, I wanted to bite his dick right off of his body but in lieu of that, I just stopped and left without a single word. He, on the other hand, decided that grabbing my arm and trying to drag me back was the thing to do and, well, he regretted it after I broke his arm at the elbow. You turned into an asshole and made sucking you something I wished I hadn’t agreed to… and then you had the nerve to put your hands on me?

Homey does not play that shit. Ever.

You just accept that there’s going to be some bad with the good and then strive to not let the bad steal your joy. I see cocksucking porn and, wow, no; not even trying to hear any of that being choked while sucking dick or being gagged or being held in place because my body is reacting to not being able to get any air; not my idea of a fun time. You’re either gonna let me do what I know how to do… or you’re gonna find someone else to blow you. The “good” thing is that there are guys who will actually tell you what they want to do once they get their dick in your mouth; makes it way easier to tell them, nope, ain’t none of that gonna happen here… and yeah, don’t even think about shooting that shit in my face. Accidents happen but if your idea of a cocksucking good time is to shoot your load all over me – and like you see way too much of in porn – yeah, not doing that.

It can go badly. Occupational hazard. What a guy says and does when his dick ain’t hard can be very damned different when his dick is hard and in your mouth. I think we kinda romanticize it because the reality that can be experienced can be anything but “romantic” or even erotic. Some dudes are just assholes about it. Can’t say it any plainer than that.


Posted by on 18 October 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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15 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: When It Goes Badly

  1. Marlapaige

    18 October 2021 at 23:14

    Wow. This is a lot of the experiences I had until recently. I hated it forever because every guy I knew was kind of a head grabber and I don’t like it. And at some point, I don’t know when, my ex got into the porn you were talking about, and something that I was doing because it made him feel good but I was kind of indifferent to became unpleasant. Luckily, not all guys are like that and all it can take is freezing in place. No word, no removing of a hand, nothing. Just a half second of not moving and their hands are back and their sides. Yes they twitch and their hips move, that’s a good thing! But once the hand comes out, the fun stops. Sometimes a gentle hand push is needed depending on how well you’ve done your part, but it’s not always needed. But the moment I hear “you suck that cock you [fill in any blank you want]” I don’t get past the first four words. They say the last few to nothing because I’m not touching it or letting them
    Touch me. Could potentially be the best sex of my life, don’t care, won’t happen. One thing I learned with my ex, he made sure I learned it because he truly loves me. And still reminds me to this day. If anyone makes you feel bad at all, you have no reason to stay. Walk the hell away, sun of
    You have to. But I’d you’re not smiling, there’s no reason for you to be there. He’s very right about that.


    • kdaddy23

      19 October 2021 at 00:28

      Yes, luckily and thankfully, there are guys who act like they know and makes blowing them the pleasure it’s supposed to be. Just no excuse for bad behavior…


      • Marlapaige

        19 October 2021 at 08:17

        I agree. The same guys that behave poorly are the same guys who don’t listen when a woman says that what they’re doing isn’t pleasurable. They know everything. Those guys are the ones that cause people to want to hide from anything like that forever. Or just to kick another human being in the throat.


      • kdaddy23

        19 October 2021 at 15:17

        I know some guys who’ve had a cocksucking experience go bad… and it totally soured them on doing it again. I’ve had conversations with assholes and have pointed out to them that if they’re now looking for a guy to blow them – and because women won’t – there must be a reason why women won’t and, yeah, being an asshole about getting your dick sucked will almost always result in them not getting sucked by anyone not counting those cocksuckers who enjoy being “abused” while sucking dick.

        I reasoned that if I let any asshole I might come across ruin my fun doing this, I’ve let them make me stop doing something I enjoy… and I was not hearing any of that.

        Punching them in the throat sounds like the “better” option. I learned that the majority of assholes I’ve come across have been guys who don’t or won’t suck dick and probably because they’re scared that they’re gonna get a taste of their own medicine from some guy who’ll prove to be a bigger asshole than they are about this.


      • Marlapaige

        19 October 2021 at 18:48

        Personally, I just won’t bother until I’ve determined the person is responsive. If they can reply to the double tap, and do, they’re unlikely to try to kill you if you suck em. But if you’re with someone you have to push away just kissing, it will go absolutely no further, and certainly not there.

        You had previously mentioned guys afraid you would bite it. There is reason for that. And if they’re afraid of that, then there’s a really good chance you want to be nowhere near them unless you’re prepared to go to jail. Some of them just had experiences where the person giving was a little too toothy, but they’re very clear about teeth specific. The act of biting is reserved for those who deserve a huge bite and probably decapitation as well. I’ve actually bitten one. Only one. I had valid reasons. Very valid reasons. So if the question is about teeth, it’s a good bet they haven’t had decent. If it’s about the verb “biting” turn around and keep walking.


      • kdaddy23

        21 October 2021 at 15:06

        There’s always skill and technique with giving but as a lot of women have said, the best way to get your dick sucked is to just lie there and take it like a man. Dudes who worry about being bitten beyond the much-disliked toothy blow job do have a reason to be worried about it… because they’ve pissed someone off enough over the matter that their dick could get seriously chewed on.

        And there are guys who are sitting around wondering why cocksucking men are being really funny about doing it? I’m not surprised and more so considering how much blowjobs in porn have been contaminating things with bad behaviors…


      • Marlapaige

        23 October 2021 at 13:50

        I know a guy who has experienced both genders sucking him off and made it to 45 and doesn’t like it. Never been bitten as far as I know. He’s an outlier. And loathes that kind of porn. He thinks it’s an overrated act that’s now grotesque because of the media surrounding it. I agree with him and you.

        I think there’s more technique in getting than giving. Giving requires technique, quite a bit actually; but getting requires not being a jackass, which seems to be extremely difficult for some people.


      • kdaddy23

        23 October 2021 at 16:00

        It’s not rocket science by any means but attitudes and some other stuff that’s been tossed into this can make something that’s supposed to be quite pleasurable anything but.

        There’s always been that “assumption” that when someone goes down on you, they’re supposed to do it the way you want them to and as opposed to how they are able to do it.

        Oops. How’s that really supposed to work and especially in more casual situations? Then we get into – for this – guys wanting to suck cock the way they want to, which might not be all that pleasing to the recipient, that and another part of the bad rep us guys have is that we aren’t fond of being told what to do in these things. “Simple” things like faster, slower, that spot right there, suck harder or not so much.

        The grotesque value does come into play when you see it in media and it’s always bothered me that so many men use such media as THE WAY to do it and/or receive it instead of just letting their body tell them what feels good and what doesn’t.

        Expectations, in my “bad” experiences, has been the biggest cause of “failures” and I don’t mean my expectations not being met.


      • Marlapaige

        23 October 2021 at 16:05

        Bad experiences in this case, are almost always due to insane expectations of the recipient.

        I am of the opinion that many men let that media be there guiding light because they have access to it before they have access to someone with a month. But then again, after the first couple times they are told to knock it off, do you think they would…


      • kdaddy23

        23 October 2021 at 16:32

        That and a lot of guys buy into what other guys have to say about how they like it done. It’s always been a trial and error thing and there’s two things to learn: How a guy might like having it done and what you’re physically able to do and then a third thing that says that what you’re physically able to do trumps what the guy wants you to do.

        Deep throating is something that guys getting head expect and demand and I’ve heard of folks hurting themselves trying to comply with this demand because they’re physically unable to do it and prone to serious bouts of gagging and even panic attacks from having their airway blocked. One of the things I tell a lot of guys is to never try to do more than they’re able to do; trying to deep throat a 10″ dick looks easy but it’s anything but. A great skill to learn but not one that anyone can just do or is going to do because it’s expected… and if you can’t do it, the head you gave them will be considered bad or inadequate.

        Nothing pisses me off more than to see media where some big-dicked dude is forcing all that dick down someone’s throat and you can tell by the look on their face that they’re either having difficulties or they ain’t feeling it one bit.

        Most guys “hate” any head that’s going to make them cum quickly. There are male cocksuckers who actually get pissed off if their skillset makes a guy cum quickly and I get it… and I don’t because there’s two parts to this: Making it feel good and enticing the guy to cum… and provided this is the reason why you’re sucking his dick instead of it being “just foreplay.” It makes sense that the guy being sucked wants it to feel good for as long as possible but it’s often at the expense of the person doing the sucking; guys who do not suck dick really have no idea the effort it takes to do it and they tend to think that the act is all about them and while there are plenty of “submissive cocksuckers” out there who will endure whatever they have to for the other guy’s express pleasure, there are far too many men who ain’t feeling that and, yep, I’m one of them. Whether I’m sucking dick or eating pussy, I will go at it for as long as it’s going to take or right up to that moment where doing it stops being my idea of a fun thing to do… and now it has turned into that chore that a lot of cocksuckers – both male and female – hate with a passion.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Marlapaige

        24 October 2021 at 21:35

        I can’t stand when I do that either in the media. There was one video where men I knew were like totally excited by it, and all I saw was a woman with veins popping out of her forehead, completely red-faced, and tears coming out of her eyes. Far from sexy in my opinion. But they disagreed. I was thrilled I didn’t have to go near them… and I realized a lot about them too.

        Once it becomes a chore, it’s not worth it. No matter who it’s for or why. People need to grok that. If the other person would rather pull their eyes out then continue, then leave them alone and change whatever we’re doing. I don’t understand why people can’t respect something so basic. Your pleasure is not worth someone else’s tolerance, no matter who you are, or what you’d prefer. Trying to force somebody to do it to your expectations and hurting people is just stupid. It guarantees it won’t happen again.

        I don’t know about “submissive cocksuckers” other than what those who label themselves as such tell me. I am not one of them, and I truly can’t understand being that submissive that you would allow yourself to get hurt. I get wanting to do everything you CAN to get someone else off, but to go so far as to take a beating like that? Nah. Too far. I’d rather break his nuts then let him bust one. But I’m a huge proponent of everyone has fun or no one gets to play. Sometimes you don’t know the other person is not of the same mindset until you have to let them know that you will not comply, in whatever way you need to and with however much force is required to get them to finally listen. But to purposely allow yourself to have actual injuries (I know men and women who get them from overly demanding men), that’s just something I don’t truly get. I understand a little – but only to a point. Then I’m so confused it may has well be a foreign language. They can explain it from now til doomsday, all that I can think of is “why would you let yourself get physically hurt and have to see your doctor because they might nut? Where is your urge to self-protect??” They try to get me to understand, and I truly try to, and I get some of the psychological concepts behind it, but in reality and in practice it boggles my mind.


      • kdaddy23

        24 October 2021 at 22:48

        Submissive cocksuckers. How to explain this? They’re “usually” the guys who believe it’s always better to give than receive and pretty much however the other guy wants to receive just works for them. They view cocksucking as a purely submissive act; theirs isn’t the reason why – they just kneel and get to sucking and the more “dominant” the guy is, the better it is for them.

        I have never subscribed to this school of thought because it doesn’t make sense to. There’s no fun in being “brutalized” sucking dick; I don’t like that such a delicious pleasure can be made to be unpleasant and even one sided. Still, none of us live in a perfect world so not every experience is going to go well and trying to studiously avoid potentially bad experiences is a bit of a waste of time and energy because you never really know how it’s going to go until you actually get into it.

        I know I’m not going to please everyone but I’m also not going to allow anyone to steal the joy I get from it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Marlapaige

        25 October 2021 at 07:45

        Yes. I understand your point of view.

        I also understand what a submissive cocksucker is. I even understand their motivations. As a concept it makes perfect sense. But to meet someone, be friends with them, and realize that IRL (not in a conceptual way) they let themselves be hurt for that level of submissiveness simply baffles me. That’s the part I don’t understand. I get all of it on an intellectual level; but to actually see people who got injured and kept going for the submissive part of it simply makes so little sense to me it actually hurts my head.

        For example, for me, I like the concept of being submissive. Not in the cocksucking area, at least not completely. Being sternly told to, I like, but grabbing any of that is a no go as I’ve mentioned before. But even just normal sex. Being held down isn’t such a horrendous thing (it’s actually quite fun), as are many other things like that. I will, however, kick scream and fight if actual restraints are tried. I also like to be told what to do in some cases, and try to comply (sometimes with difficulty if turned into a blathering idiot, which is rare), but the minute it’s not fun and it turns, I will kick scream and fight; blathering idiot or not.

        It’s a survival thing. I have no issue “playing” submissive; I have major issues when doing that turns upside-down. It’s not even something I consciously or purposefully do. I can still be a blathering fool and come out of it and I’m wrestling with someone. I know why – but I don’t know why. I know me well enough to know why, but in that moment I don’t remember what happened to cause that response. Can take a few minutes. Usually, the guys I know luckily get it and understand they crossed a line without meaning to and I’m not trying to kill them but some lizard-brain defense mechanism kicked in. Some guys will peg you for insane (so what).

        That’s what I don’t understand. To be so submissive that your lizard-brain allows it. How do you (un)consciously have the ability to turn off your need to survive. If someone is cutting off your supply of air, and forcing you to continue to have no air, how do you not immediately fight back? I don’t understand it. I generally have no desire to fight anymore; I can’t control that self-defense mechanism. It is triggered and I’m along for the ride (it takes a bit to trigger it, so it’s also probably deserved, because it wouldn’t kick in unless I felt threatened enough for it to be triggered). How can you fight that feeling?

        I do understand being so damned frightened that you comply when you’re going to be hurt. At that point though, it’s usually truly survival mode. Your brain has been triggered to survive until the threat has turned its back then you run like hell. But that’s not pleasure – far from it. Submissives (of any stripe) are in it for pleasure; theirs by complying and their partners’ demands, and their partners’ because they are demanding what they want. But at some point, everyone should have a natural desire to live past that moment…how do they turn that off?

        That’s what I don’t understand.

        Fight or flight doesn’t really include stay there and take it.


      • kdaddy23

        25 October 2021 at 15:38

        It has kinda amazed me how cocksucker has, for some, turned in to a D/s thing and even borrowing the top/bottom terms I first heard of regarding BDSM. Okay, fine, I guess – whatever floats your boat. I hear of guys looking for dominant “feeders” so they can practice their cock worshipping and to degrees that often makes me, a very experienced cocksucker, get the creeps. The roleplaying aspects I get and I get that it’s all fun and games until a line gets crossed and reality kicks in. Again, whatever floats your boat… but when a guy who’s getting sucked is going out of his way to make being sucked a problem, well, I don’t pretend to understand why some guys think this is fun.

        For myself, I had to realize how literal I could be about it and having a not-too-unreasonable “expectation” that if a guy wanted me to blow him, he wasn’t going to present me any problems toward that end… then I learned otherwise. The idealism of it gave way to the reality and, yep, sometimes, the reality just didn’t go right. That begs the question – or a couple of them – of what to do when it does go badly? Do you let it deprive you of what is an enjoyable thing to do or do you keep at it while doing your best to protect yourself from the assholes out there while understanding that you won’t know they’re an asshole before the fact in the majority of times?

        I know what I did and I know what a lot of guys stopped doing after a single “bad” moment and defined by the moment not going the way they expected it to and then finding themselves in that bad position of just letting the badness continue and not putting a stop to it. I don’t knock or “hate” on submissive cocksuckers one bit but, again, don’t pretend to understand how being “brutalized” while sucking dick equates to a fun good time and more so when a lot of guys are looking for the longest, fattest dicks they can get into their mouth. Being choked and gagged is dangerous and so is being made to vomit with a dick jammed down your throat and that’s just not my idea of fun… but it is for a lot of guys and it being an aspect of D/s doesn’t seem to play into this.

        At some point, the reality says that if you’re sucking a guy’s cock and he’s not making it easy for you to do it, that’s a problem…


      • Marlapaige

        28 October 2021 at 17:15

        I have learned that not enjoying something because of generalizing it is not the way to go. Not enjoying it with one person is possible though.

        However, I will never understand being “brutalized” during any activity is fun, outside of being paid massive amounts of money to do such things. But sex is sex, not professional sports.

        Liked by 1 person


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