On the heels of yesterday’s scribble, my attention turns to how… fucked up we are about having sex and how insularly clueless many of us are about sexuality in that, here in the 21st century, there are still a lot of people who think and believe that if someone isn’t straight, they’re gay.
Which is why a lot of the fussing about bisexuality exists because – and as I’ve said a lot – bisexuality takes all of our notions abut sexuality and trashes the shit out of them. Seriously… who in their right mind would want both? Um, hmm, it appears that there are a lot of who aren’t in their right mind but that begs an important question: If there are so many of us who’s minds ain’t right about this, why are there so many of us to begin with and does it – should it – indicate that our minds ain’t as fucked up as it’s believed they are?
That guy from yesterday learned a truth that I had already learned: While two guys blowing each other is, in deed and in fact, homosexual sex, that never means that one or both guys are homosexual. Homey, well, I wouldn’t say that he was so scared to do what we did that he was about to piss his pants but the fact that he thought that one had to be gay to get sucked off by a guy was the thing he had some… unspoken concerns about as well as harboring the misconception that he had to be gay to get a blowjob from a guy. He didn’t speak to it but I saw the moment where he was… confused because I “outed” myself and told him that not only had I had guys suck my dick, I’ve sucked some dicks… and, oh, by the way, I’m not gay.
Man… I’ve watched so many guys go through this moment that it isn’t funny and it’s not their fault so much: It’s society’s fault for not understanding some stuff about this and then making a blanketed assessment that, again, says that if you’re not straight, you’re gay. I can’t begin to count the number of guys who really and truly believed that if they did what they wanted to with a guy, it was going to make them gay… and then be in that great moment of confusion when I told them that I’ve done it – a lot, too – and I’m still not gay and, honestly (and without any insult intended), I wouldn’t want to be and for quite a few reasons – but those reasons don’t have anything to do with my ability and desire to have “gay sex” and, nope, not gay.
I’m not being deceitful and I’m sure as hell not acting as if I’m straight because I am straight… until I do something that isn’t and when I do – and it’s over with – I go right back to being straight. Not sure I really understand why there has been – and continues to be – so many people who just don’t understand that and, to be more accurate – what I don’t understand is why we haven’t changed our collective minds and views about these things since, for the most part, a lot of bisexuality is about the sex part… but doesn’t discount the more emotional parts. I shouldn’t “be into men like that” but I could be… and still very much be into women that way even though, once again, our morality and social norms say otherwise.
When you’ve heard as much of the bullshit that I’ve heard over the course of my life, you might understand why I tend to utter that word that’s the title of this scribble: People don’t get it. They don’t understand it and they don’t understand it because they have a very narrow view about sex to begin with and a narrow view that was… given to them and told to be true… when it never was. I figured that out… and that guy, on that day, figured it out, too, and he got major props from me when he told me that he learned something. Sure, he learned something about me but that wasn’t the biggest thing he learned: He learned that what he believed wasn’t true as well as learning some stuff about himself and something a lot of guys learned (and I had something to do with that): It’s not as bad as everyone says it is… and you don’t have to be gay to have sex like a gay person would.
Why does it feel right and normal? Because it really is and any bisexual will tell you the same thing… because they, too, learned that it is. The… deceitful aspects isn’t really about other people knowing this about you because – and as I have learned – there are a lot of people who just don’t need to know. The deceit comes into play when we’re lying to ourselves about our sexual desires, whether we’ve had them like this “all along” or we get introduced to it… then acting like we didn’t enjoy it. It doesn’t always go like that but this is to be expected when you consider that it’ll not go well because it involves people… and we most definitely can fuck up some shit when it comes to sex and make it bad for someone else.
Occupational hazard. Part of the true nature of the beast. Adding dick to your sexual menu if you’re a guy doesn’t mean that your gay or that you will ever be gay; you’re really just one of the many men who likes sex with women… and with men and in whatever ways that enjoyment works – preferences and all that.
The next day with that guy was… enlightening. We got right to the business of sucking each other’s dick and I didn’t fail to notice that he did his part without any of the hesitation and trepidation he had the day before. After finishing each other off, he came right out and say, “I’m not gay.”
Which had me giving him my “where did that come from” look… but I understood why he said what he did. He went on to explain how what we’d done the day before changed a whole lot of shit he once believed in – and including that nonsense that people are either straight or gay. Not only was I proof that this notion is a falsehood, he was now proof himself. I had to hand it to him: He handled this transition better than most guys did (and do). It “did my heart good” to hear him talk about what we’d just got finished doing and his realization that doing it didn’t change him – and read that as instantly making him the dreaded “flaming fag” that public opinion insist is going to happen.
“All you really did was find out that there’s a different way to have sex; it changes your view of things but doesn’t really change you all that much – it really doesn’t make you gay,” I said. “You – and just like a lot of dudes – got your mind changed about that having to be gay bullshit to be able to do – and enjoy – not only getting your dick sucked but sucking dick, too… and that’s not really a bad thing.”
Morality says it is and it should be and, sheesh, people believed it in 1977 and they still believe it in 2021. If a guy has sex with another guy – and no matter how much you try to bullshit yourself about it – it is homosexual sex aka gay sex. And people really do believe there is a gigantic difference at work when someone is gay… but continually fail to see and understand that the only real differences in effect – and across all of the three “major” sexualities – is who we have sex with and be more emotional with. Otherwise, we go about our lives doing the same things. The other thing that makes me go, “Sheesh…” is the continued belief that once you’ve chosen your sexuality, you can never change it.
Really? I’ve gotten some interesting and hilarious looks from people when I tell them that I’ve had sex with lesbians and something we hold true and insist is… impossible. I used to think that, too, until I found out that it isn’t all that much. I know gay men who, on occasion, get some pussy and because, well, why not? If you don’t mind, it never matters but the thing in their minds is that if you’re gay and find yourself having “straight sex,” it doesn’t change the “fact” that they’re gay even when, “technically,” it makes them a bit bisexual or somewhere between 4 and 6 on the Kinsey scale. We, on the whole, don’t seem to understand that while we have a default or preferred behavior in these things, um, we can deviate from our default and it’s not a “crime” so much since, duh, we are allowed to change our minds and even if the change is situational…
Because the bottom line item is… it’s sex. Doesn’t really matter why you wanted or needed to “shift to another gear” or cross the lines we’ve tried to permanently draw in the sand and, supposedly, is never to be crossed. Yet, we do… if it suits our needs and purposes in that moment and even if it’s one of those, “Try it – you just might like it” moments. And then, hopefully, not wind up mindfucking yourself over it. It’s sex. You got laid. Not the way you usually do it. Hopefully you enjoyed the hell out of it. And, yeah, having that thing in your head that says, “It’s not something I’d do all of the time.”
I hear that one a lot. I laugh my ass off every time I hear it because I’m as bisexual as anyone can be… and it’s not something I do all of the time… but I do it when I can. If that was the case – and where guy are concerned – yeah: That makes me gay by definition if by no other means… but I’m not gay… but I do like the sex; otherwise, I wouldn’t do it.
Duh, right? It never fails to amaze me when someone, before the fact, has a lot of fear and misconceptions about this then, after the fact, find out that there was really nothing to be afraid of and that whatever misconceptions they had were, at the least, unfounded. Wasn’t as bad as they thought and was told it is. That sexual culture shock that opens one’s eyes and allows to see that the only thing that’s really bad about it is… believing that it is bad.
During our second encounter, I got to watch him blow me… and he was enjoying himself and I could feel that and see it since he’d “come up for air” and was grinning. He didn’t have to say a word about what he was feeling because I knew what it was: Sucking dick is some exciting shit to do and even more so when it’s not supposed to be done. See, some people let that fuck with them and stop them from doing what they want to do… and some people really do get into it and give our morality a big “fuck you” and, in an odd way, being “spiteful” about it. The sex is good (or as good as it’s gonna be) and it’s good because it’s also bad. Strange but true. Homey got to watch me sucking him and even provided some… commentary as I did so like noting how unconcerned I was about sucking him; that one made me stop and ask him, “Is there something I should be concerned about?”
“So it doesn’t bother you what someone else is going to think about you?” he had asked.
“I used to be worried about that and figured out that this was just me being stupid; if they find out, they find out… I’m going back to what I was doing if that’s okay with you?” I asked. Turned out that he was more than okay when he started pumping his spunk into my very greedy mouth.
Later, he did say, “It didn’t change me, well, not in the way I thought it would.”
“The thing is that until you actually do it, you’re not going to realize or understand that it doesn’t change you. It could – but that depends on some stuff that’s going on inside of your head. Some guys experience this and it hits them that, holy shit – they are gay and, likely, denying those feelings. It happens… but it’s not automatic; being gay isn’t like catching a cold – but almost everyone believes that if you have sex like this, you’re gonna wind up as gay as a three dollar bill… but you know that you aren’t.”
He just nodded as I said this because if he didn’t know this before, he knew it now. Yeah, he professed his love of women and their delicious pussies and that sucking dick wasn’t something he’d do all of the time and all I said to that was what I said before: I suck dick. It’s not something I do all of the time but even gay men don’t literally do it all of the time. He continued to nod and said, “You really do know some shit about this, don’t you?”
“I really do,” I said – then proceeded to blow his brains out again… because it’s fun. It’s sex. Still not gay and understanding that the acts don’t really define me or doing something gay doesn’t – and can’t – make me gay… and feeling some kind of way knowing that there are a whole lot of people who can’t understand this and are content to remain… ignorant which, by the way, isn’t the insult it sounds like. They don’t know and they don’t want to know but they’re often happy to give people like me a lot of shit… about something they choose to remain… ignorant about.
Sheesh. You’d think that after all of this time, we would have radically changed our perceptions of this and the facts of the matter is that we haven’t but, little by little, a lot of people are finding out, learning, and understanding that our morality just isn’t telling us the whole truth; we’ve not completely gotten away from the silly notion that if you get into some same-sex sex, that means you’re really gay. No, it sure as fuck doesn’t! I find it totally incredulous that there are people who pay more attention to the fact that I suck dick than they should be paying attention to the other fact about me: Boy, do I ever love pussy! And the fact that I’ve had people totally ignore this or brush it aside like it doesn’t mean anything makes me… incredulous. Even sad given what that says about us and the way we think about sex. Um, what part of “I like women and pussy” didn’t you understand? Did you not understand the words that came out of my mouth about this part… and do you not understand that because I like women and pussy – and first and foremost – um, it doesn’t make me gay just because I get some dick?
The act is. I’m not. I’m bisexual. Literally both sexes. Okay, time to go to school. Bi means two. Homo means “the same.” Hetero means, well, “not the same” or opposite. Morally interpreted to be boy/girl and only that. Morality is wrong; human nature isn’t so much. And it can’t be possible that I’m the only one who understands this… but it often feels like it. Which is, by the way, why I write about it so that those who don’t understand – but might want to – can get to understanding it and lessening the moments that makes me say, “Sheesh…” You might not want to get into it – and you don’t have to; it still ain’t for everyone but just like that guy discovered, it ain’t that bad. Doesn’t make you gay. Does make you cum. Ya mon! That always works. If you don’t mind, it never matters and even when it matters to someone else who, essentially, doesn’t get it. Stuck in a loop of belief that isn’t true about what we’re capable of and able to do in the pursuit of sexual pleasure. That and it’s not bad until it’s actually proven to be bad; otherwise, hmm, this shit feels pretty good and the “weirdness” of it just stops being all that weird and feels normal… and because it really is.
Sheesh. The act doesn’t define us as much as we believe it does. Bisexuality confuses the shit out of a lot of people because the acts we can engage in defies some stuff since, um, we have sex with both sexes. If I’m eating pussy, sure, you can say that I’m straight… and I’d not disagree with you but, um, when I tell you that I like sucking dick, I understand your momentary confusion because you believe that doing this makes me gay… and I am clearly not gay, well, if you believe that all gay men hate women and pussy… and that’s not as true as we like to believe, either. It’s all and still sex. And we’ve proven over all this time that human nature trumps morality in these things; otherwise, everyone would be straight; that our innate need to have sex and otherwise be intimate and social trumps morality. Morality isn’t bad – it just doesn’t tell the whole truth and it was designed to not let us know the whole truth. We believe that it’s right… and it isn’t. It never was. I’m not straight and I’m not gay; if the sex I have defines me, um, that would be bisexual.
Sheesh… wake up and drink – not smell – gallons of coffee so that, like that guy I was with way back in 1977, you can understand the reality of this. Ya might not do it. Ya still might disagree with it and stick with what morality says. But if you fail to accept and understand the gross reality about our pursuit of sexual pleasure (at the least), well, that’s your cross to bear and I – and those like me – would appreciate it if you’d stop giving us a raft of shit that you think you know… and you really don’t.
That acquaintance thought he knew. He was – and like so many others – fearful of it but did it anyway since his need for release was greater than whatever he was thinking about that which he believed. Tried it… and liked it but, importantly, learned the truth: It ain’t as bad as it’s said to be. Morally it is bad… but the reality he learned? Not bad at all. Feels pretty damned good and surprisingly so. Eager to do it again and, importantly, having the confidence to do it and knowing that the only thing that changed was that he found another way to have sex and be pleased in the doing… and, nope, not gay at all.
And all that riffing and other bullshit offered up by others is… bullshit. Usually a grossly uninformed opinion or parroting the ongoing dogma and, yeah, still believing that people should only be straight or gay… and after they were saying that people should only be straight.