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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: If, If, If

21 Nov

Yeah… a lot of ifs where male bisexuality is concerned as well as bisexuality as a whole. If people would just understand; if society wasn’t so adamant that the religious prohibitions were 100% right; if the rules of relationships could be restructured to allow bisexuals to be more active without losing everything in the process; if men and women could understand that our bisexuality gives us a special kind of commonality that allows us to understand each other better. If bisexuals didn’t have to hide and be subjected to all kinds of hurtful shit.

If, if, if. So many of them and to the extent that I can’t even think of all of them. Living in a time where the fight for acknowledgment and acceptance is making some progress given the number of bisexuals who are better able to accept that their bisexuality is, indeed, normal and part of what it means to be human so that they can feel better about themselves but the push against bisexuality and bisexuals remains fairly strong; if only this situation would just go away so we can stop kicking each other’s asses.

I’d say that one of the “good things” about some of these ifs is that a lot of bisexuals are taking a stand and defending their right to be bisexual via the right to self-determination and many aren’t of a mind to wait for the world to change and as someone said to me – and to paraphrase it a bit – if only every generation could pass along this knowledge and understand so that the next generation isn’t facing bisexuality and as if this is something new. I got this piece of knowledge and it clicked in my head and explained why a lot of the fussing and fighting going on today is all too similar to the fussing and fighting I observed over homosexuals back in the day.

If only we could learn from history so we could stop repeating it. If only we could understand and accept that the only differences that really exist in any of this is who we can be intimate and more involved with; otherwise, we do the same things that everyone else does on a daily basis. To that end, if only we could just stop being so… immature about sex. If only we’d learn to not be so divisive and tribal and hateful and/or fearful of each other because we don’t engage in sex and other intimacies in a single-source way.

If only all of this didn’t fall into the realm of wishful thinking.

I got to thinking about a guy I’d had sex with a long time ago now and how… sad and dismayed he was to have to go into hiding to express himself fully. He was one way during our negotiations; tentative, somewhat timid (for lack of a better word) and hesitant; once (I guess) he realized that I was genuine (not a fake), he opened up a lot more and once we met, he was bubbly, excited and it showed as we blew each other’s brains out but afterward? He was down in the dumps and being in the refractionary period wasn’t the reason why; he was so different as he spoke to a lot of the ifs I mentioned here and including if his lady could only understand that his bisexuality wasn’t different from her bisexuality, a bit of information I found interesting… but, yeah, I knew what he was talking about because, at that time, a lot of women were fiercely defending their right to be with other women… but the same thing was being denied to the men those women were in a relationship with.

This ate at him so bad that he was making me feel pretty sullen and crappy that the only way I could get him to stop talking about this was to put my dick back in his mouth; needless to say – but I’m gonna say it anyway – we both felt better then and afterward.

If only some women would and could understand that if they have this right (and they do), men have that same right as well. Along these lines, I recalled an “argument” I had with a lesbian who felt the need to get in my case over me liking something she said on Tumblr and being all vicious about it… but when I responded, she didn’t have anything to say since my response to her curse-laden rant was, “Do you not understand that men like women and pussy just like you do? We know it like you know it.”

If only we could accept this as the given and point of commonality that it really is. Yeah, I did understand why she got all pissy over me agreeing with what she was saying and more so when what she said about pussy was on point with my own thoughts about it but, yep, because she was lesbian and I was a guy agreeing with her, she got all territorial about it and, I thought, not seeing the commonality that existed that, at least in my mind, erased the line that quite a few gays draw in the sexuality sand.

She did, days later and to my surprise, apologize for her rather vicious rant and I accepted it but with the thought that if this commonality was accepted, such rants would never take place. And, then…

If we could stop fussing, fighting, slicing, dicing and being insular with each other as well as disagreeing on what bisexuality really is, things between us would be a lot better. I remember the “discussion” I had with a fellow bisexual about gender being the main thrust of bisexuality and I was unpleasantly amazed that once I got them to read the definition of gender, they did a, “Yeah, but…” on me and insisted that gender is the defining point of bisexuality.

If only we could stop making up shit just to cater to our individual sensibilities. I see so much… shit that keeps coming into our verbal lexicon that, when you tear into it and strip it down to the bare bones, um, it’s bisexuality. Both sexes. Gender not a real issue in this given that it’s a social construct. I understand why there’s some fussing over what that construct says about gender and the roles that were defined way back in the day but that’s one thing; sexuality is something else and more so when, if those doing all the fussing were to look at history and see that people were of differing sexualities before the gender rules were created.

I get it, though and more so when I, again, read the comment about every generation going about this as if it was something new… and that’s some seriously real shit because in every iteration, we wind up “reinventing the wheel” as it were and in ways that makes OGs like me wonder what the hell are they talking about. Yeah, I kinda/sorta “missed” this but the thing I did know is that in every generation -and despite all the in-fighting – being bisexual becomes less of a “thing.” Like, my generation, by and large, thought bisexuality was a joke and if they didn’t, it was no different from being gay but the following generation was asking, “What’s the big deal?” and the generation following that was more amenable to bisexuality… but in every iteration, there was some bullshit that had to be dealt with just the same.

If only we could get it through our thick skulls that bisexuality and homosexuality aren’t the same things. If only that part of our society could see and understand how… silly they look to not see the differences and how hidebound they are to keep repeating dogmatic stuff that, um, really isn’t all that true because if it was, we probably wouldn’t be arguing about it, let alone making ourselves look pretty bad and as if we really don’t know anything about human sexuality and its associated behaviors.

I often find it amazing that we, as a species, have done some great works and have made incredible advances in a great many things… except this. Being better about this is advancing albeit at the speed glaciers tend to advance but even I’m better understanding the why of this… lack of progress since, again, every generation thinks that bisexuality is something new and it does seem to take x-amount of time before some bisexuals get to understand that it isn’t and never really was since, um, OGs like me exist and they existed when all of this was new and exciting for me. Yep, it’s circular and a bit of a vicious cycle where the resistance is concerned and it keeps repeating even though it’s slowly cycling to an end…

And if only we could end this cycle, you know, like next Wednesday – that would be nice. But it all reminds me of something I heard in a Star Trek movie and said by Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott: “If my grandmother had wheels, she’d be a wagon…”

Yep, that pretty much covers all these ifs. I thought, “You know, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that there were those in the generations before me who were saying the same things about bisexuality being real…” which led to the if I wrote about learning from history and our repeated failure to do so as a whole. It stands to reason that if I’m seeing this, it was seen before, too. The difference – or, really, a difference – is that I have a means to put all of this out there to be seen and considered that the generations before me didn’t have.

If only we didn’t keep believing that this is some immoral stuff when, over all this time, there has been plenty of evidence that our morality remains outdated and stuck in a past time that we’ve moved beyond and as I keep saying not totally wrong… but not telling the whole story about certain things. I thought back to all of the times I’d given a guy his first experience and seeing them be in that moment of clarity and understanding that made them see that what they believed wasn’t what could really be. I mean, who knew? A lot of us do and even across every generation, this reality just keeps being… rediscovered. I read the forum and have seen that when a guy gets off the bench and has his first experience, he says the same things I’ve heard first-timers say: It’s not as bad as everyone says it is and with “everyone” being those in our society who continue to believe that what religion says about this is right.

It isn’t. It never was. Created with good intention but, clearly, those very early adopters could not envision the thought that just because it was deemed to be immoral, um, it wasn’t going to stop people from doing what they wanted and had to do. Some folks today have said that if we could just make religion go away, a lot of things would be better across the board and if we can’t make it go away – and, honestly, I don’t see that happening any time soon – we need to update it and bring it into the here and now because we are very different from the way humans were way back then. Granted – and to this end – some of the “offshoot” religions have seen fit to not beat homosexuals or bisexuals over the head with a bible because the reality is that one can be bisexual and still maintain their belief in a supreme being and, as such, act with moral responsibility – and as weird as that sounds but not all that different from another thing: Non-ethical monogamy or, my favorite, negotiated infidelity.

Despite all these ifs, we do find ways to get around the rules that has caused all of this drama and makes all of these ifs I’ve written – and many more – the wishful thinking stuff that may or may not get put into perspective so we can be the way we can be without all of the dumb shit landing on us. Or, “Patience my ass – I’m gonna get mine!” and, yeah, something bisexuals in every generation winds up saying (if not in the way I wrote it) and, yeah, if society would open their eyes and see that, like homosexuality, nothing that has been said and done to suppress and stifle these behaviors has, in effect, done little to nothing to prevent it and if society could understand that, well, that would be a very good thing and reason to put an end to its effort in futility that’s been going on over all this time.

I am bisexual. The only real difference between myself and straight and gay men is that when it comes to being intimate, I’m all for being intimate with those on either side of the sexuality fence. Not just women and not just men. Both. If they’re interested. Otherwise, I’m a guy and just like every other guy out there. I’m living my life just like they are. More than willing to have to deal with the social angst to defend my right to self-determination and with the nerve to say that the social angst is some pretty childish shit and, again, an effort in futility and more so when societies around the world have, indeed, failed to learn from history and they sure as fuck can’t seem to see what’s right there in their face:

Bisexuals. From all walks of life. We are legion and have been since the first bisexuals appeared. If only they could understand and accept this… but there are now many of us who aren’t of a mind to wait for them to get their collective heads out of their collective asses and see the reality of things. All of those ifs? Wishful thinking at best. Might even become a non-issue some day. Bisexuals, however, aren’t waiting for the world to change and are effecting change by defying conventional thinking and proving, once again and in this current cycle, that people aren’t just either straight or gay.

Some of us are both… but not either exclusively. Why? Because we can be. Duh. We want to be; we can find reason to be. None of that straight privilege crap because we are straight until we get into something that’s gay and once we’re done with that, we go right back to being straight. Again, duh. Yes… if we could stop letting the social angst make us mindfuck ourselves, that would be a good thing because I tend to see that it’s not society’s blindness to this that causes us the most problems: We can be our own worst enemy. If we could stop being so fearful – and then passing our fears on to others, that would be a good thing, too. If we could stop making this harder than it already is, ditto. If we could stop being so risk-adverse. If we could stop taking the facts of things and putting our own spin on them and, often, incorrectly so.

If, if, if.

 
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Posted by on 21 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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