I was dreaming and I knew I was and, in my dream, I had figured out how to get the world to accept bisexuality. I was dreaming of the details; saw how everything was coming together and knowing that I knew I was dreaming was that weird thing where I’m “watching” myself doing something and even paying attention.
In my dream, I’d just finished the speech I wrote that would lay out the plan and how to implement it world-wide and the part of me that knew I was dreaming said, “Yes – that will work!” In my dream, I went to the UN to give my speech to the General Assembly and it was magnificent and very well received and just as they were about to vote to implement my resolution to the Sexuality War and end it forever, my traitorous bladder said, “Get your ass up… now.
I finished waking up and, man, was I pissed because with each step I took to the bathroom, the dream was quickly fading away to the place unrecoverable dreams seem to go. By the time I got done, I couldn’t remember any of the details of the plan I had come up with and no matter how hard I tried to remember them.
Shit. It was right there and I lost it. As I became more awake, I realized that this wasn’t the first time I had this particular dream and lost it upon fully awakening or awake enough to get to the bathroom without walking into a wall or something. I’ve never been one to think that my dreams have meanings and I’m enough of a science nerd to understand that while we don’t know exactly why we dream, yeah, it’s just my subconscious processing… stuff. As I was shaving and looking at my reflection in the mirror, I kinda laughed to myself to think that if I had been dreaming about something that wasn’t as important as this, I’d remember every nitpicking detail of the dream and no matter how ridiculous I thought the dream to be, like the time I dreamed that my cat was a vampire and I found this out all late and wrong in my dream and got bitten.
I woke up from that dream and was looking at the cat sideways for a few moments and especially when she yawned and I got the usual good look at her fangs. But something like what I was dreaming about? Something with “earth-shattering” implications? Nope. I know I dreamed it and it’s like my awakened mind only has a synopsis of what I was dreaming but the details? Gone. Sometimes, I’m in that “I know I’m dreaming” state and have thought of some kick-ass shit to blog about but in the time it takes for me to fully awaken and start to get out of bed, the contents of that kick-ass blog are… gone. I knew I had something seriously good to write about but not anymore.
Shit. I can vividly remember any sex-related dream and even more if it turned out to be a wet-one or exciting enough that I’ve come fully awake and looking for the mess I know I made but, nope, no mess but I had one hell of an orgasm and fantastic enough to jolt me out of being asleep. I can remember the dream and in detail… but, again: Something like this? Not even. In that very internal way, I’ll “ask” myself, “Where’s the details of that dream?” and my conscious mind asks, “What dream?” I mean, like, come on – there had to be a dream since I’m asking you about it so how come you don’t seem to know about it?
Rhetorical question… because I know why but that’s not the point so much.
One night and again in that state, I dreamed of playing Minecraft and building something spectacular that would test my building skills. I woke up, got my act together, got into Minecraft and built it exactly as I had dreamed it. Oh, yeah – you can remember something like that but you don’t know that I dreamt about how to get the whole damned world to accept bisexuality?
By the way, here’s the Minecraft thing I dreamt about and actually built…
Yep. I can dream and remember something this detailed – and this is just the outside; the inside is even more detailed and exactly as I dreamed. But it seems that every time I have some really good bisexuality-related stuff, I come fully awake and it’s right there but slowing fading away. It’s… frustrating at times and while I know it’s an effort in futility to get my subconscious to tell my conscious mind what went on in that dreaming but aware of that state, I gets no cooperation and my conscious mind says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about…” which is weird, huh, since – and all kidding aside – I know I had the dream and remember having it but my consciousness has no recollection in part, whole, or at all.
Again, I don’t think or believe that my dreams mean anything other than my subconscious at work now that my consciousness is out to lunch. I’ve often thought that when I have dreams like this, it’s like my subconscious is trying to tell me something… but something that never gets into my consciousness so I can remember it in detail… unless I’m building something in Minecraft or any other thing that gets moved into my consciousness that’s not so… earth-shattering like this dream was. My consciousness is like, “Oh, yeah, I know about the dream but I can’t access the details but I know a little something about it.”
Not helping at all and more so when even now, I can feel some… residual excitement about the plan I can’t remember the details of. It was epic. It would end the Sexuality War forever. And I fucking can’t remember how to do it or how I was about to do it. Oh, well. Nothing I can do about it. What makes this even more frustrating at times is knowing that I suffered some brain damage when I had my stroke and there are gaps in my memories and I often get that feeling that I should know or remember something but, nope, nobody’s home. Whatever it was is gone and the only way I’d find out about whatever went missing is when someone tells me about it. But, apparently, the extent of the damage doesn’t include the parts of my brain that makes me dream…
And makes me forget what I was dreaming about even though I know I dreamt it. I don’t forget all bisexuality-related dreams like when a forum member contacted me off-line and presented me with a situation that he needed to be able to do something about and at the time, I told him that I’d have to think about it. And I did and I hadn’t thought of a solution but when I went to sleep, I figured it out and when I woke up, I remembered it and in detail. I contacted the member and relayed my solution and he contacted me later that day to tell me that thanks to me, he had successfully sucked his first dick and acquired the taste of cum because I told him exactly how to make it happen…
I just neglected to tell him that it literally came to me in a dream and one that I was “awake” for. Yep. I can dream and remember that just fine. Anything that’s a revelation and game-changer? “What dream are you talking about?” Or, “Sorry – whatever you were dreaming about is inaccessible.” The good thing is that I can laugh at myself whenever this happens. As I recall, it’s called “lucid dreaming” and I think it’s pretty cool even though experts don’t know exactly why this happens or how it does – they just know it does. Not asleep but not awake; dreaming and being very much aware of the fact that I’m dreaming since, um, I’m pretty sure I don’t own a Lamborghini like the one I remember arriving at the UN in. I can recall that much of it but, shit, I need the details! Send the plan over to my consciousness so I can make a whole lot of bisexuals very happy!
And I keep getting an, “Information not found” message. It’s not like one of those things where you’re trying to recall something and the best way to recall it is to not think about it which, by the way, I get a busy signal and that’s really to be expected since there seems to be no way to connect with your subconscious while you’re fully awake. Indeed, I’ve been of a mind that the urge guys get to have sex with a man just might originate in their subconscious. There’s enough of an… active connection that they feel this urge but when they’re trying to figure out why they have it, nope – information not found. It’s that “voice” that “whispers in your ear” about something and now you find yourself thinking about something… but you don’t know why you’re thinking about it or where the thought came from to begin with. Geneticists have been digging through the results of having mapped human DNA and looking for a “gay gene” which may or may not really exist and just might be “lost” in the “junk DNA” we all have… and that’s probably way easier than trying to figure out how our brains work.
I used to think that a guy doesn’t just wake up one morning and decide that today’s a good day to suck a dick… and I admit to being wrong about that because that’s exactly what happens and when I’ve had a guy tell me about this weird thought in their head and not knowing why they had it – or were maybe lucidly dreaming about it – yeah, that’s probably their subconscious telling them that, sure – today’s a good day to suck a dick… but not telling them how to actually go about it and if that information was provided – and it probably isn’t but the compulsion is there just the same.
Our brains are… just fucking amazing. Scientist have been, well, wracking their brains trying to figure out why we’re conscious to begin with and I don’t think they’ve gotten any closer in their quest to figure it out, let alone have the definitive answer to why we dream and what exactly makes us dream or do that interesting yet frustrating lucid dreaming thing. I think it’s cool to know that I’m asleep and dreaming whatever… totally uncool when I was dreaming about something “important” and all I’m left with is knowing that I dreamt it but the details are just gone. I can dream about sucking dick and remember every detail of that moment and be aware of my body’s orgasmic response… but I can’t remember the details of something like ending the Sexuality War once and for all.
I’m not worried about it and I’m not going to stress myself out trying to remember; if I can’t, I can’t. Yeah, if you’ve ever wondered why I often call my brain an asshole, now you know.