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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: You Never Know

28 Nov

A lot of bi guys are aching to know how they can find out or tell if another guy is interested in doing something. I’ve seen so many “tips and tricks” offered up by successful guys, from the look to other things like hand signals, wearing something that you hope some guy will see and know what it means. Such things work for some guys and not even close for others but the thing I sometimes talk about is that you can’t look at a guy and tell that he’d be interested because, unlike, um, certain gay men, bi guys look like any and every other guy.

Some guys are “classically” fixated on a friend they’re quite close to and wonder how to find out if he’d be interested in being more than friends. They often see “clues” that, at first glance, might indicate that the friend might be interested and in thinking about this particular thing, I’ve had friends whose normal behaviors would give me the thought that if I were to ask them, they just might say yes and, “What took you so long to ask?” Yeah, that one has failed more than it was successful but that’s really to be expected since just because you can talk about very personal stuff with a friend or y’all can play grab-ass with each other doesn’t necessarily mean that if you asked for the dick, he’s going to be game to give it to you.

Or he might. One of my biggest “problems” was my inability to pick up on hints so I’d often wind up totally surprised to have a guy hit on me and then tell me, “I was trying to give you a hint!” Yeah, no… went right over my head. I’ve been with friends and somewhere along the line, his mood changes from “normally friendly” to “some kind of not happy” and I’ve noticed the change and have asked what’s wrong, they say, “Nothing…” but sometime later, I’d find out that they were trying to get me to pick up on their hints that they wanted to do something with me… and got salty because, again, it all went right past me.

Or everything I’ve been seeing about a friend – and over a long period of time – is telling me that if I asked him if I could suck his dick, he wouldn’t be opposed to it but after having this one blow up in my face a few times, um, am I seeing what I think I’m seeing. Sometimes it’s pretty damned frustrating because what you see might not be the truth of the other guy, whether it’s a friend or that guy sitting at the end of the bar who has been looking your way enough to get your attention.

Like the one friend I had spent the weekend with. Got there on Friday (and in time for dinner) and we were hyped to have this time to hang out but a little after we got sent to his room for the night – we were old enough to not be told to go to bed and sleep – his mood changed; I’d noticed it but didn’t give it my full attention. He was… antsy. Seemed to be nervous about something. Hmm. Maybe I need to ask him if he’s okay… nah, if there was something wrong, he’d tell me because he usually does. By the time we settled in to sleep, I didn’t sleep well that night because he was tossing and turning a lot and even then, during one such moment where I got awakened and it looked like he was, I never bothered to ask him what was wrong and understandable since I was trying to get some sleep.

Saturday morning finally arrives and I feel sleep-deprived and tired and he’s so cranky that you’d think someone dropped a house on his mom or sister. I asked him what was going on – finally – but he brushed me off with the usual, “Nothing…” but now he’s got my attention because throughout the day, he just got crankier and irritable and to the point where I’m thinking that cutting this sleepover short and spending the rest of my weekend at home. But he insisted that he was really okay and he was… better – less cranky – so I put it out of my mind.

We’re getting ready for bed and I’d come back from the bathroom and the shower I had to take because the day’s activities had me too funky for my own liking. I came in with a towel wrapped around me and digging in my bag for underwear; the towel came undone and dropped to the floor but I wasn’t concerned about that because, for one, eh, I wasn’t a very modest kind of guy and, for another, it wasn’t like he’d never seen me naked before; we were in the same gym class in high school and often showered next to each other after class to talk about whatever was going on. Indeed, I’d gone to his home, told he was in his room and I could go on up and I’d go into his room and he’s naked and rummaging around for clothes and dripping water all over the floor. We’d seen each other naked so many times that we were comfortable with each other so when my towel decided to fall to the floor, I didn’t give a single thought about picking it up and covering up and more so when I had my underwear in my hand.

He’s sitting on the side of the bed and not more than two feet from where I was standing; I’m talking to him about… something and not even noticing that he wasn’t saying anything as I dug in my bag looking for the T-shirt I was sure I’d put in the bag when he said, “I’m sorry.”

I turned toward him to ask what he’s sorry about and the next thing I know, he’s got his face plastered to my dick and crotch and just seriously going to town on me. I’m shocked and surprised and trying to stupidly ask him what he’s doing but, um, whew, holy shit, he’s got me feeling really good and the feelings sent my “what the fuck” thoughts into some dark corner. I got… amnesia because one moment I’m standing there and the next thing I know, we’re on the bed and I have his dick in my mouth and no idea how that happened. Man… was he good at this or what? It didn’t take all that long for us to unload into each other’s mouth and as the “fog of sex” started to lift, my mind went back to wondering what the fuck just happened and why and as soon as I remembered how to form words and sentences, I asked him.

“I’ve been trying to get to you pick up on the fact that I wanted to do this Friday night,” he said and he sounded a little salty about it, too. “But you weren’t paying attention!”

Well, shit – now I know why he was so antsy and why he was all cranky and pissy the next day… and I didn’t connect any of this with him wanting to do what he did – went right over my head. I felt… stupid but also confused because I knew him but, obviously, I didn’t know this about him, you know, not that I really minded all that much but, still, I had a really long moment to sit there and make sense of it all and, well, that wasn’t producing any results.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” he asked.

“No – I’m just… surprised. I didn’t know you felt this way and I’m feeling pretty silly because I wasn’t catching your hints,” I said.

“Okay. I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind,” he said, clearly relieved.

“I didn’t but, damn,” was all I could say.

“I knew you wouldn’t,” he said.

“How’d you know that?” I asked.

He just shrugged and said, “I just knew and I don’t know how I knew – I just knew you wouldn’t mind. Maybe I should have told you but…”

I immediately understood why he didn’t and probably for the same reason I never told him that I liked having sex with guys. We never generally talked about it so, to me, there was no reason to bring it up; it wasn’t a matter of not liking him or not being “attracted” to him or even thinking about him like that – the topic just never came up. But, okay – now we both know something about each other that we didn’t know before. The mood was… awkward in that we needed to talk some more about this and we’re waiting on each other to start the conversation – and one I only now realized we should have had a long time ago.

“Start from the beginning,” I said, breaking the silence between us. We spent, oh, maybe the next hour telling each other how we got hooked on dick and we were so much into this that I hadn’t noticed that we were kinda cuddling – more like lying very close to each other more than all wrapped up in each other and, um, both of us were very hard and we both seemed to notice that at the same time.

“You seem to have a problem,” he said, his face so close to mine that he could have kissed me… and I might not have objected.

“So do you,” I said, staring into his eyes because… well, they were right there and he was staring deeply into mine.

“I’m thinking we need to do something about that, don’t you?” he asked.

“I think so, too,” I replied.

“Cool!” he said – then moved his head enough to kiss me; not a quick peck but not one of those “steal your breath away” kisses… and it was nice and I actually shivered as I kissed him back before he flipped himself around and now my vision was filled with his erection. I didn’t know what to do or think about the kiss – I didn’t like kissing guys all that much but I knew what to do with his boner…

And he knew what to do with mine. At one point I got to thinking about us getting caught in the act, realizing that we’d been so into things that it only now dawned on me that his parents might want to check on us and more so when we were quiet… except for our moans as we sucked each other. That was one of those weird moments where I was thinking that if we got busted, we just got busted and face the music. However, any further thoughts got shoved aside because he was fucking into my mouth faster than he was before; I felt his whole body stiffen, felt his dick swell in my mouth and, wow… he must have been storing all this cum somewhere and for a long time!

We got untangled and lying next to each other again and grinning like idiots. Complimenting each other on how good it was but, at the same time, I’m back to wondering why I had no idea that we had this in common and still kinda kicking my own ass because I had seen the signs since Friday night and hadn’t really paid that much attention to them; I just didn’t make the connection. I didn’t like that I had this blind spot and one, to be honest, I knew I had and was a bit of a bane to me because it made me miss a lot of opportunities or things happened but only because they had to explain to me the hints and other signs that should have told me that they’d be more than interested in getting me naked.

Shit. For the moment, it didn’t matter because if I hadn’t known before, I knew now and that’s what really mattered. I knew that he liked me but, as I reviewed all of our prior interactions, now I could see that he really liked me… and I missed it. All of it. Some of it I’d seen in other guys, too. Once again totally blindsided even if pleasantly so.

As we kissed – and with some seriousness this time – I was still… pissy to understand that you just never know if a guy is going to be interested in having sex… until it becomes obvious or a moot point because the interest was there… and I never picked up on the signs.

“Are you sure you’re not pissed with me?” he asked after we broke the kiss.

“I’m sure but, um, how come you just didn’t tell me?” I asked.

“I wanted to but I wasn’t that sure how you’d react even though I did feel that it would okay to tell you,” he said. “You know what’s that like, don’t you?”

I did and said as much. If I’d had a dollar for every time I felt the same way he did and chose not to say anything, I’d have quite a bit of money. When you think you know, you find out that you really didn’t and sometimes when you’re very sure that the other guy wouldn’t be interested, you might find out otherwise. Or not. There’s just no definitive way to know unless you ask, they tell you or, like my friend and newest lover did, just “take advantage” of a situation and hope for the best.

“Did you hear me?” he asked and snapping me out of my somewhat “funky” mood which was now replaced with me feeling stupid because he had been talking to me and I wasn’t paying attention… again.

“I’m sorry – what did you say?” I asked while thinking that if he could see me blush, he would have been treated to quite the event.

“I was asking you how you feel about fucking me,” he said. “I’d really like it if you did and before you ask, no – I wouldn’t be interested in fucking you, you know, if you liked that.”

“If that’s what you wanna do…” I said. Man, he was really taking my mind to places I never suspected coming from him and this revelation was distracting me as we got ready for me to fuck him and, once that was done, I fell into his embrace and entered him, our eyes locked onto each other’s face and I saw how… happy? he was.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted and waited for this,” he said.

I didn’t say anything – I just kissed him deeply and kept moving inside of him but, yeah, he was right: I had no idea. I came inside of him and, after a moment, withdrew so I could suck him and finish him. It all felt good and right but I was still being bothered with not knowing that he felt this way – but understanding why he, one, did what he did to get all of this started and, two, didn’t say a word about it.

It was a tender moment between us as we did that “bask in the afterglow” thing and, true to his nature, he just messed it up by saying, “Um, you do know that I’m not gay, right?”

“Neither am I and you know that I know about you and Kathy Anderson, right?” I asked.

“Oh, yeah, that’s right,” he said. “You ready to go to sleep?”

“Are you?” I asked.

“I asked you first!” he said.

“I’m older,” I said.

“Only by a week!” he said, poking me in the side with a finger.

As it turned out, um, neither of us were ready to go to sleep but we eventually did and the last thing I saw was sunlight coming into his window. My sleep was… troubled. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I had no clue that he wanted this and, shit, I thought I knew him. I did… and didn’t. To make matters “worse,” he was sure about me even if he was unsure about saying something about this.

How can you know? I still don’t know even though I’ve learned – and have gotten better – about picking up on hints and even trusting my instincts when I’ve been sure that the guy I’m talking to would be interested in some sex and either saying something or, if the vibe doesn’t feel right, saying nothing – and then, sometimes, I was wrong about that.

It’s a situation that drives a lot of bi guys insane and understandably so. I’d come to develop the position that if I wanted to know, the best way to find out is to ask and then be… subtly direct and not get into playing the silly games I’d seen so many guys do and would get on my nerves. If I could “demand” that they just say it, then the same thing applied to me. I might be right and I might be wrong but it seems to me that it’s one of those occupational hazards that a guy is either going to dive into or avoid because it just sucks to find that you guessed wrong.

You just never know.

 
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Posted by on 28 November 2021 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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