Last night, I was just sitting and watching the Monday Night Football game and the song, “Games People Play” popped into my head and, well, y’all know me – I have no idea why it did nor do I know why that made the Time Machine Operator wake up and take me back to the heights of my youthful debauchery and moments of sexual discovery… but it did and now I gotta get it out of my head.
One thought I had was that as adults, eh, we don’t often like having to “play games” to get sex or some find that playing sex-specific games is the cat’s pajamas. Now, I know I’ve written about this period in my life a lot but it seems like I write about it from “different perspectives” – that’s the best way I can put it. My peers and I – and like a lot of kids – had a “love/hate” kind of thing going on with each other where one moment, we’d be arguing and fighting and the next, everything would be cool.
Developmentally, it was smack dab in the middle of those times when our social skills were developing but also our sexual awareness, it seemed to me, hit a lot of us at about the same time even though there was this one guy who was a few steps ahead of the rest of us; we thought that we were onto something new and exciting but he would be like, “Oh… about time y’all got caught up!”
Russell Wilson is having a bad game at this point and the Washington Football Team is pretty much doing whatever they want on both sides of the ball… and I’m thinking about how we’d play and how that would turn into having sex. The Time Machine Operator said, “Man, those were the days, weren’t they? Even a simple game of “Tag” could get things started! Remember that time when “Petey” tagged you… by grabbing your dick?”
Yep, I sure did remember and I remember that after the game, Petey and I went to one of the hideouts and had glorious, exciting sex with each other… and giggling the whole time because we were being very bad and “getting away with it.” Much later in life, I’d think that our village of adults probably knew what we might be up to whenever we were out of their sight and it was just a given that if two or more of us were “missing,” those of us who noticed the absence was pretty sure where they were and what they were doing because we’d also be among the missing and on a rather regular basis and depending on the time of year and with summer being the ideal excuse to be out and about…
And exploring sex with each other. The Time Machine Operator isolated a specific moment in time where one of my friends and I decided to play “House” and we were “arguing” about who was going to be the “daddy” and who’d be the “mommy.” Now, if you think it was weird for boys to be playing a game that we normally played with girls, well, maybe it was but what we were really doing was trying to decide which one of us would try to “make a baby” first. As Russell Wilson got intercepted, I’m quietly laughing to myself thinking about that moment and thinking about how “silly” that argument was since, at one point, we’d switch roles in the game but, yeah, we played games as a prelude to having sex while, as adults, eh, we just want to get right to the heart of the matter, you know, after we’ve “kicked game” well enough to get someone to agree to have sex with us.
The Archivist woke up and started pointing out how many time-honored childhood games would often lead to even more youthful debauchery. Like playing “Truth or Dare.” I don’t think we were interested in unlocking any truths about stuff since we all knew each other extremely well, which made daring someone to do something – and something involving a sexual act – was really a waste of time since if someone dared me to suck “Junebug’s” dick, it was going to gleefully get done but “balking” at it was just part of the game. With a group of us playing this game, you could always count on the pretenses of the game being abandoned but, “officially,” someone would dare the group to do the nasty with each other.
I’m still kinda laughing to myself at how predictable we were (as the Washington Football Team kicked a field goal) because it wasn’t like we didn’t know what we really wanted to do and that it was gonna get done… after we played whatever game we were into. At a slightly later point – and almost all at once – we just dropped using game playing as an “excuse” to have sex and just ask someone, “Hey… do you wanna do it?” I guessed that it just took us a few to “understand” that we didn’t have to play “Hide and Seek” to sneak off and do something… but, yeah, if we were playing this came and a couple of us (or sometimes, more of us) couldn’t be found, well, we knew why and it was funny because when they suddenly reappeared and we’d call them out on it, they’d categorically deny that they were off having sex… while grinning the whole time.
Man, we were so… obvious and disingenuous but, again, we were still in the process of developing our social skills and exploring sex but since us guys weren’t supposed to be doing that with each other, it kinda made sense that we’d “disguise” our intent and, dare I say, desire to have sex with each other by playing games and probably thinking that we were being sneaky about it since if we were asked where we’d been and what we had been doing, we could tell them that we were playing a game… and we wouldn’t be lying to the adult(s) who asked but, um, we weren’t telling the whole truth of what we’d been doing.
And I still think they knew we weren’t being totally honest and truthful and even more so when we’d be asked and our answer would be kinda vague and generalized which often had the adult(s) in question giving us a look that gave us the impression that they didn’t quite believe us. We all thought that we were the sneakiest people alive… and I’m pretty sure we really weren’t all that much.
The rest of my “head time” was spent with the assholes living in my head going back and forth and pointing out this moment or that moment when playing a game would lead to having sex. Even playing something as innocent as “Monopoly” could be a good reason to have sex and especially when someone was running out of money and getting a loan from the bank required… collateral. Now, we all hated losing as such games but, at the same time, I was pretty sure that some of us would lose on purpose since losing would involve something sexual. If we were playing “Marbles” and someone got cleaned out and lost their favorite marbles, well, um, if they wanted them back, well, you know.
Yeah… a kind of blackmail but those of us involved in the, ah, exploration wouldn’t object all that much to what we had to do to get our favorite marbles back. We learned the necessary social skills about winning and losing and I know I hated losing but, sometimes, losing would be a good thing – and I could always get more marbles. Sometimes, losing a game was also a win because that meant I could suck dick and get screwed and as much as the winner decided and since reversing the “roles” was a given among us, it would be a win/win.
We played because that’s what we were supposed to do; we just took playing to a different level. Like having races, for example. The good part was that I was one of the fastest among us and I rarely lost a race but, um, sometimes it wasn’t as much about the thrill of victory as it was the even bigger thrill of consoling the loser by giving him a blowjob. Did some guys lose on purpose? I’m sure they did because, um, yeah, man, I don’t know what happened – I must’ve tripped on something and that’s why I lost and more so when the stakes were, um, if you lost, get ready to do the nasty.
Losing, as it turned out, sucked… in both a good and bad way. Playing games like “Army,” were the perfect excuse to have sex since if you got captured, you’d be “tortured” for information on where the rest of your guys were so they could be captured and the game won. Um, shit, well, I didn’t like being captured but I didn’t mind being “tortured” all that much either; giving a few blowjobs or my “torturers” fucking me until I gave them the information – and information they kinda really didn’t want – was good, nasty fun. And, for the record, I never gave up any information on the rest of my team because, um, yeah. That. I’d tell my captors, “You can torture me all you want to – I’m not telling you anything!”
Hell, yeah. Boy, did they ever torture me and the more I “resisted,” the more I got… probed for information. It was a game within a game and we knew that both games was… bullshit. We wanted to have sex with each other. It was glorious. Being very, very bad. Some guys drifted away from the sex and those who moved away would be replaced by someone moving into the ‘hood so there were always new guys willing to play games… and play the game within the game. Sucking and fucking each other and with reckless abandon. Make a bet with someone and lose the bet? Man, that sucked but the price of losing the bet was also a win because the whole purpose of making the bet – and playing the game of it – was just a flimsy excuse to have sex.
Yeah, like I really hated being fucked because I lost a bet… and, yeah, I lost on purpose because I knew what the payment would be. Suck the winner off or feeling him cumming in me. Sometimes, the payment was having to do the winner. Yeah… losing sucked. Uh-huh. We eventually moved away from doing stuff like this to just asking The Question… and we’d often sit around and talk about the way we used to go about doing the stuff we weren’t supposed to do and laugh at how “childish” we were because, again, we knew good and damned well what we really wanted to do.
So I had to run out to take care of some stuff and while I was out, it came to mind that guys who discover their bisexuality later on in life – and missed this part of things – would often tell me how exciting it must have been growing up when I did. It was and I’d tell them that if they grew up when and where I did, they could bet that it wouldn’t have taken them long to join the “club,” as it were. I thought about the “new kids on the block” and how some of them arrived with some expectation that they could continue doing what they did in their old neighborhood while some of them would eventually find out what the rest of us were doing and got their curiosity piqued or just stayed out that part of things.
I thought, “There are so many people who are, I guess, confused about how guys wind up being bisexual but maybe they don’t think about those early developmental years that everyone goes through… and that it also includes discovering and exploring sex and if it’s with each other, it is what it is. I think that those fighting the good fight about bisexuality are concerned with the obvious social issues, which is a good thing but even when I see discussions about the issues, some troll always seems to have something negative to say about not knowing or understanding why a guy would want to go both ways and, I’d guess, that even among us bisexuals, the why of how we became this way is a closely guarded secret or, none of your bee’s wax.
Stuff like this is just a part of growing up. It’s a part that not everyone winds up experiencing as they go about the task of developing and refining their social skills since if they’re gonna fool around with sex, it’s in the preferred heterosexual way and with all the “standard warnings” to not even go there at all. It’s a part of the “deal” that I don’t think society, as a whole, gives much thought about but, then again, I’ve never been able to shake the feeling and suspicion that as we were running around having a field day having sex with each other, the adults knew that we were. They hoped that we weren’t but, yeah, I think they knew and were keeping an eye out for any problems and, I think, more so if a guy was being seen as being queerer than he should have been or he was gonna be gay.
It’s always interesting to see what the guys in the generation after me went about this and I’ve often found that they, too, played games of some kind and definitely the classic “Show Me Yours” game that would get… interesting. I think that in every generation, there’s always that one guy who somehow seemed to know all about this boy-on-boy thing and would be eager to share what he knew with anyone he thought might want to know.
For those people who say that they have no idea what would possess us to do such a thing or how we learned about it, the answer is raging hormones possessed us and we learned about it from and with each other. I’m sure that my generation wasn’t the first one to figure out how to include sex into the games we played but, yeah, it was all new to us. We… indulged. Learned some stuff and whether or not we were aware that we were. They call it experimentation and I seem to recall, much later in life, a discussion I was taking part in about this very same thing and someone said that all that sexual experimentation with each other was just preparing us to fulfill our manly roles once we became of age… and I didn’t think he was too far off base about that but he was also of a mind that such experimentation had to stop once we reached whatever age we reached so it could be said that we knew what we were doing.
I remember kinda laughing at that one because it’s something that a lot of people – and in every generation – thinks is what happens. It does and there’s no questioning or debating that but, um, nope, waiting to be “old enough” wasn’t what was really going on for so many of us. Why wait when we can do it now? I look back at that period of my life and just shake my head to see how different I am now as compared to how cock crazy I was back then… and admitting that I was but I wasn’t the only one; not that it’s some kind of justification or anything like that but, yeah, being able to play games that often led to having sex with da fellas?
Exciting. Naughty and gloriously nasty. The only cares were being able to do it with a guy and not getting caught doing it. Made wanting to have sex with girls even more of a thing to do because, um, why not and more so when adults made it clear that if we were going to have sex, it had to be with a girl. Okay – fine. I was good with that but to have sex with da fellas? Good with that, too, even if today I see how we went about it to be, well, childish. But we learned to be more… direct; we didn’t have to play those old games to want to have sex with each other – hence, The Question. Do I want to do it? Do bears shit in the woods? Shit, you don’t have to ask me twice! Where can we go? And, for me, we couldn’t get someplace fast enough. And, yeah, we’d get our stories straight because one of the village adults just might stop us and ask us where we’ve been and what we’ve been doing.
Whether they believed us or not is a whole different thing. Just how we went about boys being boys. When asked if I could go back and do it all over again, would things be different or would I do them differently and the answer is hell, no: I wouldn’t change a thing. Not only did I discover that it was educational in a very weird way but it was fun. It felt good. Why change any of that even if it were possible? Well, okay – if there was something I would change it would be the one and only time I got caught in the act; that was… about as scary as anything I’d experienced. Otherwise? Nope – wouldn’t change a thing. I liked the games we played and playing them taught me a lot of stuff and, yep, some of it was… extra credit.
Good times. Formative ones. The kind our very polite society insists should never be a part of boys growing up even though, across every generation, it is known that we play the game and explore the sex so telling us that we shouldn’t have done it, while morally right, doesn’t change the reality. I sucked dick and guys sucked mine; I got fucked and did my fair share of fucking my male friends. It’s just what we figured out we could do if we wanted to.
The games we played – and to the extent we often did – taught the adult version of myself a lot of things that I’m aware of today but not so much back then. In the beginning, I had questions that needed answering and I found the answers while playing games with my friends.