More random thoughts. If we “fooled around” in those hormone-driven younger days, why be ashamed of it? For a lot of bi guys, this was their first “taste” of sex; they learned what “sex was” and learned that if they were told that boys should never do this, well, that was a lie… of sorts. The important thing is, despite that one forum member who likes to piss in corn flakes, the membership continues to tell their stories and one member wrote yesterday that it made him feel good to know that he wasn’t the only one who had sexual encounters with his young male friends.
We get to riffing and bitching about bisexual males but we don’t want to be bothered with talking about some stuff, like, well, check this out. I remember reading quite a few “papers” that sought to explain why men are bisexual but those “papers” were focused on young men between the ages of 16 and 20 and then got into what I took to be psychobabble and going on about potential latent homosexuality surfacing and dancing around a fact that I knew: Guys between those ages were about getting some dick because (1) it was sex and (2) girls weren’t giving up the booty all that much. And I know that because when I was in the 16-20 age bracket, those were the reasons quite a few guys were getting their need for sex taken care of by yours truly.
But for a great many of them, this… craving didn’t just appear when they were 16 and I didn’t miss the fact that no one mentioned this and probably to maintain the illusion that guys younger than 16 had no idea what sex was, let alone trying to do it. Recall that I may have mentioned that the adults in my generation were of a mind that there was no way in hell any of us could know about sex or find out about it. Uh-huh. Sure we couldn’t.
As an adult, I’m pretty sure that I’ve had more sex with gay men than bisexual ones. Not sure of the exact number and even if I knew it, it doesn’t matter all that much except when talking about the differing focal points, i.e., gay men being “all about men” and bi men seeing sex with men as a “replacement” for sex with women or, for some, that “in case of emergency” thing that was at the very bottom of their list of sexual things to do. If a dude got desperate enough – and jerking off did nothing more than make his arms sore – uh, um, shit, maybe some dude would be interested in having sex with them.
Interestingly enough, between the ages of 16 and 20, guys who couldn’t get or keep a girlfriend would “reluctantly” have sex with other guys until they got another girlfriend or found one who had few qualms about having a lot of sex with homey. Then again, I know of a lot of guys who used the lack of pussy as an excuse and justification for why they were spending a lot of time with my dick in their mouth (at the very least) and after we’d cream the daylights out of each other, they’d sometimes thank me for “helping a brother out in his time of need.” Not exactly a bro-job but if I’ve learned nothing about this, it’s that humans have the amazing ability to justify anything that they might do and especially when they’re not supposed to be doing it.
It’s just that I happen to know that this sexual behavior doesn’t just and only manifest itself when a guy turns 16.
Another “random” thought I had was, to me, um, embarrassing: I never sucked an uncut dick until I was 50. On one hand, I had finally rid myself of a life-long “prejudice” I had; on another hand, I’m sure that if I had done my due diligence when negotiating with the guy and had asked him if he was cut or not – and he said that he wasn’t cut – that would have been a deal-breaker for me… and I’d known for the longest time that it shouldn’t be. Now, I didn’t get traumatized by some guy with an uncut dick unless you consider just seeing one as a cause. We had this one kid in our cadre who wasn’t cut and to me, his dick was the ugliest thing I’d ever seen and, as such, there was no way in hell that I was going to let him put it in my mouth. To set the record straight, I have been fucked by guys with uncut dicks… but, again, never sucked one until I was 50.
We negotiated and he said he was on his way to me. I’d jumped in the shower even though I had just taken one maybe an hour before but I had to do something to calm myself and get real about this; don’t get all excited and everything because until he actually shows up, there’s nothing to be excited about. He said that he’d be where I was in 15 minutes and he showed up 12 minutes later. Now I could be excited! We spent what I’ll call the “required two or three minutes of talking about nothing” before he said, “Can we do this now?” and I said, “You bet your ass we can!”
I was so hungry for dick that I almost tore his pants getting him out of them and I had him naked in record time, looked down at his erection and… oh, no! He’s not cut! Damn it! I’m not sure that he noticed how “freaked out” I was about this because, in real time, that only lasted for a few seconds. We had both agreed that we didn’t want to fuck each other so that “option” was off the table. This now became a matter of honor: I gave my word that if he showed up, I was going to suck his dick and, well, what meant more to me: My “dislike” of uncut dicks or my honor? In the last second of my being freaked out, I remembered something a woman had told me about uncut dicks. She didn’t like them either and, like me, all that extra skin just creeped her out but she said that she’d just “peel them like a banana” and that was that.
So that’s what I did. I tore homey’s ass up, too. Even sucked that dick unpeeled, too. Got very much into doing him; I sucked on his nipples for quite a bit of time – and that’s something I found to be quite pleasurable for myself and the guy I was with because, well, some women don’t think about our nipples and that we might like them sucking on them. I’m working his nipples over and he’s trying to get away from me but, nah, he’s not going anywhere even though he probably outweighed me by a good 20-30 pounds – he wasn’t a “little guy – before I went south to suck on his balls – and while trying to twist his nipples off at the same time. He’s moaning and groaning and calling on someone to save him – Jesus was prominently the one he was calling on to help and save him – before I finally got back to sucking on his dick until he exploded in my mouth… which was damned good but not “good enough” so I had to, ah, entice him to do it again.
He was losing his shit because I hadn’t let go of him after he came. He kept saying stuff like, “What are you doing?” as well as, “I don’t believe this shit!” and saying, “No…” quite a few times – but it is to note that he didn’t bother to dislodge me, either. His “uncut banana” got hard again pretty quickly and I deep-throated the shit out of him until he exploded for me again. I had a couple of thoughts as I got to my feet to stretch out the kinks and the first was, shit – you mean to tell me that I passed up all those opportunities to suck an uncut dick… for nothing? Because I couldn’t wrap my head around some stuff that I did, in fact, know about?
Homeboy finally opened his eyes, saw my erection and said, “Hell, yeah – that’s what I’m talking about!” He jumped up and literally tossed me in the spot he’d been sitting in and started going to town on me. He was good at it but I was… distracted because I wanted to get him into my mouth again. I guess because I had worked over his nipples, he got to sucking on mine, which turned me up to about 15 at that point; he reached under me and grabbed my butt cheeks and started shoving me into his mouth nice and deep for quite a bit of time before I “took over” and had fun fucking his mouth until I finally came.
“Damn, man – you are one serious cocksucker!” he said. “I ain’t never had some dude suck me back-to-back like that! And damn – when you started sucking my nipples, I almost came!”
Yeah, I had known that because I had my hand wrapped around his dick as I sucked his nipples and could feel those little tremors in dick that told me that if I kept sucking his nipples, he was gonna pop his cork – and he had to do that in my mouth. We thanked each other, he got dressed and went on with the rest of his day. I hadn’t bothered to get dressed – I needed yet another shower because I’d gotten all hot and sweaty and so much that I noticed when my deodorant had given up trying to keep me dry and smelling nice. As I showered, I was giving myself “da bizness” for having that prejudice and carrying it with me for as long as I did.
I was “guilty with reason” because I’d heard girls say some very bad things about guys with all that skin and how stinky they were and some that this… stuff under their skin that stank even more and, yup, I wanted to know why even though that wasn’t the reason why I wouldn’t suck any guy who had all that skin: Their dicks were just too damned ugly to look at… and I think they still are today – but that no longer stops me from sucking an uncut dick. Way back then, I found out what smegma was and how it actually lubricates a guy under that skin but it also meant that a guy had to studiously keep himself clean there and, well, according to a lot of guys and gals I’d heard from, some guys weren’t that fastidious. So both ugly and smelly. No, thanks – here, put it in me and fuck me and I figured that if it was in my ass, I didn’t have to see it like I could if I sucked it.
I still feel like an idiot about that. I knew better; I knew that other than having foreskin, the dick could still be sucked because, duh, other people were sucking them and the truth was that even though I’d sometimes hear complaints about uncut guys not being all that clean under their foreskin, the complaints were more in the minority than the majority. I knew the facts of uncut dicks and my prejudice wasn’t having any of it. As I showered that day, I did the math and felt even more stupid about the fact that it took me 41 years after I sucked my first dick to finally suck a guy who wasn’t cut… and all because I had to been too excited about being able to suck this guy that I didn’t think to ask him if he was cut or not and I didn’t ask him and didn’t even pay attention, at the time, that he never asked, either.
What I had been learning when trying to hook up with guys online was that being cut or uncut could, at times, be a deal breaker. In my defense, I don’t think I ever DQ’d a guy just because he was uncut but he’d say something else that would be a deal-breaker for me and I’d “sigh a sigh of relief” that his disqualified himself and the deal was off. I would think about whether or not I was unconsciously looking for excuses to break deals with uncut guys… and maybe I was but a lot of those guys would invariably be “my idea of an asshole” so no deal.
There were quite a few times I got DQ’d… because I don’t have foreskin. At first, that would piss me off but I quickly understood that I had a thing against foreskin so it just stood to reason that there will be guys who aren’t fans of guys who don’t have foreskin. We are and can be seriously funny about the dick that goes in us somewhere. My thoughts went from this late but landmark moment in my bisexual life to the number of times I’d get DQ’d because I don’t have ten inches of dick or some dude would be feeling some kind of way because I have an above average dick and, no, I’m not going to tell you how big my dick is because it’s irrelevant… but, yeah, I got to learn that for a lot of people, it is very much relevant. I get it. Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me but people have preferences in this and they will, almost without fail, stick with them even if their preferences keeps them from having sex.
At least my, um, preference to not have an uncut dick in my mouth didn’t stop me from having sex with the guy. And it took an… oversight on my part for me to finally do that and I very much loved it. Not gonna lie about that. Still feel like an idiot over the fact that it took me that long to get that stupid thing out of my head… so I could give a guy some head. I was surprised when the guy called me once he got to wherever he was supposed to be and he had me laughing to myself as he was quite bubbly talking about how I did a number on him and like no other guy had ever done. I didn’t tell him that his was the first uncut dick I’d ever sucked but I did honestly tell him that I had a grand time sucking his very nice dick. He was impressed at how I “manhandled” him and took his nine inches so easily, to which I had politely said, “I’ve had much bigger so, yeah, no problems handling you.” Well, no problems other than having a few seconds to get my head out of my ass – and to stop kicking it – because I didn’t do my due diligence and ask if he was cut or not.
I did ask myself if I would have still sucked him if either of us had bothered to bring this up… and I don’t know. During our negotiations – and I think the thing that may have “distracted” both of us – he was very insistent about not wanting to do anything anal. It wasn’t his thing which was kinda fine with me because while I’d been fucked after getting over my “problem” with it, it was one of those “take it or leave it” things and based on how I was feeling – and what I was feeling was a very great need to suck dick.
He did ask if I swallowed – another major “bargaining point” in such negotiations and I said that I do and he said that this was good because he swallowed as well and, at that point, the deal was made, he was on his way… and I’d get the “surprise of my life.” I would be in the shower later and thinking about this and kicking my ass even harder because I eat pussy – and women have foreskin covering their clits. Yeah, I was having a very serious moment with myself and so much that I hadn’t even noticed that the water was getting cold until I shivered and that got my attention. I could recall the number of women who, to my surprise, didn’t know that they had to clean under their hood… and like uncut guys had to. But, um, since the coochie would be smelling some kind of way, she’d go wash and get under the hood purposely or without really thinking about it, and that pussy would get eaten with great gusto but this moment in my life had me thinking about how many pussies I’d eaten that might not have been all that clean under the hood.
I shivered again… and put it out of my mind. You can’t do shit about anything that has already happened and I’ve never suffered any ill effects so I filed it away as inconsequential but, going forward, yep – I’d take a look under girlfriend’s hood to see what’s going on under there as an additional part of my due diligence.
My thoughts went from these things to having been with only two women who did not want to be eaten. One didn’t believe in oral sex at all and the other just said, “I never wanted to be eaten because it’s better to give than receive…” and I’d just left that one alone and we had some pretty wild sex… but I felt like something was missing. I’d had guys tell me that but, yeah, that was the first and only woman I’d ever heard say that. Some women were reluctant to be eaten; many said that it didn’t do anything for them, some said they could never orgasm that way and many more said that guys just weren’t good at it – and that includes the women who told me that they hated guys who just gave them a few token licks and, as such, didn’t give a fuck about her pleasure.
I understood all of this and, personally, I think that any guy who isn’t willing to get his head between her legs and eat her until she’s unconscious is an idiot… but I also recognize that I got to eat a lot of pussy because of guys who weren’t dedicated to eating her until she couldn’t take it any longer. Knowing this made it an imperative for me to get down there and stay down there until one of us quits… and it wasn’t ever going to be me. I have taken quite a bit of pride to have had a woman tell me that, sure, you can eat me but I’m not gonna cum like that so if you want to waste your time, go ahead… and several “screaming fit” orgasms later, she’s looking at me like I tried to kill her…
Which is, I believe, the way she should be looking and feeling and I’ve heard it said that if she’s not looking at you like that, you probably didn’t do it right. I was thinking about this and remembering all of the injuries I’ve gotten eating pussy and including almost drowning quite a few times. I’ve been almost choked out because she’s had my head wrapped up in a triangle choke hold; I’ve had teeth loosened, have almost had my nose broken – and have gotten a lot of bloody noses; I’ve had my face scoured by pubic hair; I been scratched up and, with ladies with long fingernails, stabbed a few times and enough to draw blood. A few times it’s taken me up to an hour or more to get a woman off like this and, not even bragging, I’ve had women literally jump out of the bed after going down on her for only a few minutes.
I’ve had women who never squirted, again, damn near drown me – and this was before squirting was a “thing.” Some of those gals were mortified because they thought that they’d just peed all over the place and I’d tell them that, no, they didn’t pee but they did ejaculate and, yep, even I was surprised to find out that women could actually do that. It’s okay… and are you okay? Can I get back to what I was doing? But for only two women I’ve had sex with, nope. Don’t even think about doing that. I’d not run into a woman who wasn’t into oral sex in some way so the first woman who didn’t believe in it perplexed me but she explained that “her religion” forbade it so she wasn’t ever going to be a part of that.
I had to respect that even though it “didn’t make sense” to me because I knew that all religions are inherently flawed when it comes to having sex but, okay. My need to eat pussy doesn’t trump a woman’s beliefs in this and no matter why they believe that they should never engage in oral sex. The second woman, well, damn. A seriously amazing cocksucker who believe that it is always better to give than to receive. Okay, I understand that even if I don’t agree with it and being with her left me sated but… deprived. I’m just not used to not eating pussy, you know, outside of quickies and even in some of those situations I got to eat that pussy for a nice, if not short, moment.
Having encountered those two women introduced me to my oral fixation or, got me to better understand why I love giving head so damned much. What gave me the “wake-up call” was me remembering something I had actually learned in college and in my abnormal psych class where we did talk about the behaviors associated with oral fixation, like eating, chewing gum, smoking, and other such things and my remembering this just clicked in my head all at once. Why hadn’t I made this connection before I did? Because until I encountered those two women – and at different times in my life – I had never encountered a woman who didn’t want to be eaten as a matter of course and hadn’t run into too many guys who didn’t want their dick sucked. Plenty of men and women who didn’t give head… but they sure as fuck wanted it and these situations did not make me happy at all but even then, I had never associated by displeasure with being orally fixated… until I was with that second woman who was kind enough to tell me that she’d rather suck cock than to be fucked because it did “something” for her.
Indeed, I was aware that as she sucked me, she was having intense orgasms; she’d stop at times and say something like, “Whew, damn – that was a strong one!” and go right back to sucking me until I came… and she did that a lot to me in between me fucking her. That was a marathon session of sex with her that lasted three days that put both of us on the edge of being dangerously dehydrated and exhausted. I remember sitting and thinking about what she said about giving head and, yeah, what I’d learned in that class just clicked in my head and made me say to myself, “Well, that would explain it, huh?”
I always knew that I loved giving head; I knew that it makes me feel incredibly good to do it but, well, I just didn’t know the whole reason why it makes me feel so incredibly good to do it… and so totally incomplete when I can’t or don’t. Orally fixated by it. A great joy to some and a “pain” for others. One woman told me, “You like doing that too much!” and I could kinda understand why she’d say that because she was one who liked to be eaten but given the way I get so… intense about it, getting away from me and, yes, looking at me like I was trying to kill her was what she’d wind up doing. It was to note – and I did mention this to her – that she never refused to let me eat her. She would crack me up because she’d say, “I want you to just eat me, okay?” then, as I’d start eating her, she’d be heading for the hills… and I’d pull a muscle or two trying to keep her from escaping until, well, it was “healthier” for me to just let her escape and come back when she was ready for more.
I sat and thoughts about this and could feel the wry smile on my face. Remembering all those guys I sucked who also tried to escape and give me that look. Or the guys who’d talk shit about being able to take a sucking… but moments after I’d get started on them, they’re yelling at me to slow down or to just stop before I make them cum before they wanted to… and I didn’t always slow down or stop because I am, after all, a very selfish cocksucker… and a very orally fixated person… and sometimes an “evil” one. Oh, you’re not ready to cum yet? That’s a shame because I’d very much like for you to cum right now and unless you do manage to get away or stop me, that’s what you’re going to do for me.
Do you really believe that you’re the one in control here? A lot of guys believe that they are… until I suck them and they find out that they were never in control of the situation. Oh, you wanna cum now? You’re gonna have to wait a little bit – I’m not done having fun sucking your dick and I’m contrary enough that the more you demand me to let you cum, the more I’m not going to be of a mind to let you do it. I can wait. I am very aware that you may not because I’ve overstimulated you and, for me, that’s one of those “sorry, not sorry” things I know about myself in this. A lot of male cocksuckers are of a mind that it’s not a good blowjob if the other guy doesn’t cum and I very much beg to differ with that… because I’m orally fixated and I hadn’t really known that before but I know it now so if homey can’t bust a nut for some reason, I’m not all that unhappy about that. A lot of guys who suck cock and get sucked are of a mind that the act is about the guy being sucked and making sure that he gets all the pleasure… and I just don’t fully agree with this. Yes, it should be good for him because he could have not given me his dick to suck – and I very much appreciate this… but this ain’t 100% about him and like so many believe it should be.
I can guarantee that if I’m not having fun sucking your dick, you’re not going to have any fun as a result and the bad part is that a lot of guys have made sure that I didn’t have fun sucking them. Occupational hazard but, still. My thoughts turned to those guys who are size queens and insist that bigger is always better… but those same guys who talk about how those really big dicks tend to give them… problems. I learned a very long time ago that size doesn’t matter as much as everyone says it does and some guys become former size queens when they have reason to find that out and, often, painfully so. It’s just… easier to suck cocks that aren’t gigantic in length and girth given that not everyone can open their mouth that wide or are able to deal with their gag reflex.
I hear guys – and guys who haven’t sucked cock at all – talk about how they want to suck all of a long, fat cock until they gag and I’m sure they have no idea how dangerous it can be, from winding up literally being choked to death to winding up aspirating some stuff that their lungs aren’t going to find agreeable; even winding up breathing in a little of one’s stomach acid can cause some serious damage to their lungs. It’s why I tell a lot of guys to not do any more than they’re physically able to; if you can’t suck down his whole eight or more inches, don’t try to and no matter how much he wants you to – or is trying to make you do. I’ve gotten my throat bruised from big-dicked guys trying to ram all of it into my mouth; I can deep throat dicks… as long as you let me do it myself, thank you very damned much because that choking and gagging shit isn’t my idea of fun and I don’t find a damned thing funny about making me or anyone throw up behind sucking really big dicks.
If it makes you unhappy that I didn’t deep throat you or otherwise allow you to use my mouth the way you want to, well, you’re just gonna be unhappy because I know my limits and I’m not going to exceed them – or allow you to exceed them – just to make you happy. And you’re probably not going to like me being unhappy.
I’m thinking about this and I’m feeling… unhappy and borderline pissed off. Took me a few seconds to shake it off and sigh to myself because I understand that it’s just another of those occupational hazards that’s just goes with being a cocksucker. I am, most definitely, one of those guys who believes that it’s always better to give than receive because I do very much want to receive… because it feels good to receive and, oh, yeah, as you just found out when I was doing the giving. I know that I grew up with this level of sharing and fairness; I do believe that you shouldn’t ask someone to do something to you that you’re not willing to do yourself. It happens and I do understand and accept that it does; what I believe is one thing but I also know the reality of things.
Back then, if you wanted me to suck your dick, the unwritten rule was that you would also suck mine. And it was a “rule” that we all adhered to even when it came to fucking. You wanna stick it in me? You know that means that when you get done sticking it in me, I will be sticking it in you, too. There were exceptions and exceptions we all had to adjust to, oh, like almost getting caught (usually) or, sometimes, just running out of time. Sometimes, “shit” doesn’t happen. Occupational hazard. I could feel myself frowning because I will not agree to have sex with a guy who doesn’t suck dick. I think and feel that I’ve more than paid my dues to be able to be this way and, really – why should he be the only one to have this kind of fun? I’m not having any of it. I don’t much care how nice of a guy you are and all that; if you don’t suck dick, I have no use for you and I’m not going to give you that pleasure and not be pleased in this way.
I’ve had guys ghost me online because they’ll tell me what they’re gonna do when they get their dick in my mouth and I tell them what I’m going to do when their mouth is on my dick. They are quick to tell me that they don’t do that shit… and I’m even quicker to tell them, “No deal.” They get pissed, too – and I don’t rightly give a fuck about it. I don’t really like women who don’t suck dick, either; I have had more than my “fair share” of women who have demanded I eat them, but they ain’t sucking dick for any reason and, yeah, I’ve “taken one for the team” because I get to eat and fuck them… and I’m not happy about not getting even a token suck or two. I frowned even more to know that I’ve “taken this shit off of women” but I refuse to take it from men… and maybe, on another day, I might be able to tell you why I’m like this and, hey, I might even really know why which I’m not saying I really do or not at this time.
Other than to say that I don’t have to if I don’t want to; I’ve paid my sexual dues many times over in my life to date. I very much understand why and how women and men can be so… funny or iffy about giving head. Whatever. If they have the right to be funny about giving it, I can be funny about it, too – but I’d rather not be funny about it but if you wanna play this “game,” I am a master at playing it, too… and I hate that I am. Mutual satisfaction works better than instant gratification does for me.
And I’m going to leave it right here for Day 11 of 2022.