Late last night, I was quickly scrolling through Twitter for any new news about the games I play and saw a tweet by someone who was complaining that – and to paraphrase – gays don’t care about bisexuals’ issues.
And I thought, “Why would they?” then asked the person who tweeted this why he thought that they should since gay folks still have their own problems and issues they have to deal with. I felt that this was another stab at the LGBTQ+ community and the ever-growing concern that it’s treating bisexuals as red-headed stepchildren and failing to really support bisexuals. Indeed, I remember reading an article a couple of years ago that reported some in-fighting with the community leadership as to whether or not bisexuals had a place in said community.
You might think that bisexuals and gays would get along “nicely” but, eh, not so much. Growing up and becoming more aware and somewhat knowledgeable about gays showed, at times, that some gay folks didn’t feel all warm and fuzzy about bisexuals. I felt that it was bad enough to sometimes get a raft of shit from straight folks about being in denial about being gay, then a bit surprising and annoying to hear gays giving me da bizness because I wasn’t gay.
I still remember a gay man telling me that if I hadn’t told him that I had sex with women, he would have taken me to bed and given me the ride of my life. I was very okay with him… until I told him that I was bi, not gay. That there’s been a rift between us isn’t unknown to me and it’s not all homosexuals who feel this way but, yeah – quite a few that I’ve run across have thought I was an okay guy… until they found out that I wasn’t gay. Some have been polite and some, well, man, talk about being drama queens!
The other thing about that tweet that I was thinking about was, “What bisexual issues is he talking about… and are those issues real or a ‘mass hallucination’ – creating problems where none previously existed?” I sometimes see a lot of tweets about the issues bisexuals have and I really do wonder what they’re talking about; I know that I don’t have these “issues” and never did just as I know other bisexuals that have never mentioned having any of these issues other than the expected frustration over having a hard time finding someone they can be sexual with. Oh, and sometimes having run-ins with gays who voiced their dislike of bisexuals.
I remember getting into it with a gay man about their very real problems and he felt that I should become a warrior in their plight and fight for recognition and the other things our society was denying them because of their sexuality. He assumed that because I was bi, his problems were also my problems and he got quite pissy when I said, “I don’t have those problems so I can’t really relate to what you’re saying even though I am aware of the shit y’all have had to deal with for so long.”
Oh, my. He got into that “straight privilege” crap as the main reason why I and other bisexuals were escaping the social ire which, when I could get a word in, had me point out to him that bisexuals don’t have some straight privilege… because we are straight until we do something that isn’t. I pointed out that I’ve been around long enough to know when a lot of gay men started getting into being straight-acting in order to avoid the bullshit going on and up to and including marrying women to “prove” to others that they weren’t the gay man people thought they were.
He categorically denied this but I could understand why he would since he was from the generation after mine so he “missed” this change in the homosexual dynamic that those in my generation saw and knew about. Not to mention that a lot of gays in the past had to act straight to avoid being persecuted for being gay. Without a doubt, homosexuals have had some very major shit to deal with… but it remained true – even from my perspective – that their problems weren’t our problems because, um, we’re not gay.
Make no mistake: I do sympathize with what gays have had to endure but until all this shit appeared demonizing bisexuals, the only real problem we had was being mistaken or misidentified as being gay. I am aware of the issues that supposedly are the bane of bisexuality and, honestly, it sounds way too much like the same things I’ve heard all of my life… about homosexuals. From the mental health issues to being subjected to all sorts of violence – and as a matter of course more than isolated incidents – to being refused employment, housing, etc…. and I’m not saying that it’s totally and completely untrue but I do often question if, for some, these issues are more of a figment of their imagination than a reality and then it’s being presumed that all bisexuals have these issues.
When that’s not close to the truth… but I can recall many of the homosexuals I knew being highly paranoid over being hammered for being gay… and that never happened to them, well, not socially anyway if you catch my drift. I remember reading an early article before this clusterfuck really got rolling that listed all of the problems bisexuals had to deal with and it seemed to me that after that article got out, a lot of bisexuality were saying that they had all of those issues in their life, like being rejected by family and friends because they were bi but, in many situations, the put-upon bisexual crying the blues hadn’t come out to anyone. Hmm. See, I don’t know how it’s possible for someone to give a bisexual all that grief if they don’t know the person is bisexual to begin with.
Oh, wait – I do know. It’s like a form of hypochondria in that you can read some real shit that a bisexual had to deal with after they came out and it’s not that difficult for someone to think that this shit is happening – or will – happen to them but, I think, not thinking that up to that point, they weren’t being subjected to the great social ire because no one knew they were bisexual.
I do know of bisexuals – women, mostly – who have been subjected to acts of violence against them and it is a potential risk but one that has been blown out of proportion and, I think, a tool in the smear campaign against bisexuals because women have historically been victims of violence and not just because they were bisexual or even gay. For some, this shit is real but I question if all of this stuff is a true “epidemic” for all bisexuals and like it’s all being talked and worried about.
I just have a problem with folks crying wolf over the woes of being bisexual when the only real way they can become “victimized” by these things is if they come out to someone and they not only catch hell from whomever they came out to, but an avalanche of hell also just buries them in some way. I sit and read on the forum of bisexual men worrying themselves sick over being persecuted for being bisexual even though the only people who knows about this are the people on the forum.
What I have always known even in the earlier times that the only way you had a problem with someone about this is (1) if they falsely accused you of being gay or (2) you came out to them and they took offense and then they ran around telling everyone they knew. It happened. It just didn’t happen to everyone. Not all gays were hunted down to be tarred and feathered. For them, it was a great epidemic of hurt, pain, and wholesale prejudice but stuff that bisexuals didn’t have to deal with until or unless they came out to someone who took great offense.
But as I’ve seen on the forum, there’s a very firm belief and fear that if some shit happened to one, it will happen to all. Um, no. Now, should gays be concerned over whatever issues bisexuals have? I don’t know why they would and in an overall kind of way since, again, they have their own issues with society and issues that, as bisexuals, we don’t have in that overall kind of way. I often find myself telling people to not even try to make their problems my problems because I have my own shit I gotta deal with and shit that has nothing to do with being bisexual. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s not that I’m not concerned about the shit I’ve been hearing about from other bisexuals who, after coming out, are deep in the doo-doo. But I also do not expect homosexuals to totally understand how complex being bisexual is given that we have straight folks on one side and gay folks on the other – and some folks on either side just have issues with us.
Really, the only time I’ve had a problem with anyone about being bi is when I told them that I was and they had… objections. Okay, that sucks but if they didn’t know this about me, well, does it make sense to be overly worried or even paranoid about all holy hell descending upon me if no one knows that I’m bisexual? I understand that some bisexuals are in the shit because they came out and, indeed, I’ve seen a bit of backing up where this is concerned; at one point, the call went out for all bisexuals to come out but I think that when a lot of them did – and got their heads handed to them – well, um, let’s not and say we did, shall we? The pressure to come out is still there and being in the closet is a “pretty fucked up place to be” – and I’ve wondered if anyone knows that “being in the closet” was something homosexuals were first accused of? I know it but, yep, I’ve been around long enough to have been able to know the origins of this phrase.
Being in the closet is seen as a very bad thing but if you consider that, as a culture and society we have always had this great hatred and dislike for anyone who isn’t straight, common sense kinda tells you not to tell “everyone” that you’re not straight since it’s long since been proven that there’s great chance things will not go well for you after the fact so staying in the closet is a good place to be and more so when one can be in the closet and be actively bisexual if they got it like that. Shit, even I won’t tell everyone I know that I’m bisexual… because they don’t need to know and it’s none of their damned business. That and since I’ve had my share of listening to the dumb shit, I ain’t got the time or patience to listen to it and coming from people who I know have no idea of what they’re talking about.
Yeah, I know this is me but I also know that there are others like me. I’ve had to live with knowing that being a bisexual man isn’t seen as a good thing “by one and all.” That’s just the way it is and how it’s always been for us and homosexuals. But it’s not a problem until it really does become a problem and just because some bad shit happened to one person does not ever mean that it will happen to every damned bisexual on the planet.
Jesus H. Christ-Almighty. If you listen to some, being bisexual is some “end of the world” shit. I very much understand those bisexuals who, after coming out, got all kinds of shit dumped on them from violence against them to suffering from depression because they got rejected and vilified by those they once felt they could trust and who would understand. Real shit… but while a lot of us have had shit dumped on us, not all of us have been subjected to violence or are suffering from great bouts of depression… because, well, that’s just not the case or situation with us. Someone had asked me if being bisexual depresses me and I said that it never did. I’ve been suffering from depression for quite a while now because of the inescapable pain I’ve been enduring since I had my stroke but I got this; the mild depression got shoved into a corner because I cannot function if all I’m doing it thinking about how fucked up it is to have had this happen to me and I’m really not trying to be medicated for it – that shit is… evil. I don’t see much of a point to get any therapy for this because there’s nothing that can be done about the source of my pain and, again, being drugged out of my mind isn’t an option – been there and got some funny stories about it.
I have other things that are potentially depressing but my bisexuality isn’t one of them and never has been… because I won’t allow it. I can’t allow it. Violence against me? Been there, too, and handed out some lessons that haven’t been repeated since I was a teenager… and dealing with stupid motherfuckers who thought I was gay. I feel that a lot of bisexuals are allowing the social problems other people have about sexuality become their problem and expecting or even demanding that gays grab their swords and shields and take up our cause to be recognized and accepted is… unreasonable since, um, they don’t have to if they don’t want to.
One guy said, “Well, look at you – you are one big and mean-looking son of a bitch so I can understand why no one would give you grief about being bi!” Well, he was kinda right about that but, you see, I don’t particularly give a fuck about someone giving me grief about this and haven’t for a damned long time. Can’t stop them from doing it… but I don’t have to pay any attention to it and no more than I really pay attention to the issues some bisexuals say are, again, the bane of bisexual existence but, then again, I happen to know that these issues are too much like the issues homosexuals had so, to that end and from my perspective, the only thing that’s changed is who’s being targeted by this ongoing angst. Used to be homosexuals and now it’s been transferred to bisexuals.
Now we got some shit foisted upon us that we don’t need but some of us have to put up and deal with. Some gays are “on our side;” some aren’t. Again, you’d think that since we’re, ah, kinda like gay folks that they’d be more understanding but the reality doesn’t always reflect that. And not all bisexuals rallied to the homosexuals’ cause, did they? Not because of any angst toward them but as individuals, we have our own day to day shit we gotta deal with first and foremost. It’s understandable. Actually, normally human.
Such a thing isn’t unrealistic; it’s just unreasonable to expect all gays to rally to our cause and plight when our problems aren’t their problems so much – they still have their own shit to deal with. Some are willing to jump in their with us… and some ain’t trying to hear any of it.
I observe this kind of stuff going on and wonder what the fuck is really going on and why is it going on. I have great sympathy for my bisexual brothers and sisters who are going through some shit and, at best, all I can do is to encourage them to be strong and if there’s help available to them, don’t hesitate to get it. I get to interact with some who are feeling some kind of way and I can tell them this same thing; it’s not the end of the world and, no, everyone isn’t out to get them and more so when not everyone they know even knows that they’re bisexual… but it is true that when you come out, you could have problems and even then we assume that we will which is why a lot of bisexuals are hesitant to come out to begin with.
This is all I have for Day 13 of 2022.