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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Day 18

18 Jan

Day 17 was a bust as far as writing went; there were other things that required my attention and while I had written something, those other things served to derail my thoughts and I wound up throwing it in the trash. So here I am on Day 18 with a bit of a bug up my ass… over “straight acting” bisexual men.

What I know is that this term was formerly associated with gay men who, being faced with all kinds of hatred and acts of violence, “figured out” that if they acted straight, no one would or might suspect that they were really gay and that includes a lot of situations I heard of where gay men married women in order to keep acting straight.

A forum member asked who else is a “straight acting closeted cocksucker…” and I saw red. I also happen to know that “being in the closet” and “coming out of the closet” was associated with homosexuals who were trying to hide the fact that they were gay and from those who, in essence, didn’t need to know this. In the gay community and such as it was at the time, being in the closet wasn’t seen as a good thing and those who were got a lot of shit about it and deemed to be fearful of being what they were while so many others were letting it be known that they were gay and damned proud to be.

In a way, I’m not surprised that these terms are associated with bisexuals these days and it bothers the shit out of me to see the number of bisexual men talking about how they have to act straight when, um, duh, they are straight. It bothers the shit out of me to hear about guys being in the closet and being so very fearful about it. In a way, it’s understandable because I don’t know of a bi guy anywhere who’d like to be misidentified as being a gay guy but the difference – and a difference I’ve found that a lot of people don’t seem to think about is if we’re bisexual, we’re not homosexual.

It is as I like to say: I’m straight until I do something that isn’t. The reality, though, is that even when I’m doing the “gay” thing of sucking some guy’s dick, um, I’m still straight and when I’m done doing that, chances are really good that I’m gonna want to get some pussy because, um, I can and because I am bisexual, after all. Having said that, I’ve seen first-hand bi guys pretty much making themselves look like fools trying to act in a way that they were already. I’m not sure how you can be straight and act straight but, yep, a lot of guys do this and, as such, tend to wind up giving themselves some problems that they don’t need and more so when, unbeknownst to them, people do pay attention when other people are acting “weird.”

A lot of guys actually out themselves… because they’re trying to act straight. As far as being closeted goes, well, hmm. Some of us are out and letting anyone who cares to listen know that we’re bisexual. Some are like me; I’m out but I’m not going to be running around letting everyone know that I am, not because I’m fearful but it’s none of their damned business and everyone is on a need-to-know basis… and I learned – the hard way – that not everyone needs to know.

Or, as my late and revered mother would always tell us, “You never give someone a stick to beat you with.” The fucked-up part is that when bi guys take on two issues that were the bane of a homosexual’s existence, we’re not only giving someone a stick to beat us with, we’re also beating the shit out of ourselves with that same damned stick. The bottom line is we are not gay so why are we acting as if we are? And, honestly and, perhaps, brutally, how the fuck do you not know that you’re straight already and more so for all those guys who I say are late to the party and, um, they were being very straight until they had reason to, let’s say, split the difference. I know why we do and say this shit and I maintain that we shouldn’t because, if nothing else, by doing so, that’s us telling ourselves that we’re not okay with what we are.

Being outed is some fucked up shit. No one really wants to be. Discretion has always been a major watchword for us or, yeah, I won’t tell if you won’t and it’d be even nicer if no one else knew or suspected that we’re not all that straight… but we still are. Being male and sucking cock is, without a doubt, a gay thing to do and we have deemed it to be so and have attached all kinds of bad shit to being gay. Once upon a time, if you accused me of being gay, there was no telling how much I was going to jump in your case about it because I am not and have never been gay – don’t get it twisted and if you were someone who had no need to know that I’m really bi, well, I can be one seriously sarcastic person with enough mastery with words to make you wish you hadn’t let those words come out of your mouth.

A guy I was negotiating with one day asked me if I was straight acting and I said I wasn’t since, um, I am straight despite what we’re trying to accomplish. Why should I act straight when I am? I’m not “gay acting” and even if that’s really a thing – and I don’t much care if it really is because I act like… me. All of the time. Part of me is that I not only love pussy, I love sucking dicks, too. If you didn’t know this about me and you were to see me, would I not look like any other straight guy? I should… because I am right up to the moment when I’m going to suck the shit out of your dick – and this is me doing something that’s gay… but the act doesn’t define me but I sure do know what it means and like we all do.

Why I am so damned comfortable and not all that bothered about the ongoing angst? Because, for one, I know me and, for something else, I know what a lot of the shit being said is… bullshit. Other people being fearful and trying to share their fears with me. Not having any of it. Fuck no: I am not gay. I say without any offense to any gay person that I wouldn’t want to be gay. The truth is that I do like having sex with men. I know that I’ve pissed off a lot of gay men because I’m not gay like they are. I love women. Love pussy. Not of a mind to give this up just to be gay… because I don’t have to if I don’t want to. I’m not straight acting. I’m not in the closet, either. Again, I don’t much care if someone finds out that I’m not all that straight and, really, they might not want to fuck with me about it and as so many others found out the hard way. But how I love to have sex isn’t any of your damned business… unless you’d like to make me an offer.

Another guy insisted that since I’m not “out to everyone,” I’m in the closet… and I laughed at him. For quite some time, too. Once I stopped laughing – and he didn’t appreciate that one bit (and I didn’t give a fuck that he didn’t) – I told him that the people who need to know I’m bi already knows. Anyone else? On a need-to-know basis. He then said, “So you’re really straight acting?” And I unequivocally told him that I’m not… because I am straight. Some gay folks have good reason to act straight and I understand this… but I’m not gay so there’s no need for me to act straight since, again, I am straight even though, yes – I’d very much love to suck his dick and because I do, uh, that means I’m bi. I am both but neither one exclusively.

I can’t help it. To say that I’m straight acting makes no damned sense at all because it also implies that I have to behave in a way that I don’t know about… and it’d be nice if you were to think about that for a moment. All those… idiots clamoring about bisexuals having some kind of straight privilege? See, they think we’re gay and hiding the fact that we’re gay by invoking this idiotic privilege which isn’t a privilege since, again and duh, we are already straight and have been all along but since so many people feel that the sexual act is what defines us, I can see why they think we’re straight acting.

And I’m the bisexual guy who tells people who believe this – and bisexuals who act this way – that they have it all wrong. We don’t have to act straight or invoke a privilege because we are. All that cowering fearfully in the closet shit? Oh, it’s real because a lot of bisexuals do it… because they know that they’re surround by a lot of people who aren’t going to like or understand our bisexuality and, yes: Mistake it for being homosexual. We “prove their point” by buying into this crap and, worse, we mindfuck ourselves in the process.

Yeah, I don’t know about anyone else but I’m not feeling that at all. I don’t have the patience to deal with the dumb shit – and I know it’s dumb shit because, once again, I heard this shit way, way back in the day and it was all about homosexuals first and foremost. And people back then were also stupid enough to confuse going both ways with just going the gay way.

I’m straight but I love to suck cock. It doesn’t make me gay but it does make me bi. I would get a kick out of people trying to tell me that I’m something other than what I know myself to be and, okay – you want some proof that I’m not as gay as you think I am (or should be)? Go get your lady and if she will allow it, I’d be happy to show you how “not gay” I am. Or you can come home with me and watch me wreck shop on my lady and if that makes you squeamish, you can ask her to tell you about all the time I’ve spent having sex with her.

I don’t buy into this straight acting closeted shit because I know it’s shit. It’s stupid shit. It’s even shit that gay folks had to worry about more than bisexuals did, well, until the bull’s eye got taken off of them and stuck on us. We don’t have to act straight to hide the other part of our sexuality… because we are straight. And I’ll be damned if I really and truly understand why bisexuals don’t know this because they should know it. And why they’re letting the fears other people have influence the way they think and feel about themselves.

What I do know is that before I was a legal adult, I figured all of this out. Those who were “deathly afraid” of homosexuals were trying to impose their fears on me and in a way that has never been accurate. Most people only see the gay stuff that we do and that should tell you some scary and troublesome shit about the way we think and why we think this way. They have it firmly in their minds that the act defines the person performing it but, hmm, if I’d also be very happy giving a woman the high hard one, um, doesn’t that act define me as being straight? I’d say it does but that’s not what people are looking at: They’re only looking at what I’d do with a guy, which equals “gay” and I’m just acting straight while hiding in my closet and shitting all over myself being worried about it all.

I’m not. I wish that all bisexuals would stop mindfucking themselves with this bullshit but I know the reality: Many can’t. There’s a reason why I’ve had a lot of people say that I don’t look “like the type” and it’s because I don’t and that’s because I’m not gay and not the “swishy” kind that gets a whole lot of attention and makes me say that while I really and seriously respect effeminate gay men, y’all didn’t do bi guys any favors because a lot of people see us – and only see you.

I do, in fact, look like any other guy. I am presumed straight until it’s proven that I’m not and that, my friends, isn’t privilege. I don’t have to act straight because that’s what everyone else sees and, again, I am straight. Very much so. Will suck a dick in a flat, skinny second and wouldn’t tell a guy that he can’t blow me until I have reason to suspect that it would be a bad idea. Otherwise? Sure – let’s get our dicks out and blow each other’s brains out and later (and again) there’s a good chance that I will be laying the pipe to my lady and happily so. It’s, um, it’s what bi guys do. Men and women. Never, ever “men or women” and like so many bisexuals say and believe… because here in the 21 century – and on Day 18 of 2022, people still believe that someone is either straight or gay.

And despite the ongoing and ever-present reality that has always said differently. Some of us are both. If the gay stuff we do is presumed to define us as being “gay,” uh, why doesn’t the straight stuff we also do serve to define us as also being straight? I know why. I pisses me off to no end. It is painful to see all the bisexuals who believe they have to act straight and that “being in the closet” means it’s a place they have to, again, cower in great fear of being outed or whatever and, yeah, like being someone who doesn’t want everyone knowing their sexual habits and business is a bad thing to do.

I don’t tell everyone that I’m bisexual because I don’t have to if I don’t want to or need to. I don’t act straight because I am straight despite doing gay stuff like sucking the cum out of a guy and making him call on God, Jesus, his momma, or anyone else he thinks is going to save him from my desire to suck him dry. I’m not gay. Wouldn’t want to be because it’s as limiting as just being straight is and that’s not my idea of having sexy good fun.

And it’s not who I am. It’s not what I am and have been for, shit, coming up on six decades. If you don’t like this about me, well, that sucks but all you can do is not like it and giving me shit about it is you wasting your time and energy trying to convince me that what you believe is right… and when I’m living proof that it isn’t. None of this is my problem: It’s your problem and I’d be some kind of a fool to allow you to make your problems with bisexual become my problems… and you won’t want to do that and you’ve been warned. That’s been tried before. Everyone who has tried has failed.

I know what I am and have always been. I don’t have to act straight. I don’t and will not ever cower in fear of being outed. If I deem that you don’t need to know, you aren’t going to know and if, by chance, you think that I’m gay and hiding it, well, you’re wrong… and you might not want to mention that bullshit to me because I can’t guarantee you that I’m going to be nice about what I might say to let you know that you do not have the slightest clue or idea of what you’re talking about.

If you’re feeling some kind of way to find out that I’m not as straight as you thought I was, I really do understand it since I normally do stuff that straight guys do… except. Now you know that I’m not all that straight but don’t get it twisted: I am not gay. Get that out of your head and you’ll be doing both of us a favor; you won’t be all that confused and I don’t have to spend time trying to explain the differences – again. Am I in the closet because I’m not out to everyone? I don’t think so since I learned the hard way that not everyone needs to know so let’s not and say I did.

“Straight acting closeted cocksucker.” Reading this made me sad and pissed me the fuck off – and I let the membership know how I feel and think about this unadulterated bullshit borne out of misrepresentation and abject ignorance of some realities that, sad to say, make people want to shit all over themselves because of the fears they have. I might have sex like a truly gay man because, um, it’s sex but since I know what homosexual had to do way back in the say, I’m not ever going to adopt those things because they don’t apply to me since, duh, I’m not gay but not 100% straight all of the time. Deal with it or not. I’m just being… me and everyone else can take that for what it’s worth to them. Or not.

And now you know how much this bullshit bothers me at times… like here on Day 18 of 2022. I’m really okay. Just venting but laying some knowledge out there at the same time.

 
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Posted by on 18 January 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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