Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 28 July 22

28 Jul

Today’s Thoughts are a kind of two-for: Bisexuality and polyamory and how one can beget the other. I was re-reading an old post about two questions that, in my poly relationship, I got tired of hearing and trying to answer.

The first was, “Why would you do this?” and the other was, “How can I do this?” and that old post, I can see, was more about how those two questions would frustrate me more than really answering them… and I’m not trying to answer them today, either. One of the questions I learned to ask those who were looking to do this – and depending on the makeup of their proposed extended family – was, “What are y’all gonna do when the girls/guys start making love to each other?” because I had learned that bisexuality can be quite… contagious in that situation and more so when the group has sex together and the more they do, the more likely it’s going to happen.

I spent a lot of time thinking about this since I had good reason to and I’m not going to get into all of that again but I will say that at the very beginning of my poly relationship, the “logic” strongly suggested that if the three of us kept making love together, something was eventually going to happen and more so when my then-wife was bisexual. And, boy, did it ever happen! I had expected a lot of shit to hit a very big fan… and it didn’t, and I was… “pleased” with myself to have foreseen this happening but it gave me more questions than it answered, like, what is the possibility of an extended family – and regarding of the makeup of it – having bisexuality pay them a visit?

On the one hand, it doesn’t seem to be all that probable when you consider that not everyone is bisexual or even has this on their mind in any way… but in creating the bond between them – and sex is the best vehicle for this – well, let’s just say that I’ve told people about this and they didn’t quite believe me and, as a result, everything fell into disarray. I learned that you can sit and plan something like this and talk about how it’s going to work and, yeah, agree to exclude some stuff but the “mistake” I’ve seen made is such a proposed extended family believing that no same-sex stuff is ever going to happen.

It’s not a guarantee that it will but from what I’ve learned personally and from so many others who were brave enough to accept and take on this very daunting, life-altering challenge, yeah, it’s a likelihood that should be talked about so that everyone is aware so that should it happen, no one is going to really be all that surprised.

I’ve had guys say that, nah, they ain’t like that and no shit like that would ever go down and this is quite typical and, well, I’d be thinking that they didn’t know as much about having sex as they thought they did and, yup, some of them got quite the surprise just the same and the biggest surprise would often come into play because the same-sex thing wasn’t something anyone planned on happening – it just did and now it was all about adjusting to it but I would think that if you were aware of the possibility and included it – but not so much as an exclusion – if it happens, then the surprise isn’t going to be all that devastating.

Not all poly families or groups have bisexuality pay them a visit… but the potential, I think, is always there. That and I’ve seen group sex situations have… visitations and, again, not expected but that level of intimacy and being wholly in the moment can open the door and even if for that one moment, like the guy my [then] wife and I had sex with along with his girlfriend and we had set the boundaries for what was to happen but once things got heated up, most of them went out the window but with agreement but imagine my surprise when I’m sitting there watching the two women doing a number on him while sucking his dick and he suddenly grabs my dick and shoves it into his mouth and started sucking me!

Now, um, I didn’t mind that at all but I was stunned because I knew he had no interest in such a thing, yet he’s sucking me like an old pro. The other surprise was when the women turned on each other and, well, I knew my wife was bi but didn’t know about the other woman but, wow. Later and during a much-needed break, they both said that they hadn’t intended on that to happen, and I gave them major props for admitting that it just seemed to be the right thing to do and, nope, it wasn’t bad at all. Let’s say that round two got very interesting…

But I was intrigued at how this could happen without any prior intention and learned more about the power of sex and how it can influence things once inhibitions get kicked to the curb. I was of a mind that this was just something I was seeing and in the early days of our open marriage, it was something I saw happen a lot of times, both intentionally and not so much so, hmm, there must be something to this; I could have been “wrong” about that first time but what’s the possibility of my being wrong in the other times I witnessed this?

Not all that likely and I would go on to learn some stuff about this and how, in a poly setting, sex can bind and in unexpected ways so why not expect it or, really, have a lot of awareness of the possibility since should it happen, it’s going to upset the whole dynamic of the extended family. I would learn that in this setting, forget all that shit you think you know about having sex and how you prefer to because anything can happen and if you’re not prepared for it, yeah, that’s a problem, ain’t it?

It would lead me to tell anyone who would be interested in this that they’d have to unlearn everything they know about love, sex, and relationships so they can learn a totally and whole new way to go about these things. And I’ve seen quite a few potentially good extended families crash and burn and all because of something they didn’t believe would or could happen.

Those two questions. Still not going to answer them the way I should and have answered them. That first one just mystifies people because it contradicts what we believe about relationships and monogamy, but I stand by what I say in this regard: Cheating wouldn’t be the problem that it is if needs are being attended to and/or met and when they aren’t, guess what could happen and more so when monogamy leaves no room or has any recourse that isn’t the dissolution of the relationship.

And it’s not cheating if you have permission. It’s called ethical non-monogamy or, my favorite, negotiated infidelity because you best believe that a lot of negotiation takes place to get to his point. To those who got mystified by this, it’s yet again one of those “Yeah, but…” moments where the mystified can intelligently understand the reasons for this but, emotionally? Just doesn’t compute and can’t “hold water” against what we believe about things.

As to “How can I do this?” well, I’ll partially answer this one: The best way you can and good luck. Seriously. I learned how to do it via OJT and trial and a lot of errors. There is no “one way” to extend the relationship like this and you just gotta figure it out for yourselves and, as I always say, come up with a vision of what the extended relationship is going to look like and work that everyone involved can be invested in and not just be a part of or being of a mind to think “me” more than “us.”

And then leave room for a visitor who just might come a-knocking. This isn’t, um, fuck, how can I put it? This isn’t about fulfilling fantasies as much as it is most definitely a way to live that has benefits other than some pretty amazing sex. It does take a village and the more people you have working toward common goals, the better the chance to have those goals met and exceeded and to the benefit of all.

And the more you can learn about yourself and those you love who are with you in this. I maintain that doing this is way harder than being married and monogamous but, yeah, it’s worth the efforts involved and there are a lot of them that must be endured and handled to ensure that the extended family works well all across the board and, yup, even if/when bisexuality drops in to stay a while. Fighting against the possibility is, in my opinion only, a mistake because it is… disruptive to the whole of the gestalt.

Unless this is going to be formed because bisexuality in the relationship already exists, it just does not pay or do any good to deny or insist that such… shit cannot be allowed to happen because this stinks too much of how monogamy is in that it doesn’t allow for people in the relationship to change and any changes tend to be summarily rejected out of hand because, well, that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Which also taught me to tell others that if you try doing this and hanging on to the rules of monogamy, you’re going to fail and that includes creating rules to protect the core relationship that will prove to be to0 restrictive and inhibitive and, again, will disrupt the whole dynamic and make it fail.

Okay. I’ve gotten this out of my head…


Tags: , , ,

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

As I see it...

The blog that was

The Three of Us: Kit, Kitten, and Kitty

This blog is mostly about personal growth. It’s random and it’s ever changing.

Corrupting Mrs Jones

Often unfiltered thoughts.

Gemma - Journey of Self discovery

So, I've been spanked, hard! I have spanked myself hard, I have spanked others even harder! I'm now heading for a different road, one that still includes all the best bits of me, all the naughty bits, all the hot steamy bits, and plenty of spanking still to be had! But this time I'm creating characters to play out my delightful erotic fantasies, I hope you enjoy the new ride as much as the previous one...

Marla's World

Sporadic randomness from a disheveled mind.

Miss D

My BDSM adventures and accounts as a kinky sadomasochist

The Middle-Aged Bisexual

Struggling with my bisexuality in a heterosexual relationship

A Submissive Journey


Musings & Interests of a Bisexual Man

A journey into surrender

Finding Strength in my Submission

Mature audience only, 18+ NSFW...kinky sex & spankings ahead!

Acquiescent Soul

Internal Perspective

Katya Evangeline

From Missionary to Sex Preacher and Loving It!

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.


by Hannah

Hopeful Heartache

Ramblings about life, relationships, anxiety, depression, and questions.

SeXXy Julie

Sordid Sex Stories & Erotica of a Cougar

Temperature's Rising

Still hot. (It just comes in flashes now.)


Random thoughts from a random mind


Writing about recovery.

Wake Up- Get Up- Stand up

"We the People" need to stand together.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.


Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual

Love the one you love


The Wise Serpent

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

The Self-Actualized Life

Have a fulfilling life sexually and every other way!

Larry Archer's World (

------ Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer


is there a path to a successful open marriage?


The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl


What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception


Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained


when and why size matters


I write when the choice is to die if I don't

My SEXuality

Why am I afraid to tell you who I'am?

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

...because love just isn't enough ;)

Apparently I Don't Exist

The Many Adventures of a Bisexual Genderqueer

%d bloggers like this: