Todays Bisexual Thoughts: 31 July 22 – Supplemental

31 Jul

One day I was hanging out with a guy and we’d been playing “The Dozens” and ranking on each other in a good natured way.

At one point, he’d said something that left wind wide open for me to zing the daylights out of him so I zinged him and, yeah, I knew that o had gotten him really good when he said, “Aw, man, suck my dick!”

And in that moment, I heard a voice that sounded like mine say, “Okay.” The guy stopped laughing, looked at me, and asked, “Are you serious?” And I heard that same voice say to him, “I am if you were serious about me sucking your dick…”

And what the fuck? It was like an out of body experience and I had no idea why I’d said what I did and more so when that’s not where my head was… or so I thought. What the fuck made me say those things and to someone I had no idea would be agreeable?

I, um, I wound up sucking his dick and it was… glorious and, apparently, something I had really needed to do because it was so satisfying but I couldn’t figure out why I had a need that I hadn’t been aware of but, yeah, it made me say what I did.

It wasn’t like I wanted to blow him and it was t like I was horny but, I dunno, maybe I really was… or something in my head decided that what he’d said about sucking his dick sounded like a great idea. And to make it either better or worse – and depending on how you care to look at it – the second time was even better than the first time because he decided that sucking my dick would be a great idea but, later, told me that he didn’t know what had made him suck me… because he’d never even had a thought about doing that before.

To be truthful, I didn’t know, either. Yeah, yeah, he hadn’t known that I was down like that and, also truthfully, it hadn’t been my intention to let him know that I was but, again, something in my head had other ideas.

And the “scary” part? That wasn’t the first time something like that had happened. It didn’t always result in something happening and was quite often embarrassing but I racked my brain trying to figure out why I was doing it when I really wasn’t thinking about it… or was I and my conscious mind just wasn’t aware of it?

It wasn’t quite like those moments when I’d be sucking a guy and that same voice would suddenly say, “Stick it in me and fuck me…” I would come to understand that it was just me being in the moment – and whether I got fucked or not isn’t the point ( but most of the time, I got fucked and it was just what I needed).

But agreeing to suck a guy’s dick and knowing that he wasn’t really asking me to? There was no “moment” to be into that was sexual? He said it and it was like my mind decided, “Why not?” but forgot to inform me. In this occurrence, the guy was seriously taken aback and so was I! He’d asked me again if I was serious and, well, I suppose I was even if, again, I had no conscious intent.

Once I confirmed that I was – and that damned voice had said, “If I wasn’t serious, I wouldn’t have said it!” – he got his dick out and just looking at him told me that he didn’t believe I’d do it and that was fine because I didn’t believe I was about to do it and, um, I was glad that my brain “talked me” into doing it. His erection was so easy to suck and to take deep over and over until I heard him start cussing and saying that he was going to cum.

And it was like I was a spectator to the whole thing. Shit, while I sucked him, I had asked myself why was I sucking him when, again, I wasn’t even thinking about it and surely wasn’t thinking about him like that! But, okay, we’re doing this and I’ll figure it out later because, yes – he’s cumming…

I never did figure it out other than to get an idea of how… spooky our subconscious can be. That Freudian Slip kind of thing that’ll make you say something that you didn’t mean to say… and didn’t know that you were going to say it, and you’re shocked that you did.

Like how I got laid one time because I was talking to a woman bout a computer problem she was having and I was thinking to tell her to give me a second while I check something but what I said was, “Give me some sex…” and, oh, shit – that’s not what I meant to say! And she laughed and said, “Well, I’m game if you are but after you fix things!”

And finding out later that she didn’t know why she said what she did and that just made me wonder about this even more. Not all instances of this ”slip of the tongue” went well but, again, that wasn’t the point – it was that my tongue would slip on its own accord and there was only one culprit: My subconscious.

Or the asshole that lives in my head. Which is really me but that part of me that I have no direct access to like how I can recall a memory, for example. What made me say that? I didn’t know because it came from a part of my mind I can’t access… but is prone to doing shit anyway.

Sigh. This got into my head and I had to get it out. That day, man, I had so much fun sucking him off twice even if/when it was never my intention to do so… but apparently, it really was and I hadn’t gotten the memo or email about it…

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