Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 14 September 22

14 Sep

“I don’t know why people gotta have sex like that!”

Hmm, let’s see… how many times have I heard this sentiment? To say it’s a lot might be a miscarriage of justice. You can explain to someone why bisexuals have sex the way they do and they get it… and they don’t.

While people who become and who are bisexual have their own reasons for why they are, for those who engage in the sex, it’s just another way to enjoy having sex. That seems to be a big-time, “Duh!” and those who’d make this statement – or put it in the form of a question and definitely when it’s aimed at a guy – well, it has always made me wonder if they really know as much about sex as they say they do. Maybe they do but they’re like a lot of people who insist that it’s not supposed to be like that.

“Why do you let guys suck your dick?” Um, because I like having my dick sucked and I know that girls aren’t the only ones who can do this. Why do I suck dick? Feels good. Cum is kinda tasty. If he’s sucked my dick, why wouldn’t I suck his?

This great disconnect popped into my head after seeing something about Susan Sarandon who, I guess, came out as bi to Jimmy Fallon and on live TV. I would suppose that this admission – and like the other admissions made by someone famous – is spreading like wildfire where, to me, I’m not surprised one bit. I think that because we see homosexual sex as a sin, it’s something that not only cannot be done, but it also cannot be enjoyed by anyone and, yeah, especially men (and that shit it old, tired, and played out and was before I was born). Susan – and just like every celebrity who has come out as bisexual – is just as human as everyone else is; she is just one of many women who have found out that being bisexual ain’t all that bad.

Which is what everyone who is bisexual finds out. While society has fits about what bisexuals do on the homosexual side of the equation, it’s best to pay attention to why someone decides that this is a good – or even the best fit – for them and how they’re going about their life. It’s not really rocket science so it’s not that difficult to understand if you can get religious dogma out of your head long enough to see that bisexuals are like everyone else and in their pursuit of love, sex, relationships, and all of the above.

I still and often sit and shake my head to see how society has yet to be able to see and understand that it being so dead-set against anything that isn’t 100% heterosexual has done nothing to stop anyone from being bisexual. Nothing. Just like all this moral righteousness didn’t do shit to stop people from being homosexual. I ain’t saying that if you can’t beat them, join them but I am saying that those who “don’t believe in that shit” might want to catch up with some stuff and see that while an individual belief – which is within their rights – is all well and good and in that “I’d never do anything like that!” way but, yeah, a lot of people are, from “Everyday Joe and Jane” types of people to the rich and famous.

Then again, it’s pretty much a given that unless a bisexual lets you know that they’re bisexual, you probably won’t ever know that they are. I learned to not discount someone’s instincts – that, “There’s something different about you…” thing I’ve also heard a lot and then they get surprised because they were thinking that the different thing about me is being gay… and it isn’t. And then, “You don’t look like the type!”

In a way, I do… because I look like everyone else you might lay your eyes on and at any given time and in any given place. It’s been my opinion that the world got shook up over bisexuality because they realized that you cannot look at someone and tell that they’re bisexual and, oh, shit, it’s quite possible that someone they know – and even someone close to them – could be bisexual! Society seemed to react as if bisexuals were… axe murderers just waiting to pounce on them and do them in and in horrific fashion and, well, people do tend to act… weird when they’re scared. They also get to behaving some kind of way to find out that everything they thought they knew… isn’t really the truth of things.

I maintain that we have been so anti-homosexual and for as long as we’ve been this way that a lot of people are totally blinded to the fact that we are also – and usually primarily – heterosexual. But all they see is more “gay people.” And let the insanity begin. In a lot of situations, we tend to believe what we see so if you see two people of the same sex being all “cozy” with each other, the automatic assumption is that both of them are gay. They might be and not so much. What bisexuals know is whatever relationship we might be in doesn’t define the sexuality of the whole but, yeah, people believe what they see and if one was bold and daring enough to ask the happy couple if they’re gay, they could be in for quite a shock to find that one person might be gay… or neither person is.

Bisexuality effectively removes the boundaries that we created. For the longest time – and for as long as I can remember – we have insisted that people are either straight or gay and giving a grudging nod to the fact that, duh, there are gay people. As I’ve said hundreds of times, bisexuality takes these beliefs and… kills the shit out of them. It takes the singular notions of both hetero- and homosexual sex and debunks all that we think we know about sex.

It’s some eye-opening shit and even to those who have bisexuality pay them a visit after years or decades of being heterosexual and, yeah, sometimes, homosexual. There are some sexuality experts who have said that humans being monosexual is… not the way we’re supposed to be and not the way we were before the advent of the rules that made us monosexual… and history tends to bear this out and there must be some truth to this because there’s a lot of bisexuals.

A lot. Untold numbers. Could be anyone you know. I’m really not joking when I say that you can be standing next to a bisexual and not know it and if humans are afraid of something, it’s that which they don’t know about and that which they cannot understand… and we do tend to behave badly when faced with things like this. And while a lot of people today are looking at bisexuals as the new evil, there are so many people who have learned – and are about to learn – that, nah, it’s not really all that evil.

Of course, it’s not “100% about sex” but, yeah, if you like sex, why not experience it in the many ways it can be experienced? Oh, yeah, that’s right: You’re not supposed to. You’d better not. Or else. Kinda weird that we can finally admit that having sex is good and healthy for us to do… but insist that sex in the same-sex way of things isn’t. True enough, being bisexual isn’t “for everybody.” Also true is that I have personally heard both men and women say, “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” Or it was better than they thought. Stuff like that. I reasoned that, comparatively speaking, having the sex is way easier than what it might take to get one’s head in a space that would allow them to have the sex, you know, if they wanted to.

That’s the real “bitch” of bisexuality. Taking everything you’ve ever learned and tossing it so you can learn something else about love, sex, and relationships can be like. Suspending belief and fears. It’s only going to be bad if you believe it’s gonna be. I’ve heard some folks say, “Oh, why the hell not?” and they go for it and, hmm, okay, not bad and, often classically, “It’s not something I’d do all of the time.” Which is fine… because no one does this “all of the time” but when they can do it, they can do it.

And not everyone can get their head around this… but a lot of people are finding that they can and that they have reason to. Do I really care about Susan being bisexual? Nah, not really; she’s bisexual. So are a lot of women and women who aren’t famous movie stars. I grew up with a bunch of them and even married one and I know quite a few more and very personally, too. That I grew up with a bunch of guys who were bisexual, well, I’d say that this is a given and I’ve known a lot of guys who are and, yeah, every so often, I’ve been surprised by a guy who I thought wasn’t bisexual but, yeah, he is now. Or he wants to be. The devil owns the details because if you don’t know them, something like a guy liking to be screwed in the ass doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and on top of the generally accepted notion that being screwed there is not only a very bad thing but also a very painful one, too.

Not only can it feel good, but it’s also being said that it’s good for our prostate health. Now, a guy doesn’t have to get boned and creamed to take care of this very important thing about us but, yeah, the real thing can be quite nice. I can spend quite a bit of money for a good device that’ll stimulate the shit out of my prostate… but getting a guy to do it with his dick? That’s inexpensive or, like I said to my protege when we were talking about this, it can cost the price of a six-pack of beer and at the very least. Some guys would very much like for you to believe that they’re being screwed by guys for the health of their prostate being the main reason and, well, hmm, they could be telling the truth… but I doubt it since I know that being screwed feels… good. Most of the time. Your results will vary.

Bisexuals can and do find love and relationships on the same-sex side of things. Not supposed to never means that it can’t happen and how many guys do I know who said that such a thing was impossible? A lot of them… and including me. It’s not a “gay thing” – it’s a very human thing and, at least in my opinion, bisexuality proves this. And… it takes the rules of monogamy and just fucks them up and, yeah, they cause a lot of bisexuals a world of grief… and a lot of couples are now saying, “Fuck those rules.” Polyamory is a real thing (and, boy, don’t I know that!) and, again, a lot of experts are saying that before the rules, we were like this, too, even under the auspices of “safety in numbers.”

That it can take a village can have a much deeper meaning. Are bisexuals “automatically” polyamorous? I would say… no but one of the things that fucks up bisexuality is that one person at a time mandate that was imposed upon all of us. I’ve learned that some folks get into polyamory… and discover bisexuality. I’ve seen that one for myself and there’s a… logic that seems to say that if we’re all going to be in this together, let’s all really be in this together and remove yet another boundary and since we’ve already gotten rid of a lot of them in order for all of us to in this together.

I don’t think it’s automatic, but it makes being monogamous… less sensible. And despite the difficulties that can face a bisexual in a relationship, um, people are still discovering that even being bisexual in thought alone is pretty damned liberating but explaining it to a partner who, chances are, doesn’t believe in that shit? I’m not saying that being bisexual isn’t without its own set of problems but, well, people are, have been, and are on the precipice of being bisexual. For whatever reason makes sense to them and, yeah, including the award-winning Susan Sarandon.

I’m still not quite sure why it’s “okay” for someone like Susan to come out to the world about being bisexual and not for, say, the woman across the street from you doing the same thing. Or the guy who cuts your grass or is a co-worker or friend or, yeah, family member. I suspect that the media’s gonna have its usual field day about Susan being bisexual and telling people that she is. She’s probably going to lose some fans but there are, more than likely, a lot more fans who are just okay with Susan coming out as bi… but if their daughter or son did, well, that’s not a good thing.

But a lot of people have been all “not in my backyard” about sexuality. It’s all “fun and games” until you find yourself dealing with a bisexual and one you didn’t know was right in front of your face and living in your home. I say again: Bisexuality isn’t the problem; the problem is all those people who don’t believe that anyone should be and if they’re gonna be anything, be straight and like the good Lord said we’re supposed to be. Which brings up another reason why some people can’t accept bisexuality: The crisis of faith. It’s also a reason why a lot of people find that accepting bisexuality is… easier without going through this crisis and when you consider that man wrote the bible and those who wrote it said that God said this.

Hmm. And we take it on faith that God did say it. But the reality that’s been staring us in the face all along tells a different story about how humans can be. Again, bisexuality isn’t without its problems, and this is a pretty big one… and why a lot of bisexuals – including myself – have come to the conclusion that if God didn’t mean or want for us to be this way, we wouldn’t be this way.

Well, until you get deep into human behavior and find that we can be this way because we’ve always been this way and the rules – and the wrath of God – notwithstanding. Even I’ve said, “If I’m going to hell for being the way I am, I’ll have plenty of company.” I’ve heard some say, “I’m gonna die one of these days anyway so what difference does it make?” And I’ve heard some say, “If I’m supposed to live my life to the fullest, well, this is part of that for me.”

Or, as my protege and I love to say, “Why the hell not?” And an untold number of people – and in the moment I’m writing this and you’re reading it – are asking the same question… and answering it and finding out why there are so many people who are bisexual. Given how it seems that the GOP is trying to rewind everyone back to the 1950s, I suspect there’s going to be a lot of political riffing going on that isn’t just the GOP trying to invalidate gay marriages. We can never go back to the way it used to be; if we are not moving forward, well, if you think things are fucked up now, imagine what it might be like if the GOP has their way and takes us back to the moral values of the 1950s and for all of the people who weren’t born in that time and like I was.

Oh, yeah, that’s right: I was born in the 1950s… and I’m bisexual. I’m not a political animal but I do think that the GOP has lost whatever mind they had because they’re stuck in the past and that’s never a good thing. We must… evolve. This political ideology doesn’t want us to and I’m not saying this because I’m a life-long Democrat: I’m saying it because it has to be said and I have to say it because I knew and learned a long time ago that being bisexual is a part of our evolution as a species and… we must evolve and not devolve. I knew that, one day, a whole lot of people would be bisexual and that made sense given that a lot of people around me were embracing bisexuality and understanding the reality that a lot of people before I was born were bisexual and going as far back as I was capable of understanding at that time.

Or I “saw the future.” Nah, not really but it just stood to reason that if I was like this and there were others who were like me, there would be more. I got “way older” and thought that there will come a day where we won’t be fussing over sexuality and that bisexuals won’t be the ones being looked at as “oddballs” – that would be those who won’t be of a mind to change and are “comfortable” with the way God said things are supposed to be. And I’ve learned that those who fail to change always gets left behind. I learned that change is… inevitable and humans are funny about it. We don’t like change, but we still see the need to change.

And nothing anyone, at any time in our history, has said or done has stopped anyone from being their sexuality of choice and especially if that choice isn’t heterosexual. And, yeah, bisexuals very well might be “born” in that sense but, honestly: Where do you think bisexuals come from? Seriously, how many straight guys have I turned into bisexual guys and in that very personal way? I am beginning to see that the lines we’ve had drawn in the sand are beginning to… blur. If anything is being erased, it’s those three aspects of sexuality: Straight, bi, and gay. The words are… losing their meaning. It sounds crazy that a guy can say that he’s straight… but he has no problems having sex with a guy and still insist that he’s straight. Is there some mindfucking going on here? Yeah, I think there is… but I’m kinda changing my mind about that but more information is needed and it’s out there to be gained.

Good stuff. There are those who will say that morality has gone by the wayside and, yeah, we need to get it back and maybe what’s being seen is now… the new morality. I’m not the only bisexual whose seen the flaws in our morality and as we currently understand it. It’s not wrong… but it isn’t the whole truth and doesn’t – and hasn’t – matched the reality of things and the reality that bisexuals get hit with. It’s either quite disturbing… or the greatest thing ever. In this, the truth sure as hell will set you free and not in a bad way and I’m not the only bisexual who knows this.

Susan Sarandon knows it and now we know that she knows.

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Posted by on 14 September 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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