Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 15 September 22

15 Sep

A lot of my bisexuality takes place in my head. From sex to other related things. Who. What. When and where. A constant litany that’s been inside my head from the beginning. Boy or girl? Pussy or dick? Both? What if I get caught? What if someone finds out that I’m like this? What am I going to do? What would I do? How do I feel? What else might I wind up thinking about?

It’s like being stuck in a loop and one that… stuff gets added to. What are other people thinking, saying, or doing? Damn, that guy has a nice print in his pants; if he asked me to suck him, would I say yes or no? That woman is pretty; I like the shape of her body, the way she moves and what would it be like to have her and, yeah, that guy with the nice print, too?

And right along with the other stuff that’s related to my bisexuality that I can, in fact, hear, see, and feel. Impressions. Memories galore. That constant… pressure to have sex that runs underneath all of my thoughts and then all kinds of indescribable thoughts and feelings connected to that, too. That guy over there is looking at me like I’m something good to eat; I am something good to eat! That other guy is watching the guy staring at me and now he’s staring at me and I can tell he’s trying to figure out why I’m being stared at. What is he thinking? Do I give a fuck about it? Should I? I’m hungry and it’s not food that I want but, in a way, sucking dick and eating pussy is feeding a need that has little to do with real food and isn’t that funny? I’d love to cum right about now but, nah, not right now but, sure, right now would be nice and when was the last time you got fucked and that’s so nice but I hate cleaning up after the fact but there’s a reason why they say sex is dirty and sometimes it’s literally dirty and, hmm, I can still smell my wife’s pussy and I love how her scent lingers in my nose and sometimes I can taste her and what about those tactile memories when I can feel her clit in my mouth or do you remember that time where you sucked that dude off and you could feel his dick pulsing in your mouth two days later? Yeah, his cum didn’t taste all that great – he really needs to lay off the salt and that cheap booze, too. And, what about…

And, of course, all of this on top of all of the thoughts I have as I go about my day and as I’ve done every day of my life. And being totally aware of what’s going on in my head and this is where it gets kinda weird because I know what’s going on there that’s related to my bisexuality… but I don’t think about being bisexual. It’s… background noise but, at the same time, it isn’t. Sometimes, I’ve had someone ask me if I think about being bisexual and I tell them that I do… and I don’t. What am I thinking about? Everything and nothing or, really, nothing that I can put into words although I try to but now I’m thinking about how to explain something to someone who may or may not understand what I’m thinking about and… which pocket do I have my keys in?

I have a lot of thoughts about bisexuality and the way I’m bisexual… but I don’t think about it. It’s just… there. It’s been a part of me for so long that, well, it’s a part of me. I’ve been asked how I decide who to have sex with and while I understand the question – even if I might not know why they’re asking the question – but let’s write a note to remind me to ask them in a moment – I tell them that I probably couldn’t really explain that even though I am 100% aware of the constantly running decision process connected with this. Let it suffice that I don’t just use or let my eyes make decisions… and do you remember that time when you did do that and, whew, was that something or what?

Does being bisexual bother me? No, and I don’t know why some people have asked me this but then again, I do know but do I look like it bothers me? I need to pee. Oh, that’s right – we’re having spaghetti for dinner. Do I like guys the same way I like girls? No – what kind of question is that and why do people keep asking me this? Oh, yeah, that’s right – they don’t understand what I am and if they could hear me laughing inside my head they might get pissed off, not that I care if they do but it’s not my fault that they don’t know anything other than what they might have heard and even then what they’ve heard is usually about as wrong as anything can get and don’t fuck around and leave the car key in the ignition like you almost did the other day and you wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t been thinking about how much you really need to eat some pussy but that’s okay because I can do that when I get home and I gotta remember to take that box out and make sure there’s no cats in it this time…

Someone said, “Being inside your head must be interesting!” and I said, “You have no idea.” I’ve talked to others who see bisexuality as being two different things and, in my head, I know why they do but I can’t remember if I ever really thought of it as two different things even though, in a way, it is two different things because men are different from women (duh) but if you can do something to a woman, you can do it to a man and that’s if he doesn’t mind but sometimes they do mind because guys can be really funny about some shit and like that one guy almost freaked out because he thought I was going to kiss him and acted all weird when I started sucking on his neck and I wouldn’t kiss him because a lot of guys really don’t know how to kiss but then again neither do a lot of women like that one girl back in the day who wanted to French kiss and tried to choke me with her tongue and that was funny but I had kissed her brother and that wasn’t all that bad but I liked sucking his dick even more because he was moaning and groaning like his sister did when I was eating her pussy and fucking her and I wonder if he can taste his sister’s pussy on my dick and smell her on my body because I can still smell her and if he gets mad he won’t be after I make him cum but he’s gonna figure out that I did her before we got to doing this and, man, his dick feels so good in my mouth and it might feel good in my ass but I already know he’s not down like that and I’m glad he isn’t but I wish he was because that would feel nice right about now and…

Yeah. Being inside my head is interesting. It’s all one gigantic jumble of a mess that I do manage to keep straight… most of the time. I just cannot remember when all of this became… just one thing. It’s sex and more than sex but a lot of people do think it’s two different things but I know that it isn’t and why do people hear “I’m bisexual” but what they think is I just said, “I’m gay!” when I know I’m not and I wouldn’t want to be but, wow, wouldn’t that be interesting or what but, nah, that’s not my idea of a fun way to be and why have so many gay dude get pissed because I wouldn’t give up women and pussy for them but I know why and I don’t know why people can’t see this the way I see it but I know why they don’t and why they can’t and…

Interesting. A constantly running “thing” inside my head from sex to things non-sexual to all this social crap being said today and it’s a shame that people don’t understand that bisexuality is just as real as being straight and gay is and yeah, I remember that guy who said that he was totally straight and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do for him but he let me suck him off and, yeah, he was singing a different tune, wasn’t he because he found out that there was something I could do for him and wasn’t it hilarious that he wanted me to do it again and even asked me if he sucked my dick, did that mean he was gay and me telling him that no, it doesn’t mean anything other than you now wanting to do to me what I just got done doing to you and I’m about to do it again and after I get done with you, which one of the women are home right now so I can do them but it doesn’t matter because they’re both a lot of fun to have sex with and…

Yeah. Stuff like this. Every. Single. Moment. Of. Every. Single. Day. And when was the last time I defragged my hard drive? Someone had asked me if there was ever a time when I wasn’t thinking the way I think and I said, “That would be all those times I’d been put to sleep for surgery or whatever; otherwise, there isn’t a time when I’m not thinking about this but, at the same time, I’m not really thinking about it because there’s no need to really think about it.”

I don’t think about breathing unless my nose gets stuffed up and isn’t it weird how I can suck dick and eat pussy and my nose always gets stuffed up and jeez what a fucking pain in the ass but okay I’m used to it and I can keep right on doing what I’m doing and I so very much love doing it and I can do this all day, every day and if they want to get me off that would work, too, but, eh, I’m good but yeah, whew, busting a nut would be nice right about now but I’d rather get them off first and keep getting them off but men and women can be funny about that but sometimes they’re not and man I love giving head but I love getting it too and, huh? Are men better at it than women? Actually, yes and no but you’d have to understand how this can be but it’s not like women are “lousy” at it but there’s some shit connected to this that I know about but I don’t have the time to explain it the way it needs to be explained because my balls are itching and I need to scratch them and I’d rather not do it with all these people watching me but fuck them – my balls itch and I’m gonna scratch them and what’s on TV tonight?

It is just as much a part of me as everything else is. It’s sex and it isn’t. It’s everything I’ve ever learned and experienced and why are you asking me what I fantasize about when I know that if there was something I did fantasize about, I was lucky enough to make the fantasy a reality and, yes, I’ve had sex with a man and a woman in a threesome and I’ve done it so many times that I probably know some shit about it that you don’t and how many dicks have I sucked is a question that I know the answer to but if you’re asking me to be numerical about it let it suffice to say that it’s in the triple digits and wouldn’t they be shocked if I told them that I’ve probably sucked more dick than a lot of women I know have and yes, I do swallow but why wouldn’t I but then again I know that if there’s something sexual that I haven’t done, it’s because I didn’t want to do it… but I probably know about it and why are people so damned weird about bisexuals and bisexuality but I know why and it’s not my fault that they don’t know like I do but if they really wanted to know…

I sometimes think that if I wasn’t already inside my own head, I wouldn’t want to be there. I am aware of the fact that I’m thinking about stuff but not really thinking about it and sometimes I’m thinking about some aspect of this and I’m not really aware that I am because being bisexual is… background noise. A whole lot of noise but, yeah, it’s just there. There is no telling what might be going on in my head at any given time like, right now, I’m thinking about sucking a guy’s balls and there’s a part of my thoughts that’s wondering why I’m thinking this but the answer is way down deep in there and, oh, well, it just is what it is… and what it’s always been since I found out that getting some dick wasn’t as bad as everyone said it was.

The constant litany that is constantly reminding me that it’s not two different things; it’s all one thing and the differences that I see and hear other people putting into this aren’t really differences at all but they don’t know this but I do and it’s a goddamned shame that we are so childish and prudish about sex and sexuality that we cannot see that this is just us being human in a way that’s always been a human thing for us and our morality in this is a joke and it’s not even a funny one and I can’t be the only one who knows this but I know that I’m not but this is why I have, over all the years that I’ve been blogging, written about this and have done my best to share all of this shit that just keeps flowing through my mind.

Every damned day. It’s background noise. It’s just… stuff that I know and like I know music or how I can take my computer apart and put it back together again or, really, anything else I know how to do and what I’ve learned or otherwise experienced or observed. Okay, yeah. I’m a guy. I have an acute, chronic, and incurable case of sex on the brain. And that’s not a bad thing and I do remember that time I was talking to a woman about being bisexual and telling her that the difference between myself, a straight dude and a gay one is that I’m not all that picky about who I have sex with and seeing that she didn’t quite understand the way I answered her question about who I prefer to have sex with and in that annoying way people have always asked if I had to choose between a woman and a man which one would I choose and if they understood bisexuality like I do they’d already know the answer: I’d choose both because I have chosen both and which one would I want first is another question I’ve gotten tired of hearing and answering but let it suffice to say that, honestly, it doesn’t matter which one I get to first because I know I’d take the pussy first but I sure as fuck wouldn’t say no or ignore the dick.

And then, after we had sex, her saying that I sure as hell didn’t make love like I was gay and me saying that there’s no way that I could do that because, duh, I’m not gay and I make love just like any guy would but it’s just weird that people think this way and they do because they can’t, don’t or won’t see that it’s all the same thing and the only difference – which isn’t that much of a difference – is whether the person I’m slaking lust with is male or female because it’s still sex since this is the thing that people tend to pay attention to more than the other aspects of bisexuality that have nothing to do with sex and I don’t know why so many people think that sex isn’t that important because I know for a fact that it is and just like I know why so many people think it’s not that important and…

Yeah, I do tell folks to stay out of my head because chances are seriously good that they’re not gonna like what they might find in there or yeah, don’t ask me any questions you really don’t want to know the answers to and depending on what’s going on in my head at this moment, there’s no telling what’s gonna come out of there and, nope, sometimes, I don’t know. I really don’t like upsetting someone’s apple cart but sometimes I get a kick out of doing it because they need to have their apple cart upset and turned into a pile of splinters because granddad was right when he said that is you really don’t want to know, don’t ask and how many people have said that they really wanted to know why I am the way I am and then found out that they really didn’t and no more apple cart for them.

Because I see all of this with a clarity that a lot of people just can’t. Sometimes I wish I couldn’t see it, that I could be “like everyone else” and be of a single mind about sex and sexuality but if wishes were horses, we’d all be riding but I see the fallacy of being of a single mind about it and how many people have been totally and completely shocked to find out that what they think about sexuality isn’t their own thoughts but what someone else wanted them to think about it but it sure feels like it’s their own thoughts because that’s just how our minds tend to work.

I say that it’s a jumble of ongoing stuff but it really isn’t. I know what our society and morals don’t want anyone to know. Been there, done that, seen all kinds of stuff and stuff that even makes me say what the fuck but it’s all information that get added to the information that’s already there that allows me to see things… clearly. Without the moral bullshit mucking and smelling everything up. And do you remember that time when that dude said that he knows for a fact that he wouldn’t like a dude sucking his dick and you asked him how he knows this if he’s never had a dude suck him up and all he kept saying that he knows for a fact that he wouldn’t and he didn’t believe in that shit and, yeah, he became a believer because I purposely kept hammering him with “How do you know you wouldn’t like it?” and watching him getting hard in his pants and knowing that I just had to keep “gently” pushing him and he’d give up the dick and he did and he liked it and I felt bad about pushing him like that but on the other hand, nah, I didn’t feel bad at all because he needed to find out that he didn’t know what he thought he knew and that what he believed was some made up bullshit that was designed to control us and our sexual behavior and yeah how’s that been working?

Do I feel guilty about having sex with guys? Not one bit. Why would I? Oh, yeah, I do know why I’m supposed to and, obviously, I don’t feel any guilt or shame because if I did, I wouldn’t have anything to feel guilty about and, yeah, I know some shit about that has nothing to do with our morals and, damn, I gotta go on Prime so I can watch the game tonight and I need another cup of coffee and I gotta look at my calender to see what day I’m supposed to have that damned yearly physical for the insurance company and I don’t know why they just won’t accept the results of my regular yearly physical that I’ve already had and sheesh what a pain in this ass but if she checks my prostate and she probably will – and it’ll be the second time this year, I’m okay with her poking her finger in my butt and tapping on my prostate because, hmm, yeah, that feels pretty good and do you remember the time he – my regular doctor – got to probing around in there because, I dunno, he either couldn’t find my prostate right away or wasn’t sure about what he was feeling but it took longer than the usual one or two seconds it normally takes and he got to poking and prodding in there and my dick was getting nice and hard and that look on his face when I stood up and turn so I could take those cheap-ass tissues from him to get that seriously good lube doctors use out of my hole and he say that I was hard and I was acting like it was no big deal because it wasn’t a big deal but that look on his face was precious just the same and no I don’t feel weird about female doctors poking around in there because I’ve had bigger things in my butt than someone’s finger and…

Yeah, welcome to a taste of what really goes on inside my head. It’s background noise and like a lot of things I think about is. I can write about specific thoughts that sometimes just shows up “out of nowhere” or write about something I saw and stuff like that but in my head? It’s just a part of me and like everything else is. It’s never men or women; it’s always men and women because why the hell not oh yeah I know why the hell not but that’s not my problem and it’s not my fault if they don’t, can’t, or won’t understand how really wonderful being bisexual is and not just because of the sex but that sure as fuck ain’t bad either because it’s supposed to be fun and healthy and 100% normal for us to have sex and even in a way that makes the morally righteous wand to shit themselves but that’s because they continue to believe in some shit that bisexual learn is really a bunch of shit and I need to add a bit more sugar to my next cup of coffee because I’m tasting too much bitterness but that’s okay because it’s coffee and what game was I playing last night and do I want to play it or play something else but yeah whew sucking a dick would be nice right about now and so would eating some pussy and getting all nice and personal with someone because the sexual intimacy is such a joy and even more so when it doesn’t make a difference if the person I’m being intimate with is male or female and why the fuck do they think that gender has anything to do with this but I think I know why and I might try to get it out of my head or maybe I won’t and I’m still not happy that I gotta go on Prime to watch the game but I’m glad I decided to get Prime because it does come in handy and that reminds me that I have to go on Amazon and look for a new belt and that’s right I need a new wallet, too…

And I’ll see y’all tomorrow!

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Posted by on 15 September 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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