Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 23 September 22

23 Sep

I was just looking at the latest response to a post that asks, “When did you realize you were bi?” and I find all the responses to be really interesting but as I read the latest one, a question popped into my mind: How much does porn influence bisexuality?

I jumped into the time machine and went back to a conversation I was having with a guy about bisexuality and we’d gotten around to talking about porn… and I had asked him that when he’s watching porn, what gets his attention the most? He’s going on and on about the women in whatever porn he’s watching and how hot – or not – they are but he allowed that watching women suck dick get his attention and, of course, seeing a big dick stretching out a pussy give him the impetus to jerk off…

And I asked, “So what you’re really doing is paying attention the guy’s dick, right?” And the look he got on his face was, classically, beyond precious and priceless because – and as I think a lot of guys who watch porn aren’t all that aware of – he never considered that his focus wasn’t just on whatever woman was getting nailed. Of course, he denied that he was but I couldn’t stop myself from fucking with him by pointing out that it’s not possible for him to not see the dick on the screen since he’s paying attention to what he’s doing to the woman in the scene.

At the time, I didn’t have a single thought about porn influencing bisexuality and, to be honest, this… just really occurred to me and more so when a lot of the responses to the above questions included watching porn of some kind and… hmm. I really had to dig around in my mind to find the moments when I really did hear a guy say, while watching a woman sucking a guy’s dick, “I wonder what’s that like?” And the times when I’ve said, “Would you like to find out?” and, um, given that we’re sitting there watching porn and getting all horny, well, okay. That they’d find out that I know exactly what it’s like is a revelation for them but the bigger one is that they sucked my dick, tasted my cum… and, hey, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!

Yet another guy was telling me one day how he stumbled across some gay porn “by accident” and, as he said, he got misinformed by the title of the porn he wound up finding and… watching. He talked about how disgusted he felt as he sat watching and I was thinking, “Maybe so but you kept watching it just the same…” and he even admitted a moment later that watching two men having sex was like that car accident you didn’t want to see… but you can’t stop yourself from looking at it. The whole time he’s telling me about this, shit, Stevie Wonder could see that his dick was rock-hard so when he eventually got around to asking me if I’d ever had sex with a guy, I knew where this was going and what was going to happen.

Jump ahead about two weeks later. I run into him again and he says that he has a bone to pick with me and I’m thinking, “Uh oh…” because we had gotten into blowing each other and several times and I’d left him feeling that he was emotionally okay and, yeah, man, did he ever have a good time being sucked and sucking me… but, maybe not? Come to find out that the bone he had to pick with me was that since that day, he’d been sucking almost every dick he could get his mouth on, and it was my fault that he now liked something that he had once said disgusted him to no end.

I remember what it took for him to admit that watching that gay porn had, indeed, excited him and I had mentioned the “revelation” I’d said to that other guy I mentioned that if you’re watching porn and there’s a guy involved, you’re looking at his dick and whatever’s going on with it. I now realize, since I’m really thinking about it now, that I’d run into a lot of guys who got… interested in dick because they liked to watch porn. I’m not saying that all of those who did went on to find out what it’s like to get some dick but as I recall, a “few” of them did and whether it was with me or some other guy and, because I’m just now really thinking about it, porn does have the potential to make bisexuality a thing to think about… or to check out.

I know why this has never really crossed my mind before. One, I’m already bisexual and, two, I’m not an “avid” fan of porn and “stopped” being one the moment I realized how… contrived and not really real it tends to be. I found that I don’t get much of a thrill watching people on a screen having sex and more so when it’s more thrilling to be the one having sex. That’s just me and I’m biased against porn for a lot of other reasons but, okay, there must be something to it given the number of forum members who specifically stated that they started watching gay porn at some point and how it played into them realizing that, at the very least, they might be bisexual and it is to note that some of them got into watching gay port after having a first experience with dick.

How you get there is important and if you pay attention to how guys become bisexual – and provided that you had a reason to be interested in this – and you hear enough of their stories, you see… patterns. In my early deliberations and investigations, it seemed to me that we all learned about this the same way and, indeed, we do except it’s… different and now the devil is in the details. Like, I very much recall telling my protege about the porn thing since he’s a fan and, likely, subscribes to a few porn sites and even he said that he hadn’t noticed how much focus he had on the guy’s dick, and I said that there’s no way he can watch a guy fucking a woman and not see his dick while focusing on it being in her pussy. He would admit, sometime later, that, yeah, he’d be checking out the guy’s dick but his bisexuality… hadn’t quite come to the front of the line but he’d had a few situations where, today, he can see that he could have found out about this before he did or, something should have happened but didn’t.

He sends me links to porn (even though he knows how I think and feel about it) and if it’s plain old ordinary sex between a man and a woman, he does like to point out how the guy’s dick is and how much cum he gives up once he pulls out. Likewise for the gay porn stuff he’ll also send me and, yeah, one or both guys are seriously hung and all that. Okay – I’ll look at whatever he sends me and comment accordingly but the porn he wants me to check out tells me a lot about him and what excites him when he watches it.

I’m kinda kicking my ass at this point because I should have seen the relationship already; I did see it… and didn’t pay it any attention and that’s 100% on me. Just totally ignored the times a guy did say that he got curious about sucking dick because he watched porn of some genre. Sometimes it spurred them to check it out and sometimes they had some… prior experience but watching porn rekindled the interest. I do believe that my bias against porn is responsible for “blinding” me to this connection and with good reason given the many times I’ve had sex with a guy and he’s imitating what he’s been watching or the guys who really do use gay porn as a primer to learn how to have sex with a man… and either picking up some “bad habits” or, often, being dismayed because the real sex they had didn’t play out in the way porn had put on display.

I totally missed the connection between dudes giving each other facials and real-life guys who are all about getting one because while I wondered where they could have gotten it into their head that getting splooged in the face was exciting, I knew it must’ve been porn… and just never really made the connection. That and I know that I would hurt a guy who busted a nut in my face and he did it on purpose but, yeah, where’s the place one can see this?

Porn. Gay porn is… cliched. You know how it’s going to go before you get past the first few seconds and it has… sub-genres and, I guess, like all porn does – there’s something for everyone’s tastes and sensibilities if, um, you know, you don’t object to watching porn. Indeed and shit – the membership loves to ask and talk about what kind of porn they watch when they’re jerking off and I see this and… disconnected and, again, I know it’s my bias against it that’s keeping me from seeing porn’s influence and especially with those guys who haven’t had their experience yet. I will now grudgingly admit that a guy can get some… confirmation about his sexuality by watching gay porn and getting in touch with his feelings about what he’s watching and, yeah, finding out “what it’s like” and… I guess that’s okay and more so when I grew up around guys wondering what it would be like and we had little access to visual porn and reading dirty books, well, they played a role in things but reading it and seeing it are two different things but, shit, damn it all to hell, I did know and have sex with one guy who said that he’d swiped one of his mom’s dirty books and it was about two guys having sex and that made him want to know what it was like.

And I was more than happy to help him out with this. See, when we get to talking about male bisexuality, it’s usually about what guys do to each other but we don’t much get into how one gets it into his head that having sex with a guy might not be as bad as everyone says it is or, yeah, that’s some gay-assed shit… and that bad car accident you don’t want to see but can’t keep yourself from looking at it. Porn isn’t “the main reason;” one might even say that porn’s influence, if any, is incidental. I’m still miffed that I didn’t really catch on to this… but I’ll get over it one of these days.

The question is still valid, I think and calls for further investigation and crawling through my memories to see what else I fucking missed. This getting old shit is definitely for the birds…


Posted by on 23 September 2022 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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4 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: 23 September 22

  1. Christopher Teese

    25 September 2022 at 01:48

    I have long wondered as to just how much porn directly influenced my sexual orientation. See, in my experience, I didn’t start having any sex till my mid 20s… currently 30s, and it’s been more sporadic and random and inconsistent than anything else. As an extremely horny teenager with no other outlet, all I had was porn. Because I grew up in an ultra-Christian home with an internet filter, all I primarily had was anime porn because anime was still a niche genre then and porn filters didn’t tend to filter out ‘hentai’ or ‘yaoi’ because those terms were not commonly known. So the overwhelming majority of my sex life has existed primarily in worlds of fantasy rather than legit hands on experience. And I ended up taking very heavily to specific types of anime boys and girls that I idealized.

    And… I find myself in real life not attracted to most people in any romantic or sexual way except for very specific types. Honestly the types I am attracted to… are the types that most closely resemble the types of anime guys and girls* I liked to look at in my teen+ years. (*There are some exceptions… I lost my virginity to a chubby girl and did develop a thing for that body type). I developed a primary heavy attraction to twinks, and don’t really register any attraction at all for any other types of guys. Girls… I have a wider range of attraction but have noted that I don’t tend to ever have legitimate romantic attraction to girls. And I’ve often wondered, are my attractions simply the way my brain has always been wired, or is it directly influenced by the porn, primarily anime porn, that was the world of fantasy that constituted my only “sex life”? Is it possible I could have turned out completely different under different circumstances? Would I still be bi? Would I be bi but attracted to more types of people? Is my being somewhere on the aromantic spectrum who I always would have been or has it been directly influenced and affected by my particular life circumstances?

    It’s also interesting to me how my experience of porn vs real sex seems to be a mirror image of your experience. The more I experiment around with real sex, so far I haven’t really found it to be on the level of what I imagined it to be. I think that after having done the real thing a handful of times my reaction was a rather surprised, “Is this it?” I’ve never felt so far that my experiences or orgasms during real sex have surpassed my best, or even most moderately ok sessions I’ve had with porn. Which brings to light a whole series of different questions such as, has porn actually damaged me in some way that I won’t ever enjoy real sex on the level as my fantasies? I find myself honestly feeling like, after having experienced the “real” thing enough times, I’m losing interest in the real thing because I presently feel a bit underwhelmed by it. Not sure if that will change at some point, it’s just interesting noting having an almost completely inverse experience compared to others like yourself.


    • kdaddy23

      25 September 2022 at 02:03

      Thank you so very much for your comment. A lot of guys have told me that porn – any kind, any genre – is better than really having sex with someone; one guy said that real sex lacks… imagination. It doesn’t last long as I pondered what he said, he said, “You can always rewind and do it all over again.”

      I saw his point. He had also said that he was relearning how to have sex with someone and had the beginnings of understanding why he put it that way. A lot of guys have imagined what it would be like and watching porn puts its on display and in an exaggerated way; you’re not seeing what’s really going on – you’re seeing what they want you to see – so some guys get it into their head that having sex with a guy is going to be like they’ve seen in porn and tend to get bummed out when the reality doesn’t match what they’ve imagined.

      Everyone is bi the way they want and need to be. Does porn influence bisexuality and if so, in what ways? It certainly influences sex or how a guy’s type can be brunettes but blondes or redheads don’t “do anything for him.”

      And it has been proven that porn can affect how one has and enjoys sex so it stand to reason that it can influence sexuality as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Marie

    27 September 2022 at 07:13

    I am a bisexual woman. My husband loves this, of course, as he gets to have two women regularly. I first experienced it back in the 90’s, at his urging and my hesitancy… and before porn was easily accessible on the internet. I wasn’t too sure I liked it, but I knew I liked my husband’s response to it.

    Fast forward 10-15 years to more current times and into the “now”, when most of the porn is indeed readily available. I watch a lot of M,F,F porn and F,F too. I think it turns me on and more desirous to live it out in real life.

    I think, in general, what we see on tv conditions us to acceptance. 20 years ago (and back) the ideal of bisexual or gay/lesbians on a sitcom would have never been aired, but it is today. And going back 40-50 years ago, the husband/wives didn’t even sleep in the same bed on tv, let alone have sex. And I think porn is no different. People who may have scoffed before, are willing to try, or at least accept, new ideas now. Myself included. ❤️😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • kdaddy23

      27 September 2022 at 13:40

      Thank you for your comment – and welcome to what goes on inside my head! Yeah, I can remember that time where TV went out of its way to portray sex in a very G-rated way but if a TV family had kids, you knew why they had kids – TV just wasn’t allowed to show anything related to that.

      Which, I think, made porn films and the like more attractive because it doesn’t hesitate to show you sex and in the myriad ways it can be done. I know guys who lose a lot of loads watching F/F porn and I tell them that they should see it for real and I mean being right there with them if you really wanna get a good feel it.

      Guys would watch gay porn and get it into their head that sucking a dick or taking one in the ass is easy and found out otherwise because, as I explained to one guy, what porn doesn’t show you is what goes on behind the scenes and that much of what you can watch has been edited – and the way they can do it today is so slick and seamless that it’s easy to believe that you’re watching sex from beginning to end… and, nah, not really. But I’ve seen it influence sexuality, too.

      Liked by 1 person


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