I was just looking at the latest response to a post that asks, “When did you realize you were bi?” and I find all the responses to be really interesting but as I read the latest one, a question popped into my mind: How much does porn influence bisexuality?
I jumped into the time machine and went back to a conversation I was having with a guy about bisexuality and we’d gotten around to talking about porn… and I had asked him that when he’s watching porn, what gets his attention the most? He’s going on and on about the women in whatever porn he’s watching and how hot – or not – they are but he allowed that watching women suck dick get his attention and, of course, seeing a big dick stretching out a pussy give him the impetus to jerk off…
And I asked, “So what you’re really doing is paying attention the guy’s dick, right?” And the look he got on his face was, classically, beyond precious and priceless because – and as I think a lot of guys who watch porn aren’t all that aware of – he never considered that his focus wasn’t just on whatever woman was getting nailed. Of course, he denied that he was but I couldn’t stop myself from fucking with him by pointing out that it’s not possible for him to not see the dick on the screen since he’s paying attention to what he’s doing to the woman in the scene.
At the time, I didn’t have a single thought about porn influencing bisexuality and, to be honest, this… just really occurred to me and more so when a lot of the responses to the above questions included watching porn of some kind and… hmm. I really had to dig around in my mind to find the moments when I really did hear a guy say, while watching a woman sucking a guy’s dick, “I wonder what’s that like?” And the times when I’ve said, “Would you like to find out?” and, um, given that we’re sitting there watching porn and getting all horny, well, okay. That they’d find out that I know exactly what it’s like is a revelation for them but the bigger one is that they sucked my dick, tasted my cum… and, hey, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!
Yet another guy was telling me one day how he stumbled across some gay porn “by accident” and, as he said, he got misinformed by the title of the porn he wound up finding and… watching. He talked about how disgusted he felt as he sat watching and I was thinking, “Maybe so but you kept watching it just the same…” and he even admitted a moment later that watching two men having sex was like that car accident you didn’t want to see… but you can’t stop yourself from looking at it. The whole time he’s telling me about this, shit, Stevie Wonder could see that his dick was rock-hard so when he eventually got around to asking me if I’d ever had sex with a guy, I knew where this was going and what was going to happen.
Jump ahead about two weeks later. I run into him again and he says that he has a bone to pick with me and I’m thinking, “Uh oh…” because we had gotten into blowing each other and several times and I’d left him feeling that he was emotionally okay and, yeah, man, did he ever have a good time being sucked and sucking me… but, maybe not? Come to find out that the bone he had to pick with me was that since that day, he’d been sucking almost every dick he could get his mouth on, and it was my fault that he now liked something that he had once said disgusted him to no end.
I remember what it took for him to admit that watching that gay porn had, indeed, excited him and I had mentioned the “revelation” I’d said to that other guy I mentioned that if you’re watching porn and there’s a guy involved, you’re looking at his dick and whatever’s going on with it. I now realize, since I’m really thinking about it now, that I’d run into a lot of guys who got… interested in dick because they liked to watch porn. I’m not saying that all of those who did went on to find out what it’s like to get some dick but as I recall, a “few” of them did and whether it was with me or some other guy and, because I’m just now really thinking about it, porn does have the potential to make bisexuality a thing to think about… or to check out.
I know why this has never really crossed my mind before. One, I’m already bisexual and, two, I’m not an “avid” fan of porn and “stopped” being one the moment I realized how… contrived and not really real it tends to be. I found that I don’t get much of a thrill watching people on a screen having sex and more so when it’s more thrilling to be the one having sex. That’s just me and I’m biased against porn for a lot of other reasons but, okay, there must be something to it given the number of forum members who specifically stated that they started watching gay porn at some point and how it played into them realizing that, at the very least, they might be bisexual and it is to note that some of them got into watching gay port after having a first experience with dick.
How you get there is important and if you pay attention to how guys become bisexual – and provided that you had a reason to be interested in this – and you hear enough of their stories, you see… patterns. In my early deliberations and investigations, it seemed to me that we all learned about this the same way and, indeed, we do except it’s… different and now the devil is in the details. Like, I very much recall telling my protege about the porn thing since he’s a fan and, likely, subscribes to a few porn sites and even he said that he hadn’t noticed how much focus he had on the guy’s dick, and I said that there’s no way he can watch a guy fucking a woman and not see his dick while focusing on it being in her pussy. He would admit, sometime later, that, yeah, he’d be checking out the guy’s dick but his bisexuality… hadn’t quite come to the front of the line but he’d had a few situations where, today, he can see that he could have found out about this before he did or, something should have happened but didn’t.
He sends me links to porn (even though he knows how I think and feel about it) and if it’s plain old ordinary sex between a man and a woman, he does like to point out how the guy’s dick is and how much cum he gives up once he pulls out. Likewise for the gay porn stuff he’ll also send me and, yeah, one or both guys are seriously hung and all that. Okay – I’ll look at whatever he sends me and comment accordingly but the porn he wants me to check out tells me a lot about him and what excites him when he watches it.
I’m kinda kicking my ass at this point because I should have seen the relationship already; I did see it… and didn’t pay it any attention and that’s 100% on me. Just totally ignored the times a guy did say that he got curious about sucking dick because he watched porn of some genre. Sometimes it spurred them to check it out and sometimes they had some… prior experience but watching porn rekindled the interest. I do believe that my bias against porn is responsible for “blinding” me to this connection and with good reason given the many times I’ve had sex with a guy and he’s imitating what he’s been watching or the guys who really do use gay porn as a primer to learn how to have sex with a man… and either picking up some “bad habits” or, often, being dismayed because the real sex they had didn’t play out in the way porn had put on display.
I totally missed the connection between dudes giving each other facials and real-life guys who are all about getting one because while I wondered where they could have gotten it into their head that getting splooged in the face was exciting, I knew it must’ve been porn… and just never really made the connection. That and I know that I would hurt a guy who busted a nut in my face and he did it on purpose but, yeah, where’s the place one can see this?
Porn. Gay porn is… cliched. You know how it’s going to go before you get past the first few seconds and it has… sub-genres and, I guess, like all porn does – there’s something for everyone’s tastes and sensibilities if, um, you know, you don’t object to watching porn. Indeed and shit – the membership loves to ask and talk about what kind of porn they watch when they’re jerking off and I see this and… disconnected and, again, I know it’s my bias against it that’s keeping me from seeing porn’s influence and especially with those guys who haven’t had their experience yet. I will now grudgingly admit that a guy can get some… confirmation about his sexuality by watching gay porn and getting in touch with his feelings about what he’s watching and, yeah, finding out “what it’s like” and… I guess that’s okay and more so when I grew up around guys wondering what it would be like and we had little access to visual porn and reading dirty books, well, they played a role in things but reading it and seeing it are two different things but, shit, damn it all to hell, I did know and have sex with one guy who said that he’d swiped one of his mom’s dirty books and it was about two guys having sex and that made him want to know what it was like.
And I was more than happy to help him out with this. See, when we get to talking about male bisexuality, it’s usually about what guys do to each other but we don’t much get into how one gets it into his head that having sex with a guy might not be as bad as everyone says it is or, yeah, that’s some gay-assed shit… and that bad car accident you don’t want to see but can’t keep yourself from looking at it. Porn isn’t “the main reason;” one might even say that porn’s influence, if any, is incidental. I’m still miffed that I didn’t really catch on to this… but I’ll get over it one of these days.
The question is still valid, I think and calls for further investigation and crawling through my memories to see what else I fucking missed. This getting old shit is definitely for the birds…