Okay – here we go!
(21) In your opinion what does it mean to be good in bed?
Ooh, such an arbitrary question but being good in bed means to be able to satisfy. I grew up with this being a primary expectation; if I wanted to have sex with someone, I already knew that I would have to not only be good in bed but their idea of being good in bed. So much pressure to perform on both people and more often than not, setting each other up to fail because “good in bed” means different things to different people.
(22) Have you ever had sex in a public place?
Hell, yeah, I have! Kinda speaks to the previous question about being sexually daring. She says, “Let’s do it right here, right now!” and, well, okay – because this might be a one-time offer; the need has to be taken care of right now instead of waiting to get somewhere more private. The adrenaline rush of knowing that you could be seen doing it… and by the police, who doesn’t have a sense of humor about stuff like this. I’m game if you are… because why not?
(23) When and how did you lose your virginity, and how did you feel about it? How did you feel about it now?
I lost my virginity when I was eight years old and at the hands of a girl who was at my birthday party and she didn’t have a gift to give me and she gave me the gift of her body and taught me how to have sex with her. I’m not gonna say that I “knew” what to do or that I “completely understood” it… but I caught on pretty quick and how I felt about it then was… beyond exciting and interesting; this was the sex thing I’d heard about and told not to do? Wow! It was weird but it felt really good!
How I feel about it now. Grateful. I understand what it took for her to give me this gift. Seriously spoke to the misconception that adults think that young kids don’t know about sex and she was “only” two years older than I was and she knew about it and knew how to show me how to put it in her and move so it would feel good to both of us. The best birthday present I’ve ever gotten in my whole life.
(24) Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time, watched others have sex, been watched? If not, would you?
Hell, yeah, I have. Grew up having sex like this and many, many times before I was an adult. Many, many more times as an adult. Such an exciting and very intimate way to have sex and to watch it being done. I’ll say that the first time I had sex like this, yeah, it was kinda weird knowing that there were others watching me but I got over it and I wasn’t going to be a chicken about it.
(25) How often do you masturbate and what works best for you?
Well, um, I’m a guy so I masturbate as often as I can… and, yeah, I’m thinking this is a “girl question” since I know that there are a lot of women who don’t masturbate. What works best for me? It’s not only that internal imagery but remembering being in the moment with someone as well as being in the moment of what I’m doing.
(26) What are you most grateful or thankful for in your sex life?
Learning that I was bisexual and when I learned it and thankful that I wasn’t an adult and having to try to make sense of it.
(27) What is your favourite sexual position and why?
Methinks this is another “girl question” but my favorite position is with the woman (or guy) on top because it allows them to give themselves a lot of pleasure while giving me a lot of pleasure. I also like the position where the woman (or man) is sitting in my lap because it allows us to be physically connected and we can kiss and hold each other and with the added “trick” of neither of us moving – and resisting the urge to move. Whew. That’s pretty intense…
(28) Have you ever had an “inappropriate” crush? What was it about that person that drew you in, and what made it “not okay”?
Sure, and more times than I care to admit to – but that also depends on what “inappropriate” means. I’ve been married and had crushes on married women because they’re just so damned interesting as a person and/or I found them to be very sexually exciting… and, of course, what made it not okay was both of us being married. But is it really inappropriate? Yes… and not really if you understand what’s really going on in these moments.
(29) Have you (or would you) ever tried role play? What roles are you drawn to?
Um, yeah, since a lot of the games we played as kids usually involved sex, like playing “House” or “Doctor.” That was then; in the here and now? I’m not a fan of role playing and, honestly, I suck at it so there are no roles that I’m drawn to.
(30) Are you more dominant or submissive (or a bit of both)?
Hmm. I’m wondering about the context of this because, as a man, I’m supposed to be dominant, but I also understand that it’s okay to be in the submissive role with a dominant woman and I’m not talking about BDSM stuff. The thing I’ve learned about sex is that both people can be dominant and submissive at the same time since sex is supposed to be give and take. In this context, I’d have to say that I’m… adaptable because I have to be and depending on the person I’m having sex with and whether they’re male or female because, well, this seems to mean a lot to some folks and depending on how they view their role in having sex and among men, this means… something else.
Still, it’s not a question of my being dominant in these things because, again, as a man, that’s how I’m supposed to be… but I’ve also been very damned submissive with some women who have been of a mind to just take me and in whatever way they want to… and I’m more than good with that because why should I be the only “dominant” person in this? Rhetorical question because I know the answer. But I’m not dominant or submissive in the context of things BDSM… because my mind just does not work like that; tried it, made me throw up afterward.
Sigh. I’m reading the last ten questions and, yeah, thinking that this is more of a “girl thing” than it is a “guy thing” but that’s fine since answering them just might give some… perspective being a guy and answering these questions that, once more, I don’t think are all that dirty but are ones that, at least for me, are just… rather normal – but I can see how women could answer differently and I’ve read gemmi72’s answers and they’re quite interesting.
Y’all might read my answers and think, “Well, you are a guy – duh!” and I am… but I’m not your “average” kind of guy because the way I learned about sex and sexuality had me asking questions that I needed the answers to and, as such, I’ve learned some stuff about sex that tends to make most people… nervous and uncomfortable but I know why… and I’m just not like that. Sex is supposed to be fun but, eh, that’s not how we tend to go about it and we do let past failures and disappointments fuck up being able to have sex in the here and now… and I learned to not do that and that if I’m not going to be fearless and adventurous – and without being careless – then, hmm, methinks that’s a problem.
But that’s me and, yes, my bisexuality very much affected how I see sex and how I go about having it. Absolutely no shame whatsoever and because of this, yeah – I don’t think the questions are all that dirty… and if I did have any… sexual issues, I wouldn’t have tried to answer the questions because one of the things that has been taboo is… talking about having sex – period. Even to the point where we can’t talk about sex with the person we’re having sex with. It’s been my mission in life to not be like that.
To gemmi72 – and whom I thank for being able to do this – how did I do?