Tag Archives: Ageing

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Hmm…

Just saw a forum post get revived with new comments and the topic is, to paraphrase, do guys, when they get older, turn bisexual?

Apparently, some do although it seems to be a bit… mysterious as to why some guys do. A lot of such men have said that they’ve gone on about their lives and being straight men; married, in a relationship with a woman, even single but then, at some point – and for some unknown reason – they start getting a craving for dick, start watching “gay” porn, and even having dreams about having sex with a guy.

Then you have the guys who are married and find themselves being sexless; girlfriend just ain’t feeling the sex thing and if he still wants and needs to have sex with her, well, too bad… and ya better not cheat on me, either! In this, some guys just accept their fate; some guys go find a woman who will have sex with them, long or short term (or they pay for the service) and some guys, well, some guys do a 180 and the thing they want is dick.

They want to feel one in their hands, have it in their mouth, even have it in their ass and in a lot of situations that I know of, these guys never gave a single thought to having sex with a man and, as such, it’s pretty confusing to them and some find it hard to assimilate these new and very different feelings.

What no one seems to know is why and why it also feels “right” to go in that direction and/or it just sounds like a good idea and despite the confusion that can take place… and because it sounds like a good idea when, again, it never did before.

Some guys get into their mid-thirties and get hit with this and, again, “out of nowhere” and even when their sex life with women is decent and all that. I’ve learned over the years that, sure, we’re all born with the potential not to be straight but our social conditioning gets applied and, well, we’re straight… sometimes. I know that some of us feel the pull early on, some feel it later in life – and sometimes much later – while other guys never feel it at all… or they do and they just don’t pay any attention to it.

Seeing the revived topic reminded me of a man who, at the time, was in his late 60s. His wife had died years before and even he said that not too long after her death, he just knew he had to have sex with other men. He told me that he did question this but the day after he realized this is what he had to do, he had sex with a guy for the first time and never looked back and, as he said, didn’t think about it being right or wrong.

He had told me that he had to get his prostate removed – cancer – and he suffered from ED; he rarely got an erection, wasn’t producing sperm, but that didn’t stop him or, as he told me, “My mouth still works and my ass is very available to any guy who wants to fuck me!”

He also said that all he did all day and on most days was to suck cock and get fucked… and he absolutely loved it. He had also mentioned that before his wife had passed away, he had never given this kind of sex any thought whatsoever.

“It just felt like the right thing to do,” he had said.

Talking to him really brought this aspect of male bisexuality to the forefront of my mind because it seemed to me that after being able to talk to him, I was really noticing that a lot of older men were very much into sex with men and many of them never had an experience or even got close to one before the first time they actually did.

Is it our hard-wired imperative to have sex until we, well, until we really can’t? Some kind of “easter egg” that sits inside of us and waits for some unknown event or time in our life to go from being dormant to being active and with no warning whatsoever? Is that sneaky bastard, also known as our subconscious, just sitting back in the cut and directing our actions and telling us, “You now need some dick – go get it and hurry the fuck up!”? Is there a real logical thought process that happens and makes a guy say, “Well, why not?”

I even know a few guys who have said that one day it occurred to them that they’d had sex with women and pretty much in every way they could so having sex with a guy was “just the next thing to do.”

Hearing this is what made me change my earlier thought that guys just didn’t wake up one morning and decided that today would be a good day to suck a dick… because, apparently, that’s exactly what some guys seem to experience. I had wondered about the guys who, earlier in life, had some experiences but had walked away from it but now, being older and all that, they just find themselves returning to some kind of sex with a guy. It often surprises a guy but, as I’ve been told, also and almost always feels like the right thing to do.

And I’ll be damned if I really understand it. I even considered that because I got started early and never stopped, I don’t have a point of reference to compare this… phenomenon to but, sure, I’ve talked to an untold number of men over all of these decades and a lot of them have said that they went from being straight to being bi. Sometimes easily so. Sometimes because of some event in their lives. Sometimes for no apparent or obvious reason that can be pointed to or singled out.

Again, maybe it’s something a lot more men do, in fact, feel being switched on and it’s only by the strength of their will that they are able to ignore it… or it never gets switched on at all.

I don’t know and I may never know. I just know that it does happen and a lot more than was previously known about and to the point that I really don’t find it to be all that unusual but, yeah, for the guy who has this land on them and practically out of nowhere, it’s easy to see why this would bother them and some aren’t able to make any sense of it.

And no: I have no idea if women ever experience something like this and if they do, they don’t talk about it or, perhaps, it’s no big deal to them one way or the other. But I do know about men in this. I’ve had guys tell me that they have no fucking idea why they wanna play with a dick – they just know that they have to and the sooner, the better. Some guys have this great urge to suck and be sucked and some, wow, their urge is telling them to lie down and be fucked and anything else isn’t a priority or not even needed.

No idea whatsoever what’s behind this or the way it seems to manifest itself in the different ways it seems to do. Is it biology, you know, boys really being boys or something else? I’ve known guys to dive into the pool because of stress and emotional trauma, like losing a job, getting divorced or dumped by a girlfriend. Their dog died. The engine in their car or the transmission blew up. I’ve learned that there are all kinds of triggers that flips the switch on for some men… but I still don’t understand why the switch gets flipped to bisexual and for the many men who, until this moment, were happily straight.

And, yes – I even know a couple of gay men who got a major craving for pussy… and they had no idea why they did. I don’t know either. I know they said that they knew “for a fact” that pussy was off-limits to them and even nasty in their opinion… which made the craving to get some even more bothersome and, yeah, once they did, well, that wasn’t as bad as they thought it would be.

I just do not know how or why older men go from a lifetime of being straight to becoming bisexual or even gay, in some cases. I just know it happens. I know what many of these guys say about it but given all that I’ve heard and all that, it’s hard to piece together everything in a way that might show there is a pattern to this, some reason why that switch gets thrown other than it can be thrown at any time and for any reason and for no damned good reason at all.

Now, whether a guy actually does what the cravings are telling him to do is something else; some do and because they can’t get it done fast enough and some guys are still so spooked about it that they remain on the bench. Some are still very damned faithful to their partners and will not ever give into the urge until/unless the partnership ends – and maybe not even then.

And the craving just does not go away. It seems the more a guy tries to suppress it, the more powerful it gets. Some guys “give in to the inevitablity of it” and some guys continue their efforts to suppress it and many find it difficult… and some do find that it’s easy to suppress it but they know it’s still there and waiting, filling their thoughts and dreams of visions of hard cocks and nice butts.

And it all feels normal…. and maybe, just maybe, because it is. I’ve been of a mind that this is a genetic memory kind of thing. Way, way back in the very early days of humanity, two men had sex with each other and it was happening “so much” that the behavior got imprinted into our genetic code although scientists hunting for a “gay gene” are saying that they can’t seem to find one… or anything that would explain this. And it could be that the genetic memory of this is just hidden somewhere, maybe in the “junk DNA” that geneticists can’t figure out why we all have it or what it does… or what it used to do… and maybe what it might make us do.

Or, maybe, when those first two guys got with each other, they were just “obeying” what their genetic code was telling them to do in the first place. And aeons later, the coding is still there, dormant in some, active in others and just biding its time to turn itself on because it’s time to turn it on or some external event triggers it to go active and flip the switch to the “on” position.

Fuck if I know. I just know it happens and that it happens so often that don’t find it strange or unusual at all.

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Posted by on 10 June 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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59 Years, 363 Days

I had just finished wishing my oldest first cousin a happy 59th birthday, my mind going back to when we were children and celebrated our birthdays together; I also thought about the family members who have birthdays this week, including my twin cousins who share my birthdate, my two grandsons who have birthdays on the 24th and 26th respectively as well as a niece whose birthday is on the 26th.

Yeah, September was a busy month for having babies in my family…

After wishing my cousin yet another happy birthday, the thought popped into my head that today, I’m 59 years, 363 days old and considering that a lot of people don’t get to be this old, I reminded myself of how fortunate I am to be alive so my son-in-law can keep poking me about how old I’m getting.  In a flash, I thought about all that I’ve experienced to date and, wow, I’ve done some shit, haven’t I?  I thought about where I am at this moment, thought about how lucky I was to have survived the stroke I had on top of having that potentially fatal aneurysm discovered and repaired.  I thought about my brother and my sister, who will never celebrate being 60 and that, all by itself, reminds me that life is a lot more unfair than we believe it to be.

As I started to write this, I wondered just what kind of trouble I can get myself into now, you know, being pretty much a senior citizen; I laughed to myself when I thought that whenever I screwed something up, I can legitimately claim that it was a senior moment… but, most of all, I asked myself if I’ve been enjoying my life up to this point and what, if anything, I can do to keep enjoying life to the fullest extent possible.  I can answer the first part easily enough:  It’s been such a rush over the years, experiencing all the joys, all the setbacks, and whatever else life decided to throw at me and, overall, it’s an indescribable joy to be able to wake up every morning and to have a new day to experience in some way.  As to the second part, well, that all remains to be seen because as Captain Spock said to Admiral Kirk, “There are always possibilities…”

I just now thought about all the other birthdays I’ve celebrated and those where someone asked me what I planned to do with my life and the fact that I had a plan albeit one that was always being edited and readjusted; I had goals to be accomplished, tasks that had to be started and finished over the prior 59 years, 363 days, and while I did my very best to work the plan, it’s now all about what I plan to do going forward.  The plan I spent so much time on was complicated, complex,  and sometimes more convoluted than I could have ever imagined… but the plan now is to just keep enjoying life.  It sounds simple – well, simpler than the original plan – and that really works for me; I have a lot of fun doing a whole lot of nothing these days; it’s not exactly coasting or being on cruise control but it’s really about having the time to do something if/when I care to do it, as opposed to all those times in the past where shit had to be shuffled around, rearranged, discarded as unviable, or filed away under “Wishful Thinking,” you know, all that shit you’d just love to do but just can’t see a way to ever get it done… but, damn, it would be nice just the same.

There’s now just two goals:  To live as long as possible and to have all the fun I can in the process.  I am grateful for my life; I have my health, such as it is, my mind is sound (depending who you ask about that one), and I have Linda in my life and that’s a blessing all by itself.  We’ll just see how things continue to go, won’t we?  I’ll just keep moving forward because, as another line in a movie I like puts it, “I ain’t heard no fat lady singing!”


Posted by on 21 September 2015 in Life, Living and Loving


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