Tag Archives: Biphobia

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Bearing Witness

While there are those who aren’t happy about the fact that bisexuals are, by and large, invisible – read that as most bisexuals go about their day and without a neon pink sign on them that’s screaming, “Look at me!  I’m bisexual!” – there are a few advantages to our invisibility, like, being able to bear witness to the derogatory way anyone who is assumed or presumed not to be straight is talked about.

I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve been around people and have had to listen to the shit coming out their mouths as their homophobic views are put out there.  At first, oh, man, I used to get so pissed because sometimes, they were talking about people like me even though they weren’t really talking about me; it took me a while to learn how to contain my anger and not let their crass rantings affect me… but it was difficult.  Such raving sessions would often get uncomfortable as the ranters would try to include me in their denigration, egging me on to say something nasty about “that faggot mother fucker” or “that punk-assed, cock sucking bitch” and other such epithets that would have my face burning in shame to hear such things coming out of someone’s mouth – and more so if I knew any of the people spouting this bullshit.

I refused to add anything to their, ah, discussion and, at times, my refusal would make the pack turn on me because I guess they figured that if I wasn’t gonna join them, the reason must be because I’m one of the motherfuckers they’re talking about – and, again, without realizing that I was.  Ah, but my reputation, more often than not, preceded me and all it would take was a look from me that said that fucking with me might not be a good idea and if the look wasn’t enough, well, my “mastery” of words was pretty lethal and if it came to blows – and sometimes it would – well, someone who didn’t know me would find out why I had the “silent but deadly” rep and in a very painful way.  Of course, as I got much older, responding to this shit with violence wasn’t the answer but, yeah, while they’d go about their homophobic rants, they stopped trying to get me to join in and it was easier just to walk away shaking my head.

It got to a point where I could discern genuine homophobia from guys just waving their dicks around and hosing the area down with testosterone-laden machismo; if you were a guy, of course you’d be against any guy who’d have sex with another guy and, equally of course, you just had to shout it all down because we’re guys… and guys don’t do that girly shit.  It went from being disturbing to being funny in both senses – ironically and humorously – because I knew for a fact that some of the guys ranting and raving against homosexual men weren’t all that adverse to some sex from that side of the fence.  So, yeah, they were perpetrating a fraud big time and lying like rugs about their “hatred” of homosexuals and switch-hitters and all just to save face… but it rarely stopped them from adding to the verbal denigration of some unsuspecting guy whose only “crime” was the way he was walking when he passed by.  I began to see this as both interesting and funny because, um, if you guys are as homophobic as you say you are, ah, why were you looking at that guy’s ass when he walked by?

As I began to travel here and there, I learned that this behavior wasn’t just a local thing – this behavior was alarmingly wide-spread and was the only thing that would cross even racial boundaries; ya might be a nigger that a group of white guys didn’t like… but if you didn’t like fags, well, welcome, brother!  Hey, if you hate fags like we do, you can’t be all that bad – let’s go get a beer!  I’d hear shit like this and it was just shameful to bear witness to and more so when even the strangers I encountered in my travels would talk beaucoup shit against homosexuals… but would also say shit like if some faggot tried to hit on him, not only would they kick the faggot’s ass… but then they’d sexually assault them orally, anally, or both… and I’d think, “What the fuck?  If you believe that being a gay man is the worst thing in the world, why would you rape him?”

The answer was disturbing – some guys just get off emasculating other men like that but I was now wondering how you could emasculate a man who, at least to himself, is more female than male?  I even asked a couple of “homophobic” guys why they’d make “that fairy” suck their dick if they were so against such things?  I swear, one guy said, “So they will know what a real man is like!”  What the fuck…?  Okay… so these rabble-rousers aren’t really as homophobic as they say they are – they’re just faking the funk and not really a threat to anyone.  But the true homophobes?  Just being around these guys was scary and their religion-based ravings often had me wondering about their sanity and more so when some would easily say that if some fag even thought about hitting on them, the fairy would be killed and they wouldn’t lose any sleep over it because, in their point of view, all sinners like fags and fairies and bull dykes should be put to death.

Women weren’t left out, either.  It was just astonishing to hear men plastering the “lesbian” label on a woman – and usually because if she’s not just gonna give up the pussy to any man who asks for it, well, she must be one of those dyke bitches and a man-hater… even if the woman in question was, in fact, very much straight.  Oddly enough, the butch lesbians that were known of – those women made no bones about them hating dick and loving women – were kinda feared more than “hated;” they’d get talked about behind their backs but even those macho motherfuckers wouldn’t get into a confrontation with one and more so since most of the legit butch lesbians were known to carry a few straight razors and had no compunction against using them if they felt it necessary.

I eventually got to the point where I’d hear this shit and just tune it out but I’d devote a little brain power to giving this behavior some thought so I was beginning to see this “clearly” in two ways:  Fear and plain old macho blustering and posturing.  It became apparent that the real homophobes were they way they were merely out of the perceived “threat” to their masculinity and such a threat to them – real or otherwise – was just some very scary and fearsome shit to them.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard a real homophobe say, “If some dude tried to fuck me, I’d (add something violent here)…” I’d be rich beyond the dreams of avarice.  I came to understand that some dudes were homophobic because someone really did fuck them or otherwise “take their manhood” from them so for them, their hatred and fear was very real; with some dudes, well, all they were really doing was parroting the very ancient prejudices against any man who’d lie down with another man that were handed down from generation to generation and then because of their fervent belief in the biblical laws against this in the Old Testament.  Some were made to be homophobic; in some families, if a boy showed any “feminine” signs or even any sympathy toward gay folks, they’d get their asses kicked until they toed the line and was able to spout the homophobic rhetoric verbatim.  One guy told me once, “I don’t really hate gay people but if I don’t act like I hate them, I’ll get my ass kicked something fierce!”

Which brings us to the present.  Anyone with at least a sixth grade education should know that a phobia is a fear of something so the biphobic and homophobic trash talking that’s flying around all over the place is based on fear.  The rhetoric is laced with almost every fearful fact that can be brought to bear – HIV/AIDS is the most popular and statistics about mental illness and suicide rates are spun to make it look like if you’re bisexual/homosexual, not only are you crazy but you’re gonna off yourself at some point because you’re crazy and that’s because you’re not straight.  Some continue to do their best to instill the fear of God into anyone who isn’t straight, hammering us with religious dogma and insisting that our souls will be damned to hell for all eternity because anyone who isn’t straight just upsets the natural order of things.

Maybe it’s just me (again) but what these phobic people are talking about isn’t as important as the reason why they’re doing it – what are they afraid of?  Does it make sense for anyone to have this phobia and more so when, probably in most cases, they have a phobia that got handed down to them somewhere along the line?  They have this phobia because someone somewhere and at some time told them that they’re supposed to have it is also a possible reason for their behavior as well; does it make sense to be told to fear a homosexual man when no homosexual has given you an actual reason to be afraid of them?  I’ve come to understand that for some folks, homophobia and biphobia are irrational fears – they’re afraid without really understanding why they are, i.e., no homosexual or bisexual has done anything to them (or tried to) in order to instill this fear into themselves.  Some do have a reason… but then you see that unbelievable mindset that if one homosexual/bisexual is bad, all of them are bad and this perception is held onto and the truth is summarily ignored.  Even if you can get them to agree that, no way, all homosexuals/bisexuals aren’t bad, they will continue to believe that they are… and you just gotta ask yourself why.

I don’t get offended anymore because it doesn’t make sense for me to get offended and more so when I’ve learned, from my many confrontations in this, that the folks pitching a bitch against bisexuality really don’t know what they’re talking about.  They think they have all the facts and there’s just no way that they could and, perhaps, it’s just easier for them to look at homosexuals/bisexuals as the boogeyman and instead of confronting their fears and conquering them, they choose to run away and remain frightened.

I’ve had to bear witness to this and it’s a damned ugly thing to witness and it’s just amazing that despite all of the information available today, this fear continues to persist and to the point that, today, there are so many people suffering from this phobia that they’re in total denial that bisexuals even exist in the first place, holding onto their fears about this even though the facts say otherwise.  And, get this:  They say we’re the ones with and causing the problem?

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Posted by on 8 April 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Modern Bisexuality?

I don’t know who Jack Emberson is but when I ran across the abovementioned blog just a little while ago, I gave it a read… and was once again shaking my head over bisexual erasure and the things some pundits are saying about it.  I think about whatever prejudice I’ve faced due to my sexuality and what I’ve heard growing up and while bisexuals would wind up being “ridiculed” for being a switch-hitter or playing for both teams, I can’t honestly say that I ever heard anyone tell a bisexual that they weren’t bisexual… but I have heard this told to folks who said they were gay so, in my mind, the “game” hasn’t changed… but the “players” have.

The thing that gets me about this is that it’s pretty much a rehash of the stuff I’ve previously read, pointing to celebrities who have come out as bisexual, like Lady Gaga, but they also say she’s just playing at being a lesbian and that pisses off the real lesbians, so on and so forth.  Mr. Emberson once again quotes the potential for severe depression, suicide or otherwise harming one’s self, and domestic violence as contributors to the bane of being bisexual and, yep, I saw this stuff on BiNet USA which is the oldest organization for bisexuals and I thought, once again, okay… but what bisexuals are they talking about?

Of course, I’ve read from bisexuals here on WordPress that they’ve been told the usual bullshit, you know, that they’re not really bisexual, going through a phase, or other such things that someone will utter when trying to tell a bisexual that they’re not bisexual or they can’t be bisexual because they don’t want them to be bisexual… and I wonder how some straight person would feel if a bisexual were to turn around and tell them that they’re not straight and that they shouldn’t be?  That would be an interesting argument…

I get it, though; it doesn’t take having a PhD in  some social science to understand that people are predominantly straight because that’s the way they’re supposed to be – and for whatever reasons they might point to and you don’t have to be a super genius to know what they are.  Since the majority is straight, then anyone who isn’t is in the minority and, as such, subject to ridicule because they’re not straight like everyone is “supposed to be.”  It doesn’t take much to understand that human beings have always behaved like this, you know, “If you’re not with us, you’re against us!” so to see this behavior continue to persist with regards to sexuality shouldn’t be all that surprising.  It’s silly and more so since, as I’ve pointed out at times, homosexuality and bisexuality have been around for a very long time and was, at one point, very acceptable behavior but, of course, somewhere along the line, something changed and not for the better.  Soon homosexuals and bisexuals were seen as being mentally ill – somewhere around the Victorian Age if I remember correctly – and even something as natural as masturbation was seen as aberrant behavior that had to be treated as a mental illness… and the campaign to squash homosexuality (primarily) was on big time.

In my youth, homosexuals caught all kinds of hell and, yeah, any bisexuals who were discovered – and at least in my environment – were teased about going both ways and, at times, tagged as being gay until, of course, the fight broke out and that always seemed to settle that particular issue.  As I got older, I ran across more and more people who I’d say weren’t pathologically homophobic but they were against homosexuals and bisexuals and were of the mind that as long as they didn’t mess with them, it was all good.  I’ve run across women, in particular, who would pitch a bitch about it, being totally against any guy who was bi and as far as women who weren’t straight went, the mantra was, “Ain’t shit a woman can do for me!  I’m strickly dickly!”  These people I ran into in my travels never said that homosexuality/bisexuality didn’t exist – they simply didn’t  have any truck with it and as long as a gay or bi person didn’t proposition them, no problem existed.

Mr. Emberson says that this erasure thing is important, that it has to be paid attention to and that these embattled bisexuals need more social support than what they’re getting or what’s available which, of course, points to a great fallacy with why the LGBTQ community exists in the first place… but we also know where the focal point of bi erasure and biphobia is… in the LGBTQ community itself.  Sure, there are straight people on the bi erasure bandwagon… but they’ve always been passengers because they don’t make much of a distinction between homosexuality and bisexuality; to them, it’s all the same even when presented with facts that, nope, they ain’t even close to being the same.   But here’s the thing I keep coming back to:  What is the point in trying to erase bisexuality or otherwise debunk it when (a) it’s always been around and (b) nothing anyone can say or do is going to erase it?

It’s serious because there are a lot of bisexuals who believe that they’re being erased in some form or another, that this ongoing prejudice against anyone who isn’t straight – and now, gay – is going to have a very serious impact on their lives.  Don’t get me wrong – there is some impact, like getting dissed by family, friends, and potential mates and this can cause some serious emotional issues for some… but not for everyone who is bisexual.  It is, however, easier to point out all the bad things about bisexuality because, um, to highlight the good things defeats the purpose of trying to slam bisexuals and in the same way homosexuals were slammed (and continue to be slammed).

I keep saying that despite all this erasure crap, I cannot be erased; I just don’t see how it’s possible.  Yep, the haters can bring a lot of social pressure against bisexuals, can do or say whatever they feel is necessary to keep bisexuality in a “very bad” light… and all this shit is going to do is confirm to a lot of bisexuals that they made the right decision to fly under the radar because if they don’t know you’re bisexual, they can’t fuck with you.  And, yes, there are bisexuals like me who say, “Come on and fuck with me… I dare you… and then find out what’s gonna happen when you do, okay?”  They say this shit is real and, sadly, it is but, realistically, it can only fuck with you if you allow it to and more so when you realize and believe that the haters are trying to eliminate a facet of human behavior that cannot be eliminated.  They tried doing this shit with homosexuals… and they totally and utterly failed to erase homosexuality, didn’t they?  Oh, yeah, they made shit hard for homosexuals and, in some quarters, it’s still very hard; to that end, yep, I can see why there are homosexuals who are totally pissed off with bisexuals because we don’t have to deal with the shit they’ve had to put up with and for as long as I’ve been around (and before that).  So, yup, we’re now straight-acting phonies; we need to stand up and be identified or otherwise be made to share their pain… and when we refuse to do this, well, aren’t we the worst and most fake motherfuckers that ever lived?

Male bisexuals are much worst than female bisexuals since we’re the greatest disease vector since Typhoid Mary and the ladies, well, they’re just fake-assed lesbian wannabes or floozies faking at bisexuality as part of their man trapping MO.  They hate on bisexuals because we’re not really like them and so it seems as if their “mantra” is, “If you can’t beat them, erase them!”  And while here in the US there are laws on the books in every state against homosexual behavior, they’re either being changed or set aside as being unenforceable, like the laws against sodomy and even oral sex in some states and, as we’ve been hearing and reading, the laws against homosexuals marrying and being parents, etc., are being overturned.  Globally, wow, in some places in the world, if you ain’t straight, you’re gonna be dead or incarcerated until you’re dead so as a bisexual, I’m damned glad I don’t live, say, in certain parts of Africa.  I understand that other than culturally in some places, the laws against homosexuality – and I’m sure bisexuality is included as a matter of course – exist to cut down the spread of HIV/AIDS and this probably isn’t a bad thing except maybe how they’re going about it, which is pretty fucked up in our Western way of thinking.

And despite all or any of this, there are still people who aren’t straight and unless someone is planning a very serious act of genocide against all those who aren’t straight, um, you just cannot erase human nature.  You can try to correct it, put things in place that attempt to prevent humans acting like humans, and even threaten and consign their souls to whatever hell or purgatory may exist… and bisexuals will continue to exist even if/when we’re “forced” to go back underground due to mass social insanity about this aspect of human sexuality.

Some time ago – and I don’t remember exactly when – I was told that I don’t understand this whole erasure crisis and that I didn’t see the clear and present danger to my being bisexual.  But I do understand it – well, as best I can, anyway – and I understand it enough for me, as a male bisexual, to say that you can try to erase my sexuality… and good luck with that because they can apply all the social pressure they can bring to bear and none of it will stop me from being bisexual.  This erasure shit just isn’t a threat to my existence and, yes, I understand that there are other bisexuals who may feel the pressure or are succumbing to the threats that are out there… and I’ve said all of this to say to those bisexuals:  Don’t buy into this shit and don’t let it tear you down!  If you believe that they can erase you and this is worrying you, well, maybe it’s just my opinion but being made to worry about this is a lot worse than actually being bisexual, isn’t it?  I mean, how the fuck are they gonna tell me that I don’t exist as a bisexual when I know good and damned well that I do?  You wanna get pissy because I’m capable of having a good and normal heterosexual relationship with a woman even though (for me) I’d suck a man’s  balls dry if given the opportunity – and then say I have some “straight privilege” and all because if you’re homosexual, um, nope, you can’t do what’s natural for me to do… but you can fake it… oh, wait a minute!  Isn’t that what you’re accusing bisexuals of doing?

Am I the only one who see the futility in any of this erasure shit?  Sure, it’s doing a number on a lot of bisexuals because, I dunno, maybe they’re more concerned with how people will judge them than they are believing in themselves?  Okay… there are people around me who’d look at my sexuality in a bad way, just like there are people around me who look at the color of my skin and long for the “good old days” when they felt justified in putting a rope around my neck and/or declaring with their moral “certainty” that I wasn’t really a human being and no better than, say, a farm animal.  Now, I grew up with this particular prejudice and I survived it albeit with a few black eyes, skinned knuckles, and realizing my ability to run really fast… and, so far, I’ve survived all the angst I’ve personally encountered about my sexuality albeit losing some friends and potential partners/lovers along the way.  And despite today’s push to erase bisexuals, I’m still very much bisexual and I’d even admit that a lot of my attitude and thinking about this shit is because of how long I’ve been bisexual.  I know I’ve been around long enough to see our society (in particular) utterly fail to erase homosexuality from the human condition so, yeah, maybe it’s just me, but I’m quite sure that our society is going to utterly fail to erase bisexuality.

Maybe it’s a conceit on my part for me to believe that the only way I can be erased due to my sexuality is if I allow it to be done… and homey don’t play that shit.  Maybe it’s because I’m now of an age where I kinda/sorta don’t give a fuck about what people might say because I’m bisexual.  Oh, yeah, I’m very much aware of what they might do about it – remember, I grew up in a time where homosexuals were killed for not being straight… but while I am aware of this aspect – and I’d be some kind of an idiot if I weren’t aware – up until something violent actually happens, um, I’m still bisexual; if I survive it – and I sure as hell am going to try to – I will still be bisexual.  Someone can get in all up in my grill about being bisexual and fuss until they get hoarse and short of breath… and none of what they could say is going to change the fact that I’m bisexual and if these biphobic folks believe that it can be done, hmm, wouldn’t they be the ones more in denial about shit than any bisexual could be because they’re trying to say that something doesn’t exist when it’s pretty fucking obvious that it does.

Once upon a time, people thought the world was flat, didn’t they?

Someone commented to me recently that I’m ignoring the plight of bisexuals and I guess they said that because you wouldn’t see me at an LGBTQ rally and I have this “habit” of pointing out just how fucking stupid all this shit is and how I’m not allowing any of it to fuck with me.  Ah, but if I were truly ignoring this, um, I wouldn’t be writing about it; I wouldn’t comment on the blogs of others about how I see this situation and I sure as hell wouldn’t be asking about the root cause of this because, I dunno, maybe it’s just me again but in any of this, it isn’t what they’re saying – it’s why they’re saying it. I’m no Wile E. Coyote but it’s not really that difficult to figure out why this is happening… I’m just the bisexual motherfucker that’s saying it doesn’t make any damned sense for it to still be happening and that all the prejudice that was once “owned” by homosexuals is now being pushed onto bisexuals and, yeah, there are homosexuals that are helping to push their ever-present problems onto bisexuals because we have the audacity to not be gay like they are… but we’re also not as straight as the dyed-in-the-wool heterosexuals think we should be.

So, to bring this to a close, how does a bisexual keep from being erased?  By believing in yourself more than believing in those who say that you can’t be what you know yourself to be and, yes, even if you’ve never had the sex that’s possible. See, I believe in myself and, yeah, even supremely so, because I have no reason to doubt or question whether or not I am bisexual by definition or deed and as long as I continue to believe in myself, I cannot be erased by mere words alone.  I’m not saying this erasure shit ain’t real; I’m not ignoring my fellow bisexuals by remaining silent but I can tell you that I am not going to allow my rather wonderful (and problematic) sexuality be erased because, on the real, if straight folks can firmly believe in being straight and gay folks are they same way, then I can firmly believe in my bisexuality.

My fellow bisexuals, male or female:  Do you believe in yourself?  If you don’t, you should and if you do believe, how can you be erased?

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Posted by on 25 January 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Angst

I can often hear “Hulk Hogan” saying, “Whatcha gonna do brother when biphobia runs wild on you!” whenever I see shit about the angst toward bisexuals.  I’ve gotten into some interesting discussions with a few people about biphobia and it just fucking amazes me how so many people are worried about it and making such a big deal.  For the record, yeah, this stupidity exists and has the potential to be far-reaching and damaging to bisexuals whether they’re out or not and while I’ve taken the personal stance that I’m not going to sweat the dumb shit on this, I wonder why so many bisexuals are sweating it and, importantly, I wonder why it exists in the first damned place.

Humans have a terrible history of hating on anything that’s different from them; we’ve seen this where race is concerned, where religious beliefs and politics are concerned; I’ve seen some fucked up shit between neighborhoods in the same part of town and, yes, I’ve been more than aware of the rage against homosexuality.  But I know that while we are slow to change, we eventually do change; not everyone does – that would be too much like right – but at high levels, yeah, change is happening and just when you think that we’ve gotten closer to the demise of homophobia, along comes biphobia and, um, what the fuck is this all about?

You don’t really have to be an expert in social sciences or anything like that to realize that trying to erase bisexuality and treat it as if it never existed is just… silly because you’re really trying to put the kibosh on a part of human nature that’s been around for God knows how long.  I’ve read a lot of shit about why people think bisexuals aren’t real and I keep saying to myself, “Are they serious?” and despite all of the shit I’ve read to date, it just doesn’t make sense and more so when I know without any doubt that as a bisexual, yep, I exist – duh.  What I’ve been able to learn from this is that we – bisexuals – are now being raged against in almost the same way gays were by telling us that we’re in denial about being totally gay, that we’re a clear and present danger to pretty much everything, and other things that, at least in my opinion, are borne more out of fear than cold hard facts.

I wonder just how the fuck biphobia can have such a terrible impact on a bisexual if no one knows that they’re bisexual (or very few people know it)?  Yeah, I can see how a budding bisexual can be worried about all the shit being said against bisexuals because it makes them question themselves and gives them cause to worry about the social impacts of being discovered as bisexual and it just does not make sense to buy into the illogical premise that bisexuals (and bisexuality) don’t exist and that we’re the new problem child in society.  This ain’t like racial discrimination because, duh, bisexuality isn’t as obvious as the color of one’s skin and we know that bisexuals come in every flavor possible; the fact that bisexuals aren’t all out and flaunting their sexuality differences – something that biphobia bitches about – is something I think works in our favor because, fucking duh, they can’t fuck with you about being bisexual if they don’t know you’re bisexual.  And, no, I’m not talking about remaining below the radar out of fear of biphobic reactions, either… but if there are people wondering why bisexuals are not all out in the open, well, now you know why we’d rather not be out in the open.

Someone said to me that the LGBTQ community needs to do more for bisexuals and I agree that they do… except there’s a segment of this community that is fostering and fomenting biphobia and, according to other bloggers who’ve written about this, pretty much ignoring bisexual issues in favor of the more important gay and lesbian issues still on the table.  I’ve read where a blogger wrote that bisexuals need their own community, one separate from the LGBTQ parent, so that we can better help each other and work together to kick biphobia to the curb because, again, The Community just ain’t been doing their duty and championing all of us who aren’t straight.  They’re a house divided, a dysfunctional family…

A blogger was kinda busting my ass for “ignoring” biphobia and, no, I don’t ignore it – I just don’t buy into any of the premises of biphobia.  While I’ve heard too many personal opinions about my sexuality, being bisexual has had zero impact on me at the social levels; I’ve never been denied a job or anything like that because I’m bisexual and, really, at those levels, it’s none of their fucking business how I like to get my freak on.  Yet, I “see” bisexuals freaking out over what’s being said and I guess they’re of the mind that if enough people say that bisexuality ain’t real and pitch a bitch about it, it’s going to somehow be removed from reality…

Really?  Does anyone really believe that such a thing is even possible and more so since “they” tried to eradicate homosexuality… and have totally and utterly failed to make it non-existent?  This far-flung smear campaign reflects a growing dislike for a segment of the sexuality tree that upsets the current status quo and seems to be predicated on the “fact” that people are either straight or gay… and I’d like to know what they’ve been smoking if they believe this to be true.  I find it kinda crazy for biphobics to be ranting and raving against something that they say doesn’t exist in the first place and, of course, this is all being spread by people who aren’t bisexual so their lack of understanding about being bisexual becomes evident when you look at all the stereotypical shit flying around.  Now, okay, uh-uh, even I will admit that there’s some truth mixed in with the bullshit but being the creatures we are, it’s easier to lay down a blanket condemnation than it is to point to specific individual behaviors – if one acts like this, they all act like this; if one is bad, they’re all bad.

And if you think this is a really dumb way to behave, let the church say, “Amen!”  Biphobia makes me roll my eyes a lot and makes me ask the biphobics a good question:  “What are you afraid of?”

I ain’t saying this shit ain’t real – I’m saying this shit doesn’t make any fucking sense.  It’s my opinion and all that… but as a bisexual, this shit can only fuck with me if I allow it to fuck with me and I don’t know about other bisexuals but I have better things to worry about…

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Posted by on 30 December 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Overlooking the Obvious

I sit and watch/read bisexuality being attacked; I’m aware of pretty much all of the negativity supplied by the stereotypes attached to being bisexual and the smear campaign currently in progress that seeks to invalidate bisexuality as a “valid” sexual orientation… and it all makes me scratch my head and wonder why the obvious is being overlooked here.  So here we go…

If we can  admit that heterosexuality is real and if we’ve gotten around to believing that homosexuality is real, why is it so hard to believe that bisexuality is real?  Sexuality is a part of the human condition and, fuck, no, I’m bypassing all that morality stuff for the moment and I might get to it somewhere in this writing but for now, um, yeah, if people can be straight or gay, logic says that there is a middle ground here… except there are a lot of people who, for some reason, can’t see this middle ground or refuses to accept that it does exist.

Now… morality.  As we know and understand this, if you’re not straight you’re about as wrong as it gets and, yes, there’s a reason why this is the preferred and mandated way to be and if you don’t know it by now, well, uh, where have you been?  We understand that morality is a social construct that, in essence, wants everyone to be a certain way, to do things in a certain way, and seeks to eliminate, neutralize, and denigrate any behavior that ‘violates’ the construct of morality, like being bisexual or homosexual.  So if you understand that many people are taught that this is true and should always be true, it’s not hard to figure out why some folks behave the way they do regarding bisexuality and homosexuality and in the face of the evidence that clearly says that not everyone is straight or even wants to be straight.  Ah, but some of these same people can grudgingly admit that, okay, there are homosexuals; they may not particularly like the fact that there are homosexuals but, yep, they’re out there and, as a lot of us know, homosexuals caught all kinds of hell for being homosexual; indeed, quite a few people caught hell for simply being suspected of being homosexual – and they never were.

Despite the battle to invalidate homosexuality – remember, it was once on the list of mental illnesses and there are those who still think it can be cured – yep, those gay folks are still here and their numbers are increasing and those folks who started this war against homosexuals are slowly but surely losing as homosexuality gains more acceptance.  Enter the bisexual, that sexuality entity that, really, not a lot is known about (supposedly) because, unlike gay folks, bisexuality aren’t all that easy to “see” but they now make an inviting target, not only by those folks who believe that straight is the only way to be but by some gay folks who, for who knows what reason, that bisexuals are in such great denial about being either straight or gay (but preferably gay).

Obviously, there are those who are allowing their interpretations of what’s moral to make them overlook the obvious; we, as a species, just can’t seem to get away from the “us versus them” behavior we’ve displayed since people were seen to be different (whenever the fuck that happened in our rather checkered history).  We let these… prejudices blind us to that which is obvious, from the color of one’s skin to religious beliefs and, yeah, how someone chooses to handle their sexual and emotional needs.  Logically, it doesn’t make sense but biphobia isn’t what I’d call logic-friendly; it’s an emotional response that, when expressed, sounds logical but has few basis in cold, hard fact and what facts are present are pretty much negative.  Phobias are described as irrational fears; I’m not saying that I believe that phobias aren’t real by the people perceiving them – I’m just pointing out something, ah, obvious about phobias that was defined and established by people a hell of a lot smarter than I am.  So if biphobia is a fear, um, exactly what are the people experiencing it (or trying to foster it) afraid of?

It’s been my opinion here lately that those folks being consumed by biphobia are afraid that their view of life and the world we live in is being threatened or, if I may say, being proven that what they so firmly believe in isn’t as accurate as they’ve been led to believe.  And the truth is that their perception of the way things are supposed to be is inaccurate and one could say that their perception is an outright lie because, uh, obviously, their way isn’t the only way and, keeping in character as the human animal we all are, well, they ain’t too happy about it and are resisting strongly.  Those immersed in biphobia believe that their arguments against bisexuals is a logical one… but it really isn’t when you understand that phobias are irrational fears – and fear is an emotion.  There are those who actually believe that homosexuality is contagious, like, shaking hands with a homosexual could transfer this sexual behavior to someone and, no, I’m not exaggerating this or bullshitting you – someone actually told me this when voicing their dislike of homosexuals and I’ve heard this one more than once.  But we know that it isn’t contagious; bisexuality and homosexuality isn’t a disease one can catch like a cold or the flu… but we also know that people can, have, and will change their minds about what branch of the sexuality tree works best for them.

I get that bisexuality upsets what’s considered to be the norm these days and because we’re neither straight or gay; it does a number on the black-and-whiteness of our slightly revised morality because in this school of thought, there are no gray areas – there can’t be any gray areas even though some noted scientists way back around the time I was born produced a ground-breaking document that has a well-known graphic in it that, by its very existence, proves that there is a gray area – we know it as the Kinsey Report.  Now, I’ve read that some folks are saying that this report is no longer valid or accurate, just as there are still factions that insist that the Kinsey Report was never valid or accurate… but this strikes me as being kinda silly in the face of the fact that, duh, not everyone is totally and completely straight.  We might need science to straighten it all out but we don’t need science to know that there are a lot of people on this planet who are not straight and prefer not to be.

If heterosexuality exists and homosexuality exist, it just makes sense that bisexuality exists… doesn’t it?  Now, whether it’s seen as being right or wrong isn’t really the issue; what is at issue is that, er, it’s obvious that bisexuals exist and why someone is bisexual doesn’t really matter at the high level of thought.  Once upon a time, homosexuality really and truly upset the moral apple cart… and now bisexuals are seen as upsetting it as well.  There are those who see homosexuality and bisexuality as a great decline in our moral standings, that there are a lot of moral compasses that aren’t pointing north as they “should” be.  Religion, which plays a huge role in morality, makes it clear that anyone who isn’t straight is pretty much going to burn in hell for their sins and there are still religions around the world that say the penalty for not being straight is death – and you will be put to death so you can then burn in hell.  One can think of this of literally being “scared straight,” huh?  Yet, despite these dire portents and threats to one’s life, there are still many people from all walks of life who aren’t straight and prefer not to be.

This isn’t about what’s considered to be right or wrong; this is asking whether or not it makes sense to behave in such a fashion.  This asks why there are people who cannot accept what is painfully and clearly obvious – and then asks that if you have a case of biphobia, what are you afraid of?  This asks why there are homosexuals – and people you’d think would understand why bisexuals are different since homosexuals are different – who are going out of their way to give bisexuality and bisexuals a black eye – where’s the logic in any of this?  This questions “being moral” and whether or not there are people who believe that homosexuals and bisexuals “own” being immoral… and more so when straight people can be just as immoral in their sexual behaviors – so what are they saying here?  Are they saying that being straight and immoral is okay… but being bi or gay isn’t?  Double standards never made sense to begin with and if this is yet another one of those damned things, does this one make sense?

What is obvious and overlooked is that in any of this, we’re just being human, just like the phobias against anyone who isn’t straight is us being human.  Morality aside, there is a certain logic to all of this but with biphobia dropping shit all over the place, the logic just isn’t seen or accepted and one’s perception of that which is deemed as being moral can play into this oversight.  Again, this isn’t a debate on being moral – this is about the logic of things and wonders, questions, whatever, why we – generally, I suppose – get biphobic and if it makes any sense to let our fears make us foolish.

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Posted by on 12 December 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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Spreading the Fear

Damn it, I’m pissed off with myself because I deleted the email that sparked this writing and it’s unrecoverable!  Let me set the stage for you…

I read a comment to a blog I follow about this woman and her bi boyfriend and the commenter was seriously riffing about why she – the blog’s author – should get rid of her bi boyfriend because – and I’m pissed that I can’t remember all of what was said – she’s never gonna be able to satisfy him because he’ll always want dick, that she’s gonna catch HIV/AIDS or some other STD because bisexual and gay men are responsible for a large percentage of infections, he’s always gonna cheat on her, so on and so forth.

I read the comment, frowned at all the stereotypical bullshit that was written, and deleted the email… then I got pissed over the fear mongering the comment contained and when I decided to write this, I went looking for the email and, yep, it’s gone forever.  Making it worse, I can’t find the blog the comment was written on either but the gist of those comments stuck with me… and I just gotta say something about it.

See, people spout this bullshit as if it were the gospel truth and I’m not gonna say that there isn’t some truth to this shit.  For the commenter to say that the author was never gonna be able to satisfy her boyfriend because he wants dick is inaccurate and perhaps downright wrong because there are a lot of bi guys who can find pleasure with pussy even though they might crave dick and, of course, I’m one of them.  Now, I find that there’s some truth to the situation of when a bi guy is really craving the touch of another man and no amount of pussy being thrown at them will make that craving go away.  It does not mean that the guy isn’t going to find the pussy satisfying unless, of course, his woman is not all that good in bed or there’s some other issues in the bedroom, like fucking her feels like a chore to him, etc..  I mean, fuck, pussy is some good shit but I know that even though I might be fiending for some cock, if I’m dick-deep in pussy, yeah, it’s all good and satisfying… and I might still want some dick.

That’s kinda just the way it is… but it’s not true for every male bisexual currently in existence.  On the whole, this particular comment is designed to scare the shit out of women, to get them to think and/or believe that their bi guy just ain’t gonna give a fuck about them because he’s all about the dick… but wouldn’t that make him a gay man and not so much bisexual?  I don’t know about other bi guys but there ain’t a dick out there good enough to make me turn my back on pussy.

Okay, the disease thing.  See, people pull the disease card because, again, the purpose isn’t as much to inform but to put the fear of God into anyone who dares to deal with a bi guy.  And while there is some truth, the CDC stats that people keep using to spread this fear are only a part of the whole story, like there are ways to catch HIV/AIDS without any sexual contact with anyone, that intravenous drug users are still the biggest vector when it comes to this and since gay men are right up there on the list as well, yeah, it makes sense that if a bi guy gets with someone who’s HIV-positive, the risk is there… but it’s not like every bi man on the planet is infected with bad shit by default.  Yes, some men don’t think with the right head when it comes to this… but it’s not all of us and to insist that it is, well, that’s just more fear mongering, taking some facts and putting a spin on them so that their anti-bisexual campaign can continue.

When they pull this card, they neglect to point out how many STDs a man can get from women and more so if she’s not taking care of the pussy like she’s supposed to and, no, it doesn’t assume that she’s out fucking around with anyone – but they also never mention that women who step out on their man are complicit in the spread of STDs if they’re careless.  They fail to point out that some women developed genital herpes, which is incurable and only the symptoms can be treated – but they can infect their guy easily enough and, again, no fooling around is required for this to happen.  And, you betcha, they don’t bother to mention how bisexual women can be responsible for the spread of STDs, like when they go muff diving and get a dose of chlamydia which is asymptomatic – a woman can have it and not have or show any symptoms.

The disease fear assumes that every bisexual man in existence is totally irresponsible, careless, and so horny for sex that they’re mindless, that the use of protection and protective devices are never used, shit like that; it’s a partial truth because, sure, the stats for bisexuality related infections wouldn’t exist if some folks weren’t as careful as they should have been.  And, here’s the real clincher:  They don’t ever acknowledge the fact that not every bisexual man is out there having sex with other men – it’s just easy to assume that they are and, as such, a danger to one and all.

I’m not ever gonna say that the risks don’t exist but, um, that why you have a personal doctor if you’re smart (and can afford it) or you get routine checkups via a clinic and in either case the doctor just loves sending you to the lab so you can give up blood and urine samples – and the fear being spread about infections assume that all bisexual men never, ever, go get themselves checked out for anything.

Cheating on her.  Well, let’s be for real about this, shall we?  Cheating is not the sole purview of bisexual men or even women, for that fact.  People cheat on each other all the fucking time and even then for reasons that don’t make a lot of sense if/when they get dragged out onto the table, right?  Do some bi guys cheat?  Sure they do… but, again, those who speak out against bisexual men don’t ever mention that it ain’t all bi guys, that there are plenty of bi men who are faithful to their women (or their guys if they’re flowing like that) and they’d never cheat on her.

There are a lot of bi guys on the DL – no secret here and while they do have a choice to not be on the DL, it’s true that being in a relationship – married or not – does not allow them to see to all of their needs unless, of course, they’re with a very special woman who has no problems with her guy getting some dick… as long as he does it safely and he doesn’t fail to take care of his obligations to her and, yeah, sometimes, if she gets to join in the sexy fun.

They use cheating as a stick to beat us with – but they’re only using one side of the issue and it just doesn’t suit their purposes to mention that not all bi guys cheat… because not all bi guys are having the sex to begin with and, oh, yeah, if he is cheating on her, his sexuality might not be the reason why he is.  I just fucking hate it when people spread biphobia like this; to me, it’s like those people who quote the Bible and use only the verses that support their way of thinking – but fail to speak on what the rest of the passage has to say.  And even if these people acknowledge the obvious that goes along with all of this, they’re quick to downplay it and keep placing emphasis on the bad parts… because it suits their biphobic purposes.

If you’re gonna speak out against bisexuality, tell the whole fucking truth about it, both the good and the bad; to do otherwise is just letting your prejudice show and it’s very unattractive.


Posted by on 6 August 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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Erase Me If You Can

Before I get into some more packing so we can get ready to move, I gotta say something about a blog I just read where the author opined that bisexuals have some kind of issue over being invisible and the blog included some YouTube videos that, I guess, address this so-called “problem” we have… and it made me roll my eyes heavenward and ask for some divine intervention to help these poor people who think that with their narrow worldview they can make bisexuals disappear as if we never existed.

Bisexuals are non-conformists; we don’t subscribe to being straight or gay which I suppose really upsets the current mindset about such things.  On the one hand, I’m glad that society has finally accepted that not everyone is straight and doesn’t want to be – it takes some of the pressure off of gay folks and this shows that, on the whole, we’ve become a bit more enlightened and we’re beginning to look at human sexuality in a non-prudish kind of way… except to keep insisting that we’re invisible or that we can’t exist is still, in my opinion, sheer lunacy.

I get that I’m probably older than a lot of the people making these assumptions and that I’ve probably been bisexual longer than some of them have been alive… and maybe even before their parents were born; it allows me – and since my eternal curiosity about being bisexual is responsible – to see bisexuality in ways that, perhaps, they cannot see in this period of time.  Like, I know there are bisexuals who prefer to remain hidden so that (a) they don’t get confused with being gay and (b) they don’t wind up pissing off a lot of people they’d rather not have angry with them.  So because I know this, that some bisexuals are invisible to society doesn’t surprise me; again, we’ve sat back in the cut and watched gay folks get their heads handed to them too many times for some of us to want to give up our invisibility or, really, to stop hiding in plain sight.

As far as I know, no one has been able to back up their claims that bisexuals don’t exist.  I mean, you can tell me this… but where’s your proof?  I know that I can prove that I’m bisexual although I seriously doubt that there are that many people who would be thrilled to see it, if ya know what I mean.  I’ve said it before:  If you want proof that I’m bi, let’s get some people together, men and women, and I’ll be happy to prove it to you since, for some reason, you’re not willing to take my word for it.

If you fucking think you can erase me, go for it; I’m pretty fucking sure that it cannot be done unless you try to assassinate me and even then, you might “erase” me but I’m not the only bisexual on the whole fucking planet, am I?  Y’all haters are gonna put out there that we’re concerned about our lack of visibility?  That’s bullshit to the nth degree and until the societies all over the planet learn to get their collective heads out of their collective asses about sexuality, visibility isn’t a concern.  Y’all know that I don’t give a fuck that you know I’m bisexual but not every bisexual is like me; it is what it is for me, I’m not ever gonna change it, and if you don’t like it, all you can do is not like it… but acting as if I don’t and can’t exist or that I have issues with my sexuality that I’ve never experienced isn’t ever going to do a damn thing except to get me writing about this craziness.

And all of this is because we don’t want to conform to the status quo, to be just straight or just gay?  We know – and because it’s been reported on so much – that the LGBTQ (or what-the-fuck-ever) community has some folks in their ranks that are spearheading the smear campaign against bisexuals but, in my experiences, that’s not all that unusual; I’ve had quite a few arguments with gay folks about being bisexual before any of this current shit came into existence… but in those arguments, none of my opponents ever suggested that I didn’t exist.  They’d argue that I’m really confused, in denial, the usual bullshit but, no, they never said that bisexuality never existed or accused us of being straight-acting which, by the way, is something they’ve been found guilty of and, again before any of this current shit came to be… and some of them are still straight-acting because, yeah, they know like bisexuals know:  Being seen as gay can be detrimental to your health in many ways.

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black…  The real question is:  When will this insanity end?  If science says we exist and there are bisexuals such as myself practically yelling and waving and saying that here we are – what’s the problem? – why is it that this evidence cannot be accepted?  My thought – and I commented on this on the blog I mentioned – is that the people who want to erase us or otherwise say we can’t and don’t exist actually don’t want us to exist… because we upset their view of life and the world at large by not being straight… but not being gay, either.  As a single bisexual, I don’t know what I can say or how many pussies I have to play with and how many cocks I have to suck in order to provide conclusive evidence that we exist, that we’ve always existed, and that we will continue to exist until, I guess, humans are wiped from the face of the planet.

And the fact that we do bothers the shit out of them.

Do we all have to step into the light and come out?  That would probably make someone really happy, even if it’s under the “know your enemy” doctrine.  But we don’t have to come out if we don’t want to and especially if coming out is going to be a detriment to us; like I said before, we’ve seen how unhealthy this can be thanks to all the gays who’ve gotten their asses kicked – literally and figuratively – for stepping into the open.  If it makes sense for us to come out and we feel that we’d be safe if we did, then we come out, either to everyone or to those select people… but if it doesn’t make sense and we’re not gonna feel safe, nope, uh-uh:  Ain’t gonna happen.

Globally, I can’t speak on how bisexuality is being accepted although I know that in some cultures, homosexuality can get you killed just on general principles.  Some things I’ve read from bisexuals in the UK indicate that at least in Europe, that society is behaving a lot better than our society here in the States which, again, I’ll point out is something that’s made us the laughing-stock of the world because of our prudish, immature, and childish behaviors when it comes to sex and things sexual… and that’s always pissed me off because as an American, I’d like to think that we’re better than that… but apparently not so much if people are running around believing that bisexuals don’t exist or that we’re in the midst of some social dilemma that we have to overcome.

And maybe, with all this dumb shit flying around, this is something that they’ve made into our problem to deal with and because they feel that we have to deal with it… and I say, now and forever more, fuck them.  Life’s complicated enough without a bunch of people wanting to make it even harder than it has to be.  Finally, here’s a question I’d love for our detractors to answer, if they can or even dare to:  If I’m not straight and I’m not gay but I like pussy and dick – men and women – what am I?

Erase me if you can.  I dare you.


Posted by on 5 August 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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Give Us a Fucking Break, Will Ya?

Bisexual Erasure – As Explained by Two Lesbians

I ran across this blog yesterday, which contains a video with two lesbians explaining why people don’t think bisexuals are real.  It’s been ‘festering’ inside my head and, well, I can’t begin to imagine what two lesbians would know about bisexuals seeing as how they’re not bisexual.  Okay, I understand that people can know a bisexual, can read all the shit that’s available about bisexuals and all of that… but here’s something that, I don’t know, seems to be kinda fucking obvious:  If you know a bisexual, have read the shit about bisexuals, then bisexuals are real – when are people gonna get this very obvious fact through their thick skulls?

I don’t personally care about some bunch of idiots trying to “prove” that I, as a bisexual, don’t exist; I know that I do and that I have for a long time.  I am concerned about other bisexuals, those folks who haven’t been around as long as I have and/or are new to being bisexual having to deal with this utter nonsense because it’s bad enough for some people have to fight with themselves about their feelings and thoughts about being bisexual – or may be being bi – but then they have to contend with this stupidity?

This is the kind of shit that should be summarily ignored but, at the same time, someone – or a bunch of someones – has to speak out against this lunacy and, if possible, try to get to the root of the problem and it seems to me, given all that I’ve been reading about this lately, that right at the root of this manic behavior are gay folks and, no, not all of them – let’s get that said and out of the way right up front.  It makes me wonder what faction of straight people are involved in this or if they even really and seriously give a fuck whether or not bisexuals are real.  Gays, on the other hand, seem to have a reason to bitch about our lack of visibility and, I will say stupidly, believe that if we – bisexuals – aren’t all out in the open like gays are, then we don’t exist.

Give us a fucking break, will ya?  Can you not get it through your head that there are a lot of us who don’t want to be all up in the public eye, that we’re happy being behind the scenes and that some of us have good reason to keep our sexuality under wraps?  Huh?  Why hate on us because we don’t have to go through the bullshit that gays have been putting up with for as long as I can remember?  You don’t like the fact that we can be both straight and gay and most of us chose to be straight right up until it’s time for us to do some gay stuff? Too fucking bad – get over it, will ya?  You want us to pick a side just because you don’t have another side to choose from?  That’s not our fault or problem – that’s the fucking decision you made for yourself and it’s also not our fault if you’re so narrow-minded and – yeah, I’m gonna say it – so damned ignorant that you cannot perceive there’s something between straight and gay… or that you’re so blind and perhaps even naive that you cannot even see the obvious – I’m sure that Stevie Wonder could see it.

I keep saying over and over:  Your problems are not our problems.  Sure, we have our own unique set of problem because we’re bisexual but visibility ain’t one of them; we don’t have to fight for our rights like gays have had to do and, no, it’s not as if all bisexuals are ignorant of what gays have been fighting for and some of us even sympathize with their cause, which has been making progress… but that’s still your fight because the only people who treat me differently because I’m bisexual are those people who don’t like the fact that I’m bisexual.  And, yeah, you bet your ass, this bisexual is thinking that we’re being hated on because we don’t have all that grief and that misery does, in fact, love company.

The haters need a reality check; they also need to be aware of what people will see about them as they continue to spew and spread biphobia – and none of it is good.  Your lack of intelligence and even common sense are showing and they’re pretty threadbare and, seriously, if there’s a faction of the gay community spreading this hatred, all you’re really doing is giving people a reason to keep on not liking you… and you should know, should have learned from history, that if you keep heaping prejudice onto someone, they will eventually reach a breaking point and then the shit’s gonna get very ugly… and history has also proven that this doesn’t always turn out very well.

I don’t know what the fuck these people are thinking about or why they’re even thinking about it; if there is a legit reason, I haven’t seen it yet so at least to me, this is some petty and childish bullshit being thrown our way and for no apparent reason other than a dislike of the fact that we exist and do so without having to deal with all that anti-gay shit.   I know a little something about being subjected to prejudice, to be seen as being less than someone who has lighter skin than I do and that’s a motherfucker to have to had lived through… and now this bullshit.

Give us a fucking break, will ya?


Posted by on 1 August 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


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Put Up Your Dukes

I was just reading someone’s blog about the validation of bisexuality and I rolled my eyes (again) so hard I could have popped out my contacts.  In my comments on that blog, I wondered something:  What’s the purpose for needing to validate the existence of bisexuality?  Makes for some great demographic data but other than that, why does someone – read this as some entity – feel the need for me to prove that I am what I say I am when it comes to this.  I mean, seriously, if you’re not going to believe what I say, I know of another way I can prove it to you and, who knows, you might even like it… but if you don’t, I think it’ll settle that validation thing rather nicely.

I’ve read so many blogs where other bisexuals talk about validation and having to defend ourselves and our sexuality and, as I learned, at some point, it’s easier just to look at them and laugh at how naive they are about this than it is to get into shouting matches or even a fight over something that, honestly, isn’t anyone’s business and for most of us, not for public dissemination.

To me – and in the absence of a reason for this particular brand of dumb shit that makes sense or doesn’t insult my intelligence – we shouldn’t have to validate our sexuality; if you don’t believe the words that are coming out of our mouths, that’s not our problem.  We shouldn’t have to defend ourselves in this but, given the nature of some of the people around us, yeah, we might have to in some way but it’s really a waste of time and energy because it’s not our fault as bisexuals that you’re either naive, shortsighted, or just downright clueless about bisexuality and to the point where you get it in your head that just because you don’t cotton to the idea, then it must not exist, that it can’t be real, and you’re just that thick-skulled to believe that people are either straight or gay.

And they say that we’re in denial?  We shouldn’t have to put up our dukes and defend what we are against people who, apparently, don’t have the sense God gave them that would allow them to understand that, yes, Virginia, bisexuality exists; there are bisexuals among us right now.  No, you’re not always going to know who is bisexual and who isn’t and it’s really not polite to ask because some of them are kinda touchy about it and there’s no need to start a ruckus over such a private matter.  I was sitting here thinking about all the times I had to deal with someone’s ignorance about this – until I decided that I wasn’t going to deal with it any longer and that anyone who wanted to fuck with me about it is going to regret it – and it helps if you have a rep that suggests that you might not want to fuck with me.  I know that not everyone has such a presence or persona – and, really, no one should have to develop these things but a saying that I had on a magnet says it rather nicely:  “Friendly persuasion is nice but nastiness gets better results.”

And there’s no point in being nasty… unless you’re forced to be.  If someone wants to question your sexuality, you can just ignore them – it’s none of their damned business unless, of course, they’re interested in a little bisexual action with you.  If they want to argue that you’re not what you know yourself to be, let them waste oxygen doing it because, clearly, they don’t know jack shit about it and, thus, have no idea what they’re talking about.  It’s pretty sad to see someone parroting the usual bullshit about bisexuality and instead of getting pissed with them, they should be pitied for their lack of vision.

I recall a “validation” discussion about my being bisexual that took place in the forums of the swinging site I used to really hang out on.  Some straight guy demanded proof that I was bisexual – bad move on his part.  I replied – and with an evil grin on my face he wouldn’t have wanted to see – that all he had to do was invite me into his bedroom with him and his  wife and I’ll give him all the proof he’ll ever need… and you know he wasn’t trying to do that and he even said that he wouldn’t.  I then said, “So why are you asking questions that you don’t really want to know the answers to?  That’s pretty stupid, if ya ask me…”

And I still think that it is.  See, there’s a different between not knowing anything about bisexuality and just being adamant that bisexuality doesn’t exist or holding to the mindset that a person is either straight or gay; it’s as silly as the stereotypes that have been around before I was born, that Black men don’t eat pussy but all white guys do, that Black women don’t suck dick and all white women do.  It stands to reason that if you believe these things, um, you might have a reality problem; it also stands to reason that if you believe these things, then you just might believe that bisexuality isn’t a real sexual orientation… and you will still have a reality problem to deal with if you have what it takes to deal with the truth of things.

And if you can’t handle the truth, sorry, that’s not my problem.  If you’re not willing to subject yourself to the one real way to prove and validate bisexuality, stop asking for proof and validation and more so if you’re not going to believe what I tell you about it.  I don’t know about y’all but this really tries my patience and why people say that they don’t have time for the dumb shit; if I tell you that this is an apple and you want to keep insisting that it’s an orange, I ain’t got time for you and more so if I’m showing you the apple.  And this bisexuality validation bullshit falls into this category as well.  Socially, it’s kinda obvious that bisexuality and bisexuals exist because if it didn’t – if we didn’t – what’s all this drama about?

“I don’t believe you’re bisexual – ain’t no such thing…”

“Okay, you have the right not to believe it…”

“You can’t prove that you are, can you?”

“Oh, I most certainly can; the question is do you really want me to prove it?”


To those who feel that bisexuals must validate themselves and will not accept what we say, it’s time to shit or get off the pot – enough is enough already.  We don’t have to validate our sexuality and just because you have some reason to have to validate you own sexuality; we do exist despite the narrowness of your thinking.  We don’t even have to verbally or physically defend ourselves in this – all we have to do is just let you keep wallowing in your ignorance and that, to me, is worse than anything I could say or do to you.

It’s the art of fighting without fighting; it’s learning how to fight so you don’t have to fight.  You want to collect demographic data on who’s bi and who’s straight or gay?  Okay, fine – I’ll check the “Bisexual” box, no problem.  But don’t ask me to prove or validate it if you’re not prepared to expose yourself to the truth and especially if you’re not going to take my word for it; you should just leave it alone and walk away.  If you have the gall to presume that you know what’s going on inside my head about this and have the audacity to tell me that I’m confused, going through a phase or, gasp, that I’m really gay, wow, you’re pretty good; you’re either an incredible psychic or Vulcans really do exist; otherwise, how the fuck would you know?  How could you know?  How is it even possible for you to know?  Why are you even asking questions that you don’t want to hear the answers to in the first place – does that make any sense?

And if I tell you the truth and you still refuse to believe it, hmm, I’m not the one with the problem:  You are.

“How do  you know that you’re bisexual?”

“Um, it’s probably because I’ve sucked more dick than most women I know and have had more than my share of pussy – and sometimes both at the same time.”

“That doesn’t prove shit – you could be lying and trying to cover up the fact that you’re really gay!”

“Yeah, I could be but if you really want me to prove it, let me see your dick for a moment – can you call your old lady and tell her to come over?”

“Uh, nah, that’s okay…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought…”

Yes, indeedy, I have had conversations like the one you just read.  I’ve learned that if you ask the doubters to put up or shut up, they tend to shut up.  Of course, you can’t do that for every doubter you may come across – but you can find some pretty creative ways to suggest that if they really wanna know, they should find out for themselves and if they get pissed because you suggested this, it’s their fault for asking the question in the first place.  There’s no reason to put up your dukes or get into pissing contests about it.  You want validation?  That can be arranged,  you know…

This is my bisexual rant for the day!


Posted by on 18 July 2014 in Life, Living and Loving


Tags: , , , ,

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