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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Existence

I just read a couple of blogs written by someone who provided information from researchers who, apparently, believe that male bisexuality doesn’t exist… and I thought, “What kind of crazy-assed shit is that?”  Hold on while I go back and get the URLs to what I saw…

Okay, here’s the first one I read:  https://biperceptions.wordpress.com/2015/05/21/workplace-discrimination/ and the second is:  https://biperceptions.wordpress.com/2015/05/20/gendered-experiences-of-bisexuality-men/

Okay, I know about this bisexual erasure bullshit and I still find it amazing that there are people who are arguing against something they say doesn’t exist.  In my opinion, this isn’t the same as debating whether or not heaven or hell really exists; such things are taken on faith and no one wants to really find out if these places really do exist and if they do, um, to my knowledge, no one has ever come back to confirm this.  Male bisexuality, however, isn’t like this and I guess the thing that continues to baffle the shit out of me is that I know that I’m not only male, but I am bisexual because even if no one else knows what I think and what I’ve done, I know it… but what are these people really saying?  Are the insisting that because I’m not visible socially or to the media that I can’t exist and, really, what makes them think that bisexuals don’t exist in the first place?

What I see in this stuff is the perception that people are either heterosexual or homosexual and I think it’s damned good that they are doing a better job of recognizing homosexuality as a sexual identity.  What I see in this stuff is some really narrow thinking and one could say that these perceptions of bisexuality are being based on either a heteronormative point of view or a homonormative point of view; because we don’t really behaving “solidly” in either viewpoint where sex, love, and relationships are concerned, this somehow means that we don’t exist as bisexuals?

Bullshit.  Pure, unadulterated bullshit.  I’ve yet to understand why there’s such a big push for bisexuals to come out and prove their sexuality and existence in this.  I see what’s being said about this and I just cannot stop wondering why it has become so damned important for folks like me to stand up and be accounted for and more so since, more than likely, doing so would cause more personal harm than good.  Society, such as it is, doesn’t mistreat me because I’m bisexual and, honestly, I’ve suffered more mistreatment simply because I’m Black.  Now, I can’t “hide” the fact that I’m Black even if I wanted to… but if I don’t want the whole damned world to know that I’m bisexual, I don’t have to do that if I don’t want to and I don’t see a really seriously need to do so.

Okay… I can understand that bisexuality needs to be better understood but, oh, wait a minute… how can you better understand something that you say doesn’t exist?  If you read that second blog I referenced, you can see my comment – provided the blog’s author doesn’t delete it, that is, but one of the things I said was that I’m sure that I could find a way to prove to these researchers that as a male bisexual, I do, indeed, exist.

I’m not pretending to be straight anymore than I am in some kind of denial about being gay; my sexuality isn’t just about who I might have sex with anymore than it has anything to do with having a same-sex relationship – exactly how hard is it to understand this?  What exactly do I – or would I – have to do to prove that I am what I say I am at the social level?  Oh… and why would I even want to?  Sometimes, friends, I feel as if I’m seriously missing something here because I don’t pretend to understand this argument… but that’s because I know beyond any doubt that I’m male and bisexual and that I am this way intellectually, emotionally, and physically; I’ve spent the last 50+ years I’ve been behaving like this confirming this – I just have never stopped analyzing myself when it comes to this so, yeah, when I read something that keeps insisting that male bisexuality doesn’t exist, well, that just pegs my bullshitometer in the red zone.

It’s the thing that makes me wonder what bisexuals these naysayers have been talking to because they sure as hell haven’t been talking to me… or is this really a matter of some folks trying to impose their sexuality views in an area that has no fixed point, not like being straight or gay has and because that fixed point doesn’t really exist for us, that must mean to them that bisexuality – and male bisexuals – don’t exist?  Really?  Is that what they believe?

Now, none of this offends me because even if they don’t know, I know… but I am incredulous about something that, at least from my POV, is patently ridiculous; what the fuck do you mean that it can’t be proven that male bisexuality exists?  Again, I ask what proof is required and then why is it required?  Ya know, it’s hard enough for a guy to accept and further deal with the notion of his being bisexual… but then if it’s being insisted upon that he can’t be what he believes himself to be, do you suppose that his head might be further fucked up about his sexuality?  I think it would… but that’s me.

What does media representation have to do with being bisexual?  What does having a same-sex relationship have to do with being bisexual?  Yes, I can see how and why they’d focus on who we might fuck as a “determining factor” but what about all those male bisexuals out there who believe themselves to be bisexual but have never had the sex… or don’t even want to?  I mean, fuck, there are openly gay people and they catch all kinds of hell for it; likewise, there are closeted gay people but, uh, because there are so many closeted gays, can you say that gays don’t exist?  No, you can’t, can you?  It wouldn’t make any sense, would it?  That’s just as crazy as saying there are no straight people.

One of those articles said that while people may have the potential to be bisexual – and I agree with this as a high level of thought – it’s whether they choose to act on whatever feelings they may have about this that can make a difference… as if what someone merely thinks about their sexuality doesn’t mean anything?  Society is so myopically focused on doing more than what someone may think about this… but, um, how many people really want to see male bisexuals doing their thing?  Why do they feel that bisexuality is just a waypoint on the road to full homosexuality?  No offense to any homosexuals but I wouldn’t want to be fully homosexual as I find it very limiting – there’s no sexual diversity other than going from one man to another.  Ah, but when you add – and I’ll be blunt – pussy to the equation, now you’re talking and, yes, bisexuality is more emotionally diverse and just because I’m not just attracted to men only or women only.

Why this is so hard for these people to understand just escapes me. Maybe it is me but I don’t see what all the fuss is about because at the end of any day, who I might be fucking isn’t everyone’s business; just because I’m not making a public/social scene about being bisexual just fucking does not mean that I’m not what I say I am.  And, at least to me, logic suggests that if there are heterosexuals and homosexuals, there has to be bisexuals; otherwise, why does the word exist in the first place?

Y’all feeling me?

 
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Posted by on 22 May 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Modern Bisexuality?

https://haveigotnewsforyouth.wordpress.com/2015/01/21/the-b-in-lgbtqia/

I don’t know who Jack Emberson is but when I ran across the abovementioned blog just a little while ago, I gave it a read… and was once again shaking my head over bisexual erasure and the things some pundits are saying about it.  I think about whatever prejudice I’ve faced due to my sexuality and what I’ve heard growing up and while bisexuals would wind up being “ridiculed” for being a switch-hitter or playing for both teams, I can’t honestly say that I ever heard anyone tell a bisexual that they weren’t bisexual… but I have heard this told to folks who said they were gay so, in my mind, the “game” hasn’t changed… but the “players” have.

The thing that gets me about this is that it’s pretty much a rehash of the stuff I’ve previously read, pointing to celebrities who have come out as bisexual, like Lady Gaga, but they also say she’s just playing at being a lesbian and that pisses off the real lesbians, so on and so forth.  Mr. Emberson once again quotes the potential for severe depression, suicide or otherwise harming one’s self, and domestic violence as contributors to the bane of being bisexual and, yep, I saw this stuff on BiNet USA which is the oldest organization for bisexuals and I thought, once again, okay… but what bisexuals are they talking about?

Of course, I’ve read from bisexuals here on WordPress that they’ve been told the usual bullshit, you know, that they’re not really bisexual, going through a phase, or other such things that someone will utter when trying to tell a bisexual that they’re not bisexual or they can’t be bisexual because they don’t want them to be bisexual… and I wonder how some straight person would feel if a bisexual were to turn around and tell them that they’re not straight and that they shouldn’t be?  That would be an interesting argument…

I get it, though; it doesn’t take having a PhD in  some social science to understand that people are predominantly straight because that’s the way they’re supposed to be – and for whatever reasons they might point to and you don’t have to be a super genius to know what they are.  Since the majority is straight, then anyone who isn’t is in the minority and, as such, subject to ridicule because they’re not straight like everyone is “supposed to be.”  It doesn’t take much to understand that human beings have always behaved like this, you know, “If you’re not with us, you’re against us!” so to see this behavior continue to persist with regards to sexuality shouldn’t be all that surprising.  It’s silly and more so since, as I’ve pointed out at times, homosexuality and bisexuality have been around for a very long time and was, at one point, very acceptable behavior but, of course, somewhere along the line, something changed and not for the better.  Soon homosexuals and bisexuals were seen as being mentally ill – somewhere around the Victorian Age if I remember correctly – and even something as natural as masturbation was seen as aberrant behavior that had to be treated as a mental illness… and the campaign to squash homosexuality (primarily) was on big time.

In my youth, homosexuals caught all kinds of hell and, yeah, any bisexuals who were discovered – and at least in my environment – were teased about going both ways and, at times, tagged as being gay until, of course, the fight broke out and that always seemed to settle that particular issue.  As I got older, I ran across more and more people who I’d say weren’t pathologically homophobic but they were against homosexuals and bisexuals and were of the mind that as long as they didn’t mess with them, it was all good.  I’ve run across women, in particular, who would pitch a bitch about it, being totally against any guy who was bi and as far as women who weren’t straight went, the mantra was, “Ain’t shit a woman can do for me!  I’m strickly dickly!”  These people I ran into in my travels never said that homosexuality/bisexuality didn’t exist – they simply didn’t  have any truck with it and as long as a gay or bi person didn’t proposition them, no problem existed.

Mr. Emberson says that this erasure thing is important, that it has to be paid attention to and that these embattled bisexuals need more social support than what they’re getting or what’s available which, of course, points to a great fallacy with why the LGBTQ community exists in the first place… but we also know where the focal point of bi erasure and biphobia is… in the LGBTQ community itself.  Sure, there are straight people on the bi erasure bandwagon… but they’ve always been passengers because they don’t make much of a distinction between homosexuality and bisexuality; to them, it’s all the same even when presented with facts that, nope, they ain’t even close to being the same.   But here’s the thing I keep coming back to:  What is the point in trying to erase bisexuality or otherwise debunk it when (a) it’s always been around and (b) nothing anyone can say or do is going to erase it?

It’s serious because there are a lot of bisexuals who believe that they’re being erased in some form or another, that this ongoing prejudice against anyone who isn’t straight – and now, gay – is going to have a very serious impact on their lives.  Don’t get me wrong – there is some impact, like getting dissed by family, friends, and potential mates and this can cause some serious emotional issues for some… but not for everyone who is bisexual.  It is, however, easier to point out all the bad things about bisexuality because, um, to highlight the good things defeats the purpose of trying to slam bisexuals and in the same way homosexuals were slammed (and continue to be slammed).

I keep saying that despite all this erasure crap, I cannot be erased; I just don’t see how it’s possible.  Yep, the haters can bring a lot of social pressure against bisexuals, can do or say whatever they feel is necessary to keep bisexuality in a “very bad” light… and all this shit is going to do is confirm to a lot of bisexuals that they made the right decision to fly under the radar because if they don’t know you’re bisexual, they can’t fuck with you.  And, yes, there are bisexuals like me who say, “Come on and fuck with me… I dare you… and then find out what’s gonna happen when you do, okay?”  They say this shit is real and, sadly, it is but, realistically, it can only fuck with you if you allow it to and more so when you realize and believe that the haters are trying to eliminate a facet of human behavior that cannot be eliminated.  They tried doing this shit with homosexuals… and they totally and utterly failed to erase homosexuality, didn’t they?  Oh, yeah, they made shit hard for homosexuals and, in some quarters, it’s still very hard; to that end, yep, I can see why there are homosexuals who are totally pissed off with bisexuals because we don’t have to deal with the shit they’ve had to put up with and for as long as I’ve been around (and before that).  So, yup, we’re now straight-acting phonies; we need to stand up and be identified or otherwise be made to share their pain… and when we refuse to do this, well, aren’t we the worst and most fake motherfuckers that ever lived?

Male bisexuals are much worst than female bisexuals since we’re the greatest disease vector since Typhoid Mary and the ladies, well, they’re just fake-assed lesbian wannabes or floozies faking at bisexuality as part of their man trapping MO.  They hate on bisexuals because we’re not really like them and so it seems as if their “mantra” is, “If you can’t beat them, erase them!”  And while here in the US there are laws on the books in every state against homosexual behavior, they’re either being changed or set aside as being unenforceable, like the laws against sodomy and even oral sex in some states and, as we’ve been hearing and reading, the laws against homosexuals marrying and being parents, etc., are being overturned.  Globally, wow, in some places in the world, if you ain’t straight, you’re gonna be dead or incarcerated until you’re dead so as a bisexual, I’m damned glad I don’t live, say, in certain parts of Africa.  I understand that other than culturally in some places, the laws against homosexuality – and I’m sure bisexuality is included as a matter of course – exist to cut down the spread of HIV/AIDS and this probably isn’t a bad thing except maybe how they’re going about it, which is pretty fucked up in our Western way of thinking.

And despite all or any of this, there are still people who aren’t straight and unless someone is planning a very serious act of genocide against all those who aren’t straight, um, you just cannot erase human nature.  You can try to correct it, put things in place that attempt to prevent humans acting like humans, and even threaten and consign their souls to whatever hell or purgatory may exist… and bisexuals will continue to exist even if/when we’re “forced” to go back underground due to mass social insanity about this aspect of human sexuality.

Some time ago – and I don’t remember exactly when – I was told that I don’t understand this whole erasure crisis and that I didn’t see the clear and present danger to my being bisexual.  But I do understand it – well, as best I can, anyway – and I understand it enough for me, as a male bisexual, to say that you can try to erase my sexuality… and good luck with that because they can apply all the social pressure they can bring to bear and none of it will stop me from being bisexual.  This erasure shit just isn’t a threat to my existence and, yes, I understand that there are other bisexuals who may feel the pressure or are succumbing to the threats that are out there… and I’ve said all of this to say to those bisexuals:  Don’t buy into this shit and don’t let it tear you down!  If you believe that they can erase you and this is worrying you, well, maybe it’s just my opinion but being made to worry about this is a lot worse than actually being bisexual, isn’t it?  I mean, how the fuck are they gonna tell me that I don’t exist as a bisexual when I know good and damned well that I do?  You wanna get pissy because I’m capable of having a good and normal heterosexual relationship with a woman even though (for me) I’d suck a man’s  balls dry if given the opportunity – and then say I have some “straight privilege” and all because if you’re homosexual, um, nope, you can’t do what’s natural for me to do… but you can fake it… oh, wait a minute!  Isn’t that what you’re accusing bisexuals of doing?

Am I the only one who see the futility in any of this erasure shit?  Sure, it’s doing a number on a lot of bisexuals because, I dunno, maybe they’re more concerned with how people will judge them than they are believing in themselves?  Okay… there are people around me who’d look at my sexuality in a bad way, just like there are people around me who look at the color of my skin and long for the “good old days” when they felt justified in putting a rope around my neck and/or declaring with their moral “certainty” that I wasn’t really a human being and no better than, say, a farm animal.  Now, I grew up with this particular prejudice and I survived it albeit with a few black eyes, skinned knuckles, and realizing my ability to run really fast… and, so far, I’ve survived all the angst I’ve personally encountered about my sexuality albeit losing some friends and potential partners/lovers along the way.  And despite today’s push to erase bisexuals, I’m still very much bisexual and I’d even admit that a lot of my attitude and thinking about this shit is because of how long I’ve been bisexual.  I know I’ve been around long enough to see our society (in particular) utterly fail to erase homosexuality from the human condition so, yeah, maybe it’s just me, but I’m quite sure that our society is going to utterly fail to erase bisexuality.

Maybe it’s a conceit on my part for me to believe that the only way I can be erased due to my sexuality is if I allow it to be done… and homey don’t play that shit.  Maybe it’s because I’m now of an age where I kinda/sorta don’t give a fuck about what people might say because I’m bisexual.  Oh, yeah, I’m very much aware of what they might do about it – remember, I grew up in a time where homosexuals were killed for not being straight… but while I am aware of this aspect – and I’d be some kind of an idiot if I weren’t aware – up until something violent actually happens, um, I’m still bisexual; if I survive it – and I sure as hell am going to try to – I will still be bisexual.  Someone can get in all up in my grill about being bisexual and fuss until they get hoarse and short of breath… and none of what they could say is going to change the fact that I’m bisexual and if these biphobic folks believe that it can be done, hmm, wouldn’t they be the ones more in denial about shit than any bisexual could be because they’re trying to say that something doesn’t exist when it’s pretty fucking obvious that it does.

Once upon a time, people thought the world was flat, didn’t they?

Someone commented to me recently that I’m ignoring the plight of bisexuals and I guess they said that because you wouldn’t see me at an LGBTQ rally and I have this “habit” of pointing out just how fucking stupid all this shit is and how I’m not allowing any of it to fuck with me.  Ah, but if I were truly ignoring this, um, I wouldn’t be writing about it; I wouldn’t comment on the blogs of others about how I see this situation and I sure as hell wouldn’t be asking about the root cause of this because, I dunno, maybe it’s just me again but in any of this, it isn’t what they’re saying – it’s why they’re saying it. I’m no Wile E. Coyote but it’s not really that difficult to figure out why this is happening… I’m just the bisexual motherfucker that’s saying it doesn’t make any damned sense for it to still be happening and that all the prejudice that was once “owned” by homosexuals is now being pushed onto bisexuals and, yeah, there are homosexuals that are helping to push their ever-present problems onto bisexuals because we have the audacity to not be gay like they are… but we’re also not as straight as the dyed-in-the-wool heterosexuals think we should be.

So, to bring this to a close, how does a bisexual keep from being erased?  By believing in yourself more than believing in those who say that you can’t be what you know yourself to be and, yes, even if you’ve never had the sex that’s possible. See, I believe in myself and, yeah, even supremely so, because I have no reason to doubt or question whether or not I am bisexual by definition or deed and as long as I continue to believe in myself, I cannot be erased by mere words alone.  I’m not saying this erasure shit ain’t real; I’m not ignoring my fellow bisexuals by remaining silent but I can tell you that I am not going to allow my rather wonderful (and problematic) sexuality be erased because, on the real, if straight folks can firmly believe in being straight and gay folks are they same way, then I can firmly believe in my bisexuality.

My fellow bisexuals, male or female:  Do you believe in yourself?  If you don’t, you should and if you do believe, how can you be erased?

 
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Posted by on 25 January 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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