When Shit Happens

There are a lot of people who do not believe or subscribe to the notion that when men wind up having sex with other men – and they’re not already leaning in that direction – shit happening doesn’t really happen.  These same people will say and maintain that if a guy gives another guy a blowjob out of the clear blue sky, well, he was already like this to begin with.

So… two things in particular:  Being in the heat of the moment and the classic “blame it on the alcohol.”  Again, there are those who say that shit happening in the heat of the moment isn’t real or, interestingly, shouldn’t happen and that saying you had sex with that dude because you were drunk isn’t a real excuse for one’s behavior.  Those naysayers tend to make me laugh because, sure, while a person should always been in control of themselves at all times, um, that’s not always possible.

Take blaming it on the booze.  What some people probably don’t think about is alcohol is a CNS depressant and one of its more interesting effects is lowering a person’s inhibitions and, as I’ve heard said, releases the “real” person.  I’ve had my share of moments when I’ve been around guys, we were getting blasted, and some kind of sex has jumped off… and the thing that made those moments interesting was I was the only bisexual in attendance.  Then, of course, the funny part is what happens when they sober up and, oops, remember (and realize) what they got themselves into last night.

I have, in fact, heard guys say that the only way they’d have sex with another guy is if they were drunk… which kinda says something about them, huh?  It might not happen every time a guy is way over the legal limit… but it does happen and while it does sound like a rather lame excuse, one should consider that alcohol does have different effects on people and even at different times.

Now… that heat of the moment thing.  Usually, this one only comes up in a group sex setting and the thing that usually happens is there’s a boatload of sex going on and everyone’s in the moment and one guy just happens to be close to another guy’s cock and since he’s riding a very high wave of sexual excitement, um, shit happens and he winds up either playing with the other guy’s dick or, gulp, actually giving him some head.  True enough, ah, some recipients of this, um, extra stimulation just do not have a sense of humor about such things… doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, though because whatever happens after the fact is an entirely different matter.

As I’ve allowed on a few occasions, I’ve been in situations like this where I was the one getting a hand job or a blow job from someone I would have never expected to do something like that.  Of course, ahem, I’m not the kind of guy to start a fight over such a thing happening… but after the first time it ever happened to me, I became a believer of shit happening in the heat of the moment.  While the naysayers say that this is due to a lack of control on someone’s part, I always beg to differ because sex, like alcohol, can lower someone’s inhibitions; there are some biochemical things happening during intense arousal that isn’t unlike being drunk – but without the side effects.

I’ve had the good fortune – or misfortune, depending on how I want to look at it – to have shit happen simply because the other guy is depressed, usually because he just got dumped by his girl, found out she was cheating on him, stuff like that. I mean, it’s bad enough trying to console someone who’s obviously taking things very hard; there’s really only so much you can say in the hope of somehow helping them to feel better.

It’s something very different to have that same person about to go down on you and while ya might not mind (I know I didn’t) you’re really not sure what the hell brought this on and, yep, all after the fact, I’ve had guys tell me, “I have no fucking idea why I did that…”

The naysayers would respond by saying, “You always wanted to do it, you lying sack of shit!”  And I’m not going to say that there may not be any truth to this… but again I point to the biochemistry that’s taking place during moments of emotional lability which does seem to lower a person’s inhibitions.  It either unlocks hidden desires or just simply makes it possible for the shit to happen.

Of course, manly men would say that being in such a state should never, ever happen… because we’re men and we’re supposed to be strong and all that.  Uh-huh, sure…

Ever wonder how spur-of-the-moment circle jerks happen?  I’ve been in a few of them and still haven’t quite figured out what happened.  All it takes is to get a few guys together, hormone levels start to rise, one guy starts rubbing his crotch and the next thing anyone knows, he has his dick out.  Now, depending on the guys present, this might not be a sign that it’s time to go; nope, one guy is bold enough to whip his shit out and then the other guys kinda say, “Fuck it, why not?” – now there are stiff dicks to be seen everywhere.  If the guys are in within arm’s reach of each other, well, I can’t say what the other guys are thinking at that moment but I’ve seen one guy reach other the other guy’s cock – and the dude doesn’t even object to literally being man-handled and it just seems to spread.

I’ve also seen blow jobs happen in these moments and the best I can explain this is you have your hand wrapped around another guy’s dick and you’re into what you’re doing and, hmm, some… urge descends onto you to suck the cock in your hand.  And, no, I’m not talking about me; I’m talking about the behavior of men who, under other circumstances, wouldn’t even dream of stuff like this happening.

I have even been sitting next to a guy and we’re just talking – and talking about anything other than sex – and have had him look at me and say, “I have this sudden urge to suck your dick…”  Was it a lack of control or the emergence of some latent sexual desire?  In that case, I’d have to say no… because the guy was just as perplexed as all-get-out after it was all said and done and his first question was, “Why did I do that?”

Easy to say, “Uh, because you wanted to?” – but sometimes, shit really does just happen and for no reason that makes sense to anyone.  But, on the assumption that things do happen for a reason, about the only one I can think of that makes some sense is when men get horny – and really horny – yeah, that just happened.

Like I said, I’ve been in the middle of more than my ‘fair share’ of shit happening and while I’ve never been one to object (although I have asked, at times, “Are you sure?”), I realize that even as a guy myself, there are things about us that I either don’t get or can’t fully understand, whether it’s the heat of the moment, Jack Daniel’s fault, or… shit just happened.

The way I figure it, if the guy who made the shit happen is asking what the hell just happened – and after the fact – then there’s something else going on if the guy who made the shit happen isn’t known for that kind of behavior… as far as you know, of course.

I think what the naysayers in this are really saying is that shit could never happen to them more than an assertion that it doesn’t happen; but that’s when you get into that “never say never” thing that tends to invoke Murphy’s Law.  If, according to them, things always happen for a reason and when they’re meant to happen, uh, how can you say that shit would never happen to you?  Because while us dudes just love to be in control of things, it is the height of conceit to think that we can be in total control; good for the ego, maybe, but not in the least bit realistic.

Of course, the naysayers also say that they would never allow themselves to be in such a situation – and perhaps they never would be… doesn’t mean that in this, shit doesn’t happen.  Guys take a position that’s kinda weird and even a bit closed-minded in that if such a thing happened to some other dude, well, okay… but since it’s never happened to them, then shit happening isn’t real.  And, yeah, some guys are the same dudes who would wind up fucking their wife’s best friend – and because shit happened – and say, “Well, that’s different…”

Is it really?  Do you believe that shit can happen… or do you believe that it could never, ever, happen to you?

 

Bisexual Cheating

In her comments to “Dumb Dudes,” Mystery said something about cheating and I wanted to take a few minutes to jot down some thoughts about bisexuality and cheating.

I do know, for a fact, that there are men and women who get into bisexual sex and to be fulfilled in this, yeah, they’ve cheated on their straight partner.  I also happen to know that some of the people I know who have done this got busted and had to face a shit storm at two levels:  One because they cheated and, two, the cheating with a member of the same sex.

Here’s the problem bisexuals in a relationship face:  They feel the way they do; they have the urge and/or need to physically express their feelings in this – and they can’t because the rules of monogamy says, “Keep your fucking hands where they belong!” and, yes, this applies to people who aren’t married as well.

No wonder there are so many severely depressed bisexuals as well as so many bisexuals out there roaming the DL looking for the sexual satisfaction they cannot get with a straight partner.  While I don’t advocate cheating, the question I always ponder is whether or not it is fair for one partner to deny the other partner the sexual satisfaction that they require.  If you obey the rules of monogamy, the answer is always, “Yes.”

When I hear that someone has cheated on their partner to either get some dick or satisfy their taste for pussy, it’s always one of those “Oh, shit!” moments.  I always remember that scene in “Bladerunner” when Deckert (Harrison Ford) asks the replicant, Rachel – played by the devastatingly beautiful Sean Young – about her husband putting up a nude poster in their bedroom and what she’d do.  Her answer was that she would make him take it down; when Deckert asked why, she said, “I should be enough for him.”

And that’s the assumed premise, isn’t it, that whoever we’re with is, in fact, going to be enough.  The dynamic, however, never took into consideration something that’s proven to be very real:  What if they’re not?  Not only did they not cover this base for heterosexual things, they sure as hell didn’t make any provisions for bi- and homosexuals.  Of course, I know why they didn’t… but not everything that goes on with sex, men, and women has something to do with securing a viable reproductive outlet.

When poly “wife” #1 questioned me about my sexuality, one of the first things out of her mouth was, “What, you don’t like having sex with us?”  The next question:  “What, you don’t like the way we suck you?”  Budding bisexuals take note:  Your partner finds out you’re bi, you will have to answer questions like this because they will think that your sexuality has something to do with being displeased with them.

Anyway, the way I responded (and some of you have heard this before) was to tell her that when I get the urge to suck dick, um, she doesn’t have one and that no amount of pussy is going to replace that particular urge… and, yes, I do like having sex with y’all and, yes, I do like the way you suck me.  Her response:  “Well, I don’t know why you feel the need to do that in the first place…”

This is why bisexuals don’t let their partners know that they’re bi and perhaps satisfying their bi urges on the side; as fucked up as it sounds, unless you’ve got a really fucking cool partner who really understands such things – and the two of you are in a very secure relationship, the only two options bisexuals have are to put their urges on the shelf and settle for straight sex only… or cheat on their partner.

For those of you who might be thinking that the bisexual should be strong enough to resist the urge to cheat on their partner, yeah, you’re probably right because there are bisexuals in relationships who do, in fact, resist that urge… but that’s not the way it usually works, I’m afraid.

Yeah, you can try to provide other sexual distractions for your resident bisexual and, um, sure, that might be enough to keep their mind off the other stuff… but now it gets kinda weird in that their bisexual urges is about sex (most of the time)… but not necessarily straight sex.  Again, if a female bisexual wants that special intimacy that only another woman can provide, you can lay the pipe to her nine ways to Sunday and never scratch her itch for a slice of the damp tuna.

I would suppose – and maybe presume – that straight partners faced with having to deal with a bisexual feel and/or believe that they shouldn’t be feeling like that to begin with… but we should remember that while we can do something about the way we might act on our feelings, there’s not a whole lot we can do about having the feelings to begin with.  Submerging those feelings, while totally possible, can act as a catalyst for other – and potentially more harmful – behaviors.

Frustration can manifest itself consciously or, worse, subconsciously because somewhere in their mind, the feelings are hanging out in their brains and can be felt as ‘pressure’, for lack of a better word at this moment.  The urge hits them, it gets suppressed… but there are some urges that don’t like being suppressed and the more it gets suppressed, well, I can say from a position of experience that this can bring out some pretty fucked up reactions – and ya might not even be aware of it.  Having to suppress bisexual urges can manifest frustration, irritability, and even resentment toward the straight partner; there can be a great deal of unhappiness, moodiness, some disinterest in having straight sex with their partner – oh, the list is rather long.

And while the straight partner really ain’t trying to hear ‘allowing’ their bisexual partner to get their itch scratched, for those whose needs have reached the point where something must be done about it, they really have only one recourse:  Cheat.

It sounds fucked up; it sounds like a situation that should never, ever, happen… and none of what you believe in this changes the fact that it does happen because, as we all know, cheating happens when someone feels that their needs are not being taken care of by the person they’re with.

Again and again, if your bi guy is craving dick, um, girlfriend, you don’t have one so you cannot satisfy that particular craving.  Okay, sure, if he likes getting it in the butt, his lady can get one of those strap-on thingies and give him the business big time… which isn’t quite the same as having a dude attached to a real dick handling the business.  Women might be able to relate to this if and when they break out their vibrator or even their vibrating dildo:  It can get the job done but it’s not a replacement for the real thing.

And for the ladies who require that feminine touch, well, you can have a man who is, in fact, a master cunnilinguist… but it’s not the same as having a woman eating at the Y.  It gets down to the subliminal aspects of sexual interaction and that’s a little difficult to put into words so if you’re of a mind that it doesn’t make a difference, yeah, it does make a difference.

Even among straight folks, we can see how sexual desires can really put a strain on the monogamous relationship.  There’s “keeping only unto yourself…” and then there’s that itch that needs scratching and while it can be ignored, it’s not going to go away.  I have heard bisexuals say – and with conviction – “Yeah, I feel that way but I don’t have to do anything about it.”  This is all well and good and maybe even right and proper.

But the itch is still there.  Not saying that one has to scratch it or that it should be scratched… but it is there just the same.  It creates a bit of a dilemma:  Being and remaining true to the relationship versus having the responsibility of taking care of one’s own needs and desires; it is, has, can and will be a recipe for relationship disaster most of the time because one might, at some point, start to wonder which is more important, one’s relationship or their need to do whatever needs to be done about the way they are.

It’s a really fucked up position to be in; it kinda reminds me of a scene I saw on “Cops” where the police had a dude handcuffed for something he did… and his nuts started to itch and he couldn’t scratch them and, of course, the cops weren’t going to do it or take off the cuffs so he could scratch them himself.

Can you even imagine…?

Just a little something for y’all to think about over the coming holiday weekend, along with my hopes and wishes that you all have a safe and fun time wherever you go and whatever you do.

 

M-SD

I said I’d have some more about the man-sex dynamic and, um, here it is.  One thought has been dogging my mind for most of my waking moments, simply, how I am about this.  Like any other guy, I know what I like and what I don’t like, just as I know what I will and won’t do.  I know not all of these things are encased in granite because, duh, circumstances might call for me to change my mind about something or some things fall into that “it depends” category.

I pondered what it was that makes me different that the guys trying to get into my boxer briefs… and I realized, after a while, that the difference between me and them is that I’m not going to try to get a guy to do something he doesn’t want to do.  I realized that when it comes to this, I’m rather simple in my approach:  This is what I’m into – what are you into?  If our stuff doesn’t match up, to me, okay, fine – no big deal and thanks for discussing it with me.  I’m not about to browbeat another guy in this; I’m not going to question his manliness just because we can’t find enough commonality to cause something to happen between us.

What I came to realize is that I do, in fact, respect another man’s preferences and all that… but not all guys one could run into have that same respect.  I realized that the Internet, while making it easy for like-minded guys to find each other, also lends itself to quite a large degree of rudeness because, hey, a guy hiding behind his keyboard, monitor, and handle can say pretty much anything he wants to because the chances of him being revealed are slim.  So, yeah, a guy can push and shove his agenda at another guy with a high degree of impunity and little fear of retribution coming his way.

And I think that just sucks.  The mindset a lot of guys have these days has, to me, taken all of the fun out of having sex in this untraditional way.  I’m not a romantic about it but once upon a time, there was an unspoken etiquette in approaching and ‘bargaining’ with another man for sex and, somehow, it’s gotten thrown away in favor of a need for instant gratification.

I think some guys’ need for instant gratification tends to make them illiterate, i.e., if they’re looking for sex online, not only can they not write a decent, understandable profile, they seem to not be able to read one, either; it doesn’t make sense to me to contact a guy and tell him you’re going to fuck his ass good… when his profile says that he’s not into getting fucked… then the poor guy winds up getting his manhood insulted and assaulted because of his choice not to be fucked.  I’ve noticed that they are impatient; if you’re not going to drop what you’re doing and make yourself available to them immediately if not sooner, well, you’re a chicken shit asshole for not manning up when demanded to.

It seems to me that some men into this either have forgotten or have never learned the old adage that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar…

I’ve noticed the tendency of guys making the case of what someone can do for them more than what can be done together because it’s like MC said in her comments to a similar post, sex is supposed to be fun and to the benefit of both people involved… and I’d have to say that depended on who you were talking to because there are a lot of men out there who only care about getting their rocks off at someone else’s expense and I just don’t see how that can be fun or a benefit to the guy on the losing end of the bargain.

Shit, with attitudes like that, no wonder a lot of these guys are still looking for sex and not getting any and, really, I think it’s pretty fucked up that a guy can’t get a woman or a man to have sex with him… because he basically (or even purposefully) has a shitty attitude about what it means to have sex with someone and that, no, it’s not just about you.

Rumor has it that women are size queens, i.e., the size of your dick carries more importance than your ability to use it.  Ah, but did you know that men are bigger size queens than women are purported to be?  I always found it curious, in this Internet age, to be talking to a guy and maybe seeing if we can get together and one of the first things he asks me is how big my dick is, making me glad he can’t see me rolling my eyes and asking my monitor, “Why does that matter?”

You would think it wouldn’t… but it does.  Even in this aspect of sex, that whole “bigger is better” mentality is prevalent; if your cock isn’t a certain length and thickness, expect to get punked.  There will be no consideration to the facts that, for one, you’re willing to have sex with this person and, two, regardless of the size of one’s cock, um, it does work, thank you very much.  The fact that I have had guys apologize to me right off the bat for not having a huge dick says that we spend more time worrying about cock size than women do…

I think we – men who are into this – spend more time worrying about who’s a top and who’s a bottom and maybe not enough time being that versatile dude; then again, as I mentioned before, even though we’re doing something immoral and different, we just can’t seem to escape the natural order that one person has to be dominant (the top or male role) and someone has to be submissive (the bottom or female role).

Methinks there is something very rotten in the state of Denmark…

I suppose the very short version of all of this is that even when it’s man sexing man, we don’t know how to act and continue, even in this, to behave badly.  Today, men are discovering – or have discovered – that having sex with another man has little or no impact on their manliness which, believe me, is a major change in the dynamic.  And while this is a change that I not only like and agree with but that it’s been a long time coming, there is the downside to it all because a lot of men – especially the bi ones – are bringing the same shitty attitudes they use on women to this men-only arena and that skews the dynamic in a direction that I, for one, don’t find attractive at all.

The dynamic has morphed to the point where, in the past, if you took a dick in your ass, you might be called a faggot and seen as more ‘girly’ than anything else; today, if you took a dick in your ass, you have manned-up and have, in fact, ‘proven’ your manliness by doing so.

What the fuck just happened?  Again, I’m not a romantic about this nor am I naive about it… but I almost feel as if I missed something somewhere along the line, like maybe the moment when the dynamic actually changed… and that’s something I need to think about.

Time for me to hit the sack…

 

The Man-Sex Dynamic

As always, anyone who gets queasy about this subject should find something else to read; everyone else, listen up!

I mentioned in a recent comment to one of my latest blogs is that there are a lot of parallels between heterosexual sex and homosexual sex and it occurred to me that not a lot of people ever pay attention to this little factoid.  Well, maybe not so little, but perhaps you know what I mean.

We’ve been locked into the boy/girl mode of sex since like forever, until some intrepid (read as horny) folks found that, hey, sexual satisfaction can be had with a member of the same sex!  Of course, such things are frowned upon but doesn’t change the fact that it happens.

So, in straight sex, most of us are aware of the idiosyncrasies involved, from trying to convince a woman to have sex to actually having it with her and then whatever might happen after the fact.  We do, for some reason, seem to think that this changes when boy gets busy with boy or girl gets busy with girl… but it actually doesn’t.  One still has to bargain and persuade someone else for sex and still go through the rest of it and that includes having to deal with preferences, likes, dislikes and, most of all, what is considered to be satisfying.

I happen to know that a lot of guys will get into sex with other guys simply because, on the surface, it’s easier than dealing with a woman for sex – theoretically, that is.  One common reason is getting sucked off; most women aren’t fond of doing this for a guy but, ah, there’s this guy who would be more than happy to do it!  Most women aren’t fond of anal sex… but, hold up, there’s this guy who just lives to get poked in the butt.  In either situation, it’s easy for a guy to ‘do the math’ and say to himself, “Why not give it a try?”

But it doesn’t just happen automatically because guys into this kind of sex are very much aware of what they like and don’t like and are sensitive to their ‘role’ in any encounter.  The stereotype is that dudes who have sex with dudes just do it all to each other… and that’s the furthest thing from the truth because, duh, just like there are women who don’t like certain things, there are men who don’t as well.

Just as one has to negotiate with a woman for sex, so it is when trying to get into a man’s pants – and this is where you can see so many things that are shared with straight sex and, no, the process really isn’t as easy as it appears to be because even men do not ever want to feel or be treated as a piece of ass, literally or figuratively.

Most men, when it comes to sex, have very dominant personalities in that they want to do whatever it is they want to do and, no, not all of us play fair in this – even with straight sex, there’s often not a lot of ‘equality’ going on.  I’ve seen, via my early experiences with this, that it was once rather simple, a matter of asking, “Do you want to?” and then going on from there.  If a guy wanted anal sex but the other dude wasn’t into it for whatever reason, a mutual ‘settlement’ on oral sex was reached and agreed upon – but also with the thought in mind that, in the heat of the moment, the thing that was off the table could, in fact, reappear.

However, I’ve also seen a change in the dynamic in that people are more focused on what they want to do in this than they are thinking about what can be done and, to a great degree, this is understandable because of course, one wants to do only those things they like doing and to hell with anything they don’t like doing.  So, if a guy has been itching for anal sex with a woman but she’s not even inclined to accommodate him, you’d think that being able to accomplish this with a guy who’s into sex with men would be a given…

And you’d be wrong.  Maybe at some time in the past it was – but not today.  If you think women are funny about sex, I’m finding that men are just as funny as their female counterparts.  Not all men into sex with other guys give head or like anal sex and it’s funny that the initial impression is that all guys into this do these things… but the truth is very different and to the point that within the man-sex dynamic, there’s often as much frustration as there is with straight sex in that one guy wants to do X – and the other guy just ain’t trying to hear it.

If you think that being ‘100% gay’ solves this, guess again because even at this side of the scale, there are masculine and feminine gays and, yeah, you can even see these roles where women are concerned and I just find it all horribly interesting that even in this, we just do not ever escape the ‘rules’ that govern straight sex; someone must fill the dominant role and someone must fill the submissive role.  Ideally, these roles are interchangeable… but that’s not always the case.

In man sex, we see the roles as being a top or a bottom; that there are guys who are willing to be both – we call them ‘versatile’ – is kinda/sorta a given; logically, the law of averages say they have to exist in the overall dynamic.  But, mostly, it’s a top looking for a bottom, a dominant looking for a submissive and, as we see in straight sex at times, it’s looking for the most while doing the least to get it or, “I want to do everything to you but I’m not willing to let you do everything to me!”

Does this sound familiar?  It should.

So we see things like the situation that caused me to step off in some guy’s ass; him wanting what he wanted while doing the least himself, that being he wanted me to suck him off – but he wasn’t going to return the favor. Likewise, you see situations where guys want to fuck another guy in the ass – and seriously insists on doing this – while not being keen on taking one in his ass.  This does, in fact, create a lot of drama in a sexual situation where, in theory, it’s not supposed to exist – and that’s just a really dumb way to think.

We tend to look at homosexual sex as being different… and the only real difference is who one chooses for a sexual partner and even why such a choice is being made.  Still, there are some things that you just can’t get away from even if you ‘switch sides’, huh?  You still have to deal with someone’s preferences, their likes, their dislikes and, yeah, even that which they find kinky; you still have to get the other person to consent to having sex and in whatever form that’s going to take.

And when shit doesn’t easily match up, drama ensues just like it does in straight sex because we’re all willing to do some things… and not so willing to do others.  Sometimes, we can be persuaded to give it a shot; most of the time, eh, don’t even bother wasting your breath ’cause I ain’t changing my mind about that!  Just as with straight sex, we let our past experiences dictate our future actions and, uh-huh, just because X was bad with this person, that means it’s always going to be bad with anyone else.

And just like with straight sex, we are often loathe to do something that, in fact, we’ve never done before; we won’t do it because it sounds ‘bad’ or we’ve been told how ‘bad’ it can be, so we don’t get into, say, swallowing when a guy cums or even letting him cum in your mouth because you’ve heard – or you think – that it’s not your cup of tea… even though you’ve never actually had the experience.

Does this sound familiar?  It should.  And, again, if you think this changes because boy wants to get with boy, please rearrange your thinking on this because it doesn’t.  Those of us who are into this kind of sex do have to  deal with another guy’s preferences, likes, dislikes and, yes, even his fears in this, real or imagined.  We do look at our past experiences with other men and then let those experiences dictate what we will or won’t do going forward and, no, not a lot of us ever change our minds about something we didn’t like… even though we know that just because something was bad with this guy doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad with another guy so, just as in straight sex, perception rather than truth is the guiding force and logic cannot make a dent in any of this.

It’s why you often see me riffing about those dudes on the website because it just isn’t all that easy to get a guy to drop his pants for you because we tend to focus more on what we want to do… and fuck what the other guy might want.  Just like women, we do tend to stand up against those guys who want to ‘force’ their agenda upon us; you’re not going to ask me to do something to you that you’re not willing to do in return.  And, damned right, just like women, we want to be satisfied in whatever we’re going to be doing and if it doesn’t happen, well, fuck you!

And, yeah, some of us have the muscle to back our positions up, if necessary and, sure, sometimes, it is necessary because despite our sexuality, we’re still guys.

More later…

 

“Dumb” Dudes

First, I’m feeling better than I was yesterday; next, anyone uncomfortable with guy on guy sex, you may be excused.

On the heels of my last blog, I got to thinking – again – about this whole sexual thing.  Sure, there are more guys putting themselves out there for this kind of fun; there’s a lot more visibility than ever before – we probably have the Internet to thank for that; but, sometimes, we can be so… dumb about trying to get some dick.

While talking to my baby about last night’s blog, some thoughts formed in my mind, like, how a lot of guys get into this kind of sex because they don’t always want to go through all the motions required for sex with women; indeed, the ‘let’s drop our drawz and do this’ approach is convenient and even expedient in its nature because there’s usually not a lot of bargaining going on.  Having said that, Jeez, some guys – like the one I shredded last night – can be real pussies and even bitches about the whole thing, beginning with the dumb thought that any sex they’re gonna have with a willing dude is going to be on their terms alone.

So, when you have some dude pressing up on you to, say, let him fuck you and you tell him it ain’t gonna happen, ooh, they can get so pissy about it and have been known to question the other guy’s manhood!  I have said here – and probably too many times for the comfort of most people – that getting naked with another man and having sex with him takes balls, plain and simple.  So, telling another guy to man up and take a hard one in the butt only serves to piss the other guy off to no end.

To me, the dynamic has taken a change… and not necessarily for the better.  Again, there are more men getting into this because it really doesn’t have an impact on their manliness.  Once upon a time, two like-minded guys could bump into each other, find they have this in common, take a few moments to go over what is liked and what isn’t and, provided they have somewhere to go, whatever they’ve agreed to do will be done.  Today, I see so much of that “I want what I want and the way I want it” mentality that belies the fact that it does take two to tango, after all.

With my head clear of worrying about barfing all over the place (and having to clean it up), yeah, I know there are guys who get off servicing other men; they live to suck dick and offer up their asses and not really expecting any reciprocation… but that’s not all guys who are into this.  I shamelessly admit that I love sucking dick… just as I shamelessly admit that I also love having my dick sucked so getting with a guy who isn’t afraid to handle that bit of business is okay with me.  Sadly, I think the guy-sex culture has gotten itself in way too deep with this whole ‘top/bottom/versatile’ thing and I’ve often wondered what happens when two tops or two bottoms try to hook up – or if they ever do try.

I suspect that nothing happens because they’re too busy trying to push their own agendas to the front of the line over what the other dude might want to do.  A lot of dumbness comes into this because while I can understand the, ah, excitement of fucking someone in the ass, why would you ask another man to do something that you’re not willing to do – then start a ruckus over it?

There are a lot of pissed off guys out there because they want to engage in what I’d call one-sided sex – and there aren’t that many guys who are going to just go along with that because, um, dude, it just ain’t about you.  And forgetting this is, in my opinion, quite dumb because while you may think that you can pick and choose in this – seeing as how things have really been opening up over the last few years – guess again; your choices are still quite limited and there are lots of guys who ain’t gonna give it up for you without you bringing something other than a hard dick to the room.

They’ve taken something that used to be simple and have complicated it so much… and mostly because they ain’t got what it takes to be on the receiving end themselves; it very much reminds me of those guys who want a woman to blow him – but he ain’t gonna go down on her even if you stuck a gun in his ear and cocked the hammer back… and we pretty much know how that works, huh?

I got to thinking that dudes who don’t reciprocate are just prissy, punk-assed bitches, to be blunt.  I often wonder what they’re afraid of?  Are they protecting their image?  Hah, fellas, if you’re sneaking around and having sex with other men, you can pretty much kiss your image goodbye in the eyes of many.  Are they afraid of being hit with the gay label?  Maybe… but, um, if you’re doing something with “Don,” dude, you’re already having gay sex and there’s just no other way to put it.

While I don’t know every guy’s reason, I have heard some over the years, like the one guy who told me he doesn’t like to get screwed… because it hurts going in.  Or the guy who said he tried to suck another guy’s dick once but couldn’t because every time he got close to the other guy’s cock, he kept throwing up.  One dude actually told me that getting it in the ass wasn’t manly – but boning another brother in the butt was.

Huh?

Or my personal favorite (and because it actually happened):  Dude was all for fucking and sucking (and I was at the time) but just before he went down on me, he begged me not to cum in his mouth – and I do mean begged me!  I had to laugh – I just couldn’t help it – but, in between peals of laughter, I also had to ask him, “What kind of shit is that?  You want me to do you and let you cum in my mouth… but you ain’t trying to hear doing it for me?”

Needless to say, the deal was off and he went away very angry on top of being horny.  See, where I come from (no pun), things are played even; you wanna do X to me, then Y is going to happen to you as well and more so if you’re so hyped on the joys of being able to – in this case – cum in my mouth.

Ah, maybe it’s just me; perhaps I’m just too old school about this and if this is true, well, with what I’m seeing in the new school of thought about this kind of sex, I’m glad I’m old school about it.  Sex, believe it or not, is still between two people and we’ve seen, even in straight sex, that when things get one-sided, the shit just tends to fall apart at some point and tends to get people asking the question, “When are we gonna do something that I want to do?”

In this, you see that women are quite justified when they refuse to suck their man off – and because he won’t eat her until she cums and is all wet, hot, and dripping with girl juices.  It’s really simple, isn’t it?  You do this for me and I’ll do that for you – does it get any easier?

Apparently not and even more so in the guy sex arena.  It’s dumb to overly complicate this and, in my opinion, it’s really dumb to ask another man for something and you’re not going offer anything in return.

 

News From the DL

As I set up to bring you the latest news from the DL (straight people, you may leave the room now), I realized that I just added the most tags for a single post that I can remember… and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.  So, let’s get to it!

My iPod has an app that’ll connect me with the site you’ve heard me mention in these particular blogs; the app recently had an update and it seemed to me that the moment I applied said update, the little notifier was letting me know that I had messages… lots of messages.  Now, I’m kinda anal about those notifications in that when I see one of those white on red numbers, I just gotta get rid of it so my home page looks nice for the same reason why I don’t have icons plastered all over my computer’s desktop – it just gets on my nerves to have all that clutter.

Anyway, I sign in to see what insanity has decided to visit me and, yep, Jeez, I know guys can be rather single-minded when it comes to pursuing any chance to get a nut… but damn!  In all fairness, some of the messages that kept pouring in were just guys either “smiling” at me or telling me how good I look or just saying hello – I don’t mind those and will admit to being a bit flattered at the compliments.  The rest of them…

I had seven messages from faceless dudes telling me how much they’d love to fuck me – whether they read my profile or not is anyone’s guess but I did ask one fool if he had – and he said he did.  I then asked him that, if you read it, what part of “I don’t do anal” didn’t you understand?  Of course, he vanished after that and I doubt that I’ll hear from him again.

I had another seven messages from – again – faceless dudes wanting to know if we could hook up right now… like I was really going to do that.  I’m reading these messages and hurting my eyes rolling them so much; I did respond to these, saying that I’m not looking to hook up – ’cause I’m not.  Of the seven, five responded by saying a variation of, “Okay, well, we can hook up later if you want to…” – um, did you not understand the words that came off my fingers about that?  I can only assume that you do read the English language.

Now, you’ve probably read my rants and raves about this a few times and are probably wondering (or not) why I remain a member of this site if it tends to push my buttons so much – and here’s the answer to that one… because I’ve wondered about it myself.  I keep my profile active just to see who’s gonna respond to it and what, if anything, they might say and while I do kinda bitch and moan about some of the asinine things I see, I do find it rather fascinating to see just how hard some guys push to get this kind of sex from other guys.

Some want it bad enough to either not read a profile or just ignore it, maybe stupidly assuming that just because they want to do something the other guy might not want to, um, he might change his mind and do what the requestor’s asking for.  That would be like me going to a restaurant, finding out they have liver on the menu (and I hate liver) and ordering a steak… but they bring me liver anyway… so picture me ripping someone a new one and not in a very nice way.

One of my “favorite” messages – or series of messages as it turned out – was from – again – a faceless person who took it upon himself to tell me how good I looked per my profile pic (it’s a clean pic by the way) and that in one message, he had a hard-on viewing my picture and, in the next, how it made him want to “jerk my thing,” as he put it.  It’s one of those what the fuck moments as I try to figure out what the hell this guy is thinking about.  I did respond to his last message – the devil in me couldn’t resist saying something – and I told him, “That’s nice!  Are you having fun doing that?”

He hasn’t answered, which is a bit of a shame… because I kinda wanted to know if he was, in fact, having fun beating his meat.  Ah, but I know that he only said this to (a) create a picture in my mind and (b) get me to hook up with him… just because his dick is hard… and a dick I can’t even see because, duh, he doesn’t have any pictures on his profile at all.

I often think that some of these guys think that anyone who’s on this site – or similar sites if they exist – are so hard up for dick that they will take anything that comes along and your personal preferences don’t mean a whole lot to them.  Hah, one dude unlocked his private picture for me and, yep, I looked at it and I’d have to say that it was a nice picture of his cock; however, his next message after I paid him the obligatory compliment was, “Now picture it in your ass!”

Uh-huh, yep, I can sure as hell not see that happening; the dick was nice but wasn’t that nice, thank you very much.  And despite my being nice and telling him that I don’t do that, he had the audacity to say, “I know this will make you change your mind so when can we hook up?”

How about the 15th of March 2135?  That soon enough for you?  Okay, I do get that when you’re trying to get laid in this manner, one must be confident about their desire, ability and, yeah, their equipment… but what makes them think that there are guys who don’t have other things that matters to them?

See, guys are stupid (like y’all didn’t know that already?); they do figure that if they show you their dick or even their ass, well, that’s all the incentive you need to get naked with them and, yeah, I’m sure you can see the same thing on straight sites that allow such pictures.  Again, shit, I do not have a problem looking at a picture of a dick, erect or otherwise and if for no other reason than I can and do appreciate the beauty in another man’s junk and, um, I like looking at dicks just as much as I like looking at pussy.

Still, I wonder what makes these guys think that, okay, we’ve shown each other our dicks… and that now means that there has to be a live viewing?  For all the budding bi guys out there, yeah, there is such a thing as requiring something that has more substance, like, oh, giving a shit about the other guy’s preferences, for instance?  Showing off your junk is fine… but what ultimately matters is how we might go about negotiating the deal after flashing each other and, sadly, a great many guys utterly fail at this point and don’t seem to get it.

Like the one message I got that simply said, “Hi – I’m horny!”  Okay, thanks for sharing that… and?  I didn’t deign to respond to this one (or the other five just like it); a few seconds later, shit, that white on red number appeared again and, double shit, okay, let me find out what this is all about!  Damned thing just won’t leave me alone today!  So, I look and it’s the same guy from before – but this time he’s asking, “Are you there?  Wassup?”

Wassup, indeed?  All of this says some pretty sorry shit about guys looking to get busy with other guys.  The one nice online conversation – read that as an exchange of internal emails – had been my agreeing with another guy that the majority of the dudes looking to get laid on this site are not only full of shit, they’re full of themselves, and total assholes and even more so when they don’t have the guts to show their faces, dicks, or even asses, for that matter.

I do get that for guys doing this, well, no, we often don’t want to waste time or words trying to get the hookup; indeed, a lot of men get into this because there’s usually less ‘muss and fuss’ trying to get into a guy’s pants than there is trying to get into a woman’s panties.  Sometimes, it really is as simple as, “Do you want to?  Yes? Okay, when and where?  Oh, your place in twenty minutes?  Cool – I’ll be there!”  Still – and maybe it’s just me (but I doubt it) but one needs to say something with bit more substance than, say, “I’m horny!”

Yeah, fella, ain’t we all?  One should be a bit more, ah, tactful than most of these guys tend to be; so what if you have an erection?  Do I even care that you want to do something with me I’m not of a mind to do?  Do the words “Oral Only” mean anything to you?  Shit, motherfucker, can you even read?  And what the fuck makes you think I’m ‘that kind of guy’ and as desperate as you appear to be bothering me with this kiddie shit?

To wrap this edition up for now, see, this is why I maintain that when you’re into this kind of sex, it’s not all that hard to understand why women react to our advances in the way they do.  It’s not about the size of your dick or whatever you might want to do with it; it is, however, about what you say and how you go about saying it that’ll either get you laid… or get you laughed at or, even worse, summarily ignored.  You have to know that if you can’t get a guy who wants to have sex with another guy to have sex with you, your shit – indeed, your entire game – is totally and completely fucked up.

And I don’t have a problem telling people just how fucked up your game is…

 

Aight, It’s Gutter Time!

.

Okay, we’re once again at the part of the program where I tell whoever might be squeamish, prudish, homophobic, or otherwise faint of heart to leave the room ’cause your boy’s got some raunchy stuff to talk about, namely, sucking dick and swallowing… and just because it was on my mind.

Another One of Those Moments

So, the other day (I think), I was doing an email check and saw that someone sent me an email from the, ah, “guy site” I belong to.  I saw it, blinked, and said to the cat, “Oh, I forgot all about this place…”

A depiction of anal intercourse, between two males, in the missionary position. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I go onto the site and, wow, there’s actually a few things that have been hanging out for a while so now it’s time for one of my favorite things to do when I’m reminded of the site:  See what the guys trying to contact me are about.

I guess I get reminded about the joint every few months – it’s just not something I have in the front of my mind – and I gotta give it to some of these guys – they’re consistent… consistently ignorant, self-centered, demanding, and downright rude and crude – and it’s pretty funny and, often, pathetically so because I don’t think anyone taught these dudes that you get more flies with sugar than you do with vinegar.

I find that I don’t respond well to a guy telling me how much he’d like to get freaky with me – and he hasn’t “properly” introduced himself, or those guys whose message is short and pointless:  “What’s up?”  What’s up?  You’re asking me like I know… or even care since ya didn’t have anything to say other than that.

Many of these… guys don’t bother to put up a picture of themselves; many guys are so far on the DL that if they do have a picture… it’s of their abdomen?  Oh, sure, I’m going to backtrack your profile, see a picture of your belly and just lose my ever-loving mind and be suddenly overwhelmed with lust… for your navel?

And just what the fuck is it with dudes taking pictures wearing jock straps?  Huh?  Maybe it’s just me but I just don’t find anything sexy about an athletic supporter, just like I can’t imagine why a guy would be wearing one when protecting his goods isn’t at hand.

Of those who left a message, I will go read their profile… just in case they happened to write it in English and they might have something to say other than, “If you ain’t a real man don’t bother to hit me up!”

Um, you contacted me, motherfucker; until you did, I didn’t even know you existed.

See, I guess I could understand this un-sexy behavior if I was seeing it with the same guys… but that’s not the case.  When I go onto the site, I know the “regulars” when I see them; naw, these are new guys, some very young – like 18-20, but, this “round,” more guys in their 40’s and 50’s.  Like, I’m still trying to figure out what’s with this one 20-something kid who, in his profile, says he’s looking for his soul-mate… like I would even want to be bothered with that.

Or the 45 year-old guy who said he’s not into “this” as much as he’d like to be… but he’s interested in what it would be like with a Black guy.  Okay, duh, I’m bound to get a few of these and, really, I get it.  Now, whether getting jiggy with a Black guy is gonna be the wonderful experience he thinks it might be is something else.

Hadrian and Antinous in Egypt. Plate VII from “De Figuris Veneris” Français : Hadrian et Antinous en Égypte. Planche VII de “De Figuris Veneris” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And, as I always do after I check things out for a moment then log off again for the next few months, I wonder about the guys sending me notes, particularly the ones who want to throw down… as long as their woman doesn’t know that they want to throw down.  I wonder about the gay guys who are on this site – which is pretty much for booty calls than anything else – and looking for their soul-mate or someone they can be somewhat permanently comfortable with.  I roll my eyes at the guys who, for whatever reason, think that saying very little is going to produce a positive result; I feel my ire rise a little at the dudes with the thug mentality who figures they can get a fuck buddy by insulting their manhood and insisting that anyone who might contact them might not be man enough to deal with them.  I feel “dismayed” at their sense of urgency – and how pissy some of them get if I deign to inform them that, no, you can’t come over here at 2:30 in the morning – what part of that didn’t you understand?

Don’t get me wrong – guys inhabit such sites because they want something from another guy – either sex, companionship or both and I would suppose that trying to meet men on sites like this is better than hanging around truck stops and adult bookstores or haunting gay bars and hoping to get lucky.  But what I think makes me shake my head a lot is that there are guys on these sites who, for some unknown reason, assume that you’re thinking like they are.

For example, they’re looking for someone for some NSA sex – and usually the whole Magilla.  Now, if they bothered to really read someone’s profile, then maybe they’d know what they’re into, you know, top, bottom, versatile or oral only; that way, they wouldn’t be dropping a line on someone and asking them for anal sex… and the recipient ain’t even into it.  And, of course, when you tell them that you’re not into whatever they’re looking for, well, there has to be something wrong with you, huh?

As I tend to do, I find these… excursions back to this site simply because they are educational, like in how not to ask someone for sex.  One interesting thing a guy can learn is why women react the way they do when we ask them for sex; indeed, in the past, I have responded to some dudes by asking, “What, you can’t ask me any better than that?”  Shit, with attitudes like that, it’s no wonder they’re on the DL looking for some dick… because they’re so fucked up in the head that their woman – if they got one – doesn’t want to be bothered with them being rude and crude all the damned time!

To any women reading this, if you think men behave badly when trying to get into your panties, it’s even worse when we’re trying to get into each other’s boxers and it’s probably because since we’re dudes, being too blunt and to the point shouldn’t break the deal.  There’s some truth to this in that guys will have sex with other guys simply because they don’t have to “go through all that stuff” to convince a woman to give them sex.  For us, it’s about scratching that itch in the most expedient and less, ah, labor-intensive way so, again, you see what even I’d call a mindset of, “If we both want the same thing, let’s cut through the bullshit and do this thing!”

What they find – and you can kinda tell this from some of their profiles – is that even men don’t like being treated like a piece of ass or as if their sensibilities, desires, etc., have no bearing on the matter at hand.  I know I don’t and it make you get indignant when some clown is demanding you give it up to him and not thinking that stepping to another man incorrectly could get your ass kicked (or worse).

Another few months will go by before I remember – or get reminded – to check on the site again and I’m pretty sure that I’ll continue to see examples of male sexuality – homo or bi – that’s just sad to see.  Even in this – and despite it being seen as distasteful by a lot of folks – there’s a certain dignity to be maintained because, no, a lot of us are not going to let you into our boxers just because you think you have the right to be in them; just because some of us are on such sites looking for dick doesn’t mean we want ever dick that hits on us… then some bi guys wonder why we’re seen as being dangerously promiscuous?

On to other things…

 

When I Write

I have pages upon pages of male bisexual erotica that I’ve written (and that I really need to do something with) and when I get inspired to write some, I’d have to say that it runs the gamut of sexual experiences… but my favorite thing to write about is a guy’s trip from awareness of his dual sexuality right up to and through his first experiences.

I’ll vary the ages of discovery and even the methods of introduction – lends itself to good and salacious writing – but while I do my best to make the actual sex all hot and steamy, what I really try to capture is the mindset of the character so that if someone reads it, they can see what the guy’s thinking, how he’s feeling, stuff like that. While I will write stories about more, ah, experienced guys, well, there’s just nothing that has more allure than a guy’s first time having sex with another guy.

My literary newbies are young, older, married, single, divorced, playing the swinging game – whatever “lifestyle” I choose for them.  Some are truly innocent; some aren’t.  Some feel the pull of their bisexuality and it leads them to their first time; some are men frustrated with women and while they’re trying to work on getting some pussy, they find that getting jiggy with a girl ain’t the only way to relieve some sexual stress.

Because I can, none of it is straightforward – that would be too easy!  No, I get a kick out of putting my guys into situations that are, in fact, real-world kinds of situations – then letting them solve the mystery “the best way they can” and, often, resisting the urge to do the nasty because of the moral implications that hang over everyone regardless of sexuality.

I’ll write something where my main guy did the experimenting thing as a young lad but then chose to walk the straight path to sex and affection… then I’ll toss him right back into it and, oddly, as my fingers are flying over the keyboard, I’ll sit back and watch how he justifies his actions, the inner strife that often accompanies straddling the line and, no, there’s not always a happy ending – that, too, would be too easy and not very realistic.

I like to mix in generous helpings of guilt and regret and do my best to illustrate how the need for this kind of sex can and does override common sense practices – and I will often have my characters pondering this very thing because while I don’t try to write “moral of the story” type of stuff, I do try to show a reader a glimpse of what a guy might go through when straight sex isn’t the only thing on the menu.

I’ve killed characters because of this; I’ve had them spend time in jail and prison; I’ve had them deal with the taint of being outed; I’ve made them have to deal with the incestuous way such an introduction can happen, struggling again with the morals versus the sheer headiness of having illicit sex to begin with.

From simple mutual jerk-offs to lessons in being dominated, having one’s will bent to the lusty demands of another; sometimes, things have a humorous tilt to them as my characters get it all worked out; sometimes, things are as serious as a heart attack in progress.

Because even though it’s fictional writing, such things do happen in real life… and I’m not beyond reminding a reader of these things, like, if you think your children aren’t doing some experimentation behind your back, guess again and, yeah, I’ve gotten my young perpetrators busted and punished by their parents big time… which has zero impact just to illustrate how the urge to have sex can be seen as more important than a parents’ mandate for normalcy in such things.

I try to show that you can be determined to be straight… but shit happens and to the extent that the tenets of morality ain’t gonna save you once you put both feet upon this particular path; I show you what happens when a guy says, “I’d never do some shit like that!” and Murphy’s Law kicks in… because it can happen and when you least expect it – or even want it to.

Think being married can “save” you?  Hah, not when I’m writing it doesn’t!  That need for “something else” can be powerful enough to make one forget their vows of monogamy in favor of that taste of the forbidden fruit.  Oh, not easily, I assure you – but it has happened in the real world even if I tend to exaggerate a few things along the way – writer’s prerogative.

One of these days, I’ll make them available for public consumption.  I’ve toyed with the thought of taking all of these stories and compiling them into one [really big] book and self-publishing it for a bit of profit… but that requires a level of thinking I’m not quite ready to dive into at this point; I’ve been told that self-publishing is easy but from what I’ve seen, eh, maybe not so much – but we’ll see.

 

The Sex

So, I was sitting here eating a hot sausage and finishing my coffee when it occurred to me that bisexual sex between men isn’t homogeneous; it’s not all-encompassing because of the reasoning behind having the sex and not necessarily what two guys can do with each other.

Image via Wikipedia

I was thinking about how having that affinity toward men can lead to affection which can lead to having the sex in some way; then there’s “stumbling” upon the thrill of, say, having a guy vacuum out all of the sperm you own and thinking, “Shit, I wouldn’t mind doing this again!” because, well, while it’s an ages-old way to get a nut, it’s just different when the person making you cum has a five o’clock shadow.

I was thinking about the progression, how a guy becomes aware of this “change” in his sexuality and gets a grip on it – then the next thing on the agenda is what to do about what he’s feeling.  As you’ve read recently, he doesn’t have to do anything about it other than accept the fact that this is how he feels toward his fellow-man.

Yeah, a lot of guys’ thoughts turn toward the sex and perhaps they’ve already made up their mind about what they want to experience or they begin the slower process of analyzing it, like being able to suck dick or being able to take a hard one in the back door.

To this end, conversations with newbies (in particular) revealed that they weren’t concerned about whether or not they could lie back and let another guy suck them, nor were they all that worried about their ability to get dick-deep in another dude’s butt.  Nah, the biggest concerns were about what they may or may not be able to do and, yeah, even being able to reach out and grab another man’s cock isn’t all that easy for some guys to do.

For a lot of guys, they will eventually get into the sex and find out that which they like and don’t care for… and life goes on.  The affinity for men drives their affection and, thus, makes the push toward sexual expression damn near a given – it’s like you just gotta do it, as evidenced by Foxy saying that he felt that he just had to have his ticket punched and go for the full Monte.

Then you have the guy who, for some reason or another, gets introduced to the sex and without having the affinity or even questioning his sexuality.  How they get to this moment is varied but some of the common reasons are dissatisfaction with women, doing it as a dare, getting caught up in a moment while high or otherwise intoxicated and, yeah, some straight dudes actually get seduced into giving up the dick.  Some guys will even deduce that they’ve done everything sexually with a woman that’s possible so having sex with a guy is just the next thing on the list of things to do.

I’ve had conversations with guys like this, the guy who isn’t bisexual or gay but is into the sex.  It’s a different mindset because minus the affinity, it’s just sex, just another way to get one’s rocks off and the only feelings felt for the other guy is lust… and it’s not particular lust for his male partner, either.

It’s like, I want to fuck, this guy is willing to accommodate me, cool, let’s do this thing.

Some guys feel that this approach to the sex is impersonal; it lacks the intimacy associated with sex – and it makes sense since there are no feelings for the other guy other than maybe liking him enough to get naked with him.

It just might be me, but I see a line drawn between the bisexual who has the affinity and the guy who has sex with guys just because it’s convenient.  Yes, the sex, in and of itself, doesn’t change – it’s the same stuff but, again, it’s the approach to it that, to me, makes all the difference in the world.  There’s a difference that can be felt between having sex with a guy who actually cares about you… and a guy who just sees you as a means to an end.

My thoughts then turned to just why we all don’t do it all.  It’s not that we can’t do it from A to Z and, yes, a great deal of this is personal preference.  What I’ve noticed, though, is guys who have the affinity tend to be more considerate than the guy who does this for the thrill of it.  In my experience, these are the guys who want you to suck their dicks, swallow their jizz – and then offer up your ass for them to fuck with wild abandon and if you don’t get the chance to do the same to them, well, that’s just too bad.

I’ve had such men get pissed with me because I won’t consent to anal sex and some have gotten rather bent about it.  They insist that if I was a real man, then I’d be willing to do it all, no questions asked, and without hesitation and, trust me, this is an attitude that’ll make you not want to have the sex at all.

Compare this to the guy with the affinity and affection and to whom having anal sex isn’t that big of a deal or is something that’s reserved for the one guy his affection and affinity truly meshes with; otherwise, we can do everything else but that and it’ll be all good.

It’s the difference between having someone sucking your dick because (a) they love doing it and (b) they love doing it to you… and the guy who sucks dick simply because it’s part of the deal.  It’s weird in that it makes it seem like a different form of sex and, well, yeah, leave it to me to have this difference pop into my head because it is something a guy should think about before rushing to have the sex.

Because it does and should matter if you’re working your way toward your first sexual experience with another man.  Your approach to the sex is going to set the foundation for you going forward and boils down to something really simple:  Do you want whatever sex you have to mean something… or is all you care about is getting your cookies crumbled?