We can talk about the biology of sexuality; we can also talk about the psychology of it as well as the sociology of being bisexual and in a world that is still much in favor of heterosexuality as the one and only way to be when it comes to love, sex, and relationships.
But at the end of any day, it comes down to two things: It’s either going to fit and work for the way you want/need to be… or it isn’t. It’s not so much of a thing about what one can do if/when they’ve chosen to adopt bisexuality as their “thing” or way to be but it is usually a thing of why one would decide that this is what works best for them, even in theory.
The what is easy – sex and/or emotional succor… but the why of it is something that’s been debated and argued over for as long as I can remember. At the most simplest of levels, why is pretty straightforward: Because we can if we want to but, as it usually turns out, that’s not good enough as reason to support a “true” sense of justification and because we do have to justify whatever we do – and humans have long since proved that we can justify anything we do even if that justification doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
We can debate and argue the right- or wrongness of, essentially, bucking the system until we are all blue in the face and, at the end of any day, it’s pretty much meaningless because people are always going to do what they think is best for them to do. So many people remain caught up in the way things are supposed to be and not without good reason because for many, the way things are supposed to be works fine for them but it’s not as if they lack any real awareness that “the way things are supposed to be” isn’t the only way things can be.
Our divisive, combative nature keeps coming to the front because, well, um, we’re still human after all and we can fuck things up so much that even among bisexuals, there’s little agreement when it comes to how to be bisexual and what one should do because they are. But this really isn’t as unusual or self-destructive as it appears to be because, again, at the end of any day, one is still going to keep their own council in this and do things the way they want to and to the best of their ability.
At the top of the pile, there’s the sex – duh, right? It’s not that we are really that ignorant of the fact that people have sex and sometimes in, ah, spectacular fashion that’s not always according to the way things are supposed to be. We know that “Bob, Carol, Ted, and Alice” have no business hanging out with each other over the weekend and having sex openly and freely with each other; we frown on it, cite is as immoral behavior which, at the end of any day, never stops such hedonistic acts from taking place… all across the planet.
We know and hold true that “Bob and Ted” have no business whatsoever having carnal knowledge of each other and insist that their sperm is put to better use being injected into “Carol and Alice” but monogamously so… which again, never stops this from happening anyway and for no other reason than it’s sex and it feels good to have sex. We’ve introduced some rebellion against the way things are supposed to be, not that this can’t be satisfying and fulfilling but, sure – if “Bob and Ted” can slake their hard-wired desire for sex upon each other, it removes a lot of the burden placed upon women who, these days, don’t have to provide sex if they don’t want to.
We know this… and continue to believe or otherwise hold true that this should not be, that there’s no good reason to defy moral and religious statutes solely for the pursuit of sexual pleasure and at the end of any day, we know that sticking with a premise that really doesn’t hold much water doesn’t make a whole lot of sense since, once more, people are doing it anyway.
Personally, I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve been told that I don’t have to engage in sex in the way I do since, theoretically, there are an untold number of women who’d freely give up their bodies for sex and they’re right about that… while understanding that this isn’t – and never has been – a given. We ascribe a sense of greed into a behavior that, realistically, we understand even if we don’t always want to agree with the nature of ourselves – again, the way things are supposed to be versus the way things can be or, optimistically, the way things really are and have been throughout our evolution as a species.
We are the very social and sexual animals we profess not to be; we know of our proclivities for sex, from the vanilla and mundane to things that makes some of us ask, “Who does that?” We have, over all this time, been on a mission to reign in our behaviors and appetites for sex so that we can remain… civilized and not be enslaved to the biological imperative to have sex – and simply for the recreational reason for having it.
At best, the mission to separate us from our primal and basal urges has been, bit by bit, failing as more and more people are discovering and/or figuring out that the way things are supposed to be just isn’t the only way things can be. “Bob and Carol” can remain faithfully monogamous to each other and that’s all well and good but sometimes, that’s not enough and it’s always been within our nature to need more experiences in things that allow us to grow and to continue along our evolutionary path because becoming stagnant and static isn’t a good thing for us even if being this way sounds good on paper and provides a semblance of stability.
We know that “Bob and Carol” can have sex with each other and we know that they can add “Ted and Alice” to this and their experiences become expanded and in ways that we, again, tend to frown upon. But, at the end of any day – and in the face of these prohibitions – they’re still going to do whatever it is they feel best to do, not only for themselves but for everyone else involved.
That it can be “Bob and Ted” and “Carol and Alice” isn’t unknown to us but if it works for them, it just works for them, doesn’t it? The dynamic isn’t foolproof because, duh, people are involved but, still, at the end of any day, it’s either going to work or it isn’t… and we are seeing more and more people trying to find out if it will, in fact, work for them.
And in some pretty interesting ways and combinations, might I be allowed to add? Regardless of individual justifications, we buck the system because we can, that and humans are great at rebelling against authority; tell us we can’t do a thing and you’re pretty much giving us carte blanc to do it just to find out why we’re being told not to do it.
At the end of any day, there are many of us who aren’t going to stand for a bunch of very dead people still trying to tell us how to have sex and, yes – because this is what’s been happening for such a long time – that’s more of a reason to buck the system and get your freak on.
We don’t, so much, frown on women having sex with women, not like we do about men having sex with men. We do, in fact, hold women who are bisexual in a rather exalted way and, I guess, one could easily say that as long as, say, “Carol and Alice” are still getting dicked down by “Bob and Ted,” well, no harm, no foul. Except, at the end of any day, “Bob and Ted” are just vile heathens to have sex with each other even though they’re both laying the pipe to “Carol and Alice” and, yeah, without any exclusivity involved which, in the minds of many, makes those guys the worst offenders ever.
Because at the end of any day, we still believe and hold true that there’s only one way to engage in love, sex, and relationships when, again, we know this isn’t true; if it were, none of the fussing and fighting we’ve been doing over sex and sexuality would have never existed. We continue to see bi- and homosexuality as evils and any monogamous couple who steps away from what being monogamous means is also pretty evil and we are quick to point out any and every instance where taking these paths have proved detrimental… while glossing over the fact that these things work more than they fail… because if they always failed, we wouldn’t be doing these non-traditional and mandated things to, with, and for each other.
But since we can, we do. It’s either going to work – or it isn’t and we do understand that just because it didn’t work this time doesn’t mean that it won’t work the next time, you know, provided there is going to be a next time and if there’s enough justification for a next time to be a good thing to keep an eye out for.
Because at the end of any day, it’s still sex; it’s still a source of emotional comfort and attachment for those for whom sex – all by itself – isn’t enough for them. Cityman and I talk about this a lot and, rhetorically, asking why it’s such a bad thing for “Bob and Ted” to get together and suck each other’s balls dry and empty and the answer keeps pointing back to, “That’s not the way it’s supposed to be.” We question whether or not “Carol and Alice” should be offended by what “Bob and Ted” might be doing when they’re not together and, well, no – they shouldn’t be… yet they could be because those two guys doing each other, again, isn’t the way sex is supposed to be carried out… and they could very well be so highly offended by this and talking about it… after the two of them have gotten done having sex with each other.
And even those of you who, ah, let’s say, have a problem with this also knows this isn’t something I’m making up – this is real-deal, real-life stuff because, at the end of any day, we good and damned well know that we shouldn’t do things in this way… and it never, ever, changes the fact that we are doing things this way.
Because we can. One could argue that we need to do it in this way given the results of some research that is saying and revealing that we – humans – being monogamous and monosexual appears to be unnatural for us as a social animal. But it still comes down to whether something is working for us or it isn’t.
Sometimes it does… and sometimes it doesn’t. It doesn’t work in most cases because we don’t know – we aren’t taught – how to make it work for us but we are, if nothing else, bright and creative creatures and, as such, if we don’t know, we can most certainly figure it out because at the root of this is… sex… and if we don’t know anything else, we know how to have sex.
What’s the difference between “Bob” giving “Ted” a blow job and either “Carol” or “Alice” doing it? Nothing… except who is doing it, of course. The same “nothing except who” when looking for differences between “Carol” going down on “Alice” and either “Bob” or “Ted” doing it.
At the end of any day, we know this – we’re still very much about who should be doing what to whom while doing our best to turn a blind eye to the what that’s at the root of this.
The sex. The biological need for it. Shit… the recreational need for it that has been proven to be conducive to good mental and physical health. What’s love got to do with it? Not a whole lot, actually, but sure – we’ve learned that when there’s love, the sex is better… but it’s not really the only reason to have sex – it’s just one that’s easily justified compared to doing it just because you can, want to, and/or need to.
The way things should be… versus the way things can be. Idealism over reality and let’s face it – the reality makes a lot of people very, very nervous and to the point where we make ourselves believe that it can’t be like this and point to all the rules that says it shouldn’t be.
And at the end of every and any day, it stops no one from discovering the truth of things. We can be heterosexual if that’s what works for us, just as much as we can be bisexual and homosexual if it suits our purposes when it comes to living our lives to the fullest extent possible.
Cityman told me a story a couple of years ago about someone in the Navy who was retiring and one of the things the retiree said was that he was going to be pissed off to find out that sucking a dick was really a good thing for him to have done – but he didn’t. It was pretty funny and I know I probably didn’t retell the story exactly as it was told to me but there is a lot of truth in this because I have heard and know of a lot of people who, upon experiencing sex like this, have said, “I have no idea why I never did this before now…”
And they didn’t because they weren’t supposed to or, better, until that moment, they had no justifiable reason to check it out and by justifiable, I do mean their idea of what is justifiable and not society’s version of what this means.
Despite all of this stuff I’ve written – and most of which you probably already know – it remains a fact that at the end of any day, it’s either going to work for you or it isn’t and if it doesn’t work, it won’t be for a lack of trying because even at the exact moment you are reading this, someone, somewhere on the planet, has decided this might, can, or will work for them and until it’s proven – definitively – that it won’t. And there are a lot of reasons why it might not work but one of them isn’t because we don’t know how to have sex.
We do know how to do that; now it’s just a matter of being able to justify bucking the system and, yeah, people can do just that, you know, if that’s what they feel they need to do for themselves.
So, there you have it. Why be bisexual? Because you can if you want to be and for any reason that makes sense to you and even if no one else would be of a mind to go along with your justification. It would help if they would go along with it but, nah, they don’t have to if they don’t want to and they are just as secure in their justification not to buy-in to this as bisexuals, in particular, are secure in their justification to buck the system at every opportunity… and by any means necessary.
Because we can.