A couple of days ago, Cityman shared a couple of links with me, one on the topic of bisexual visibility and the other on why bisexual men are still trying to prove that they exist. Both linked articles – and I don’t have the URLs handy at this time – were, to me, just another version of the crap that’s been bandied about for the last couple of years, like, the visibility thing that talked more about celebrities fessing up to being bisexual and that one, by itself, was enough to set me off and rhetorically ask Cityman – the recipient of my rant – “Who gives a fuck if some celebrity comes out as being bisexual?” Yeah, some have “come out” and just because they know the media will descend upon them like vultures on a fresh road kill… and they’re really as bisexual as my cat is really a dog. Yeah, some celebrities are bisexual… but their visibility in this is way different from the “average person’s” because their notoriety will usually prevent someone from taking them to task for being so immoral in their sexual/emotional behaviors. So pointing to the visibility of bisexual celebs does nothing for us not-so-famous folks and more so since celebrities have also long since been known to be more kinky than your average person.
Then there’s this – what purpose would greater visibility serve and why is this such a hot button issue or, I should say, still a hot button issue? Bisexuals have been around since forever, have for the most part been totally invisible despite those historical occurrences where, again, some famous person was known to be bisexual; lacking this fame – and thanks to the raft of shit homosexuals had to endure before their eventual acceptance in society – many bisexuals would prefer to not be in the limelight because one of the greatest fears is being exposed as not being straight… and then mislabeled as really being gay… and who really wants to put up with this shit at every turn? This particular article stated that bisexual women are more visible but bisexual men, eh, not so much, none of which was new or surprising because my own thoughts have been that women handle this much better than men do and our society does find the thought of two women doing each other highly erotic and, well, it’s just girls being girls.
I pointed out to Cityman that the sexuality issue is a social one, i.e., revamping our outmoded thinking about sex and sexuality to reflect the obvious new reality in play; I then asked him why he thought bisexuality needed to be turned into a political clusterfuck and along the same lines that went down with the acceptance of homosexuality because, in my opinion, not only does this not need to become a political circus, higher visibility doesn’t seem to serve a purpose and more so when visibility doesn’t equate to acceptance, like, I can see a snake but that doesn’t mean that I like snakes or want to handle one. Maybe not the best analogy I can think of at the moment but it makes the point. Even if a higher degree of visibility were to happen, there will still be many bisexuals who’d prefer to deal with their sexuality out of the “public eye,” as it were since many of us still feel that how we get our rocks off is a very private matter and not for general consumption.
Then I asked him this: Who’s really pushing for more bisexual visibility? A lot of straight folks tend to invoke NIMBY – Not In My Back Yard – meaning that they don’t give a shit about someone being bisexual… unless/until it does wind up in their yard. That aspects of the LGBTQ community has been pitching a bitch about bisexuality not being real and bisexuals in general has generated a kind of visibility that I wouldn’t exactly describe as good publicity since the angst here only serves to keep a lot of stereotypical claptrap alive, you know, that being confused and greedy shit. Yes, some homosexuals have zero issues with bisexuals so it cannot be said that all homosexuals have problems with bisexuals… but it still makes me wonder where this push is coming from along with what purpose it’s supposed to serve.
The second article was about bi guys still having to prove that they exist… and that is so patently ridiculous that I no longer roll my eyes over this one. The article brought up the tired-assed notion that bisexual men are really gay men who are resisting the fact that they are really gay along with the notion that bisexuality is just a stopping point on the road to full homosexuality. As a bisexual, I don’t need to prove to anyone that I exist because, duh, I obviously do. Do I have a need to prove it? Nope… but if you require proof, well, now, I know of a way that would make believers out of doubters, like something I told a guy who said I wasn’t bisexual but really gay: Go home, get your woman, come back here and let’s all have sex… and then pay close attention to how I’d do her – and you – and not give it a second thought and without any hesitation at all. As you might expect, um, not many doubters are willing to go along with this proof of concept – but whether someone believe me or not doesn’t really matter as long as I believe it – and I have no reason not to believe that I’m not what I know and say I am.
Attempts to prove this via science are, at least in my opinion, ambiguous; showing people visuals of heterosexual and homosexual behavior kinda/sorta doesn’t prove anything given that watching a sexual act of almost any kind can produce a result of arousal even in people who aren’t bisexual. You can sit a bisexual down – and good luck getting enough of them together to construct a decent data source – and have them answer very pointed and extensive questionnaires to determine if they’re really bisexual and I don’t know about the researches using this approach but I’d pretty much invalidate much of the results because of one simple fact: People lie or, to be a bit PC, uh, they’re not very likely to be as truthful and forthcoming as such a study requires.
Given the angst toward homosexual men – again – does any researcher really think or believe that a bisexual man would really admit to it and more so when nine times out of ten, the first thing someone will instantly assume is that homey is really gay and in great denial? Among bisexual men, there are three main fears (and in no particular order): Getting outed, catching something nasty, and being misidentified as being homosexual. Indeed, I’ve found it either troubling or highly amusing that in the discussion about male bisexuals, um, most people forget or overlook the fact that we do also – and in fact – love the shit out of women and pussy because if we didn’t, er, we wouldn’t be bisexual, would we? Yes, yes, yes – we can get all into that Kinsey scale thing and get into slicing, dicing, and nitpicking degrees of homosexual interest in bisexual men… but if this is taking place (and it does), doesn’t or wouldn’t that suggest that bisexuals – and bisexual men – do really exist? Tack on the fact that a lot of bisexual men are not fond of the word “bisexual” and it’s both kinda sad and funny that they look like a duck, quack like a duck, won’t admit that they’re that duck. Any time I see a guy say that he enjoys having sex with men but he’s not bisexual, well, shit… really dude? So, true enough, there are bisexual men who are, at least in their own words, in a form of denial about being bisexual… doesn’t mean that they don’t exist in that sense. Indeed, this particular behavior/response is a contradiction. Many of us hold true that actions speak louder than words do… except when it comes to this, it seems; the contradiction comes when a guy exhibits the actions but insists that since he doesn’t think of himself as being bisexual, then he’s not really bisexual.
And if you think that sounds totally and completely insane, I tend to agree. Yes, we’re not homosexuals… but we are bisexuals and more so when our actions clearly say this. And if we are acting in this manner, duh, do we not exist? Of course we do but this is kinda linked to the visibility issue and the belief that if you can’t “see” a bisexual, then they don’t exist… and that’s even crazier. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound? You’d be surprised at how many people will say that it doesn’t – or, if they didn’t hear or see it, it didn’t happen – when, in fact, it does make a noise. This isn’t Schrödinger’s Cat, you know, kitty is neither dead or alive until observed by an outside observer but this seems to be how some folks are viewing male bisexuality: Until you prove to us observers that you really do exist, you can’t exist. Then again, what proof is required? As mentioned, I know one way to prove it but it’s not exactly scientific, if ya know what I mean.
It is fun though…
Cityman shows me articles like this and I either find that these things are still making the rounds to be woefully sad or downright funny – depends on the mood I’m in at the time. Cityman says that with visibility comes acceptance and I don’t necessarily agree with that even though it makes sense on paper. Because what I know (and what he also knows) is that an absence of visibility and acceptance is not gonna stop guys from wanting to get all up close and personal with men and women. The lack of these things have never stopped this from happening and even with them in place, it’s not gonna stop guys from doing this “under the cover of darkness,” so to speak. Cityman says that something has to be done in order to strip away the paranoid bullshit surrounding male bisexuality and I agree… but visibility isn’t going to do that, nor is irrefutable proof of male bisexual existence. What will do it is the wholesale acceptance of the fact – and whether you choose to believe it or not – that there are men who thrive on being intimate (and in any way you care to define this) with both males and females and not necessarily with any real sense of equality. If/when we can stop making this a moral crime, then, sure, all bisexuals might breathe easier but as long as there are those who maintain that this is an unforgivable and immoral way to be, acceptance will be difficult to achieve. He – Cityman – says that things have to change and I keep pointing out to him that not only has the change been in progress and way before either of us were born, the change is still in progress because we know even if many others don’t that there are more and more men (and even women) embracing bisexuality – but just because you don’t see it happening doesn’t mean that it isn’t happening and, yeah, even as you read this, someone somewhere in the world is discovering and embracing bisexuality at this moment and if you don’t or can’t believe that, well, that’s on you.
If we can accept that women can be (and are) bisexual, why can’t we accept the same about men? Is our belief in religious dogma making us not accept this about men, you know, given all the prohibitions against us guys doing shit that, ultimately, is counterproductive to the edict of “go ye forth and multiply?” Many say that this is the case and even I believe it to be the case because nothing else makes sense. We take it on faith that religious dogma is the truth… but it really isn’t – it can’t be because it’s pretty damned obvious that not everyone on this big blue marble is heterosexual. And if this isn’t visibility and proof, I’ll be damned if I know what really constitutes these things. If you do, in fact, believe that there are no bisexuals, well, you’re wrong and now the question becomes one of why don’t you believe it?
On the issue of bisexuals being in denial about their “true” selves, I submit that we aren’t the ones in denial about this – everyone else is since it’s still being said that we don’t exist and we aren’t what we say we are.
Thus endeth the rant and I’m thinking this won’t be the last time yours truly will be ranting about this so until next time…