Tag Archives: Bisexuality

Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: You Can’t Have It Both Ways

One of the things in the world of M2M that makes me scratch my head a lot goes a little something like this:

A guy finds that it is one hell of a rush to go to places with glory holes and spend some time sucking every cock that protrudes through the hole and, in turn, sticking his own cock through the hole and getting it worked over. He says that the rush of doing this is incredible and more so when he knows there’s a chance that he could be seen at such places and that could raise questions that, um, he might not want to answer.

In and of itself, hmm, that’s not really all that unusual in my opinion. Back in the day, it was not only one hell of a rush to be doing something we weren’t supposed to be doing, but the niggling though residing in the back of everyone’s mind was the risk of getting caught doing it and, yeah, by someone who’d take you to task for it.

What makes me scratch my head isn’t that there are guys who live for this particular rush… it’s the guys who also say that they’d like to lower their risks when they do this and, honestly, you can’t have it both ways. Common sense would suggest that if, in this scenario, you want to minimize the risk of getting caught, um, don’t do anything you don’t wanna get caught doing. There’s a reason why one of the big buzzwords in M2M is discretion or, “I won’t tell if you won’t!” but along these lines is also being able to go somewhere and do your thing and no one knows you were ever there; that way, you don’t risk having someone asking you why they saw your car in an area that you’re not known to frequent.

It just amazes me at how many guys want to do risky things but without accepting the inherent risks involved; it reminds me of the saying that everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die to get there. If frequenting glory holes, which is considered to be a form of having sex in public, is the thing that gives you the greatest pleasures, fine and dandy… but whenever you visit one – and, for the sake of this discussion – one you can’t walk to, you run the risk of having your car spotted in the area and you run the risk of someone asking, “Hey, did I see your car over by that adult bookstore the other day?”

Sure, there are a lot of cars that look just like yours but as these things tend to happen, the person seeing your car knows it’s your car and, yeah, it sucks to be you if you happen to have a unique car or your car has a vanity tag that’s known to be on your car. If that’s not bad enough, you just never know when someone you know might be in the area… or someone who knows of you (but you don’t know them) could be passing through. Hell, you could have just spent a couple of hours sucking cock and being sucked, come “sneaking” out of the place, and not even be aware that there were two people on the bus that went by who knows you when they see you.

Now, if it’s known that you go to such places, it’s probably not a problem… but if it’s not your MO, yup, questions could be asked and the risk of getting outed is pretty good and more so when you’re trying to fib your way out of things and the person asking knows you’re not being truthful about the reason why you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been.

So how does a guy lower his risk of discovery? Let me tell you a kinda short story…

When I was in tech school, every Friday at the end of our duty day, we’d get a safety briefing, like keeping an eye out for flying garbage cans, not walking off of roofs, stepping in front of Mack trucks (and lots of other silly and improbable things)… and we were always and seriously reminded that it ain’t illegal until you get caught – so don’t get caught. This always sticks in my mind every time I see or hear of a guy saying that he wants to suck cock like it’s illegal… but he doesn’t want to get caught doing it (or asked about it). Again, if you don’t want to find yourself answering questions about why you were seen at such-and-such a place that you’re not known to frequent or have a reason to be there (other than having a ball sucking dick), um, don’t frequent such places.

Because you never really know who might see you and they could be just nosy enough to ask you why you were there. It is said that without risk, there is no reward; it stands to reason that if one wants the reward, sure, one must take whatever risks are required but it’s also about accepting the risks and then being prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions. It’s my thought that it is highly unrealistic to think and/or believe that you can run around like a cock sucking fiend and do it without any risk of someone coming to you and asking you a question you probably aren’t of a mind to answer truthfully.

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Posted by on 18 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: That First Time…

I just left the bi guys forum and saw that an old post had some new input  – the one about guys sucking cock for the first time.

It’s kinda heartwarming to read about guys who have been able to set aside whatever fears they had about doing this and just say, “Fuck it…” and find out what a lot of people already know:

Sucking cock can be a lot of amazing fun.

I know I’ve written about this very thing before but, wow, it just never really gets old when you can read about a guy who’s discovered that whatever he was afraid of before he did it was just plain silly.  Sure enough, some guys find that as much as they want to experience this, they just can’t bring themselves to doing it but for those who’ve said, “Fuck it…,” it’s not all that surprising that they find themselves truly hooked on it – well, until some asshole comes along and ruins such a pleasurable thing to do.

As I’ve written so many times, those of you who don’t suck cock won’t understand this… but those of you who have had your joy of doing this stolen from you may have forgotten what is so thrilling about having another guy’s cock in your mouth and why you were hooked on it at some point.

I see guys on the forum write about what turns them on about M2M sex and, yup, sucking cock is right at the top of the list… but the only thing better than sucking cock is sharing the moment when a man has his first experience with this.  I re-read the post and saw that at every turn, those guys who had their first experience were hooked and the only thing they regretted was not having many more opportunities to get into this.  The saddening part of re-reading the post were the number of guys who opined that they’ve yet to experience M2M oral sex… but they want to… and as I read such comments, I could only shake my head and wonder what those guys are waiting for…

But it’s rhetorical because I do know what they’re waiting for and it’s old news:  They’re just afraid to do it.  It’s not to say that their reasons lack legitimacy or, plainly, there’s no reason for them to be leery, afraid, hesitant, whatever, because there is, from people they know finding out that they’ve done this to the risk of contracting an STD.

But it seems that a lot of guys have found themselves in that peculiar moment and have just said, “Fuck it…” and they’ve either let another man blow them and/or they’ve gotten their first taste of cock and even spunk… and have found that, hmm, it wasn’t as bad as thought/believed and I think, importantly, they have not instantly turned homosexual and, in fact, still feel quite manly and masculine.

They discover that despite what’s been said over all this time, nope, it’s not just a woman’s thing to do and, nope, it’s not the sole province of homosexual males, either.  And while it’s no secret that this behavior between men has always been considered taboo and immoral, it’s a truly special moment when a guy finds out that this thing we’ve all be made to believe to be true isn’t really all that true.

And, lest you think I’ve overlooked something, it’s also quite special when a woman learns that, um, there is something another woman can do for them and, to our everlasting shame, better than men can do it.  Just saying.

What do you say to the guy who asks, “Why didn’t I do this before now?”  You can rightly say that things happen when they’re supposed to happen or, perhaps with more accuracy, things just didn’t line up at the right moment for it to happen.  There was a time when I’d say that a guy just doesn’t wake up one morning and decide today’s a good day to finally suck a dick… because I’ve since learned that, yeah, it can happen like that because today, more than at any other time I can recall, there are more men who are determined to suck cock for the first time and to find out what the big deal is about having another guy blow them.

Then they find out…

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Posted by on 17 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Once Bitten

As someone who has given guys their first M2M experience, one of the – I guess – scariest moments is watching to see how he’s reacting to the moment; I’ve seen guys just freak out and have panic attacks, throw up, start crying, etc.  But today, I’m not talking about those moments – I got to thinking about being able to witness the moment when the other guy realizes that having another guy playing with his dick and making him cum isn’t a bad as he’d heard and/or thought it would be.

I’ve talked with so many guys about their first time and while some guys were like, bleh, it wasn’t all that for them, many – and I do mean many – more have shared that once things got going, the experience was the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Those guys have shared – and I have personally heard – things like, “What was I afraid of?” or “Why didn’t I do this before now?” along with expressing an even greater desire to do it again and the sooner, the better.  In after-action conversations, some guys have said that it took them a while to process what happened, which makes sense because the moment you decide to “cross the line” and actually do something, shit yeah, there’s a lot to think about, from deciding whether or not they really did like it and, what I’d call kinda typical, if that means they’re gay – either because they liked whatever went down or because they did [whatever] at all.

Some guys admit that the moment things got going, they were hooked and any thoughts after the fact only serve to confirm things.  On the bi guy forum, a lot of guys talk about their first time and many have said that they went from being very nervous to, “Holy shit, that was the best thing I’ve ever done!”  For some, that first experience was the realization of some long-held personal beliefs, you know, they’ve been wanting to experience this and they’ve finally gotten the chance to do so while other guys have found themselves in that moment and, yeah, holy shit… what a rush!

A lot of guys experience what I call the “kid in a candy store” moment; they’ve “discovered” this amazing thing about sex and a thing that, for them, is no longer a rumor or urban myth and for a period of time, they just gotta do it as often as they can manage; I don’t know how many guys I’ve directly spoken with about their bad case of “candystoreitis,” but I get a kick out of listening to them describe their feelings and thoughts right along with asking, “Is this normal for me to want to do it as much as possible?”

Yeah, it’s quite normal; you’ve found out that this very bad thing guys aren’t supposed to do with each other isn’t as bad as you thought it was and that even when you had an idea of what was about to go down – and I mean that literally, too – your imagination can’t compare to what actually happened.  You see, when a guy finds out that doing something with another guy didn’t kill him and, importantly, didn’t make him gay, that’s one hell of a revelation and for some guys it’s quite an epiphany.  I know there’s a lot of mental readjusting going on in the background because, sure, ya just found out that everything you were taught or told about this isn’t exactly true.  So, yeah, sure, it makes sense to want to do it again to find out if that first time was a fluke or to even confirm that, wow, that was amazing.

My favorite candystoreitis “victims” are those guys who, before the fact, said that they’ve never been able to cum when a woman is giving them head… then a guy gives them head… and they wind up busting a nut, some rather quickly, some “unexpectedly” as it were.  It’s difficult not to laugh at them when seeing the look of utter surprise on their face and a look that asks, “What just happened?”  So, uh-huh, if you’re a guy who has never busted one due to oral sex (or wasn’t allowed to), you can get it in your head that it’s not gonna happen until you get a guy sucking you and one whose main purpose for eating your dick is to entice you to crack your nuts wide open… because it’s just a damned fun and exciting thing to do.  It’s one thing to experience having a guy blow you… and something else to find yourself doing the cock sucking.  While some guys have, um, mixed thoughts and feelings about being in that moment (to be polite for a moment), some guys say to themselves, “Fuck it…” and do the “unthinkable…” and find out that sucking on another guy’s prick – and whether he cums or not – is some pretty heady stuff (and the pun is intended).

They find that sucking a dick didn’t make them gay at all and that there’s something quite pleasing about working a dude’s dick over.  If they induce the other guy to cum, it’s not a given that they’re gonna taste it and then have to deal with that acquired taste thing as much as it can be one hell of a rush to entice another guy to unload his balls.  Some guys do find that they can, um, acquire the taste while some aren’t big fans but it’s about using one’s mouth and hand to literally make the other guy lose it and even I have an interesting time trying to explain what that feels like other than it’s insanely pleasing.

Some guys go from, “I still don’t believe I did that!” to “I can’t wait to do it again!”  It’s not so much a thing as proof of concept (as mentioned before) but simply because it can be one hell of a sexual rush once a guy gets bitten.  They’ve done something that’s quite taboo; they’ve done something that prior to doing it, they’ve only heard about or perhaps even seen via the plethora of “gay” porn available on the Internet.  They’ve maybe even done something that before they did it, they couldn’t even imagine themselves doing or having a reason to do.  Again, it didn’t kill them, didn’t instantly transform them into a flamboyantly gay man and despite some nervous moments before the fact, damn, it wasn’t bad at all.

And now they cannot wait until the next opportunity comes along so they can do it again.  True enough, life can get in the way of repeat performances and make it difficult for a guy to experience this amazing sex act again – that’s just the way things are; but for many guys, once bitten…

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Posted by on 16 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In Plain Sight

One of the biggest questions a lot of guys ask regarding bisexuality is how do you know if another guy is bisexual?  The answer is, at a high level, “You don’t – there’s no way to know if he is or not unless you ask him.”  There’s so much hullabaloo about bisexual visibility and while it’s true that a lot of male bisexuals (in particular) are closeted, there are many more who left the closet behind… and unless they told you, you still wouldn’t know that they’re bisexual.  Once upon a time, you could easily identify a gay man and for them, this was a problem because it painted a huge target on them and, as such, very bad things would happen to them.  At some point, gay men came to the understanding that in a society that has such a conditioned hatred of homosexuals, the best thing for them to do was to hide their homosexuality as much as possible and in the best way they could manage.

“Straight-acting” gay men began to appear; many dropped their feminine affectations in public to appear to be just another macho guy; some gay men, in order to keep their jobs and other things along this line, actually married women since, at the time, if you didn’t have a wife or a girlfriend, it was a “clear indication” that you were gay… and, no, saying that you just haven’t found a woman you wanted to be with wasn’t seen as a viable excuse.  I’d even seen some straight-acting gay men do a fairly good job at pretending to be very interested in women and all for the purpose of keeping their sexuality a secret and to avoid persecution.

Even when a bi guy is deep in his personal closet, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s bisexual; it doesn’t matter if he has actual experience or he’s biding his time to get into the game at the right moment; the point is that even when a bisexual isn’t out, you still can’t tell if a guy is bi just by looking at him (see what I did there?).  I don’t know how many times I’ve heard, “You don’t look like the type!” when I’ve revealed my sexuality to someone; likewise, I don’t know how many times I’ve asked, “What does the type look like?” in response to such a statement.  I know what the type looks like, by the way – those shamelessly flamboyant gay gays who’d have you believe that they’re more woman than the real thing so, yeah, I can see how this crap about “the type” came about so, sure, if you’re not behaving in this very stereotypical manner, you are effectively invisible.

When talking to other bi guys about this, one of the things I keep pointing out to them is that they could be standing in a line somewhere… and the guy in front of them, next to them, behind them, whatever, could be just as bisexual as they are… and you wouldn’t know it even if the guy was out of the closet.  Some guys wonder why their “gaydar” seems to be broken, you know, as if it’s possible to sense this as easily as you can, say, smell a flower.  True, there are some guys you can see (or even know) and sense that there’s something different about him and without really understanding how you know this and more so when the guy under observation isn’t acting like the type… but it’s not a sure thing and, yup, some guys tend to find out that what they thought they knew about a guy was dead wrong and embarrassingly so.

Could you tell if a guy is bi by paying attention to his body language?  Nah, not really; for example, practitioners of the martial arts move with a grace and economy of motion that can be mistaken for feminine-like movement; ditto for professional dancers, athletes, etc..  Hell, there are some guys who are just naturally and normally graceful and fluid when in motion… doesn’t mean a thing where their suspected sexuality is concerned.  It has always seemed to me that those folks suffering from biphobia wind up with worse “symptoms” because bisexuals are not easily identified; there’s a faction or two out there who are still calling for all bisexuals to get out of the closet, step into the light, and make it known to one and all that they’re bisexual… and I’m still wondering exactly what purpose that serves because like I said earlier, a guy can be 100% out… and unless he told you, you still wouldn’t know if he was bisexual… and, fuck, even if he did tell you, what are the chances that you’d believe him because, you know, uh, it doesn’t make sense that a guy would be into women and men and more so when it’s still being said that bisexuals don’t really exist.

Yeah, right… sure they don’t.  One of the things I feel being ignored where bisexual visibility goes is how private people can be about what goes on behind closed doors.  If there are people who are not of a mind to put their, ah, sex business in the street, what makes you think they’re gonna be willing to confess that they’re bisexual because, um, you know, it’s not like it’s any of your damned business if they are or not.  So even if they were bisexual, chances are pretty good that if they think you’re not one of those people who needs to know this, ah, they will look you dead in the face and categorically deny that they’re bisexual… because it’s none of your fucking business.  And, while we’re at it, er, um, why are you asking me about my sexuality in the first place?  Is there something you wanna tell me?  Hmm?

My protegé and I talk about this a lot.  He feels that if bisexual visibility were to improve, it would go a long way toward fostering bisexual acceptance… but I’m not sure how that works even though it sounds good because, again and again, you could be standing next to a bisexual and not know it… because there’s no way to know that they are unless, again and again, they tell you… and why would they do that?  There’s no “incentive” for every bisexual on the planet to come out and be identified (and as if there’s really a way to accomplish this); for many, it’s true that if it were known they went both ways, it could be catastrophic for them which is exactly why some bisexuals stay in the closet – it’s just “safer” for them.  It’s true that there are bisexuals who don’t give a flying fuck about being out… but it remains true that unless they tell you that they’re bisexual and out, um, how would you know they were bisexual?  Sure, ya might have heard some stuff about them… but now it’s a matter of what you might suspect being one thing… and what you can prove being something entirely different.  Yes, you can ask them (if you dare) and, no, just because they don’t answer the question doesn’t mean that they’re bisexual – you might think this is true only because sometimes it is… but it isn’t what I’d call universal, undeniable proof.  For all you know, they could be thinking about whether or not it’s worth the hassle to cuss you out, punch you in the face, or just walk away and ignore the question… because how they enjoy having sex still ain’t none of your goddamned business.


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Posted by on 12 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: So, Where Are We On This?

I’ve been writing about this for a while now, writing about a topic that tends to give some folks the creeps or otherwise makes them uncomfortable and, perhaps, providing some insight into this because someone has to do it – someone has to talk about the sexual elephant that’s never left the room.  Over the last couple of years, I’ve been in contact with a whole lot of men, from guys who are still waiting to get into the game to guys who’ve been in the game for a while as well as guys who are, as I like to say, are late to the game; guys ranging in age from 25 (or so) to some guys who are in my own age group; guys from all parts of the world, from different cultures, some that have experimented in their youth and some who are just now getting around to that youthful experimentation.

I’ve seen what thrills them, what scares them shitless; I know what they dream about, what they desire in this and what makes them doubt themselves.  I’ve seen them agree on many things, disagree on many more things and through all of this (and then some), I sometimes sit and think in a “comparing notes” kinda mode to look at bisexuality as I’ve come to understand it and how guys today are seeing it.  At a high level, guys today are still worried about the same things guys worried about when I was growing up with bisexuality, from the bowel-loosening fear of being outed and drawing the ire of friends and family to the inability to find other and like-minded guys they can relate to (and, yes, have mad crazy sex with), right along with catching something they’d rather not want to catch.

I ask myself, “What’s different today?” and the one thing that stands out is the issue of being in a relationship, something that when I was growing up, eh, not many bi guys were even interested in, let alone wanted to talk about.  “Back in the day,” sure, guys weren’t exactly opposed to having a guy they could turn to when, um, when dick is what the doctor ordered but it wasn’t so much of a requirement as it seems to be today.  Back then, casual sex just made sense because, well, guys generally don’t mind casual sex but today there seems to be great angst about it to the point where hooking up with another guy for sex is seen as being meaningless, empty, and just not worth doing.  Back in the pre-Internet days, the only way you knew a guy was into dick was by accident – and that’s provided a guy was “obviously” gay, mind you; today, there are apps and websites that will, if nothing else, put you in contact with literally millions of men who are fond of dick and pussy, either for the purpose of having sex or to just talk about having and living with this dual sexual – and sometimes emotional – need.

You’d think with all this information at hand, guys would have an overall better understanding of this… and I’m often surprised that they don’t; many of them put their “faith” in stereotypes and misconceptions that existed when I was growing up.  Now, some of the available information is of the kind that even I would take with a block of salt – a grain of salt just isn’t enough when it comes to some of the stuff I’ve read.  Back in the day, you knew – either by rumor or fact – that there were guys who went both ways… yet, today, there’s much ado about whether or not such guys (and gals, in case you’ve forgotten their involvement in this) really do exist but all that does is perpetuate a fallacy that was alive and well way back when I was growing up:  If you weren’t straight, you absolutely, positively, undoubtedly had to be gay.

Really?  Through all of my observations, it just continues to amaze me how we, on the whole, keeps believing something that’s been documented to not be true and if you don’t believe me, go Google “famous bisexuals” and see how far back in time the list will go.  The truth is that bisexuals do exist… they’ve always existed but, yeah, sure, so much attention was placed on those damned homosexuals who were making a whole bunch of noise that bisexuals just got overlooked or, as it is still being said, bisexuals are just homosexuals who are in denial about being homosexual.  I’ve seen the “war” between heteronormativity and homosexuality (as well as the casualties this war created) but with greater social acceptance of homosexuality, the new target of social and moral ire are those non-existent bisexuals who’ve seem to come out of nowhere, the damned greedy bastards and bitches!  You’ve seen me write about how insane all of this angst is, that being, there are a lot of people arguing against something they say doesn’t exist while, at the same time, the attempts to apply heteronormative rules to a behavior that, at least in my opinion, isn’t a good fit, like the insistence that if you’re not having a same-sex relationship, you can’t possibly be bisexual.  That and the insistence that if all you’re interested in is the sex that’s possible – but you’re not gonna be into the other person, well, fuck, no – no damned way you can be bisexual… that and bisexuals don’t exist in the first place.

Back in the day, if you were a bi guy, all you really wanted was to find another guy you could have sex with and, yep, even on the sly (aka the down low) because this is still seen as morally reprehensible behavior.  Without a doubt, if you were married or otherwise hooked up with a woman, well, that was a problem – and it’s still a problem just like it’s still a problem with double standard implications, i.e., your woman can be bisexual and that’s fine… but you?  Don’t even think about it, homey!  I’ve seen couple have knock-down, dragged out arguments because girlfriend, who’s bisexual, insists that her getting some pussy on the side is, in “fact,” different from home boy getting some dick on the side; if she does, it’s not really cheating but if he does, well, may you burn in hell, you cheating, fudge-packing son of a bitch!

Today, everyone is quick to pull the disease card and slam it on table like they’re playing Spades.  Yes, the risks are real but what I’ve been seeing over all this time is how many guys seem to believe that if they sucked a guy’s dick, they’re gonna instantly and fatally be infected with something.  Indeed, there are CDC statistics that point the finger right at bisexual men for the rise in STDs… when, once upon a time, that same finger was pointed at homosexual men as a prime vector, especially HIV/AIDS.  Still, those same CDC statistics also say that if you throw down in the same-sex mode, there’s a 4% chance that you might catch something… but it seems that not many people pay a lot of attention to this and choose to believe that if “Hank” and “Greg” get together and jerk each other off, it’s a guarantee that they will infect each other.

On the issue of bisexual visibility, there is a great cry throughout the land for bisexuals – and those bisexuals who, again, can’t possibly exist – to step forward and prove that you are what you say you are… even though it’s just as true today that if you stick you head up, you’re gonna get it shot off.  I read about a lot of guys debating the pros and cons of bisexual visibility as well as theorizing that today’s biphobic behavior is some kind of fear of the unknown and that’d be true if bisexuality of any kind was something truly new under the sun… which it isn’t.  It’s just that the Internet has taken this rather large planet and made it smaller in some aspects and it has made bisexuality a lot more visible than it was when I was growing up or, in this case, just because you don’t easily see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  And thanks to today’s technology, we can easily see that there are a lot of men (and women) who are embracing bisexuality as they question our current morality – and it is being questioned; the rules are still being transformed so that people can be bisexual – it’s just that today, you can see it happening when, back in my time, you couldn’t see it on such a large scale.

Today, coming out as being bisexual is just as “dangerous” as it was, say, back in the 1970s;  your chance of being accepted are still quite slim.  Women who come out as bi are being discredited as faking the funk – they’re just trying to get more attention from men and men who come out, well, they’re just perverts, plain and simple – no other way to put it, right?  On the other hand, back in the day, if you were into dick, well, now, perhaps you weren’t as manly as you appear to be, huh?  Today, that’s changed; if you’re not into the dick, well, perhaps you’re not as manly as you appear to be.  In the old days, such behavior by men was seen as a loss of masculinity but we see today that men can get busy with other men and without any loss of masculinity and this kinda makes sense since I know – even if others don’t – it takes some very manly courage to play with another guy’s dick and even more to lie down and let some dude fill your backside with said dick.

So… where are we on this?  In some ways we’ve been making progress and in other ways we’re still stuck in the same mindset even though humanity is more, ah, enlightened about such things than ever before.  We see the tendency to stick with a certain belief about this when there’s so much evidence that says that what you believe isn’t the truth of things; men do, in fact, have sex with each other as well as having sex with women (and the other way around)… yet we continue to behave as if it isn’t supposed to happen and the singular – and even insular – belief that just because it’s not supposed to be done, it’s not being done… and shouldn’t be done.  All in all, we are no more grown up about this as we were back when I was growing up… or before I was ever born.  There’s more of a fight for social and moral acceptance and similar to what homosexuals went through and those who fought against homosexuality will, inevitably, lose this fight against bisexuality as well because time and history has shown that you cannot defeat human nature and suppressing this nature has never been effective and never will be.


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Posted by on 6 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Occasionally Bi

Also known as “bi with the right person” and “socially bi,” this falls into the realm where a person doesn’t mind some same-sex action in a group sex setting but outside of that, most of these folks think of themselves as still being quite straight.  This isn’t one of those blame it on the alcohol moments when the right amount of booze can reveal a few things – this is simply a matter of a person making a conscious decision that either in this situation or, literally, with the right person, some same sex action can happen and be enjoyed.

I’ve heard so many times of guys who have no problems playing with another guy… as long as there’s a woman in the mix and I’ve been told by some of those guys that having a woman there means that despite having fun with the other guy, they’re not bi or gay and as if having a woman present justifies their, ah, straightness.  One guy I know of (from a swingers’ forum) would regale the membership with his threesome exploits with his wife and whatever guy struck their fancy and how he’d spend lot of time sucking dick and getting screwed but he’d also make it clear that in this setting, the only person who could blow him was his wife and she’d be the only person he’d fuck.  One day, after being regaled by another wild weekend, someone called him out and asked if he was bisexual.

He said he wasn’t… and that statement set off a furious round of forum discussion that I’ll never forget and more so when throughout the discussion, he continued to insist that he wasn’t bisexual and the only reason why he was handing out blow jobs and getting his butt creamed is because he was playing the role of a submissive and was being ordered to do so by his “dominant” wife.  He also swore on many stacks of bibles that he would never meet a guy one on one for sex and that included any guy who he’d already had sex with in his submissive role.  I recall asking him a question:  “If you’re not bisexual, why would you go along with being commanded to have sex with a guy if you’re telling us that you really don’t like doing it?”

It just didn’t make sense to me, not that I’m an expert in master/slave things, but it seemed to me that something wasn’t quite right here and especially when he would shameless let everyone know just how much he enjoyed sucking cock and being topped.  At one point, I said to him, “So what you’re telling us is that you look like a duck, quack like a duck… but you’re not a duck?”  And he continued to say that he wasn’t a duck – he was just following orders… and even some of the membership who were very much into playing these games said that even in such role playing, there were boundaries that never got crossed or if a person/player was adamant that they could not and would not do a thing, it wasn’t done.

The guy’s stance started to fall apart and many of his replies emphasized that because he never had (or wanted) the other guy to blow him and wouldn’t fill another guy’s butt with dick, that didn’t make him bisexual… and the whole forum went bat-shit crazy over this part of his “I’m not really bisexual” argument.  Eventually, he got the message everyone was trying to get him to hear:  Just because you’re not of a mind to be sucked and not of a mind to fuck the other guy doesn’t mean that by being a bottom for the other guy excludes you from being bisexual, nor does the fact that you wouldn’t get into a one-on-one session with a guy.  He finally admitted that he was bisexual and in a private message to me, he seemed to be genuinely surprised that his actions was proof that he was, in fact, quite bisexual.

Ah, man… over the decades, I’ve heard so many people deny that they’re really bisexual when they invoke “bi with the right person” and “socially bi.”  Bisexuals aren’t really bisexual with everyone they may come across; they are, in fact, bi with the right person and, oh, yeah, that interaction is also social even if it’s not overtly so.  Such folks claim that because it’s not something they do all of the time, that means that they’re still very much heterosexual… but these are some of the same people who also insist that actions speak louder than words but in this, the opposite is the truth – they say they’re straight when their actions say otherwise.  I know that some factions of the homosexual community loves to say that bisexuals are just homosexuals who are in denial of their true selves but it’s become quite apparent that there are bisexuals who are in denial of the fact that they’re bisexual – they’re just not the droids we’re looking for and because they say they aren’t.  In the here and now, there are the folks who are bisexual in thought and deed but sticking them in the bisexual box tends to piss them off and they make no bones about how much they dislike being labeled as bisexual… when they’re bisexual by their own admission.

True enough, a person has a right to think of themselves in any way they care to but it’s always made me wonder what’s really going on inside a person’s head when they say, for example, they love bottoming for a guy and are always eager to engage in this while still very much loving and enjoying having sex with women… but they’re not bisexual and, I guess, because of what the word implies… because nothing else makes much sense to me.  If you ask them why they hate the word “bisexual,” they almost always say that labels don’t mean anything but I’ve yet to see one of these folks explain why this word bothers them so much – but their actions don’t seem to bother them at all.  One thing that has stood out to me is how bisexuality is being defined these days as well as many guys (in particular) insisting that while they’d gladly get naked and get busy with other guy, having a relationship with a guy is out of the question… but if they were fuck buddies, well, that would work because, you know, casual sex – the dreaded hookup – is empty, meaningless, and equally disliked.

Such arguments and statements, in my opinion, defy logic.  Yes, I understand that thinking and doing are two different things; ya might think about playing with a dick (or, if female, getting up close and personal with another woman) but if you don’t actually do it, okay, nothing wrong here.  If you think about doing it… and you do it… and then you insist that you’re not bisexual when you do these things, um, I dunno… there’s something wrong here… isn’t there?  There was a point where I considered that maybe my perspective was out of whack because in my generation, um, if you liked having sex with men and women (and even if you weren’t emotionally attached in that way), you were bisexual, a switch-hitter, playing for both teams, etc..  Sure, a lot of guys (again, in particular) are admitting to wanting, needing, and having that emotional attachment with other guys but it also seems to me that those men who don’t have, want, or need that emotional component are the ones who are saying that they’re not really quacking like a duck and simply because of that lack of emotional attachment.  On the bi guy forum, jeez, I see so many guys write that they’re not into guys like that… but they sure do like the sex and this isn’t unusual to me… but then there are guys who, ah, suggest, that because they don’t have a need for any “being into” beyond sex, they may not be as bisexual as they might think and, again, some guys insist that because they’re not emotionally head over heels about a guy, well, that bisexual label just offend them.

The thing about all of this is that while a person might believe that they’re not as bisexual as their actions say they are, the only person they might be fooling is themselves and more so when their actions are clearly not in line with the words that are coming out of their mouth.  “Bi with the right person?”  Well, duh, bisexuals are, in fact, bi with the right person because despite what people say about this, bisexuals do pick and choose who they’re gonna exercise their bisexuality with.  “Socially bi?”  I don’t even pretend to understand this one except that it’s just another way to say “bi with the right person.”  If a guy is only into dick when there’s a woman in the mix, um, dude, believe it or not, that doesn’t make you less bisexual so believing that a woman’s presence validates your heterosexuality isn’t really the case here.  I’m just not sure how a guy can enjoy (or even love) having sex with another guy but insist that they’re not bisexual because while they might believe this (and for whatever reason makes sense to them), no one else is believing it and more so when you tell someone – anyone – how much you enjoy being able to have sex with men and women.  I don’t understand how a guy can say that he loves being fucked and creamed or how much he enjoys sucking cock and being sucked by other guys… but in their minds, they’re not really bisexual and then how they will go out of their way to make sure that their actions somehow don’t fit the words that describe that action.

Is it really me… or does this sound kinda cray-cray?  I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days, trying to gather my thoughts on this matter before writing it.  I don’t knock anyone who thinks like this but I’m the guy who will question it so that I can understand what it is I’m observing.

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Posted by on 4 February 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Much-dreaded Hookup

Okay, so you’ve seen the title of this scribble… and I’m wondering if a cold chill just ran down your spine or you’re squirming in your seat or even thinking that if you could avoid a hookup for sex (aka the booty call), that would be a good thing; maybe the title invokes the memory of your last hookup (if you had one in the last decade or so) and whether or not it was enjoyable or not.

There’s a perception about bisexuals that says – to be blunt – we’ll fuck anything that’s human, moving, and above ambient temperature.  There’s some truth to this where bi guys are concerned because, duh, we have sex on the brain and the hunt for a like-minded guy becomes rather important.  That perception says that we’re indiscriminate and, again, there’s some truth to this but you might be surprised at how many bi guys are not fans of casual sex; oh, it’s not as if they aren’t eager to get their freak on in this regard but, here lately, more guys seem to be holding out for at least a FWB deal or something a bit more than that.  Guys are talking about dating other guys and they’re also talking about not giving up the booty or the dick on the first date; they’re also talking about passing up on guys who aren’t interested in more meaningful sex or if you’re all about the much-dreaded hookup, well, you can keep on moving.

It’s not wrong for someone to want what they want and in the way they want it… but something keeps sticking in my head about this, namely, something I read several months ago that said women look for a relationship and find sex while men look for sex and find a relationship; when you think about this, well, that makes some sense – at least I thought it did.  If we can take this as a sort of truism, guys hooking up with other guys for sex serves two purposes:  The first and most obvious one is sex but one never knows when a relationship might happen because of a hookup.  What I see are guys who are passing up on the much-dreaded hookup so they can put getting into a relationship first and whatever sex becomes a secondary concern.   Again, nothing wrong with this… except you’re dealing with men and, basically and generally speaking, we don’t operate like that.  Oh, it’s not that some of us don’t want a relationship kind of thing with another guy but to be a bit crude, you gotta bring ass to get ass or, to be more polite – and to swipe something I heard said years ago (in reference to the Powerball lottery), “If you don’t play, you can’t win…”

Guys who aren’t fans of casual sex have a problem:  If they don’t get out there and, um, interview guys – and that usually means having sex with them because, well, you know how we are about that, then they’ll never know if the next guy who comes along will be Mr. Right… or merely Mr. Right Now.  Sure, guys put themselves out there, hitting the various sources that are available these days but the other problem they run into is that many of the men who may contact them can be more Mr. Right Now than Mr. Right and, duh, that’s because a lot of guys who are about M2M stuff aren’t in the least bit interested in getting involved in anything that remotely resembles a romantic situation.  So more often than not, the guys looking for Mr. Right wind up being very frustrated and some kinda/sorta “give up” engaging in this, um, interview process because in their minds, sex without a connection other than lust doesn’t mean a whole lot.

When I hear guys talking about this and how they’d prefer to avoid the much-dreaded hookup, jeez, the things they say prompts me to remind them of something that, perhaps, they’re not paying much attention to, i.e., you’re dealing with other men and, going back to that thing I mentioned, we look for sex and find a relationship.  One of the things that has made M2M so attractive is that a lot of the “mushy stuff” gets bypassed… or, let’s just cut to the chase, get naked, get our dicks hard, and handle this business… and whatever happens after that, well, we’ll deal with it then.  Despite the perception, yeah, sure, most guys aren’t gonna just hit the sack with just anyone – there is some due diligence that must be taken care of even if for the sake of one’s safety.  But the guys who have an aversion to the much-dreaded hookup take this to the next level by insisting that some kind of being into that doesn’t have shit to do with having sex be on the table first and foremost.  It’s not that they won’t meet with a guy, you know, to eyeball him and see if he matches his online description but they also hold tightly to the rule that you just do not have sex with someone you’re meeting for the first time…even if the urge to have sex is practically eating you alive.

Guys who fall into this category will stick to their principles in this while wondering why it’s so hard for them to get the cock they want.  It’s not as if they don’t know that the easiest way to get the cock they want is to “hook up” with a guy and have sex with him because they do know this… they just don’t wanna “cheapen” themselves and I’m gonna say this without any offense meant to anyone reading this but sometimes these guys act like women tend to behave in this and they act as if the guys they’re after are, themselves women.  Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this… but I do find it very curious and more so when more and more guys are complaining that they’re not getting the dick they want because they can’t find Mr. Right.

Don’t get me wrong:  Finding a Mr. Right does make quite a bit of sense but traditional dating habits aren’t always gonna work toward this goal… because your target audience is male and, once again, males who are more interested in sex than anything more binding than that… although, if the stars and planets do happen to line up the right way after some sex has jumped off, well, okay, this is something that can be worked on  – and the key phrase here is “worked on.”  Relationships of any kind do not tend to happen all by themselves even though we – and this means [generally] most people – are looking for that chemistry or click right off the bat and not considering that even attempting to establish a relationship of any kind takes some work… and, I guess it’s sad to say, when this is between guys, that just might include some sex as a prelude to anything more than some mutual nut-busting.  Still, it seems to me that if you aren’t willing to get out there and interview for Mr. Right – and that includes some pipe cleaning – then you may find yourself sitting and waiting while having none of your needs in this taken care of.

That old saying about breaking eggs to make an omelet comes to mind at this point.  I dunno… the angst toward casual sex is deeply ingrained in us and to the point where those folks who are not adverse to casual sex are looked at as if there’s something wrong with them; you know who I’m talking about – the women people call sluts and the guys who are tagged as being dogs and both are – and have historically been – looked at in some very unkind ways because, you also know, fornication – that’s sex without being married – is considered to be a sin in almost every culture on the planet.  There’s a reason why the phrase “living in sin” exists after all.

It seems to me that if a guy is looking for some kind of “being into” relationship with another guy, it becomes a question of what he’s willing to do in order to make this happen, thus, if “Pete” isn’t willing to suck a few cocks to find the guy he can be with on a more, um, intimate basis, what does our hypothetical guy think isn’t going to happen?  I’m reminded of a part of an old song that says, “You gotta use what you got to get what you want (or something like that – close enough for government work)” and as I recall, the song was about women stepping to the plate and doing whatever they gotta do in order to accomplish their goals.  The bi guys who find themselves sitting and waiting for Mr. Right tend to find themselves on the outside looking in because they “refuse” to use what they have to get what they want.  They say that casual sex is meaningless and empty and that’s because it’s what we’ve been made to believe in… but what does this really mean?  Are they saying that sex, in and of itself, has zero meaning without a relationship being a part of the deal and if so, how the hell is that possible when we also know that having sex tends to feel pretty damned good… and feeling good does, in fact, mean something?

Over and over, I’m not ever gonna say that waiting for Mr. Right to come along is a bad thing; I’m just gonna say that if a guy has that very serious itch that can only be scratched by a hard cock, sitting and waiting isn’t going to scratch that itch; in fact, the itch just gets worse the longer it goes unattended.  What puzzles me is that it’s not like the guys looking for a relationship kind of thing doesn’t know this – it’s why they don’t adjust their game plan so that, at the very least, their itch gets some attention or, like I said to a guy on the bi guy forum, if at the very least you get laid, well, isn’t that a good thing and better than not getting laid at all?

Finally, there’s the person you want to be with… and then there’s the person you can be with and in whatever form or context that might be.  It seems to me that if one doesn’t check out the person they can be with, how do they expect to find – or even cultivate – the person they want to be with?  When you hear a lot of guys talking about they haven’t gotten any dick yet (or in a long time) because they’re waiting for the right guy to come along, you get the impression that this right guy is just gonna magically appear out of the blue when, I dunno, maybe it’s common sense that says that you gotta do some work not only to find him but to also lay down the groundwork toward establishing the desired relationship status… and that, sorry to say, might also include the much-dreaded hookup.

Sigh… all of this reminds me that if you believe women are funny about this, guys are even funnier and I don’t mean in a humorous way.  I don’t judge anyone where this is concerned but I’m the guy who’ll ask the questions that, perhaps, no one else will ask.  They say that good things come to those who wait; they also say he who hesitates is lost, if you snooze, you lose, and those who refuse to change will be left behind; it’s said that it’s better to try and fail than to never try at all.  And, oh, yeah, if you keep waiting for Mr. Right to come along and sweep you off your feet, you’re not gonna get any dick.  Period.  What you will get, however, is a lot of emotional turmoil that’s not good for one’s blood pressure and/or mental state.

Just sayin’…

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Posted by on 3 January 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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