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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Gay Sex Roles Revisited

I wanted to come back and write something more about the roles involved when guys have sex with other guys, you know, that whole top, bottom, and versatile thing.  A recent conversation I had with someone who will remain nameless brought to my mind the thought of guys assuming one of these roles… but not really being comfortable with it and how this… discomfort can fuck with a guy’s head to some degree.  I guess there are guys who think, say, “Once a bottom, always a bottom” and, well, I don’t believe that this is entirely a given because, um, if you’re not comfortable with always literally and figuratively being on the bottom, er, you can change this if you choose to – but what makes a guy think he can’t change this thing about himself?

I know that in my exploits along these lines, I’ve been a top, a bottom, and versatile… and none of the above.  I know that for some guys, their personality and mindset play heavily into the role they find themselves in so a guy who’s mostly a top probably wouldn’t want to find out what it’s like to be a bottom and assume the role and duties therein; likewise, I’m thinking that they’d never have a reason to change their mind about finding out what it feels like to be fucked or, with some dudes, be the one giving mind-blowing head that’s guaranteed to get the other guy’s spunk flowing like a river of lava.  Indeed, in any of this, we see that once a guy makes up his mind that this is the way he’s gonna behave in this, changing one’s mind isn’t even a consideration and, again, there’d never be a reason why they’d want or have to change their minds.

It seems to me that if you find that you need more sexual excitement in this, change something about how you go about having this kind of sex:  There really isn’t some rule that says that once you adopt one of these particular roles, you have to always stay in that role if you don’t want to.  This behavior is a part of that thing that makes me laugh insanely when people start talking about choice, like, they have no choice but to behave in the way they’re behaving, i.e., they didn’t have a choice when it came to being bisexual when, in fact, choice plays into any of this big time because while it’s true that you don’t have a choice in the way you feel, you do have a choice in how you act upon those feelings so, nope, just because you settled into the role of being a bottom doesn’t mean you have to stay there if you choose not to be there.

Easy, right?  And, yes, in a way, I am saying that if I could effect such changes over my sexuality experiences, then it stands to reason that other men who aren’t as comfortable in their adopted roles can also effect changes as necessary or even as required.  Yeah, I know some guys who are bottoms who just couldn’t ever conceive being anything other than a bottom but, at the same time, some of these guys are wont to rant and rave about how they’re being “used and abused” so much but continue to feel that they have no choice than to keep being the bottom they’ve always been… and that’s just not the truth.  If a guy feels that he’s “stuck” in one of these roles, the only reason why he’s stuck is because he continues to allow himself to be typecast in that role.

Even when it comes to sex, we tend to get set in our ways and assume the mindset that if it ain’t broken, don’t fuck with it – but that assumes that it won’t ever need to be fucked with because it is broken to some degree or another… and that, at least on the surface, doesn’t make a lot of sense.  I don’t know about other guys but when I was in my “bottom incarnation,” at some point, I got tired of always being the one who wound up with sperm leaking out of my butt – I wanted to be the one making someone else’s ass leak spunk… so I changed.  At one point, I got tired of always being the one doing the fucking and getting my dick sucked when I also wanted to get fucked and do some cock sucking of my own – so I changed.  At one point, I got tired of actually being versatile, you know, flip-flopping sexual roles because, well, I was just tired of it… so I changed to be none of these roles… but with the sure knowledge that at any time and for any reason that makes sense to me, I can effect change.

You truly will never know what you can do until you try… but you do have to try, dontcha?  Now, I can understand if you tried to be in a role other than the one you’ve always been in and, after trying in on for a while, find that, nope, staying in that original role just makes things work better in this.  The thing is that you tried to do things differently, right?  Lord knows I’ve been with a lot of guys who’ve wanted to get out of their role… or I wanted them to get out of it, like all the times I wanted to be fucked but found myself with a guy who, understandably, says he’s not all that comfortable being the one doing the fucking and I’ve said to them, “If you never try it, how can you ever be comfortable with it?” or something similar.  Sometimes, those guys have found that they could, in fact, fuck me and found it enjoyable while others have been so entrenched in their belief that they can’t do it that, um, they can’t even get hard enough to affect penetration.

The same with guys who have it in their head to try sucking dick but have convinced themselves that they can’t; they feel that since they’ve “always been like this” that they can’t change and like my previous example, some guys found that, oh, yeah, sucking dick is a lot of fun while others just can’t bring themselves to make this change in their head.  Going back to the conversation I mentioned way back in the beginning of this, there are some guys who feel that their, ah, social status doesn’t match with their sexual behavior… and maybe it’s not really supposed to but, then again, if you want to make your sexual behavior – being a bottom – match your social status – a go-getting, hard-charging, assertive individual, um, if you wanted to, you could change things so that your bedroom behavior aligns with your behavior when you’re out and about handling your business with your clothes on.

If you’re an aggressive top in bed but you’re not having a lot of fun being this way, then why not change shit around until you are having fun?  If you’re a “submissive” bottom but you’d like to have some fun with your cock in some dude’s butt, change some shit so you can make this happen to your satisfaction – and keep in mind that you can always change shit back whenever it suits your purposes.  I see guys who get “stuck” in these roles and while I understand it, there are times when I feel that they don’t really understand that if you wanna change some shit, you can; you don’t have to stay stuck in a role that isn’t exactly working well for you, either situationally or on the whole of things.  I think that we can get so caught up in our preferences that, more often than not, we think that we have no reason to change; again, if it ain’t broke and all that shit.  One of the things that I find magnificent about being bisexual is being able to explore as many aspects of sex that’s possible and not limiting yourself to just one role and, yes, that even goes with being with women even though women do expect us to behave in a certain manner with them… and even when we might not really feel like, say, being the one to initiate sex or to be the one calling all the shots and doing the taking when what would really be a nice thing would be for her to take charge, get the sex started, and being the more dominant one in bed.

Yeah… we do tend to stick with the things we like and not pay much attention to that which we don’t like and, to this end, well, we’re kinda crazy about this particular thing because we tend to behave like this:  If we had a bad experience doing something, not only will we decide to not ever do that thing again, we automatically assume that just because shit went south in that instance, things will always turn out badly so, going forward, we’re not going to change anything.  We also tend to let our fears make us foolish in this and, even better, are afraid of things that we’ve not, in fact, never tried to do; I know top dudes who would rather eat shit and die before they sucked a dick… but they’ve never tried to do it and all because they were afraid to do it; I know bottom dudes who have never fucked another man because they’re afraid that they won’t be able to do it, let alone do it “right” – but they’ve never actually tried to do it.  If you’re not happy in the sexual role you’ve gotten yourself into, um, why not make some changes so that you can get the sexual pleasure you really want to have?

The psychology that’s in play here is just too fascinating for words but, yeah, if you’re not happy just being a top, a bottom, or even being versatile, make whatever changes you gotta make in order for you to be happy again – and, yeah, even if you change shit up just for the moment you find yourself in and not necessarily a wholesale change.  In that conversation I mentioned, I got the impression that the bottom guy who was mentioned in said conversation wasn’t all that comfortable with just being a bottom and he had it in his mind to, in certain moments or with certain people, not be the only one getting some hard dick in his ass… but he stays stuck in his role as a bottom and all because he very well could be afraid to make changes and maybe he even thinks that he’s not supposed to change anything.  I know that I thought, after the conversation was over, that I would just love to have a conversation with this bottom guy…

Okay, that’s enough rambling for today; I got some shit I need to look at on TV, games to be attended to, and my office chair is starting to make my ass numb… and, now, I see my iPad is telling me that its battery is low and I need to get off my numb ass and plug it in…

 
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Posted by on 15 September 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Decisions, Decisions…

I had reason to think about guys who have taken that initial plunge and are now into the sex that’s possible with another man and the decisions that, invariably, will have to be made with regard to how they’re gonna be bisexual and discover those things that they like, don’t like, and are deemed situationally okay.  There probably isn’t a man (and regardless to sexuality) who doesn’t know about gay sex – they’ve heard the rumors and horror stories, could have seen a gay porno, or even use their imagination about this… but we’re once again going to tread heavily into the area of what you think it’s like is one thing… but what it’s really like something else; likewise, it’s one thing to have an idea of what you could do with another guy but actually doing it might not turn out the way you imagined it.

I’ve had guys ask me, prior to walking the plank, “What am I supposed to do?” and I’ve answered their question with a question:  “What do you want to do?”  You can, in fact, do everything sexually with a man that can be done with a woman with the exception of home boy having one less available orifice so it’s a wide-open playing field and now your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find out what you can do, like to do, would prefer not to do, yada, yada.  Yes, you can go on an Internet search and gets a boatload of ideas of what other people think is good, bad, and avoided at all costs and form your own initial opinions… but the key phrase that should be noted is “what other people think;” we do have this habit of letting the opinions of others influence our sexual behavior like, classically, anal sex always hurts and should be avoided like the plague, for instance.  In this, we have this other habit of assuming that if we did something and it was bad for us or otherwise unlikable, it is always going to be like that; we kinda don’t take into consideration that when the shit went south, it could have been the person you were with, the situation, location, your frame of mind at that moment, the time of day, weather conditions…. well, you get the idea.  So the next person that comes along and wants to do some stuff to you is probably gonna get disappointed because you now have it in your head that it’s never gonna work.  Anyway…

What’s the best way to find out this critical and crucial information?  Um, give it a try… and then try it more than once or twice to be as sure as you can about it.  Yes, it’s good to have as much information about this kind of sex that you can absorb and before you get naked… but experience is still the best teacher and, really, you never know what you can do until you try.  Don’t assume that you’re gonna like or dislike something; this kind of thinking tends to set up some biases within you that are damned difficult to get rid of – you might be thinking that, say, swallowing sperm is a bad thing… but you really and truly won’t ever know until you give it a try… or two… or three if that what it takes.

A guy asked once, “How do I know if I’m a top or a bottom or it doesn’t make a difference?”  Um, give these roles a try and even if you have a “good idea” what role you already “fit” into.  Why should you do this?  So you’ll know what it’s like.  I don’t know about other bi guys but up until anal sex stopped being a joy for me, I was versatile; I know what it’s like to be dick-deep in a guy’s ass as well as what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a cock… and because I know this, it has an impact on how I’d fuck a guy and, yes, even when it comes to women, too.  See, when you crossover to the bi sex, in a way, you’re relearning everything you ever learned about sex and, if your head is in the right place, you’re able to see the bigger picture of sex and how it’s related – it’s some deep-thinking stuff, if you’re so inclined to engage in such thinking – but it’s useful information.

You do have to learn how to have sex with a man, as funny as that sounds; likewise, you should have a good working understanding off all this implies but it’s not enough to read some shit on how to suck cock and deal with sperm – it should be experienced so you will know, beyond any doubt whatsoever, what the real deal is compared to what amounts to be just theory for you.  So now your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to get this experience… and not be afraid.  Yeah, if you’ve never even had a finger poked in your ass, the thought of some guy with a seven-inch erection pushing his dick into your ass is some very scary shit and you have a choice:  Take the horror stories you’ve heard or imagined as fact… or find out for yourself and, yes:  At every turn, take all necessary precautions to ensure your health and safety.

Here’s something else for those who about to take the plunge to think about and like you didn’t have enough to think about already:  When you agree to have sex with a man – and you don’t lay down the rules of engagement (or he doesn’t) – the other guy is going to make some assumptions that, um, might not go very well.  Just because you have it in your mind that you don’t want to be fucked or have him busting a nut in your mouth is all well and good… but if you don’t tell him that, uh, guess what might happen?  And, yes, despite what you might think, you could wind up in a situation where the sexual atmosphere is so heavily charged that one or both of you might not mention the rules of engagement before the fact – and now you’re trying to invoke some rules on the fly… and that might not lend itself to a good and satisfying sexual experience.  And, yeah – even if the ROE has been established, don’t ever assume that the rules are always gonna be abided by… because shit can and does change when you’re all up into the heat of the moment; not only can the other guy change his mind, um, you could also change yours, too.  Yeah, I hear y’all out there saying, “Shit, that shit ain’t ever gonna happen!” or otherwise feel that you’re in complete control of things and all you’re really doing is inviting Mr. Murphy to the party because if it can go wrong, it will go wrong… and just because it’s sex and sex does have the power to make anyone “go off-script” at any time and without prior notification.

Taking your first long walk off a short plank is the beginning of a learning experience that, in this bisexual writer’s opinion, is damned important for the development of your preferences when you get naked with another man.  Try it all until you are 100% sure that you can’t do a thing, don’t like some other thing, shit like that – and keeping in mind that just because you didn’t like (add some shit here) with this guy, it doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna like it with another guy.  The other thing is that if you’re keen to get balls-deep in another guy’s throat and make a deposit and you don’t know what that can be like, well, you might get miffed at the other dude when he stops you from doing that to him… and I think that a lot of guys who get into this aspect of sex are very guilty of doing shit to another guy that they wouldn’t do themselves and because they don’t have any experience of what it’s like to get gagged by a big dick or how it feels to have someone getting a running start and slamming a hard dick into your ass with great speed and force.  To me, if you know what that’s like, you might be more… considerate when you’re subjecting another man to your lust.

And then keep in mind that what some women say about some men being assholes when they’re having sex, this isn’t bullshit:  This is a fact and, well, you’re gonna find this out for yourself, trust me; damn, there is just so much shit to be learned, so many decisions to be made if you want to have the best possible outcome (no pun) when you lie down with another man.  Again, and just in my opinion, it’s not enough to know things in a theoretical way – you should know what it’s like because you’ve actually done it.

 
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Posted by on 22 July 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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