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The Years of Living Dangerously

After spending the day running around in parts of the county I haven’t seen in a while, I was decompressing and trying to get my noodle to settle down after absorbing a lot of information… when it decided to make a 270 degree turn, climb into its time machine, and jump into the gutter a little to look at the, ah, more crazier years as a bisexual and, no, I not only don’t know why it went there – I don’t know why it’s still on my mind right now.

I’ve often shared a lot of my exploits during those crazy times, when straight sex and gay sex were both brand-spanking new and I was doing my level best to wear the new off and by any means possible.  By today’s standards of behavior, the sex I was having was insane and dangerous beyond belief; I’ve told people about those times and have watched their eyebrows crawl into their hairline as they would say, “I don’t believe you did some shit like that!”

Well, yeah; during the crazy times, the only things you had to worry about as far as STDs went was syphilis and gonorrhea and everyone knew that if you happened to be unlucky and get this, all you had to do was go to the free clinic and anonymously get it taken care of.  I kinda laugh and say that this is one of those times that I’m glad I didn’t know then what I know now and that ignorance was, in fact, bliss; what you didn’t know about wasn’t going to hurt you until, of course, you found out about it the hard way – and a lot of people did, sad to say… but I wasn’t one of them.

Some think or believe that, today, STDs are the only danger a bisexual (and particularly males) has to worry about.  A guy can still be raped by other men, beaten, abused, and tortured by his fellow man – and just because they think it’s fun to humiliate or otherwise harm men like that.  Back in the crazy days, the old heads used to scare the shit out of and tell us not to hang around any railroad tracks because if we did, the hobos were gonna get us and rape us because they just loved tender, young – and stupidly careless – boys.  Didn’t really stop us from being around the city’s rail yard or other railroad sidings until one of our number did get caught on the tracks – by hobos – and gangbanged for several hours (or so we heard) and spent a few days in the hospital getting checked out for bad stuff and while he didn’t get infected with anything, he did have a bad crab lice infestation.

You’d think that after hearing about this, all of us young fuckers would cool our jets, right?  Nope, not even; shit, we even continued to play around the rail yards and tracks and ventured into other areas of the city’s underside that we were continually warned not to go into.  We knew what happened to our friend, just like we knew that he went down to where he was sexually assaulted because he was hoping to get assaulted and I know our mindset was one of, “Hey, that was him – nothing like that is gonna happen to me!”

Ah, the innocence and naivety of youth.  Even though we were told of the “dangers” of having sex, it didn’t do a whole lot to stop most of us; we didn’t think a whole lot about dumping loads of sperm into the girls who hung with us because, hey, that’s what they wanted, right?  Things like, oh, getting her pregnant – while one of the things we were cautioned about – just went through our minds like water through a sieve; that none of us got any of the girls “in trouble” was a good thing but that’s not really the point.  We weren’t supposed to know about sex yet a lot of us were having more sex than people way older (and supposedly wiser) than we were.  For us, it was care-free, uninhibited fun to be doing the nasty to each other and in any way we could.

Sucking dick and eating pussy, once acquired, was the thing to do; anal sex among the guys just par for the course and even with some of the girls who finally realized that, hey, if he puts that creamy stuff in my pussy, I might have a baby… but if he puts it in my ass, yeah, that’s the ticket!  Even some of the girls who were “saving” their virgin pussies for when they got married would eagerly suck dick and insist on taking it in the ass and none of us were even concerned or, importantly, knowledgeable about hepatitis and the ways one could get this liver-destroying disease, like sticking your unprotected cock into someone’s ass, for instance.

Some folks live their entire lives without having – or coming close to having – a same-sex or group sex experience… but not the kids I hung out with for all those years; for us, it was damn near part of our daily routine or, really, any time a bunch of us got together.  Of all the things that we could have – and probably should have – been worried about, our biggest fear was getting caught in the act; parents back then just did not have a sense of humor about such things and in a time where “neighborhood parenting” was in effect.  One parent catch you doing something you shouldn’t be doing, they just wouldn’t rat you out; you’d get your ass tore up by them, taken home, and ratted out so your parents could beat your ass some more.  If you know about switches, then you know why we’d be so concerned about not getting caught.

But even when some of us did get caught in the act, do you think that slowed things down?  If you got busted in the act, you got your ass tore up, got grounded for x-amount of time, and when you regained your freedom, yep, you just had to get caught up on the goings-on!  Honestly, that any of us actually survived those crazy days continues to amaze me; today, I know that we were incredibly lucky – God does look after fools and children – but even when something “bad” happened, like when I got raped, do you think that really changed anything?  Yeah, it made me be more careful, just like those who’d get caught in the act would learn to be more careful… but the head-first plunge into sex never really stopped.  Sure, some of the gang grew out of the craziness or their families moved, stuff like that and while we would miss our friends, there were still other kids in the hood who were willing to take their place and join us in this dangerous fun.

The moral boundaries didn’t matter even though we were made aware of them in that “do as I say, not as I do” way parents tended to behave in.  Asking a question about why something regarding sex shouldn’t be done would get you into more trouble than anything else and, besides, the usual answer was, “Because I said so!”  Get caught choking your chicken and you had to listen to the going blind/hairy palms speech and, yes, yours truly had to listen to it a few times and the words “Don’t do that!” was, as parents eventually learn, was just license to keep on doing it.

Cultural boundaries, while greatly enforced back in the day (read this as stay with your own kind) didn’t mean a whole lot, either, and even though getting caught or even being suspected of sexy hanky-panky with someone who wasn’t like you added much more danger to the mix, nah, you just learned how to cover your tracks, get a quick and dirty lesson about plausible deniability, and got a good understanding of the word “discretion” – hey, it was only “illegal” if you got caught.  All those stereotypes about not sucking dick or eating pussy?  Yeah, I knew they were bullshit way before I even heard them.  “Good girls don’t but bad girls do?”  A lie and a half, truth be told.  Boys don’t have sex with other boys?  Not even close to the truth.

I know it’s easy to look back on those years today and see just how incredibly careless we were and how “rebellious” we were in doing something that we were straight-up told not to do, let alone be concerned about; sex was something that we were told that we had plenty of time to experience and that there wasn’t a rush to do it – these are the same people, mind you, that would also tell us that tomorrow wasn’t promised to anyone and that just as easy as life was given to us, it could be taken away; yeah, so much for having plenty of time and no need to rush…

 
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Posted by on 21 May 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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MMM-Plus

I’ve written a lot about my younger days, when having sex was a wild rush of exploration and sex with the fellas was often done as a matter of course.  I was sitting here sipping on my coffee and staring outside at the piles of snow all over the place and I started thinking about differences, not in behavior but in perception and how I could have done something way back in the day and saw it as one thing but as an adult, I see it as something else.

Today, I can look back at all the times we got together and wound up having sex – and I mean both girls and guys – and know that we were having group sex; we’d often have gang bangs, known back in the day as pulling a train; we’d have one-on-one sex, threesomes, foursomes and, of course, moresomes that when all of us were together would qualify as an orgy.

There would be oral sex, anal sex, intercrural sex, the occasional DP with girls who just couldn’t seem to get enough dick in them, and daisy chain fucking because it wasn’t all that unusual for you to be fucking someone and someone would be fucking you… and maybe someone was fucking them.  You haven’t lived until you’ve been a part of a ten-plus-person daisy chain of oral sex and could be either sucking dick or eating pussy and, yeah, even having your ass eaten and doing the same to someone else.

Experimentation… that time in my life (and the lives of others) where sex was brand new and with the addition of enjoying sex with the fellas, a most wondrous time, filled with illicit pleasures.  But then you grow up and think that you’ve left this childish behavior behind, not realizing that the possibility existed that you could experience those exact same things but now with an adult slant on them.  The mind easily draws a line between those things done as a young man and those things done being older – I’m not quite sure why this is other than sort of marking a place – I can’t think of anything better to call this transition from youth to adult; what I do know [now] is that nothing really changed other than the players involved and a lot more intensity in the lust felt and experienced.

In my teenaged years, I participated in no less than three full-blown, knockdown, dragged out, no holds barred orgies with an entire house full of horny participants with erased inhibitions thanks to plenty of weed and booze.  It was eye-opening to discover that the things I did as a kid had a grown-up version as well and such things added to what I knew about sex and, in particular, my sexuality, completely dissolving the notion that there was really no one else like me and hitting me with the hard truth that I was totally and completely wrong to think like that.

The first time as an adult that I wound up in a pile with two or more guys was… educational.  Sure, it was a situation where one could easily blame it on the alcohol, adding to my storehouse of information on how a person’s inhibitions could be lowered or even totally removed.  In that first time, I was being fucked while blowing another guy and the guy fucking me with gusto said loud enough for everyone to hear, “Man, I don’t fucking believe I’m doing this…”

Which was fine… because I couldn’t believe he was either since I knew – or thought I knew – that he was straight and had a girlfriend and would often say some pretty nasty shit about gay men – the ones who acted like girls.  The guy I was sucking wasn’t that much of a surprise; I knew he had been having sex with his brothers for “a while,” as he put it, a confirmation that if you never thought or believed that this kind of thing happened, you were sorely misinformed.  Still, it wasn’t about being judgemental and it’s kinda difficult to be this way when you have a hard dick in your mouth and copious amounts of sperm are being spilt as a result of your efforts.

The guy who had his straightness stripped away looked up at me while I took his anal cherry and said, “I don’t know why I never did this before… this shit is so fucking hot!”  And, yes, while I was fucking him, the other guy was reaming my butt out pretty good at the same time.

For them, it was a drunken diversion from their normal behavior but for me, it was just more of the same and a confirmation that the things I thought were childish just simply wasn’t; this kind of sex – and sex in a ‘group’ setting – just wasn’t about childish experimentation.  There were quite a few times when I’d be in a group of guys – and usually with intoxicants involved – and a fuck-fest would break out, often beginning with one guy pulling out his boner so he could get himself off and the other guys following suit… and then someone decided that some help was needed.  Sometimes it was asked for; sometimes it was offered and I would be in the middle of this and just marvel at watching guys my age behaving in the same way me and my friends behaved in my youth.

If you’re a bi guy, you haven’t lived until you’ve been in the position of riding a dude cowboy-style while another guy is sucking your cock while yet another guy is fucking your face.  Just like when I was a curious but inexperience kid, the illicit pleasures were still there… just greatly amplified.

Having sex with groups of guys is so eye-opening.  You not only get to have a firmer grip on your sexuality but you get a better of understand of the lust men are capable of even if they’re basically straight but under the influence.  You get to see just how emotionally labile a guy can be over the loss of a girlfriend, and the emotional jolt that can leave them open to suggestion or otherwise put them in a frame of mind that having sex at that moment – even with other men – is a good thing to do, something that will act like a salve against the emotional hurt.

Such interactions served to reinforce something I learned as a kid and as a teen:  When you get a bunch of guys together, there’s no telling what might happen and that sexuality, as we understand it, isn’t really an issue although it does help if you’re already of a mind to have sex with men; it helps if you’ve had any experience with this and I’ve always thought that any prior experience can be an open door to future experiences under the right conditions.

Yes, you can come to grips with your duality via one-on-one sex; it’s the mode that’s more comfortable.  I like to think that this is a lot more… intimate than the intoxicant and hormone driven group sessions; instead of having to deal with two or more grown men and dividing your attention as required in this, there’s only the one guy who requires attention.  Still, until you’ve been in a room full of men with hard dicks and their lust is literally oozing out of the pores of their skin, you can’t really get a good understanding of what drives men.  It’s that programmed imperative to fuck and to sow our seed in the fertile wombs of women… but being bi takes the imperative to the next level, where procreation isn’t the only reason to fuck and spill our seed – and women aren’t the only desired objects for this.

I’ve often said that being bisexual gives you a special understanding; for us guys, we get to find out what women go through when it comes to sex and what it feels like to be pursued and, yes, submitted and taken even with permission/agreement.  It’s an unusual position, being made to feel feminine, to have that first-hand knowledge of what it feels like to be fucked and to have one’s mouth used.  And with this understanding, it lends itself to sex with women and it can even change your behavior because you know what it’s like to be fucked hard and even brutally hard; you know what it’s like to have cocks of all sizes rammed down your throat and being made to feel helpless – or getting totally pissed off and ready to kick ass and take names.

I don’t know about other guys but in those moments where I’ve had sex with multiple men, it really taught me a lot about myself, about sex, and about other men.  You get to understand what lust is, what it means, and even to what lengths guys will go do for the sake of lust, that need to release their seed and a kind of indifference when it comes to the person they do this with because emotional affinities aside, it’s really all about busting that nut any by any means necessary.

My sessions with multiple men were pretty awesome and often startling to be with guys you thought were straight but then find out that either they really weren’t or they could, with a little outside help, cross the line.  It would amaze me to see guys who got caught up in this with me have their very first experience and to see a kind of realization dawn on their faces as they have their cock and balls sucked by a man for the first time or having anal sex for the first time, being on the receiving and delivering end of it.

It’s not only awesome to be taken by a man, to share your body with him… but it is equally awesome to watch other men take and be taken, to see their lust and passion being released and experienced and, yes, more so for those guys for which this is something new to them… but something that has been heard about, merely a rumor until the moment they get to experience it.

And through it all, it can still make you wonder about your sexuality and whether your actions are truly a choice or really a matter of the true nature of what it means to be human and sexually active.  And then you go and have sex with a woman, as ‘nature’ intended… and then find out what it truly means to be bisexual and male…

 
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Posted by on 23 January 2014 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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Diary of George and Melissa

For quite some time now, I’ve been getting bombarded by Travelling’s posts on George and Melissa and I thought that it was pretty damned cool that a blogger I’m following has written a book around his blog’s topics so last night, before I went to bed, I went to Amazon and got a copy of it, my mind already salivating over what I just knew was going to be a good book about a somewhat controversial topic.

And I hate to say this but it just wasn’t all that well-written and, to be honest, I was disappointed to see all of the spelling and grammatical errors in the book and to read how contradictory, inconsistent, and disjointed the book was.  The sex scenes were steamy but the other things I just mentioned took away some of the heat of the sex being described.

There were things happening in the book here and there that just didn’t make a lot of sense to me.  Early on in the reading, George and Melissa are doing their first MFM and she bade her hubby to suck the guy’s cock – and he just did it like he was an old pro at it and his only ‘complaint’ was that the guy’s cock didn’t taste as he had expected it to.  I thought, “Okay, had I written this part, I would have at least said a little something about how George felt about being ordered to suck another man’s dick – it would, if anything else, speak to whether or not he actually had any experience or desires to do this…”  But, of course, I didn’t write the book and, Travelling, I was really trying to read this book as a lover of books and not an author.

And it was damned hard to do.  In another part of the book, George and Melissa are into another threesome and, by this time, it’s clear that George is being cuckolded; the other guy had expressed a desire to play with another man’s cock and while I didn’t find that to be all that unusual, what did have me going back to the first threesome was George’s behavior when the guy started messing with him and, oh, yeah, the fact that he had the exact same comment about sucking the other guy’s dick as he did the first time this appeared in the book.

In the beginning of the book, George says that his wife was a virgin when he met her but, later, we find that a boyfriend she had before she met George had gotten a good piece of that nooky.  I was saddened to see this faux pax and, at this point I was ready to stop reading the book and delete it from my Kindle library with the slight regret that I bought it.  When Melissa was getting it on with a woman for the first time, wow, that was really weird.  I mean, I could understand how she wound up in bed with the neighbor… but the way she reacted to this just puzzled me and even more so when her and George did the pastor’s wife again – why do something when there was so much uncertainty about doing it before it happened?  And, given the circumstances under which the second encounter took place, I found myself saying, “There’s no fucking way I would have let this take place with a suspicious husband lurking in the background…”

The book just didn’t flow cleanly, going from a first-person perspective – as if George was telling the story – to a more ‘narrative’ kind of joint, you know, as if someone else was telling George and Melissa’s story and, often, this happened right in the middle of the two of them talking about something.  It actually had me going back a few pages because I just knew that I had missed something important, only to find out that I hadn’t missed a thing – the passage just wasn’t all that well-written and it caused a disconnect.

By the time I finished the book, I was feeling kinda bad about how I felt about the book and the person who wrote it.  I expected better; I expected to see a broader picture of how a married couple can go from “keeping only unto yourself” to “Hey, let’s add some folks to the party!”

Now, I don’t want anyone to misunderstand – I give anyone who writes a book big time props for doing it because I know how hard it is to do it and that they got their work out there to be read is a good thing and more so since I’ve had it in my mind to do some major for-money publishing of my more recent works… and haven’t gotten around to doing it yet.

I got to thinking, while watching it snow like a bitch, that reading the other books in this series might clear things up… but after reading this one, I’m not sure I want to read them because of the chance that they, too, may be as poorly written as this book was and I’m not just talking about the plot and the character development; whoever proofread this for errors and continuity just didn’t do a good job of it and because they didn’t, it makes the book hard to read and understand, let alone enjoy.

It pains me to say that I wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone… and I wish I could get my money back.

 
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Posted by on 8 December 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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What Went Wrong?

For my followers who may not be following Mrs. Fever, you should go read this blog she wrote and, once you get there, follow the link she provided and do a little reading so you’ll better understand what I’m about to start ranting about:  http://mrsfever.wordpress.com/2013/09/10/rsex/

Depending on how you look at what I hope you took the time to read, it’s either really fucking sad… or a typical mistake along with a classic reaction to what happens when you (a) let booze do your thinking for you and (b) think that having a foursome is an easy thing to do.

Look, if you and your partner have it in your mind that you wanna expand a few things in your relationship along sexual lines, you can come look at the blogs I’ve written about it (look for the “Swinging” tag if that helps) and then see why doing this could be a wonderful thing to do… or the biggest fucking mistake you’ll ever make in your life.

When you read the linked article in Mrs. Fever’s blog, you can see every mistake that was made from beginning to end.  Sure, the author of that article mentions that he and his wife were thinking about branching out but one can assume – and thanks to how things happened – that they didn’t really and seriously talk and think about doing this.  They get drunk – which is a fucked up state of mind to be making a snap decision on something like this, wound up getting jiggy with the other couple, the wife had herself a good time, and her hubby, who wrote the blog/article, was, in a word, devastated because she was having a ball… and he had… issues and to the point where he not only got assed out physically but emotionally as well; his strong negative emotions put him on the “Player Unable to Perform” list.

Of course, I’ve seen and heard this one too many times for my liking; to answer the question that’s also the title of this blog – well, an answer from my point of view – is what went wrong was a failure to communicate and then letting alcohol grease the way to some very errant thinking.  I know when I read it, I could easily spot the places where the husband could have kicked the whole idea to the curb until (a) they were sober and (b) then able to discuss things fully.  See, I’m not saying that impromptu foursomes just can’t drop into your laps out of the blue; it doesn’t happen that often but it does happen and, hopefully, if one does pay you a visit, you and your partner would have (a) already talked about this and in great depth and detail or (b) the two of you have your shit so much together that this won’t turn into a couple’s worst nightmare.

I asked myself if I felt sorry for the guy this happened to… and I did… and I didn’t; I did realize, though, that my lack of sympathy for him was stemming from the fact that I wouldn’t have made the mistakes that he made in this.  Yeah, not really all that objective of me but that how I felt about what went down as he related it.  I also realized that I did feel… something for his plight because I know that shit can happen to even the most experienced swingers or cool-assed couples who find themselves faced with a swinging situation.

Jeez, I don’t know how many times I’ve written this but, fellas, if you think it’s easy for you to watch your woman getting fucked by some other dude, I beg you to please guess again!  If you think this is something you can deal with but then find out, in the moment of truth, that you can’t handle it, then by all means:  Tell the other people no.  Yeah, they might get pissed but it’s better that they get miffed ’cause you dissed them than it is to go through the emotional turmoil this guy did and, yeah, that his wife totally enjoyed herself didn’t make him feel any better.

Another kick in the head, from my POV, is the wife telling him, after all this was said and done – that if he could handle it, she’d like to do it again.  Let’s see, honey, I couldn’t handle it when it happened last night – what makes you think that I could handle some shit like that again?

I’ve got to go back to that piece and see if any new comments are there from the guy who wrote it to see how badly their relationship got whacked, if it did at all.  You just never, ever, let booze make such decisions for you…

 
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Posted by on 12 September 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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Post-orgasmic

After writing my trilogy on the cons of diving into forms of group sex, wow, man, I feel as if I just had one very large orgasm!

You see, as I wrote each piece, a part of my mind was remembering every occasion I had to engage in group sex so I could tap into things such as how I felt about certain things, the issues I had in the beginning of all of this, the thrill and terror of doing it for the first time and, important to me, the sheer joy I felt when I realized that I had overcome the angst I felt and had become truly sexually liberated.

As I wrote and read your comments – and kinda poked Totsymae a little – and I do thank her for being a good sport about it and not cussing me out – I felt myself immersed in the intangible thoughts that are associated with this type of living and loving, things that cannot be put into words… but things I know are as real as I am sitting here, if that makes any sense; yeah, I know – when you’re trying to describe things that defy description, it can make you appear to be quite insane…

It was quite a rush to be able to remember that, yes, I’ve been there, done that and while I wouldn’t be so cocky and arrogant to call myself an expert in these things, I do have many years of experience doing this; I’ve seen the highs and the lows, have experienced all the things that can go right, and along with all the things that can go wrong – and did go wrong.

As I wrote about the necessity to communicate heavily about doing this, I recalled every conversation I’ve ever had about this and, of course, the very first one I got hit with that made me say, “You want us to do what?”

I even realized that there were quite a few times – and before I got married – that I participated in group sex… but none of it required having to get into a very deep conversation to get permission and all the other stuff – but that was different; it’s one thing to get invited to throw down with other people when you’re single and something else when you’re now in a monogamous relationship and you firmly believe in the sanctity of marriage and the commitment to one man/one woman.  Then you find out that, fuck, you’re not as grown up as you think and then, purely out of love, step off the end of the short plank and plunge yourself into a world that’s a lot more complex than just having sex with other people.

Complex yet satisfying – a true learning experience.  I would say that my ‘orgasm’ came to a peak while writing my ‘letter’ to Totsymae; I could feel the passion in the words that flowed from brain to fingers, felt the power of my conviction because I could let my experience do the talking… and experience based on actual doing as well as having interacted with so many other people to learn of their thoughts, feelings, and experiences in this because while you have to know that  you’re not the only person into this type of living and loving, for me, it’s pure joy to find out that, no, I’m not the only one.

So after I clicked ‘Publish’, shit, I wanted a cigarette (even though I’m not supposed to be smoking)!  I felt spent and strangely satisfied, a reminder that when you empty out your head and write with passion and conviction, yeah, it’s like having sex, going through the highs and lows as you organize your thoughts and other writer-related stuff like that.

Needless to say, I had fun writing the trilogy; I had even more sex – uh, fun reading the comments that came in and responding to them.  So here I am, all post-orgasmic and everything, and now I’m wracking my brain to come up with something to keep this great feeling going, something that could spark interest in others and, yeah, to a certain extent, educate them because one of the reasons I started this blog was to be able to share what I know.

That’s an orgasmic rush all by itself, being able to present these things and, yeah, to be able to connect with others who are not only willing to share what they know, but also to know that, hey, I’m not the only one who got bitten by the bug and I’m not the only one ‘brave’ enough to put these thoughts and experiences out there for everyone to see…

God, I feel so good…

 
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Posted by on 9 January 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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A Response for Totsymae

This whole blog is like a ‘letter’ to my dear friend and fellow blogger, the talented artist, Totsymae.  Ahem… (clearing my throat here)

Actually, my dear Totsymae, I don’t think or talk out loud all the time; I actually sit and think about what I’m going to write before I even open WordPress and that last thing I wrote?  Thought about it for a couple of days because I wanted to be sure I knew what I wanted to say about it.  Damn it, woman, you just made me give away a trade secret!  Damn!

Now, why are menfolk so into threesomes? That’s kinda easy to answer: It’s the ultimate male fantasy… except that’s not exclusively a male fantasy; I have been told (and know) that women have the same fantasy just like I also know that if you asked a woman, she’d categorically deny that she would ever do something so potentially demeaning, demoralizing, and harmful to her body, delicate soul, and sensibilities.

Yeah, right, I believe you…

It is the ultimate test of one’s sexual prowess, a gauge for the power and capacity and depth of their lust and their love of sex and all things sexual, be ye male or female and, um, more so if you and monogamy aren’t exactly the best of friends or, as it turns out at times, it’s logically the next thing on the list of things to do when you and your partner have done all you can do with each other – and you both find that it ain’t enough and more is needed – but breaking up is not an option.

It is one of the many steps toward “total sexual liberation,” something some folks really don’t care about – but some folks really do.  It defies the odds; it goes against the grain of our societal norms and morals.  It’s unthinkable, hedonistic behavior that some say borders on the abnormal where sex and even sexuality is concerned.  And, really, who among us has never, ever, given a thought or two about walking on the wild side, keeping in mind that thinking and doing are not the same thing?  Likewise, some see the whole ‘group sex’ thing as the ultimate in sexual expression and, yes, many do not.  Some say it is being greedy and such, ah, gluttony isn’t necessary in a relationship because your man or woman should be all that you’ll ever need in this.

Yep, sure… but don’t we all know that this ain’t even the truth?

I would even ask you – and you do not have to answer – how many times have you wanted more from a partner and was frustrated that you couldn’t have it or get it and wound up settling for the same old thing that wasn’t working, settling for no improvements, settling for nothing and, ultimately, breaking up because it was the only option available?  And then having to hook up with someone else and experience similar failures in this?  Or, as a lot of women tend to do, get totally dissatisfied with the whole sex thing and choose celibacy as the only thing to do?  Believe me, I know how that feels… a lot of people know how that feels and I – and they – can tell you that it feels pretty damned shitty and is, in a way, a case in point of another famous saying:  Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Ah, but if you could have your cake and eat it, too, and still have a great life with your partner?

It is something men and women dream about; the point here – now and always – is that not everyone (a) has what it takes to make that dream a reality (if they have this dream) and (b) has very little in the way of clues of how to make it work. So, everyone assumes (a) that it should never be done, (b) it can’t ever be done and (c) it will always fail if you try. And, like it or not, this is not the whole truth and, trust me, my friend, I know this for a stone-cold fact and, obviously, I’m not the only one who knows this.

Now, if you’re one of those staunch, hardcore believers in one man/one woman, this is okay – no, seriously, it really is okay, nothing wrong in this at all and it is the status quo. However, there are those who feel differently about some aspects of this; they want more for themselves and for each other (most of the time anyway) and, yep, if they can have their cake and eat it too, that works for them despite the fact that our morality says you aren’t supposed to handle your relationship and related business like this.

And this, too, isn’t entirely true either – because it has been done, it’s being done as I write this, and it’ll get done in any future you want to imagine… because there is a way to do it and still be a loving and happy couple. My point in my little trilogy on this topic is to basically ‘warn’ people that if they have it in their heads to try this – and keep in mind that I’ve done it successfully too many times for me to even remember – that they should not attempt this unless certain – and very, very demanding – criteria are met and always adhered to – no exceptions, no excuses.

See, I don’t want you or anyone else reading this to get the impression that I’m telling people to run out and potentially ruin their relationship by doing something they aren’t prepared to fully – and I mean fully – understand: I am not. But, again, if they’re considering it, well, I got a few things I can share with them that just might make them change their minds and save their relationship from a fate worst than death… or it just might give them the same insight that, by the way, I had to learn the hard way, to pull it off and make those dreams come true.

Could you find yourself between a rock and a very hard place?  Yep, my point exactly!  In fact, the author of “Threesomes and Variations” (http://3somes.wordpress.com) kinda says the same things I do about this although, admittedly, I think he does it a lot more eloquently than I do and, Totsymae, you know how I am – I’m all in your face with it and straight to the point.  That august author says, in his writings, “If you’re gonna do this, here are the things you have to think about and overcome if you want to be successful at this – and you might not be.”

Oh, my friend, I am so glad you asked the question and, yes, I do value your input so please don’t think I’m busting your ass or anything:  You asked a question, I’m answering it… and I felt like writing.

So I’m doing a couple of things with this latest set of writings:  Telling people why they shouldn’t even try it… but also asking that if you believe you can do it, well, why not?  It is the ultimate test of the strength of a couple’s love for each other as well as the strength of their relationship because, in this, only the very strong can pull this off and it is a test that words alone will not allow anyone to pass; I find this most pointed given that when it comes to relationships, one of the catch phrases that almost everyone I know likes to throw out there is:

Actions speak louder than words; put up or shut up; shit or get off the pot; it’s not what you think, it’s what you do… oh, except when it comes to this.  Indeed, how many men and women have uttered those fateful words:  ‘Prove to me that you love me’ or ‘How much do you love me’?  How many men and women have uttered those equally fateful words, ‘I will do anything to make you happy’ or ask, ‘What are you willing to do for my love’?  And how many men and women have found that (a) they can’t prove their love with words alone and (b) fuck no, they’re not really gonna do anything to ensure and maintain happiness?

Think about that one for a moment, if it pleases you to do so…

But, you’re right if you think this is the biggest fucking mistake a couple can make – because it can be.  It’s been my opinion that porn – that evil, nasty stuff – depicts having a three- or moresome as if it’s a walk in the park – it is not.  You cannot just simply grab someone off the street and bring them to your bedroom for a night of hot, raunchy sex.  That, however, doesn’t mean that people who like to watch porn can’t say to themselves – or to each other, “Man, I’d love to try that some time…”

And here’s are some of the things that make people fail:  Jealousy, immaturity, sexual immaturity (not the same as emotional immaturity) selfishness, self-righteousness, paranoia, obsessiveness, being possessive, newly discovered or revealed sexuality issues, homophobia, and a host of other negative human behaviors that some people are never able to reconcile before trying to do this; I ask you to trust me on this one since these things, and a few more, were things I had to learn to overcome (but I did).

Sure, my friend, a lot of men want this but a lot of men know they’re never gonna get it and the one glaring reason they won’t is that they know that when that woman comes back and says, “Okay, now I wanna do one!” he’s going to lose his fucking mind if she wants an MFM – and sometimes even if she wants to do an MFF because, hey, maybe she has reason to believe that she just might like the taste and feel of a woman.  Oh, hell to the no!  That’s his pussy and he sure as fuck ain’t sharing it with anybody!  Well, maybe, if the other girl is bi – but, hey, it was okay when she shared her dick with another woman, eh?

Sound familiar?  It should… because this is how a lot of people behave where this is concerned… and then people want to know why men and women cheat on each other and, even more, why they fail when they try to do these things?

This is just one reason why they do:  Being totally and completely unfulfilled, disgruntled, dissatisfied, and even disillusioned because they, like so many of us, believed the lie that all we need is just one person in our lives for total sexual satisfaction.

Any wonder why people think about doing this?  Thank you for letting me write this ‘letter’ to you!  Well, you and everyone else who’s able to read it… damn!  Did I just share you with a shitload of other people?  Uh-oh… I think I’m in trouble…

 
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Posted by on 8 January 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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So… Now What?

You and your partner, after much deliberation and major readjustment of mindset, have decided that, yes, doing a threesome, swinging, whatever, is something that you want and need to do in order to expand your horizons as individuals and as a couple.  You’ve talked about everything there is to talk about, vanquished all negative emotions from your system, and you might even have an idea or two – thanks to the fantasies you’ve shared with each other (and if you didn’t, shame on you) – and the thought of getting naked with other people has, in fact, raised the heat in your bedroom and now you’re ready for the next step:  Finding people to do this with.

Sounds easy… but it isn’t.  Oh, did you think I was going to say that the next step was to actually do some fucking?  Nah, that comes later – and the pun is definitely intended!  No, your next hurdle is finding someone compatible with your interests, people you can (1) feel safe with and (2) you’re sure can deliver the delicious, heady, and forbidden pleasures that can be had when you take monogamy out of the bedroom.

Let me know how that’s working for you because, next to actually doing it, this is really the hard part… and I’m here to tell you a few things about that.  Okay, most people almost instinctively try to select friends or other people they know who might be interested… or may have to seriously be seduced.  Some folks say that picking friends for this is a bad move – it’s too much like shitting where you eat.  So if you can’t do that (and I’m not saying that you can’t), um, what the fuck…?

The good news is that there are a zillion websites that exist for this purpose; the bad news is that there are a zillion websites that exist for this purpose because, Christ almighty, the type of people you are going to run into can change the way you feel about your fellow-man.  You’ve just spent all this time shedding your biases and stuff… and should you join one of these sites, you will see more bias and discrimination than you could ever hope to see in one place.

Those supposedly “like-minded” people you’ll be exposed to are guilty of age discrimination, race discrimination, sexual preference discrimination against bisexual men, and discrimination against single men; there is discrimination where height and weight being in proportion is concerned – they say they’re not looking for “Ken and Barbie” but, yeah, they really are, so if you consider yourself to be a BBW (big beautiful woman) or BBM, um, get ready to get your feelings hurt.  You might encounter quite a few liars and cheaters, too, with the biggest lie being bisexual men listing themselves as straight in their profiles.  People on such sites are some of the biggest hypocrites I, personally, have ever seen in my whole life; the same people who demand honesty and say they despise anyone who lies or cheats to get laid are also the ones telling a few lies themselves – but, um, that’s different as far as they’re concerned.

What you will find out is that people on such sites are so picky about who they lay down with.  Now, you might be wondering, at this point, “Well, what’s wrong with that?”  And all I’m going to tell you is to join a site, get the feel of the place, and then find out exactly what is wrong with that.

Oh, and rule number one (or is it rule number two?) is that if you get rejected – and you will get rejected – don’t take it personally.  You will find that more often than not, if you send notes to people telling them you’re interested, you will be summarily ignored; likewise, if you and your partner have decided that opening a meaningful dialog with someone from the site is a good way to proceed, well, you’re right… except you will run into players that will tell you – and in no uncertain terms – to stop talking and give up your lady for fucking – and the sooner, the better.

Ah, you thought this was going to be easy, huh?

Now, don’t get me wrong – there are some decent people on these sites and it is quite possible you can become quite successful in what we call the lifestyle (or the life, for short).  In some cities, there are actually swinging clubs where “like-minded” people can gather to eat, drink, and fuck themselves silly… and if you think it’s that simple, I beg you to guess again because it is quite possible that you will not only face rejection but also some form of discrimination, too.

Is there a way to avoid this?  I dunno – beats the hell out of me; it seems to me trying to recruit friends and neighbors and other acquaintances for your maiden voyage makes more sense than joining a website or going to a club.  But, this is definitely one of those things where your experiences may vary – I’m just here to tell you that some of them might not be pleasant, that’s all.

And if you really wanna see sexually liberated people not quite at their finest, join a site – then go read what people write in the forums, if the site has them.  I know that I’m of the mind that given what some people write about, um, teenagers know more about getting laid than these supposedly experienced adults.

Now, one of the thing you and your partner are concerned about and have discussed is personal safety, like, let’s make double-damned sure that we don’t catch anything (or bring anything home) and, by and large, a lot of site members agree on “no glove, no love…” for the most part.  On the sites me and my baby belong to, there’s often great discussion about STDs and HIV/AIDS… but guess what they don’t talk about?  Accidental pregnancy.  If you wanna have some fun, log into the site you’ve chosen, go to the forums, and then ask a simple question:  What happens if someone gets knocked up?

Then sit back and watch the bullshit fly.  I did that a few times – and just because I love fucking with people – and it was surprising how many men have had a vasectomy and will, with great aggression, point out that since they’re fixed, they don’t worry about it and, yep, every woman who might respond (and they rarely do) either insist on condoms or have had their tubes tied; I can’t recall if any women said that they trust their birth control pills/shot/device.

Sounds scary, huh?  Maybe you’re looking at your female partner and saying, “You know, babe, all of a sudden, this doesn’t sound like a good thing to do…”

One last thing.  One of the things I have put people on blast for – and I’m not the only one who has done this – is people having that “my way or no way” mentality when it comes to throwing down, like, what they want is more important than what you want so if you don’t do it the way they want to do it, well, step the fuck off, you fake motherfuckers!  Like, we actually had a couple tell us – and me specifically since I’m bisexual – that I could send my baby to them to play with – but I had to stay home.  And then the only reason why we were contacted is because they had a bad case of Mandingo Syndrome…

Are you really sure that you want to have your sensibilities insulted and assaulted in such a manner?  If it sounds like I’m trying to dissuade you from doing anything, well, yeah, I am… but if you’re still determined to do that threesome, foursome, whatever-some, well, you’ve been warned – proceed at your own risk.

I think the best way to be all you can be – and get all you can get – in this is to, somehow, form your own group of happily horny players; that way you can avoid having to fuck around with those elitist motherfuckers on the websites and lord only knows what type of people you might run into at the clubs.  No doubt, this is probably the hardest thing to do… but at least you can be assured that you and your partner will be playing with people who think, feel, and believe just as you do now.

And should you manage to get past this hurdle, then you can deal with whatever’s gonna happen before, during, and after your very first time out the gate – and I hope that you do have fun, grow and, importantly, love each other like never before.

 
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Posted by on 7 January 2013 in Life, Living and Loving

 

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