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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Is Bisexuality Kinky?

Hmm – that’s a good question, huh? I’d suppose that, on the surface, it could be seen as kinky given that, in the same-sex mode of things, it’s outside of that which is considered to be normal where having sex is concerned but, of course, people can be pretty damned kinky and bisexuality isn’t even in the picture…

Or some folks find a kink that works for them and bisexuality could show up to join the party and as a “kinky” kind of thing to get into on top of the original kink. Growing up? Of course I’d hear how “kinky” it was for someone to go both ways and I’d actually think about if being bisexual was, in fact, kinky – but learned that when you’re bisexual already, it’s not easy to see what might be kinky about it since, to a bisexual, what they may be doing is seen by them to be normal… for them.

It’s forbidden sex… and the fact that it is forbidden makes it exciting for some to even think about and I’ve heard people who only think about sex like this say that it’s pretty kinky – we’re not gonna talk about those who think it’s perverted and disgusting. I’m of a mind that if it’s not a main part of one’s sexual diet, yeah – getting your cookies crumbled in the same-sex way could be seen as being “wickedly” kinky – ain’t it kinda thrilling to do something that’s forbidden but can be loads of fun… and no one other than the people you get “kinky” with knows that you’re being kinky?

I’ve always been of a mind that bisexuality opens a lot of things within a person and it’s just isn’t another way to have sex and be intimate: It opens the mind, too, and some folks become bisexual… and get kinky with other things like group sex (swinging and other forms of this), BDSM stuff, roleplaying, crossdressing and other activities that can be seen as being even more kinkier than being bisexual might be seen as.

Bisexuality – and as I’ve been able to observe it – does seem to open a lot of doors that lead to some pretty interesting sexual experiences or, as I said earlier, getting into a kink of one’s choice can do some door opening that’ll allow bisexuality to pay a visit. It’s actually pretty easy to be up to your eyeballs in your favorite kink and see getting into some same-sex stuff as just another way to enhance the kink and, um, get your cookies crumbled… or you get to crumble someone else’s cookies.

I was thinking about cuckolds yesterday and after I wrote yesterday’s scribble about M2M not looking sexy and I was thinking about this because some guys who are into this could very well wind up becoming a cock sucker… and there are a lot of guys who actually want to be into being a cuck so that they can get a chance of sucking that dick his “hotwife” has been enjoying. And, yeah – there’s plenty of porn to be seen where this happens but what I wonder is if a guy who is being cuckolded thinks, feels, or believes that when his hotwife grabs her other lover’s cock and tell him to suck it, is it kinky as far as he – or even his wife – is concerned?

Again, I’d guess that some would say that it is given that for many, being in a threesome, in and of itself, is pretty damned kinky since sex is only supposed to involve two people and no one else. So while one can find themselves in some kind of threesome and that’s kinky, it can be even kinkier when some same-sex stuff jumps off, too, and more so when it adds to the enjoyment of the moment… and, of course, provided one wants to or can be that kinky in this situation.

I am again reminded of the guy I knew who played Mistress/slave games with his wife and swinging partner and how he was up to his eyeballs being “ordered” to suck cock and get fucked while denying that he was bisexual. I get that being able to say, “I was just following orders” is, in itself, pretty kinky but if I’ve learned nothing about this stuff, it’s that people rarely do sexual things that they really don’t like doing or otherwise don’t believe in but, okay, I can see being “made” to do it can be pretty kinky in their view of things.

For me, it all begs the question of whether or not those things we consider to be kinky are really proof of our innate ability to have sex and in a great many different ways or, an even shorter version and question: Is sex itself considered to be kinky… or just humans doing what humans can do? I mean, even the preferred method of sex – boy/girl – can delve into the realm of kinks, right? I think that because of the way we’ve been told and taught to think about sex does put a lot of things “outside of the box” and those things are, well, kinky.

And as such, bisexuality can be seen as kinky because, um, it is fun, exciting, and pleasurable to take the rules and toss them out whenever they need to be tossed out. I recall, way, way, back in the day, being in a foursome and it wasn’t planned but some same-sex stuff happened and the non-bisexual couple thought that what they’d done was pretty exciting… and kinky. I remember thinking that it “made sense” that they saw it as being kinky because, until that moment, it was something neither of them had even thought about but being in the moment and all that, well, they did it and they seemed to get a kick at finding out they were even more kinkier than they believed themselves to be.

I remember the guy, who had spent quite a bit of time sucking my dick, asking me, “Wasn’t that pretty damned kinky? Wow!” I said that it was really kinky of them but, eh, I kinda fibbed a little because I didn’t think it was kinky at all… then again, having a guy sucking my dick isn’t something new to me… but maybe it is kinky in its own right. I do remember letting the thought just kinda fade away from giving it any conscious thought but, yeah – when some people have sex and in a way that just trashes convention, yup – kinky. Just not the way it’s supposed to be done and, importantly, without a single thought or notion about it being perverted or disgusting sexual behavior.

Methinks there’s not much of a line between being kinky and into one of the many fetishes that can be gotten into and the fetishes themselves could be seen as being kinky or, where bisexuality is concerned, a kink within a kink. Bi guys who are crossdressers come to mind; these guys – and as their idea of a great way to have sex – will set aside their male clothing and put on their best girly stuff – then go to town on another guy’s cock when blowing him and then with great glee assume the position to feel that cock in their ass and on the verge of exploding. Do crossdressers think of themselves as being kinky… or is this just normal for them and, even better, does the guy giving the hot crossdresser da bizness think he’s being kinky having sex with another dude who also happens to be decked out in his finest Victoria’s Secret accoutrement?

Hell, is it kinky to even think about it? Or is it just that humans are just notorious when it comes to finding so many different ways to have sex and it’s… easier to think of it as being kinky and all because whatever their kink is puts them outside of what’s always been considered to be conventional sex? I got to thinking about DDJennifer – she and her clan are a very amazing group and with domestic discipline being their kink of choice… but there’s also bisexuality in the mix as well… and does that become a kink within a kink? I’m gonna have to remember to ask Jennifer about this – and that’s if she doesn’t read this and chimes in. It’s my thought that she might not think of it as being kinky but, who know – she might.

I’ve had people ask me how kinky I am or can be and I’ve responded by saying, “That depends on what you find kinky…” because in my own mind – and because I’m bisexual – I don’t think I’m really all that kinky… in that sense; being in a three- or foursome and some guy on guy action is happening isn’t what I’d call kinky – both things are pretty normal to me… but, yeah, I suppose it can be called kinky even though my mind kinda doesn’t work like that; to me, it’s just an extension of those things we considered to be normal and morally correct – it’s still sex but unconventionally so…

Kinda kinky when ya get right down to it. It’s an interesting notion or even concept given that I know of a lot of people who didn’t have a kinky bone in their body become pretty damned kinky once their bisexuality set in and got off the ground. Bisexuality removes a lot of the “normal” sexual inhibitions – and in defiance of the rules – and, sure, okay: It’s kinky to have sex this way and sometimes the kink isn’t the sex itself – it’s breaking the rules that says no one should have sex in the same-sex mode of things. Apparently, it’s quite possible for someone to be very damned kinky and without any real fetishes in the mix and all they really have to do is to have sex in a way that’s not covered under the rules of how sex is supposed to be.

Even going further back in my memories, I can remember when it was said and suggested that eating pussy was… kinky. Later in life, I’d question whether it really was kinky since, um, pussies have been eaten for a damned long time before I discovered the joy of it… but, okay, I guess it’s kinky and probably more so when the rules really don’t say that it’s okay to have oral sex except – and as I understand it – the Catholic Church (and maybe other branches of religion) has a thing against anything that resembles contraception or, bluntly and crudely, if the sperm ain’t going into a pussy – and that’s the only place it’s supposed to go, you could be in a lot of trouble. So maybe this admonishment paves the way for humans to be kinky and not just do the nasty the way we’ve been told to do it.

Interesting. Debatable, even. One person’s kink is another person’s normal and all that.

 
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Posted by on 9 October 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Random Thoughts

I’m not “racist” and I’m not one of those misogynist characters but as I spent the last week perusing Twitter – in particular – and while Bisexuality Week was cranking up, there was a lot more good stuff about bisexuality being tweeted and a lot of it was about bisexual women and how women should stand up for themselves in this.

Good stuff. Right and proper. Many consider bisexual women to be mythical – the much sought after unicorn – early on in my quest to really wrap my head around bisexuality, I couldn’t figure out why it seemed that a lot of people were of a mind that women couldn’t be bisexual when I knew quite a few who were. The bisexual woman gets a bad rap but, comparatively, not as bad as bisexual men do and in the minds of some, the bisexual woman is the poster child for wanton hedonism and promiscuity and the – myth? – that if you can have a threesome with a unicorn, it is all that and like nothing ever has been before.

Could be… and not really. One of the things I noticed early on about girls – women – who were bisexual wasn’t their “great penchant” for wanting to have sex; it was the way they handled being bisexual and in that “it’s not that big of a deal” way that bi guys just never seemed to be able to pull off. Knowing those bi gals was like a master class in the other aspects of bisexuality – emotions – as well as a look into how some women process their need for sex and intimacy… and intimacy that doesn’t include sex.

One bi lady told me that, true enough, she liked men and liked having sex with them… but after a while, you get tired of having sex with men, not that it’s not good but – and as she said – “Men might sometimes have a clue about making love to our bodies but they ain’t shit when it comes to making love to our emotions – no offense.”

None taken. We’ve all heard that saying that only a woman knows what a woman needs and, of course, the problem us guys have is that we think we know this and, um, yeah, not really. So when a woman becomes bisexual, not many people give them a lot of shit about it – as long as she doesn’t go “all the way” and become a lesbian. Bisexual women have, along with bisexual men, remained under the radar because, well, people are stupid and they’d rather bask in their ignorance than to take a good look at why anyone would not want to be just straight or just gay – and I’m sure you’ve heard all of utter bullshit being spewed about bisexual women and how they’re really just some fake-assed bitches trying to trap a man.

And it is true that men are just fascinated with bisexual women; that, all by itself, tends to not make bisexual women all that happy – it makes them feel even more objectified than they already are. I remember one bi gal and I were talking about this and, as expected, she kinda bashed me for liking her just because she was bisexual and all that. I was kinda offended for a moment because, for one, I don’t think like that but I understand that because I’m a guy, I’m guilty by association… and I told her that what made me like her so much was the fact that she knows about women like I do and, at least to me, that meant we had more in common than just being a man and a woman.

So seeing so much positivity for bisexual women was a damned good thing to see being spoken about. Now to the other thing I noticed on Twitter that had me wondering, “I wonder why this is portrayed like this?”

Interspersed with the praise for bisexual women was… “bisexual acts of sex,” to put it that way. To me, “bi porn” is cliched and like most porn is and it’s usually displayed as a woman being with two guys and focus is on whatever the two guys are doing to each other… and the threesome is “always…” Caucasian. Now, I’ve seen some of this involving other ethnicities but nine out of ten times, when you see bi porn, you see white people… and I know better than that and just as I know that it doesn’t always go the way bi porn portrays it, oh, like, one guy is blowing the other guy while the woman is off on the side and, at least in still pictures, orchestrating things or she’s got this look on her face that says, “Yeah – how do you like having a big dick in your mouth?” and it’s not what I’d call a “nice” facial expression.

Just another reason why I’m not a fan of porn so much and even the more preferred amateur porn tends to be more of the same cliched stuff, predictable and all that. But it stuck in my head that with all the, ah, examples being tweeted that I didn’t see one person involved who wasn’t white and I thought, “Hmm… is it thought that anyone who isn’t white wouldn’t and doesn’t enjoy sex like this?” There were a lot of tweets kinda tagged with the bisexual label and pics of a woman being DP’d – and one who was being TP’d – and I don’t mean toilet papered and the phrase, “sword fighting” was prominent and I thought that, you know, just because two guys are fucking a woman in this way doesn’t mean that they’re bisexual and I was even “reminded” about how some guys will, in fact, be in some kind of physical contact with a man and simply because a woman is present.

Then I found out that it’s not that either of the guys aren’t bi in that sense but having a woman present during sex says that he’s not really all that bi or, gasp, gay; I know of guys who’ve said that they’d never just get with another guy but if there was a woman involved, sure – that worked. It just justified the position in their mind that they’re really not bisexual or, again, perhaps more in truth, they’re not gay. That one makes me shake my head a lot and sometimes laugh with a degree of knowing because, um, there are gay men who like a bit of pussy, too… so whatever you’re thinking in this ain’t as accurate as you believe it to be.

Less seen during Bisexual Week were the tweets denouncing bisexuality, not that this position is, at least from my Twitter feeds, seen all that often. I see it at times and all it does is serve to remind me how… stupid, ignorant, and immature some people can be to be running their mouths about something they don’t know a damned thing about. These are the people who think that bisexual is homosexual and their “vision” in some desperate need of correction because they’re only seeing one side of things. I saw “the usual” religion-based objections and I could feel my head shaking in sadness without me giving the order to shake my head sadly. It paints, again, a very sorry picture of how some people just cannot accept the reality of sex and sexuality and their continued reliance on dogmatic things that never reflected the reality of the human condition.

“Well, if a guy likes being fucked by another guy, he’s into guys and that means he’s gay!” Does it? Of course, I happen to know that there’s no real truth to this but the real point is… why doesn’t everyone else know that there’s no real truth to this? I know of guys who have never had sex with a man… but they like their toys in their butt just the same; it begs the question of whether or not a guy who likes giving his prostate the business is even bisexual, let alone gay. Guys who are into pegging insist that having a lady strap one on and give him da bizness does not mean he’s bi or gay… and I tend to agree with that sentiment since a lot of men are becoming very much aware of what having their prostate messed with can produce; it’s just that, um, in order to mess with one’s prostate, there’s only one way to get to it, huh?

If nothing else, it makes some guys less… squeamish about going to the doctor and getting the dreaded finger; not only does it go a long way to make sure they don’t have prostate cancer or other prostate worries but, um, yeah – feeling that finger in there and poking one’s prostate feels rather nice and, yeah – even I get a bit of a thrill when my doctor performs the DRE – digital rectal exam and if he takes a few seconds longer to find and poke my prostate to determine its size and health, well, I’m not of a mind to complain about that although, sheesh, I do wish his office used wet wipes to clean up after the fact…

Seeing all the stuff on Twitter during Bisexuality Week just had me thinking about things bisexual and, in particular, what I’d been seeing and reading. Lots of positivity toward women, not that much about men but quite a bit of visual imagery of men doing things that is construed as being bisexual. A few tweets about regular guys standing up for their right to be bisexual and a smattering of celebrities who are touting their own bisexuality – that gets a lot of attention and more than some regular and not so famous man or woman living in the wilds of Montana would ever get… and I don’t pretend to understand that; we can accept that someone of some kind of fame is bisexual… but everyday people don’t have the same level of acceptance?

Cityman and I were talking and he mentioned some famous person in the past and that they were rumored or confirmed to be bisexual – and I knew they were and had heard the rumors and I asked him, “Why do you even care about that? They were bisexual – so what? A lot of people are.” He explains why, of course, but I guess he’s just another fanboy of celebrities and like so many of us are. They’re human just like I am and if I’m bisexual, they can be, too – it’s not that big of a deal.

My mind once again took on the “task” of figuring out what is really needed when it comes to bisexuality… and it’s not the acceptance that proponents have been clamoring about as a necessity: We need to rewrite every damned thing we’ve ever written about sex so that it reflects the way people can really be. Instead of all this stuff being exclusive, it needs to be inclusive and this, I think, can go a long way to erasing the lines we’ve put in place and making the words straight, bisexual, and homosexual redundant and unnecessary. Our sexuality should be seen and documented as… sexual. Period. The bad part is that this isn’t being done or even attempted but organized religion is very nervous since bi- and homosexuality refutes everything they say about such things.

The good part is that people are being bisexual without any of this because, shit, yeah, people are going to have sex or otherwise be intimate with someone in any damned way they want to; it’s the way it’s always been; it’s the way it is right now and, yep – it’s the way it’s going to be in any future you care to think about. Women are and can be bisexual – it really isn’t that big of a deal and we really and seriously need to get it out of our collective mindset that men who are bisexual are both gay and just plain evil because, this, too, isn’t that big of a deal. No one should have to stand up and defend how they care to go about doing some very human things. Even a noted expert in psychology once said that the only abnormal sex is not having sex at all.

We correctly figured out that homosexuality is not a mental illness and we corrected our… error that said that masturbation was a mental illness, too. We have not, sad to say, corrected the things that need to be corrected… but that calls for doing some shit to religion that just ain’t gonna be easy to do but, like I said, people are still being bisexual nonetheless. I honestly do not know what other “proof” is needed and/or required in order for bisexuality to be seen as the very real thing it’s always been… but I do happen to know one way it can be proved and I know there are those who aren’t going to be of a mind to have this proven to them.

Just sayin’. The one thing that is and will be the most difficult thing to overcome is… belief. Every last one of us who ever lived and is alive right now – and including those who are being born – has been and will be socially programmed and conditioned to believe something that isn’t the whole truth of things. It is… incredible that we can be presented the truths in this… and still not believe them to be true since those truths greatly conflict with that which we’re programmed and conditioned to believe… well, until we find out for ourselves and, as such, break that conditioning. If a bisexual learns nothing else about this, it’s that before the fact, they really did believe in something that, again, isn’t the whole truth – but they know it now and for many, it’s a huge punch in the face and is the source of pretty much all of the internal conflict people experience.

Belief is a damned hard thing to fight against. As long as there is one person who continues to believe that bisexuality isn’t real, that disbelief will remain in force and if one person believes in this way, there will be others who will also believe and this behavior has been proven time and time again… and all you have to do is look at racism to see it at work. This is why acceptance is going to be very difficult to achieve – and why bisexuals are being bisexual without it… because you just cannot fuck with that which someone believes and even if you can prove that what they believe isn’t the truth, you’re not likely to get them to change their minds – this is the, “Yeah, but…” portion of the show.

There are so many people who are of a mind that because they aren’t, can’t, and wouldn’t be bisexual, that means that no one should be bisexual… and there’s not a whole lot to be done about it; there are so many people who have tried to be bisexual and, bluntly, they suck at it and have failed at it as well as had it just go badly for them and, as such, they believe that it doesn’t work and it can’t work and they’d never do it again and, yeah, no one should go there. You just cannot fight against this; even a wholesale rewrite of that which we believe in isn’t going to be enough to change that which someone believes.

Which, again, is exactly why so many people are being bisexual anyway and forget that acceptance shit and even more so when someone who embraces their bisexuality already accepts that they are. Women, as well as men, are saying that even though there are those who don’t believe this is some real-deal shit, it’s real to us and if nothing else, it suits our purposes and allows us to be the person we need to be and if you don’t like it, that’s not our problem and you’d do well not to keep trying to make your problem it our problem… and we’re just not smart enough to stop doing that.

And, yeah – I do know that a lot of people do change their mind about the reality of bisexuality and they have reason to believe the reality… and even if that reason makes no sense to anyone else or is being rejected out of hand and all because that ain’t the way things are supposed to be…

But it is the way they can be. Even I will tell anyone who cares to read or listen that if you don’t wanna be bisexual, you just don’t have to be and simply because not everyone can be – it just doesn’t work for them. Some guy will say something to me about wanting to find out about playing with a dick? I will not only ask them why but I’ll try to talk them out of it and, yes, I’ve done the same thing with women a few times but, as I’ve learned – and I’m so jealous of – women handle bisexuality better than men do and because, I think, for them? It’s no big deal. Yes… bisexual women do have their issues and face their own brand of stigma but for those who have decided that they don’t give a flying fuck what other people have to say?

Not a big deal at all. One woman had me laughing my ass off when she said, “Dudes just be mad because they ain’t the only one getting this pussy! Motherfuckers need to take notes instead of being little bitches about it – no offense!”

None taken – do you have something I can write on and with?

Two guys having sex with a woman isn’t always bisexual – it’s just two guys having sex with a woman… but if they’re having sex with her and each other, okay, I’ll buy that but it’s not always as it appears in bi porn and white people aren’t the only ones who are “kinky” enough to throw it down like that… and you can figure out how I know this for a fact, huh? We have to find a way to get rid of the misperceptions we have about bisexuality and wrap our heads around the truth of what it is:

Just humans being human. My head is now empty… and so is my coffee cup so if you will excuse me, I’ll take my leave.

 
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Posted by on 28 September 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Discovering Bisexuality

Okay… bisexuality is real and so are bisexuals. I was just reading another blogger’s post about her bisexuality and the one thing that stood out to me was that much of what she was writing about was all too familiar to me… because I’ve heard it before. I have been honored and privileged to have learned how a lot of people discovered bisexuality and have done so to the point where it’s kinda easy for me to spot commonalities despite the many ways people discover it.

I dunno… a lot of people seem to think that this is something new in the human experience and I supposed that to them, it is something new to them but, again, I can see a lot of things that I’ve known about, thought about myself, stuff like that and I’m thinking that it’s not a coincidence that so many people who are discovering bisexuality are saying a lot of the same things that I was exposed to while figuring it out for myself.

Even in 2020, there are so many people who are shocked to discover that they have feelings of bisexuality or, at some point, they stumble upon the… confusion of being straight (and like we’re all supposed to be) but, nah, it’s not really working the way it’s supposed to but when they consider that guy/gal over there? Oh, yeah – that feels so much better! And then there’s my favorite people: Those folks who say, “I’d never do some shit like that!” – and then find themselves up to their eyeballs in it and they do, not surprisingly, always find a way to justify things.

Because, simply, it’s something that can make sense no matter what path you take to justify what you’re feeling, let alone what one might do about those feelings. I just keep seeing the same things I’ve been seeing all along and things that reconfirms some stuff about this: Anyone who doesn’t believe that bisexuality isn’t real or they don’t believe in anything that’s not being straight, well, they’re wrong about it. All of it. It paints a… disturbing picture about how we – collectively, of course – look at sex and sexuality and a continuing – but ebbing – sense of abject denial combined with a belief in something that has been proven to be incorrect at best.

When all the serious riffing about homosexuality was taking place, one of the things that I wondered about was that there had to be something about this given that there were a lot of homosexuals running around. I was of a mind that, sure – one person could be wrong about this… but how was it possible for millions of people to be wrong about it? And I’m seeing the same mindset regarding bisexuality; it’s not only “more of the same,” it’s more of the same conflict between belief and reality and, again, that says some very disturbing things to me about us and on the whole. It makes no sense for us to keep insisting that something isn’t real or shouldn’t be real when there’s way too much evidence to support that it is very damned real.

Cityman and I revisited our ongoing conversation about why more people aren’t bisexual and the thing is that more people are discovering bisexual – and more than ever before. The resistance against it is actually starting to fade but, as the Borg famously said, “Resistance is futile; we will add your uniqueness to our own…” – and even if people aren’t getting naked and throwing it down in this way and in great, hedonistic droves, they are thinking about it and seeing the reality of things: Bisexuality is very real… and now it’s just a matter of what to do about it when they – and in another cinematic way, “Search your feelings…”

And when they do – and for a growing number of people – they see bisexuality staring back at them and with open and welcoming arms; they are deciding for themselves that they should, at the very least, give this some serious thought even though societal norms, I guess, “stupidly,” continues to insist that everyone be heterosexual. It’s not that people are coming to this conclusion and by whatever means they have to accomplish this: From where I’m sitting, they’re processing this in very similar ways and, again, ways that I’ve been seeing all along and it’s kinda eerie to see this commonality of thought and how persistent it is.

I said to Cityman during our more recent conversation that an untold number of people are now saying, “Fuck the rules – I’m gonna do what I gotta do!” We are going on and on about social acceptance of sexuality – on the whole of it – and while that’s all nice and everything, people are – and people have – gotten into, uh, um, not being straight without that acceptance; as long as they’re able to get a firm grip on their feelings – and feelings that do kinda come out of nowhere for some folks – it’s the only acceptance that they really need: This is the way I feel and as strange as that might seem and, holy shit, it does feel very strange!

Now it’s about what to do about it and, yeah, without drawing any unwanted attention because, sadly, there are still a great many people who still believe that which is grossly incorrect and they’d be of a mind to jump in your case about it. The girl who wrote the piece I mentioned? It was… refreshing to read about what was going on in her mind and, again, it wasn’t anything that I wasn’t already familiar with because I’ve heard it so many times before. She’s just one of many people who managed to find out that being straight, well, that’s nice… but not the whole answer to some things.

One of the things that people almost immediate learn about bisexuality is that attraction doesn’t really work the way everyone says it’s supposed to be and it doesn’t work the way we, individually, thinks it’s supposed to work. The rule is one of no same-sex attractions yet those who discover bisexuality really do get confused when they find themselves having same-sex attractions and it doesn’t really make a difference whether the attraction that poked them to get their attention makes their heart go pitter-patter… or makes them incredibly horny which, again, is pretty confusing. Even in this, some bisexuals are pretty adamant about not being attracted to the same sex and what that really means is that they’re not attractive in the “I wanna be in a relationship with them” way… but if they wanted to do the nasty, well, hmm – that can be arranged.

Some of us insist that it’s “impossible” to be attracted to the sex that’s possible and that there has to be some kind of attraction that isn’t rooted in sex and that means, to them, is that person relationship material… and overlooking the fact that if you’re thinking about them like this – and whether you reject them or not – there’s some “attraction” going on that’s telling you to get with this person while conscious thinking insist that, nah, you don’t find them attractive at all. The thing here is that when people discover their bisexuality, that which they now find attracting just changes; they feel drawn in a direction that they’re not supposed to be even paying any attention to… and now they wanna know why and, yep, eventually, they figure it out:

Holy shit – am I bisexual? I see people getting to this point and, again, going through a thought process that is so familiar to me that when I get to see it, I’m not ever surprised – I’ve seen it before. People do take different paths in wrapping their heads around this surprising and shocking realization but even then, there is still a lot of commonality that remains pretty persistence over all this time…

And it is just fascinating to see it and to see how… consistent it is. It reconfirms something I’ve found to be true: Bisexuality isn’t really all about doing – it’s about what you think and feel; it’s just that, um, doing has some appeal to it and there’s that inexplicable compulsion to get to doing some doing. And social acceptance be damned. That invisibility thing? It’s not that big of a deal and like so many people seem to think it is; the reality of it is it’s no one else’s business how you feel about people and/or how you go about having sex with someone, you know, if that’s what you wanna do.

In this, Cityman seems to be of a mind that there’s not enough men and women getting into this and I counter with, “But a lot of people are getting into it – there’s just no way of knowing who is, is there?” As usual, I pointed out that even as we spoke about this, someone is discovering that, at the least, they feel bisexual and there is always someone – and in any given moment – having their first same-sex sexual experience. The problem – and if you can really call it a problem – is that you just do not and cannot know who is making this discovery about themselves and you sure as hell can’t know who is doing something about it.

People discover this about themselves “right out of the gate” and early in their life while others, as I say, are late to the party and some of those folks have always known how they feel while others do get hit “out of nowhere” with this discovery. They rationalize it and justify it in the way they can manage it… it’s just that I’ve seen how eerily similar this process is and has been. Whether action is now called for or not, well, that’s a different kind of cluster fuck since, at all times, we are aware of society’s mandates, rules, edicts and outright prejudice toward anyone who is straight and like they’re supposed to be.

Some people do discover that they’re not really all that straight and how they can discover this is a recurring theme, to put it in those terms. I mean, there must be some truth and reality involved here since, duh, a lot of people do discover bisexuality and even those who say, “I don’t believe in that shit and I’d never do some shit like that!” A lot of people do say, “Well, I might try it…” and followed by whatever terms and conditions under which they just might do that but it is to remember – and believe, if you can – that bisexuality isn’t just about having the sex and it’s very much worth repeating that it is about what one thinks and feels. And, sure – if you can “point” to a reason or two that “explains” how you’re feeling, well, so much the better and the ever-repeating thing here is that humans have the uncanny ability to justify anything they might do… and even if that justification doesn’t make any sense to someone else.

People discover this about themselves; someone is discovering and processing it right this very moment and along the same lines of thought that, again, I’ve seen time and time again. Indeed, some people learn by doing – shit really does happen, ya know? Not everyone figures this out in that after the fact way but, yeah – discovery can happen even when some shit that ain’t supposed to happen does happen. And here’s the kicker: If you found yourself making this discovery because shit did happen, um, didn’t it happen because unbeknownst to you, you wanted it to happen and not allowing it to happen, ah, kinda didn’t make any sense? Quite the cluster fuck after the fact – what the hell just happened and, even better, why did it happen and why did I allow it to happen?

And even for these folks, there is a commonality that I’ve seen at work. Not everyone discovers this and not everyone wants or needs to and that’s fine… but people do discover it and they, again, process it in ways that I don’t ever find surprising because I’ve seen it before and I’m still seeing it now. This is some very real shit and those who are objecting to it – and insisting that it isn’t real, well, they’re clueless and they’ve been misled. Some objectors do so based on their own experiences – and usually because it was, well, pretty fucked up; a lot of people are of a mind that since this is something they wouldn’t do, no one else would want to or should get into; again, it paints a pretty disturbing picture about how we, on the whole, see sex and sexuality.

It’s why those who discover this almost immediately wind up in a major conflict with themselves. It’s not acceptance we need in this: We need to have the rules and other shit… eliminated. Disposed of. Rewritten to reflect the reality of things. The social programming and conditioning we receive has to be changed to reflect the reality. Doesn’t mean that everyone now has to be bisexual but if one discovers it, well, okay – not a problem. And the one thing that continues to defy what we believe is that people, in every moment of every day and for whatever reason makes sense to them, are discovering bisexuality and whether it’s “just sex” or more than just that; whether it’s an all-encompassing intellectual exercise or, yeah – shit happened.

It’s so familiar because that’s the way it’s always been – I’m just one of many people who’s been able to actually see the commonality involved when someone discovers that, whoa – they may not be a straight as they believed themselves to be… but they’re not gay – or they think they’re are and sometimes hope that they aren’t. It’s just that the discovery process for so many people gets… muddied because so many others continue to be in denial and keep insisting that it’s not real or this is something that it really isn’t and whatever other garbage they want to throw onto the pile… and all because it’s them who can’t accept the truth of this.

Not everyone is straight… and a lot of people do discover this about themselves and some of them, if you had told them that they would, would have laughed in your face and told you that you were out of your fucking mind if you thought that one day, they, too, might discover bisexuality… and, yeah, I’ve heard that one before, too.

 
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Posted by on 26 September 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Price…

…do you put on your sexual satisfaction? Another good question is who’s responsible for this – you or others? Even though the question of whether bisexuality is real or not is still being hotly debated and contested, behind the scenes – or, under the radar, if you will – a lot of people are of a mind to stop putting limits on their sexual satisfaction, to not make the price too or so high that it’s unaffordable and that they are personally and directly responsible for seeing to their satisfaction rather than relying on someone else to take care of things.

We know what the rules of relationships say about this: Whomever you’re with, that’s who you have to work with in this and no outside sources allowed. That puts a great deal of pressure on folks knowing that if their partner wants/needs sex, um, should it be dutifully provided or does the person have some say or recourse in this? It has always, in my mind, begged the question, “If you’re not gonna fuck me, who’s supposed to?” – and the conventionally accepted answer is, “No one.”

What if, by chance, whatever sex you’re having isn’t enough and I’m not necessarily talking quantity or even quality? I’ve heard a lot of people ask this question: “Is this all there is to sex?” and more so when sex, yeah, it tends to get… monotonous, routine, and that “chore” than can drop down in the ranks and makes cleaning a filthy toilet look like it’s more fun. What can be done about this? Well, um, the answer is theoretically easy – find another source for sex… but the practical application isn’t so easy since, sometimes, that other thing that can be done can involve someone who’s physically like you are.

Uh oh. A lot of folks think that cheating is bad enough… and even worse when it involves same-sex stuff and if you think that single folks get a “get out of jail free” card in these things, well, no – they don’t. Not really. The perception here is that if you’re free to have sex with anyone you can get with, there’s no need to do it in the same-sex mode of things but, okay, if you do, well, aren’t you quite the freaky so-and so? The fact remains that regardless to whether you’re single or in a relationship, the responsibility for your sexual satisfaction is yours to bear and the “mistake” we all make is depending on someone to take care it for us; we really do just hand that responsibility to someone else and, again, even if we’re single and even this, the “one man/one woman” rule is still in effect and it’s still considered to be in very bad taste – and morally wrong – if you’re a man or a woman and you have a more… enlightened concept of the one man/one woman rule.

To the question of why people are bisexual, the answer you may not hear so much about is, “simply,” they recognize that they are responsible for their satisfaction in this and, unlike so many others, they’re not of a mind to put too high of a price on it. While many are content to let their sexual needs be taken care of in the single source mode of things, more people today are finding that, frankly, that’s just not working for them so much. They’re recognizing that things like sexual attraction and desire – and taking care of these things – only has limits because we impose them and do our level best to enforce them at all times. The price, more often than not, has been set unreachably high and not by our own doing – the price was preset already. Then life experiences with sex, well, hmm – that does something to the price as well as sets the stage for responsibility to be handed off to someone else who may or may not be of a mind to take on that responsibility so much and, yeah, knowing that if they fail in this, things could get messy.

I remember when someone asked me about my bisexuality and why I chose to do things in this way and, without really thinking about it, I said that if I didn’t understand anything else, I understood that the responsibility for my sexual pleasure and satisfaction rests solely with me and that it didn’t make any sense to put a high price on it and one so high that being able to have sex became undoable. Ha… even that response surprised the shit out of me even as I said it! I really had no idea that it was hanging out in my head like that… but I saw the truth of it. We hold true that if you’re a guy and you gotta have sex, go find a woman who’ll be willing to accommodate you and if she isn’t, it sucks to be you. If she is and, at some point she decides that she doesn’t want to be bothered with it – doesn’t want to be responsible for your satisfaction – too bad, homey. Very much sucks to be you. And if this occurs in the relationship mode of things, you are well and truly fucked… and not even in the good way. You can cheat or leave the relationship… or admit defeat and give up all hope of ever having sex again.

And a lot of people are, these days, questioning this mindset… and they’re not buying it or even of a mind to rent it for the weekend anymore. If “Sally” has determined that indulging herself in the sensuality and eroticism of the touch of another woman is what she needs in her life, it’s her responsibility to see to it and she’s even responsible for not making the price too high for herself or anyone else. The “thing” is that by and large, if our girl Sal is determined in this, eh, few people are gonna give her a whole lot of shit about it and more so when us guys, well, you know what some women say about our utter lack of consistency and being totally clueless about their emotional needs in this. What is less accepted, of course, is when men find reason to go this route as well… and more and more people – both men and women – are just ignoring the moral and conventional thinking in these things because they realize that the responsibility is theirs to deal with… and the price cannot be set so astronomically high.

The thing that drives society batshit crazy about this is that it’s being done without permission, so to speak. As much as society is aware of this behavior, it’s not the preferred and mandate way to deal with one’s responsibilities in this. Society grudgingly accepts that not all responsibilities are handled in the boy/girl only mode of things: Boy/boy and girl/girl, shit, okay, damn it – we (society) ain’t really feeling that shit but it is what it is (and what it’s always been, by the way). But to be about all of the above? You greedy motherfuckers and bitches! Pick a side and stay on it, you damned perverts! You’ve heard the admonishments, right? In denial, fake motherfuckers and cunts and confused?

Yet, a lot of people – and in a great many settings – are saying, “Fuck that shit – I’m gonna get what I need and if you don’t like it, you just don’t like it!” From singles to even polyamorous groups and including people in more… traditional relationships, owning one’s responsibility to see to their satisfaction has become paramount… and putting very high prices on this is unthinkable and, yeah, pretty stupid, to be real about it. Yes… it is better to ask – and get – permission than it is to always beg for forgiveness – and then find one’s self not being forgiven but there are a whole lot of people today who, when the question I asked earlier – if you’re not gonna fuck me, who’s supposed to? – comes up, they’re not going to accept the answer of, “No one is.”

Wrong answer. A growing, unacceptable one. The price as quoted is way too high and, yeah, many people are taking back the responsibility they’ve given others and realizing that the onus in this has always been theirs to handle. Now, if you wanna come on this journey with me, well, that just works but if you don’t, well, that’s too bad because that whole boy/girl, boy/boy, and girl/girl thing isn’t the only affordable price available… and “all of the above” is not only affordable but is determined to be well within our responsibility to ourselves in this.

Many are discovering that the price is… negotiable. Indeed, when I’ve had conversations with people about bisexuality, one of the things I ask them is, “What price do you put on your satisfaction?” and followed – or sometimes prefaced with, “Who’s supposed to be responsible for your satisfaction in this?” Now, if your idea of being responsible to yourself in these things doesn’t include being “way out of the box,” okay – it’s what works for you and yes – a lot of people find the price involved affordable… right up until the moment comes when it becomes unaffordable and/or their responsibility to themselves is being taken away from them because we all know about the way things are supposed to be.

It’s just that a lot of people are finding and learning that, for one, the way things are supposed to be ain’t the same thing as the way things can be… and that it’s not only more affordable, it’s very much in line with their responsibility to see to and take care of their satisfaction in these things and whether it’s emotional, physical, or both. And the biggest kicker is that there’s no way to know or tell who has decided that it’s not only their responsibility but that there’s no unreasonably high price that should be attached to it. Single, married or otherwise in a relationship. Open relationships, swinging, being poly and in a poly group or even family setting. The boundaries, which were always artificial, are being torn down and cleverly so. There’s the relationships are supposed to be and many are discovering or otherwise figuring out that their relationship is only going to be as good as everyone involved makes it. So not only are the rules of relationship being rewritten but many are agreeing to not only wrest back their responsibility, openly sharing that responsibility is what really and nicely gets the bulldog fed.

Some folks do decide otherwise. The price is too high and should never, ever, be lowered for such… carnal reasons. In a relationship, it’s the partner’s responsibility to see to the other’s satisfaction without fail and without any excuses and without exception. This is the way we’ve always gone about such things and, no, single, unattached folks don’t really get a pass in this – and it’s well known what we – society – tends to think about those people who “just go out” and have sex with as many people as they can manage and definitely not in the mandated “one man/one woman” way and, yeah – even if the man or woman in question is gay.

Who’s supposed to be responsible for your satisfaction in this? What price do you put on it and, better, why is your price set the way it is and more so if that price is quite high? Would it surprise you that a lot of people do know that they’ve set the price very high… and would it surprise you that those who have sees no reason to lower the price and, yeah, the responsibility belongs with someone else? And would you be just as surprised to become aware that you’re one of those people with an unbelievably high price and depending on someone else to take care of something that, in reality, it’s your responsibility to own? And, perhaps, making matters worse, you’re of a mind that you have no choice or recourse in this?

You see, those of us who are bisexual aren’t this way just for the sex or even the emotional content. This is us – and in our own unique way – realizing and recognizing that, for one, the responsibilities in this are ours and that putting too high of a price on seeing to those responsibilities, well, not only does it not make sense but it defeats the purpose when it comes to being responsible to ourselves in this. Is it about the sex? Of course it is. Is not not just about the sex? Of course there’s more to it than that… it’s just that the sex is fun and let’s not bullshit or fool ourselves in thinking that it isn’t or that it lacks importance.

Who’s supposed to take care of this for you? What price do you put on it? Are you – or could you – be defeating your own purposes here if, one, you’re not being responsible to yourself and/or, two, you are of a mind that doing what you might need to do isn’t worth it and the price involved, indeed, is much too high? If if that price is high, why is it? Who set it that way? Why do you – or we, really – believe that the price isn’t negotiable?

This, I think, is the aspect of bisexuality that little or few people talk about. Too concerned about what other people think about this; way too focused on the sex that can happen but not so much on why it’s happening. Continuing to believe and hold true that the way things are supposed to be handled in this is the only way… and when we very well know that it isn’t. The truth is that these responsibilities can be handled and seen to via boy/girl, boy/boy, girl/girl and, yes, all of the above. You know, um, if you really do believe that it is worth it to you, that the price for bucking conventional systems in these things is, indeed, negotiable.

And that the responsibility for taking care of these things is yours and yours alone but sure – if you can share that responsibility with other – not give it away – then, hmm: Is this something you might be interested in? And the good part is that bisexuality, such as it is, doesn’t have to be in the mix at all but, sure, it could be…

If the price is right. If it is deemed to be what makes you whole, complete and, oh, yeah, satisfied and your responsibility to yourself is also satisfied and being handled in the way it needs to be handled. People are or become bisexual, not simply because they can be but because they do recognize in their own way that they do have a responsibility to themselves to be happy and satisfied and that there’s no price that should be that high or otherwise get in the way of that responsibility. It’s not just men who are figuring this out; women are figuring it out, too; it’s not some “kinky” thing that couples can get into and just for the fun of it; it is a recognition that the way things are supposed to be doesn’t always work for the way they, as a couple, want and need to be where the responsibility they have to, with, and for each other is concerned.

And many aren’t of a mind to ask for permission from society in this. Would be nice to have it… not really needed. It is why so many people step away from convention and with little regard for what other people are gonna say about them for doing so. And having no say or recourse in any of this? Not an option. Is not going to be tolerated. If no one else likes it, all they can do is not like it. And to the question of who’s supposed to fuck you if your partner ain’t gonna do it? “No one is supposed to” is an unacceptable answer and it does speak to the fact that someone giving this answer feels or otherwise believes that it’s not their responsibility to provide you with that which you need for your satisfaction and well-being.

Is ya feeling me on this? Probably not, huh, and the scary part? You’re probably not feeling me even when, “secretly,” you just might be thinking that I’m right about this… but to do something about it? The price is too high and it’s not worth it. Or, intellectually, it makes sense… but it is, again, too pricey and too irresponsible to be thinking about your own needs when you should be more concerned – and, perhaps, responsible – for someone else’s needs since, uh, they did just hand it over to you and without and fussing, fighting, or even reservation.

Hmm. I’m going to go away now and find something else to do and leave you to ponder this, you know, if you’re of a mind to. It doesn’t matter to me if you agree or disagree with what I’ve scribbled today because, if nothing else, this happened to be in my head in this moment and if y’all don’t know anything else about me, this blog is about getting that stuff out of my head. If it resonates with you, good… and if it doesn’t, well, you’re responsible for what does or doesn’t resonate with you, ain’t ya? You do have the right to make someone else responsible for this, just as you have the right to set the price as high as you think is necessary.

I’m just the guy who also happens to be bisexual and not so much a fan of things monogamous who’ll ask you… why would you do this to yourself when you don’t have to and, better, why would you do this to someone else? To the question of do I think “everyone” should be bisexual or, really, more flexible in these things? I say no because it’s not for everyone; the price for them is way too high; it’s not worth it to them to buck the system, such as it is and many feel that by being responsible for their satisfaction is both irresponsible and even selfish because their duty – their obligation – is to put other people first and foremost. Which makes the questions posed way back in the beginning of this more… pointed, methinks.

 
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Posted by on 19 September 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What’s the Attraction?

Well, it depends on who you’re asking when trying to figure out how and why two guys having sex is so attractive. The “funny” part is that we’ve been so against this kind of sex that we kinda forget the fact that guys have been sexing each other all along so there must be something to it.

It’s “different;” liberating, even revealing in that a lot of guys learn a great deal about themselves. Sinful and taboo, of course, but that’s not necessarily the bad thing it’s supposed to be. Some even cite that you have have all the sex you can get with women… but you’ve not really had sex until you’ve done it with a guy. Not that it’s always all that and a bag of chips but it reveals a side of sex that we know about but doesn’t get “real” until you do it.

So many guys suck a dick for the first time or get sucked by a guy… and it’s so eye-opening. You can watch “gay porn” from now until the cows come home… but until you either cum in a guy’s mouth or he busts one in yours, there’s just no comparison and, indeed, a whole lot of guys who’ve said they’d never do some shit like that tend to find out that they should have been doing it all along.

The sex, it turns out, can be pretty damned attractive. True enough, for many who find out first-hand about this, it’s much more than sex – it’s the epiphany to end all epiphanies, a moment of self-discovery and a real glimpse into what sex is really about, that everything you thought about being attracted is only half of the whole. To hear a guy say that he’s never been able to cum being sucked… and then you find your mouth full of it and he is so surprised… and hooked.

That includes the many guys who know about M2M blowjobs and insist that they couldn’t give one or, if they were able to, acquiring that taste is beyond them… then they find out that they can suck that dick and tasting sperm ain’t all that bad… and nows they, too, are hooked. Can’t do it enough – who knew it could be so exciting and pleasing?

A lot of guys, to be honest and over many generations. For such a long time ago that no one knows what two guys first discovered this kind of sex and why it was either a great idea or something borne out of necessity. it’s either been lost to history or deliberately erased. And, yes: So many men are very attracted to find out what it’s like to be subjected to a man’s lust and just as women have always known and haven’t always been a fan of.

You’d think that being fucked in the ass has zero attractiveness at all but until you’ve been fucked and your prostate takes a nice “beating” until the other guy explodes in you, sure – it’s not easy to see what would be so attractive about being screwed in the forbidden hole. There is, obviously, something to it since guys do fuck other guys and a lot of the guys being fucked absolutely love it.

Like anything else involving sex, it’s not without its… issues and risks – but for many, it’s the issues and risks that makes this so damned attractive and more so when the majority of those risks are easily mitigated or awakens a guy’s creativeness so that they can partake in such forbidden and disallowed sexual pleasure. It is, in fact, the sheer nastiness of it that many find so horribly attractive.

Being in a position to suck a guy’s cock and knowing that it’s forbidden is quite the rush and such an interesting contradiction. Even I’ve been sucking a guys dick and asking myself what the hell am I doing… but not even giving a single thought about stopping… until I have his cum in my mouth. So deliciously nasty and so morally wrong and maybe it was made to be so because someone figured out that this kind of sex was way too much fun and just couldn’t be allowed – guys back then should be totally focused on making women pregnant.

Well, um, until they weren’t really feeling that so much but that’s a different kettle of fish. Anyway, it’s not so much about what makes it so attractive but why it is and you don’t need a doctorate degree to figure that out: It’s sex. A chance to have orgasms – and men do have them, by the way – and to cause ejaculation and, yep, an ejaculation you don’t have to literally take into your own hand(s). Well, you could do that, too, if ya wanted to and even if there’s a guy who wouldn’t mind doing it for you.

But, um, if you really wanted to know why it’s so attractive, hmm – try it and you just might like it. And ladies? Just in case you think I forgot about you, if you really want to know what makes us so crazy about pussy, here’s your chance to know like we do, you know, if you’ve ever really wondered why we are the way we are: Um, yeah – pussy tastes good and has a wonderful mouth feel.

Just saying. The best way to understand the attraction is to experience it. One can do it intellectually… but where’s the fun in that? Don’t want or need to? Believe me, many people have said that very same thing… and they’re such huge fans of it. I mean, who knew it could be like that?

More men and women that anyone could shake a stick at. Unimaginable numbers; so many that trying to keep count is almost impossible. It really is that damned attractive.

 
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Posted by on 13 September 2020 in Uncategorized

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Who’s More Likely…

…to embrace bisexuality? Men or women? A damned good question and one that, at the moment, I have no idea why it popped into my head. Well, maybe I do know because I had changed browser tabs after peeking at the forum and a thought about new guys and guys still sitting on the bench flashed through my mind.

Okay… that’ll work for now. As to the question itself? Idealistically, anyone and regardless to sex – male or female – can be likely to embrace bisexuality and depending upon their need and how they’ve thought it can and will fit into their lives, plans, goals, expectations, etc..

Women may have the more… emotional advantage and, combined with their unique sense of logic, might be more amenable to explore bisexuality, not so much because of any physical needs but their emotional ones. Men, on the other hand, well, that’s kinda getting a bit… complicated as more and more men are, surprisingly, embracing their inner girl and opting for more emotional content than physical but that doesn’t diminish that physical need one bit.

Off the top of my head, um, it’s a draw; there are way too many other variables that have to be considered that, at least for me, makes coming up with anything that might sound definitive really hard to do. Of course, I get to see what a lot of men on the forum have on their minds about this and if you kinda put it all together, one might think that men are more likely to embrace bisexuality than women would be… and I don’t think that’s really accurate and, of course, due to a lack of information. I mean, I know what some women think about this but it’s not nearly enough data to make a real educated guess either way.

Then you tack on the fact that, today, a man or a woman isn’t even thinking about this but, tomorrow? It’s on their mind and what no one knows is why it’s now on their mind and, I think, enough to get their attention. Not in the way that they’re now thinking about this and to the exclusion of all else; it’s really like a whisper or, perhaps, some kind of subliminal message that just might be, as suspected, that’s generated by one’s subconscious.

Yeah… good luck trying to figure out how that works. And good luck asking them why they’re thinking like this, while you’re at it and if, by chance, you are privy to the fact that it crossed their mind in the first place. As a matter of fact, they’re asking themselves why they’re thinking about this and especially if they never thought about it before.

I’ve been of a mind that being more… welcoming? – is dependent upon what someone thinks, feels, and/or believes that they need in their life and the “best” way to get it. As always, it’s not as if there’s no one who isn’t at least distantly aware that stuff in the same-sex mode happens and it’s always amazed and fascinated me how a person can think through a whole lot of stuff and this particular thing just sticks out and now they’re thinking, “Hmm… I wonder what this is really all about… and should I look into it?”

The one thing I do kinda know is that once this thought gets stuck in their head, shaking it out isn’t all that easy and tends to generate an internal discussion where one side says going this route ain’t the way to go – moral and/or personal beliefs and all that – and there’s this other side that is, if nothing else, willing to investigate the possibilities or, what’s it gonna hurt to, at least, look at this? We don’t have to do anything but this is, for now, a thought exercise.

The funny part is that this “conversation” is taking place even when one’s mind is occupied with other things – the human brain is an amazing organ, after all. Why does this sound like either a good or bad thing? What, if anything, is really needed? Emotional comfort? Sex? Both? Sometimes neither; it is within the realm of possibility that just putting one’s mind in “bisexual mode” – accepting the reality of it – is all that’s needed for them to feel whole and complete.

No further actions are required. And it can happen to anyone; at any time; with or without reason… and even if, initially, a reason doesn’t make one damned bit of sense to them. Really… how many times have I personally heard someone say, “I have no idea why I’m thinking about this?” or saying, “I don’t know why I have this urge to do this!”

That’s okay… because I don’t know, either – I just know that it does. Anyone. At any time. No warning or advance notice. One moment it’s not there and the next moment it is. It either gets ignored or shoved to the back of the bus or it becomes an itch that’s not going to go away until one tries to scratch it on some way and, usually, by giving the thought some attention – a little or a lot, doesn’t matter.

Are such thoughts already “pre-programmed” into us? Can be “activated” in a lot of different ways… or just remains dormant “forever?” That’s what we don’t know although a lot of experts in human behavior and sexuality are of a mind that gay folks, again, got it partially right: We’re born this way and now it’s all about whether it’s active or not, whether it gets activated or never does.

Who’s more likely? No way of knowing. Cannot be predicted or even guessed at. Some might say that men are more likely given our, um, hard-wired need for sex and some might say that women are because of their equally hard-wired need for emotional content and connection. While both thing could very well be true, they can also be just as untrue.

Which makes this stupid “bisexual visibility” thing such a pain in a lot of peoples’ ass: No one “looks like the type” because anyone could potentially be “the type.” Anyone. At any time. For reasons that just might not make any sense to the person in question, let alone to anyone else.

“Nah, I’d never do some shit like that!” Yeah… and how many times have I heard this and the person uttering it is now up to their eyeballs in it? More than I can easily count. Or, “I don’t believe in that!” and, hmm, somehow and in some way, their beliefs have changed and now, if they say anything about it, it’s a possibility and whether it’s a slim one or not. This is about the time when someone will start stating a lot of conditions that would have to happen before they’d actually do something and, usually, in their minds, formed in such a way that tends to insure that they won’t be able to do anything.

Then they do something and now they’re even more bamboozled because whatever conditions they put in place to make sure they couldn’t do it, well, how’d that work for ya? It didn’t, huh? Uh-huh: How many times have I heard someone say, “I don’t believe I just did that!”?

A lot. Anyone. At any time. For any reason.

That’s the best I got…

 
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Posted by on 4 September 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “It Sounds Like a Good Idea”

I learned to inwardly cringe every time I heard a guy utter these words and in response to my question of, “Why in the world would you want to get into having sex with other guys?”

I knew – and even if they didn’t – that a lot of things sound like a good idea until it’s time to take things from idea to reality and if things don’t work the way a person envisioned them, well, that’s not a good thing.

I’d often find myself getting into that “what is it like” conversation with some guys whose curiosity had grown from something that was on their mind – and for whatever reason it was there – to the “I need to find out” phase of things. I’ve had so many of these conversations that just talking to some guys was enough for me to get an idea about whether or not what they wanted to experience was, in fact, what they really wanted and needed to do. I learned that, I guess, it’s better to have a good reason for wanting to defy conventional thinking when it comes to sex; there has to be a real… need to cross the line and I learned that, “it sounds like a good idea” is often not a good reason.

I would find myself doing everything I could think of to talk a guy out of this. I wouldn’t lie to them or overly exaggerate things but I’d give it to them straight and beginning with if you decide to go through with this, it’s going to change your life… forever… and it might do it in ways that’s not gonna be good. I’d ask them why they felt and/or thought that – usually – having oral sex with a guy would be a good thing for them to get into; some guys would say that they’d always been curious about it; some guys would say that they knew and/or had heard of some guy who was into it and maybe it was something they needed to check out for themselves.

Some guys were just horny and couldn’t get some babe to uncross her legs; some guys in this category would often say that getting themselves off had little or no real effect other than to make them even more frustrated over their predicament. Okay, that’s a legit reason… but these guys were, in my view of things, looking to replace one thing with something else; it’s not that this… substitution thing can’t or doesn’t work because it can but for male bisexuality to be more… effective, there should be more than just “I need the release” going on because, again, this is a life-changing thing to do and, as such, I’ve heard a lot of guys speak to having a great deal of regret because they thought it sounded like a good idea… then found out it was anything but.

I often say that bisexuality isn’t just a thing to do – it’s a way to be. It’s sex… and much more than that. Wrapping your mouth around a guy’s dick – or him doing that to you? Not really as simple or easy as it seems to be. Sure… some guys watch “gay porn” and can get intrigued by what they see and some guys admit that this is what got them thinking that sucking on a dick or even some anal stuff just sounds like a good idea… until they find themselves in that moment of truth.

I’ve seen guys freeze up; change their minds because they just realized that that good sounding idea is anything but. I’ve seen guys break down and cry, throw up, etc., and none of that is pretty. I’ve seen guys actually get the dick in their mouth and lose it. I’ve seen such things so many times that, at least for me, “it sounds like a good idea” isn’t a good enough reason to subject yourself to such a life-altering thing to do.

Still, some guys are very sure that this is what they want to do. They not only know it at an intelligent level, they feel it and by this I mean that they really do feel the pull toward the middle of things; they’ve seen guys who, with just a look, makes their heart go pitter-patter and, yep, makes it pretty crowded in their underwear. For guys like this, it’s not just or only a good idea, it’s just logical; it intelligently makes sense and every fiber of their being is telling them to find someone to, really, confirm that what they’re feeling is as genuinely real as it all feels to them.

Even still, um, you still gotta be able to do it. There’s always that moment of truth that tests whether that good idea is really that good. It’s always interesting to see a guy facing the moment of truth and to be able to see him thinking about whether or not he really wants to do this; again, sitting somewhere and imagining it in your head is one thing… but a whole different critter when there’s a dick – hard or otherwise – right in your face and waiting for you to do something to it. Or, if you’re that guy who’s been wondering what it’s like to be blown by another guy, there’s still that moment of truth thing going on as you’re watching the other guy lowering his head… and the shit gets very, very real and some guys freak out in some way or they’re so… highly strung? that they can’t even get hard and other “disturbing” things that makes the good idea not so much of one.

I’ll ask guys, “Are you really sure that this is what you want to do?” and it’s a question that I’ll keep asking over and over, from the moment I start talking about what they’re thinking about getting into right up to the moment it’s about to happen if it’s gonna happen with me. The funny thing is that, personally, I haven’t had that many guys get to that before the moment of truth part and change their minds and decide not to go there; usually, some guys get to that moment and decide that they can’t do it and that’s fine; some guys literally say, “Fuck it…” and dive in and learn whether it works for them or it doesn’t. Some guys will go for it… and stop right away; some guys commit themselves to doing it but you can tell they’re still struggling with the reality of it. And some guys, well, they just make you wonder if they were telling you the truth when they said they’ve never done this before.

That it sounds like a good idea, again, is often not so much of a good idea. Like I said, this is some life-changing shit and of the kind that is either going to make your life “better…” or it just isn’t going to. Some guys are of a mind that a one-time thing is what the doctor ordered and thinking that they’re gonna get to bust a nut and that solves the issue of the moment… then find that it’s more involved than that… or find that they just made the “biggest” mistake of their lives.

True enough, many guys find that, wow – this wasn’t as bad as they thought or imagined; many guys do say that, wow, they don’t know why they didn’t do this before now. Some guys are exhilarated… and some guys wind up being more confused than they were before the fact. You can think about it all you want to; you can find out all that you can manage to find out about this and it is better to make as much of an informed decision as humanly possible. You should, I think, have to keep asking yourself why you want to do this and if you can do whatever you’re thinking about and most of all you should be “100%” sure that this is what you need in your life and not so much in a “right now” kind of way.

It always sounds like a good idea… until you find out whether it really is or isn’t.

 
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Posted by on 31 August 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Rejection

Another one of those things that to say doesn’t feel good is the understatement to end all understatements. It doesn’t feel good even when you’re pretty sure that you’re gonna be rejected. A lot of bisexuals tend to fall into a… trap of sorts, that being, if I’m bisexual and this other person is bisexual, well, anything jumping off is a given or a no-brainer… until you find out that you’re not their type or some other thing that, in their mind, makes you an unwanted item or just uninteresting to them.

You’d think that guys, in particular, would be used to being rejected if/when dealing with women – it still sucks, by the way, but once you start getting kicked to the curb, well, you kinda get used to it and, indeed, before you even say, “Hi!” to her, you just know she’s gonna reject you out of hand.

But when bi guys get rejected by other guys, it’s like they don’t understand why they should be rejected since, “duh,” I like dick and you like dick so that should work, right? Then it doesn’t and now the rejected guy is feeling some kind of way and, again, can’t seem to figure out why he should be rejected in the first place.

One guy told me how he felt being rejected by another guy who he knew, without any doubt, was into the dick thing and how he felt as if he’d lost everything. I said two things to him: One, being rejected is part of the deal and, two, you can’t lose something that you never had.

This rejection happened in the pre-Internet, pre-app age and at a time when in any of this, being face-to-face with someone was the only way you were going to find out anything one way or the other and it was pretty much a gigantic crap-shoot; you either guessed correctly or you didn’t and if you didn’t, that’s not so much of a rejection but, yeah, it could be seen as such.

Today? Sites and apps are a platform for people to speak to their preferences and invoke “I want what I want and the exact way I want it!” and making it very clear that if you’re not what they want, don’t even bother to contact them. On the one hand, this is good information to know before the fact – saves some embarrassing moments and finding out that you’ve been summarily dismissed and rejected before you can say, “Wazzup?” to someone else isn’t all that painful or stressful.

You see their… demands and if you know you don’t or can’t meet them, you shrug and move on to the next profile. On the other hand, however, it’s… frustrating to go through profiles looking for someone who can meet your needs and see that there are so many men who are so damned picky that it even makes me say, “Getting with a woman is easier, relatively speaking…”

Having a guy you’re interested in is one thing; hitting him with the “indecent proposal” is one thing and if he says no, well, damn – that sucks that he officially rejected your advances, doesn’t it? A lot of guys are, indeed, used to being rejected and take being rejected in this in stride and even goes as far to say, “It’s their loss…” and go on about their business. Others tend to take it very personally even though a lot of people are of a mind that if they reject you, you shouldn’t take it personally – it’s their choice and decision and you should respect that above all else.

I’m not sure how someone doesn’t take this personally since you’re being told that you’re not what they want or need, not only at that moment but in any other moment. Unwanted. Pretty much not good enough for them to even warrant further investigation. Not their type or, hmm, if you happen to pass that test, there are other things in their mind that disqualifies you and is reason to reject you.

And just to remind you, women face rejection in this as well and is a reminder that rejection is one of those equal no-opportunity things that transcends things like sexuality.

So… how do you deal with being rejected? Yet another non-answer: The best way you know how. Developing a better understanding that you just aren’t going to meet “everyone’s” specifications and criteria just because you have something in common with them, like being bisexual… or even straight or gay, for that matter. It happens and now it’s all about how you’re gonna deal with having your hopes and expectations dashed upon the rocks and shattered, leaving you to pick up the pieces, break out the super glue, and try to put things back together.

Many become despondent and disillusioned and that’s understandable and the only way I can think to get around this is to change the way you think and even zero out any expectations you may have. Someone asked me if I ever get bummed out being rejected and I honestly tell them that I don’t – well, not anymore – because I go into a situation not expecting anything to begin with. Would I love for them to say yes? Of course I would… but I am all too aware that they may not since, duh – what I’d like for them to do and what they can or might do are seriously two very different things.

Does it suck to hear someone reject you because your dick ain’t big enough? Too big? The wrong shape and even color? Too young or too old? Of course it does… and if you let these items of rejection fuck with you, you’re gonna be a miserable critter. In any of this, it’s always about choice and if someone chooses not to get naked and intimate with you, it just is what it is; now it’s a question of whether or not you’re gonna just give up or not.

In yesterday’s scribble, I stated that it’s not always what you know that can fuck shit up – it’s what you don’t know that does the most damage, like how they say that it’s not the punch you see coming that knocks you out – it’s the one you don’t see or, worse, you see it coming and can’t do a damned thing to avoid it.

Being rejected takes this and twists it in that, given the apps and all that, what you know does, in fact, fuck shit up and well before a dialog can be established; why waste your time trying to convince someone that going to bed with you would be a great idea when they’ve already made it clear, by listing their preferences and demands, that you just don’t make the grade… and you’re never going to?

Stuff that winds up being deal-breakers is one thing; this is just a matter of negotiations breaking down when you get into the details… but some do look at this as a form of rejection when, perhaps, they shouldn’t. Not being able to agree on something is one thing… and it’s still something else to know, before you even – again – say, “Wassup?” that what they’ve written in their profile – and if they even bothered to write anything at all – clearly indicates that you’ve been rejected and, ouch, the reasons why are right there for you to see.

There’s this… mindset among men that I tend to find incredulous: If you’re on a “dating” site for men who like men, then you’re there to have sex, no questions asked, not taking no for an answer and if you do reject those who think this way – and more men than you might imagine do think this way – well, your manhood and very existence can and will be called into question or, yeah – you’re just some fake-assed, punk-ass bitch who isn’t a real man.

These days – and with a lot of people being in that “my way or no way” frame of mind – being rejected out of hand is pretty much a given. Ask a guy or a gal, “Well, how do you know it’s not gonna work if we don’t give it a try?” and the answer will most likely be one of two things: “I know it ain’t gonna work” and/or “I don’t have to if I don’t want to.”

The rejection gets to be more… painful and troublesome because if you don’t meet their very exacting criteria, nothing you’re gonna do or say is going to change their minds. They want what they want and in the exact and precise way they want it… and you’re not that person and nothing you can say is going to change their minds. The only thing I think that’s worse than being rejected is not knowing why you were… and is one of those things that falls into the “if you don’t really want to know, don’t ask” category because you can probably bet anything you care to that you’re not gonna like what the other person has to say about why, in their minds, you ain’t worth going to bed with.

Not all rejections are based on some kind of prejudice, bias, or one of the many forms of discrimination that can be seen in these things. Sometimes, the person rejecting you really does have a good and valid reason to tell you no. It’s not that they wouldn’t like to but other factors in their lives makes saying, “Let’s do this!” not all that easy for them so, in a way, being rejected for reason – and reason that isn’t based upon the above-mentioned prejudice, bias, and discrimination – is easier to deal with than being told that you’ve been rejected because of your cock size (or lack thereof) or the color of your skin or your age, your body type and, yeah, what you do for a living.

Cityman often tells me that this shit doesn’t make any sense to him, that if two guys are into having sex with other guys, well, isn’t that just cause enough to get the dicks out? You’d think so and as I’ve said many, many times, it used to be enough to, at the very least, take it for a test drive. Yet, I’ve pointed out his own biases and that he, too, tends to reject other men out of hand based upon his preferences and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like it when I do that because I’m calling him out for behaving like a lot of guys do.

These days, this is pretty much normal and while it would probably be… better if guys who are into dick were able to set aside these things so that dicks can be made nice and hard and then nice and soft again, nah – it just doesn’t work that way as a matter of course any more.

It’s no longer the “no-brainer” that it used to be and more so when it’s easier to reject someone out of hand and by default than it is to listen to a proposal and negotiate some stuff. It winds up creating a very vicious cycle of behavior in that because you get rejected, you start rejecting people, too, and, more often than not, because you’ve been rejected time and time again. It’s easy to think that if you can be rejected out of hand – and those who reject you have the right to reject you, then you also have the right to do some rejecting of your own… and just because you can… and even if you consistently wind up defeating your whole purpose in trying to find a dick you can play with.

I see this high-level rejection taking place… and it make me say – and confirms to me – that we – and I mean both men and women – make this harder than it has to be. We have expectations, plans, ideas, and even carefully crafted scenarios and we have preferences which, on the one hand, isn’t necessarily a bad thing but what is bad is that we have preferences that we’ve locked in neutronium – that would be the most densest material known to man – and they cannot and will not be change for any reason. We now hold firmly and true to our right not to do a thing and for any reason we don’t want to… and there is no recourse, not up for discussion, get the fuck out of my face before I do or say something that will make you regret bothering me.

Rejection is a bitch… and being rejected “just because” is even more of a bitch. It doesn’t matter if you like the same thing or things as the other person; if you’re not up to one’s specifications, you are summarily rejected. Dismissed. Unwanted. Undesirable. Literally and figurative just do not and will not measure up to their standards. Not even worth the time to see what, if anything, can be done.

Yet there are an untold number of people who, for the life of them, can’t seem to figure out why they’re not able to get out there and be as bisexual as they want and need to be. It’s even kinda understandable to be rejected because the person who rejected you has some fears they’re not able to deal with… but to be rejected for the littlest of things? Because you don’t shave your junk and keeping it trimmed ain’t good enough? Are you a “girly bottom” kind of guy? Rejected. Dismissed. Still got your foreskin or it got lopped off? Rejected. Dismissed.

And women rejecting other women? I can’t even begin to go there except to say that their reasons for rejecting other women can be more involved… but guys are catching up to them when it comes to kicking someone to the curb. And the worse part is the sure knowledge that everyone has the right to reject anyone and for any reason they want to reject them and, no, you will not ever be given a chance to prove – and in the only way it can really be proved – that you are worth the effort and you’re not gonna regret having sex with them.

Oh, you don’t wanna be a FWB? Rejected. Dismissed on the grounds that non-relationship sex is a bigger no-no than it’s ever been. Not gonna give it up in the way they expect, require, and demand that you give it up and that includes you not being able to drop whatever you’re doing and break some traffic laws to get to them so they can do to you what they want to do… and even if you’re interested in doing it the way they want to.

Not Mr. or Ms. Right? More like Mr. or Ms. Right Now? Rejected. Dismissed. Your services aren’t required and won’t be even if they were needed to save a life… and I’m not joking or kidding about that one. Few people, it seems, are of a mind to take the time to determine compatibility or what can we do together? No attraction? Rejected. No instant chemistry? Rejected.

How the fuck does anyone deal with this? The best way they can and that includes not dealing with it at all. Dealing with it by accepting defeat and even getting it into your head that, shit, maybe I’m not good enough for anyone… so I might as well just give the fuck up. Do I get… upset? No, not any more because if I expect anything, I expect to be rejected not because I don’t think I can’t, don’t, or won’t measure up or am unable to meet their specifications:

It’s because this is the way it is now. And it’s a sorry state of affairs to see how we’ve taken something that can be a lot of fun and have made it so complicated that, indeed, a lot of people set themselves up to make sure that they’re gonna ever have sex like this by having preferences and expectations that no other human being alive could ever hope to come close to…

And yet, the people who do this – and a lot of rejecting – are also sitting back and wondering why they’re not getting the dick/pussy that they craved. And I know why:

It’s because no one thinks about making it easier to get laid… but they do think about how not to get laid. Making it easier? That’s too much like right. And if you wind up crushing the shit out of someone because you just flat out rejected them, well, that’s not your problem… until you’re the one who gets rejected out of hand and not even given a chance to prove their worth.

If there’s an… acceptable rejection, it could be, simply, “I don’t feel like it right now – but that doesn’t mean I won’t feel like it later.” Or, “I’m just too busy at the moment.” Acceptable. Reasonable. But to be rejected because, say, you’re too short? Have a couple of extra pounds? Stuff like that?

That’s a motherfucker to have to deal and contend with. Your desire and willingness means nothing these days; if you’re not precisely and exactly what I want and not of a mind to give it to me the the precise and exact way I want it and when I want it?

Fuck you. Rejected. Dismissed. Unworthy of further consideration or thought. And, no – I don’t think or behave like that because I know – and if no one else does or cares – that this mindset is self-defeating and prone to deprivation. You wanna know why you’re not getting the dick/pussy you need? Chance are that the other person ain’t the reason why you’re still sitting on the bench; they’re not the problem…

You are. Or they are if you’re the one being constantly rejected and, shit, for the pettiest of reasons. And this, by the way, just ain’t a bisexuality issue… but I think you know that.

I’m still the guy who has the fucking nerve to speak on this behavior… and I know that what I’ve said about being rejected can and will be rejected and dismissed out of hand. And I’m okay with that because to be any other way is detrimental to my mental health.

But you can’t say I didn’t tell you…

 
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Posted by on 21 August 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: How Do You Let Them Know You’re Interested in Being More than Friends?

Holy shit… I can’t think of a more complicated and harrowing thing to have on your mind. One of the plights bisexuals face, other than accepting their bisexuality, is finding someone they can be bisexual with and while there are websites and apps that host like-minded people in these things, trying to find someone without using those tools – and because they can be more of a pain in the ass than anything else – is about as scary as anything I can think of.

It’s not that one doesn’t know why they’re interested in someone; that much is pretty clear but what isn’t so clear is not knowing how the object of your interest is going to react to finding out that your interest in them goes way beyond just being friends or even good friends. There is no tried and true way to go about letting someone know this and, again, there is no way for you to know how they’re gonna react to find this out.

You have a limited amount of information to work from and no matter how well you think you know them or how long you’ve known them because people are, sometimes, really of two minds about things: There’s their public opinion on matters… then there’s their private thoughts about it and they could be one and the same… or not. Like all the times I’ve heard guys being all rabidly homophobic in public but privately? Not so homophobic as they appear to be! Or some guys would have a more positive attitude about guys getting with guys but privately? It’s all good… unless some guy is hitting on them and now it’s not all that good.

The risk of trashing a friendship, budding or otherwise, is very damned real and if I were to advise anything, it would be being very damned sure that the person you’re trying to talk to about this is worth the risks. But if you determine that they are worth it, how do you let them know?

It’s a non-answer and probably not very helpful but you let them know in the best way you can. Some folks use subtlety and even misdirection along with discretion to feel them out as much as possible before “dropping a bomb” on them while others are of a mind that a more direct approach is warranted. Either way kinda keeps you in unknown territory because, again, you have no real idea how they’re gonna react.

The guy I fell in love with? He used misdirection on me and, damn it, it worked like a charm; he even went as far as to ask me how he should go about letting this guy he was very interested in know that his interests went beyond friendship… and clueless me told him how to do it… and now imagine my surprise and shock when, at the point of our conversation I told him, “Sometimes, you just gotta come right out and say it…” and he said, “I’m in love with you and I want you so bad it hurts!”

Well, damn! It had gone way over my head and I’m still kicking my own ass over the fact that I missed all of the clues and hints he had been throwing at me. This approach worked for him… but it’s not guaranteed to work. I was asked if I had any advice about how to let someone know that you wanna be more than friends with them and, honestly? I got nothing except to do a lot of due diligence and dig into the other person as much as you can to find out if they’d even want to talk about this and whether or not using the subtle approach or the direct one would be the right way to go.

Then be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings about them… but you gotta be able to pick the right place and time and moment… and then hope all your guesses are right… and don’t be bummed out if you got it wrong. There’s a perception about bi guys (in particular) in that we’re just gonna leap at any chance to play with a dick and without giving it any thought or consideration… and that ain’t the truth, just like it ain’t true that all women would be open to and interested in girl/girl stuff… and even if everything you might “see” with them suggests that they would be.

It’s funny that even non-bisexuals do, in fact, tend to be “bisexual” in their thoughts or, again, they’re of two minds about this and what you don’t know – what you won’t know unless you ask – is where there mind is about this and it’s quite possible that the person you’re interested in could be as bisexual as you are… and they’re not of a mind to let you know that… or anyone else for that matter.

You wanna talk about tip-toeing through a minefield, in the dark and blindfolded? You wanna make this situation even worse? Okay – let’s make it so! Some people are very intuitive and one of the things – one of those life lessons we all learn – is that just because someone doesn’t say something doesn’t mean they don’t know something or, as my mom used to say, “Every closed eye ain’t asleep!” What you don’t know is that they know or suspect that not only are you not as straight as you look, but you’re interested in being more than friends with them… and they’re content to not only not let you know that they know, some are even more content to sit back and wait for you to tell them something that “they already know.”

Or they can be totally oblivious to your vibe and, as such, letting them know is either going to be a pleasant surprise… or an unpleasant one… and you still don’t know which thing is going to present itself. Or they know and hoping that they aren’t the droid you’re looking for. I mean, how in the hell do you even try to talk to someone about this?

The best way you can. The best way you can think of. How would I go about it? What the hell are you asking me for? Should I be direct or subtle? Do that silly, “I’m asking for a friend” thing that, more often than not, doesn’t work and sometimes if you use this, you get kicked to the curb for using this ploy instead of coming out and speaking your mind about it. A friend… right, sure it’s a friend, uh-huh. Because some folks are of a mind that if you’re going to be deceptive about this, what other deceptions could you be capable of?

Think again about being in that minefield, dark and blindfolded – and being told that some of those mines have hair triggers or even high tech motion sensors… and the person telling you this is also telling you they don’t know which mines have the hair trigger/sensors… or where they are.

Still, it can come down to the very thing I said to the guy who dropped that huge bomb on me: Things can get to the point where being subtle ain’t working and it’s decision time: Do you just come right out and speak to your intentions or do you keep your mouth shut and give up all hope? And to make shit worse – and because it can be – you have no friggin’ idea which thing is the right thing to do because, on top of all of this, there’s nothing worse than finding out that you could have asked and your proposition would have been accepted… and you didn’t ask or even try to.

In this, you’d think that once the cat is out of the bag, things can now proceed… and you might be wrong about that because, sometimes, you only get one shot at this and if you let it slip away, there’s no coming back from that. You are, truly and surely, damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

You might be wondering how you’d know if you were the object of someone else’s desire to be more than friends… and you might even be thinking, “Nah, that wouldn’t be me!” and if so, you’d be wrong about that. Chances are you have been; maybe you knew it and ignored it and maybe, just maybe, you had no idea. See, a lot of people are of a mind that such a thing couldn’t happen to them and that it wouldn’t and, as such, all of the signs could be right there and so much that, as the joke goes, Stevie Wonder could see them… but you don’t see a thing.

And, as such, people who think like this often get blindsided and, well, people don’t usually react well to being blindsided and some folks react even badly to find out that this was being waved all up in their face… and they just flat out missed it. Went so far over their head that saying it ain’t funny doesn’t come close to describing things.

It is true, to a great extent, that to a bisexual? Everyone is fair game and I do mean everyone – married, single, legal-age young, as old as I am, the list goes on and on. You think you understand attraction? You really don’t if you’ve never entertained the thought that the guy or gal you know and are friends with wants to be more than friends with you and – get this – because they see something in you that you don’t see in yourself. What? Some other dude/babe being that attracted to me? No fucking way! Can’t happen; ain’t ever gonna happen!

And some people are like this even when they do, in fact, see all of the signs and, oh, hell, no – they’re not gonna tell you that they see them because, again, some people just really don’t give a fuck if others are bisexual… as long as they’re not making them their “love interest.” And you might even know that the person you’re trying to let know of your interests does, in fact, think like this… and how in the hell do you make your interest and intentions known to such a person?

Most people won’t say a damned thing in this situation. They “know for a fact” that having their proposal accepted is an impossibility… and I’m the one who will tell you that, no – you really don’t know this and you won’t until – or unless – you confirm it. And then there’s this – and as if this whole thing isn’t messy enough already:

You could put it out there and get rejected… at that moment. But people do change their minds, don’t they, and more so when they’ve had a chance to think about it after either getting hit with this or, yeah, blindsided by it. It’s not to say that they’re gonna come back and accept the proposition to be more than friends but it’s possible and, yes, I’ve had it happen. I’ve had men and women come back at a later date and say something like, “I was thinking about that thing we were talking about and I’m willing to give it a try…”

Or they could say they thought about it and the answer is still no. No one likes being rejected… but it’s the risk you take when you want to let someone know that you’re interested in being more than friends with them and the risk of the whole thing blowing up in your face is very damned real… which brings me back to the point of being more than 100% sure that the person you may be interested in is, indeed, worth the risks involved.

Sadly, most people in this situation find it easy to say that the person they’re interest in isn’t worth that level of risk; there’s too much to lose and more so when you’ve pretty much let the other person know that you’re not as straight as you appear to be and a lot of people have the fear that once this gets out – and has been rejected – now everyone is gonna find out that you’re bisexual and that you hit on someone and failed.

If that doesn’t make you want to shit your pants or otherwise soil yourself, I don’t know what will. It’s not what you do know – it’s what you don’t know and, really, if you don’t ask, you will never know one way or the other. It takes courage, commitment, and a lot of patience. Know that you could be kicked to the curb and even vilified for this… but you may not be – you just do not know what the other person is thinking.

A lot of people have this… deeper interest in someone who is already a friend, a very good one, and a long-time one at that. Sometimes, it is better the devil you know than the one you don’t… the thing here is, again and again, is that one usually finds out that they don’t know their very best friend as well as they think they do. You’re not gonna “propose” to them because you know, for a fact, they aren’t gonna go for it… and what you don’t know is that they could be feeling the same way but, like you, they’re hesitant to say something about it. Stalemate, at best.

I will say that in my experiences and observations, this has come out once, um, some hair of the dog has been partaken of. It makes a weird kind of sense that it happens like this given that alcohol, in particular, can lower and/or remove inhibitions. giving credence to the saying that “a drunk person can’t lie” or, really, if they’re buzzed, you’re looking at the real person. I ain’t saying to go get someone you’re interested in drunk or anything like that – and maybe they don’t drink or otherwise get high. I’m just telling you that I’ve heard this proposal and have put it out there myself after some hair of the dog has been involved. And it either works… or it doesn’t and the same risks are involved… but so are the rewards.

You just gotta decide whether it’s worth it to you to let them know that you’d be happy if y’all can be much more than friends. In these things, there’s a mixed message and beginning with “discretion is the better part of valor…” but also nothing ventured, nothing gained. And the fucked up part is both things are true. Silence in this is often quite golden… but if you risk nothing, you gain nothing.

The only thing worse than this situation is being bisexual and in a relationship… and that should tell you something. It’s a subject that I hesitate to give “advice” on because there’s no good advice to be given. This is the judgement call to end all judgement calls and, as you can tell by all of this I’ve written, making the call ain’t easy and you could be screwed in a not so good way if you do make the call… and just as screwed if you don’t.

Not because of what you know: Because of what you don’t know. Now… how “badly” do you wanna know? It’s the only question that needs to be answered and the one that really matters. How you go about answering it is up to you and, yes, I know this aint helping a damned thing… but it’s the best I can do. I like it when people ask me about this… and not so much because I really don’t know the best way to go about letting someone know you wanna be more than friends with them. What would I do? Don’t ask… because I don’t know that, either and you’d think that I would and should.

I don’t. But I know something about people and they’re either gonna go for it… or they won’t. They’re gonna “hate” you or they won’t. Being all Captain Obvious here but that’s just the way it is. You still have to be the one to decide whether the risk of failure is worth it.

 
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Posted by on 20 August 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: In the Heat of the Moment

Not sure why this popped into my head other than maybe hearing it’s going to be 100 degrees or more somewhere in Arizona on The Weather Channel. I’m thinking I heard the weather guy say the word, “heat,” and the Certified Dirty Old Man part of me made this connection because, well, um, that’s what he does.

As such, I got to thinking about a few things about this and the first was that a lot of people believe that heat of the moment stuff should never happen; when having sex, the participants should always remain in control of themselves and stick to the script and even when things go off-script and group sex of some kind is on the menu.

Sheesh… I don’t know how many times I’ve been in a group sex situation and the other guy – or guys – start talking about no funny stuff happening; sometimes, in the process of deciding that the three or more of us getting naked and doing it until we all pass out, the “keep your hands to yourself” card is tossed onto the table and the people throwing it out there would sometimes insist that, again, doing something in the heat of the moment should never happen… and better not happen.

Yet, it does and I know quite a few people who have had their latent bisexuality triggered into activity due to a heat of the moment moment. I also know quite a few people who have lost their ever-loving mind when a heat of the moment action landed on them… and sometimes even more bent out of shape when they were the one doing a heat of the moment thing.

The loss of control due to being in the heat of the moment tends to scare the shit out of people and I was discovering that for a lot of people, being worried about having a heat of the moment moment was very inhibiting and some admitted that they didn’t enjoy the sex as much as they wanted to because they had this in the front of their minds and paying more attention to this not happening than they were paying attention to the sex they were having.

Quite a few guys and gals have said some version of, “And the next thing I know, he was sucking my dick/she was eating my pussy – and I freaked out!” Or, “I started to freak out… but I just went with it and was gonna say something about it later…” Or, a lot of times, I’ve heard people caught up in the heat of the moment say after the fact, “I don’t know why I did that” or “I don’t know why I didn’t stop them because I ain’t like that!”

I’m guessing ya didn’t stop it because… it felt good? Had something pop into your head, seeing the other guy’s hard dick bobbing around while he’s doing something else, that whispers in your ear, “Go ahead… suck it!” Or maybe being the odd person out and not really a part of the action and that… something suggests that you should just get in there somewhere and do something.

I’d seen it enough – and had it happen to me enough – to make me wonder if people really didn’t understand the power of sex and, in the heat of the moment, how it can make someone go off-script, not really because it’s something they’ve always wanted to do but, yeah – it sounded like a good idea at the moment. I’d be lying my ass off if I were to say that I’ve never had a heat of the moment moment… or two… or ten… but I also learned to make my HOTM intentions known and often like, “I’m sorry but I gotta do this…” and sometimes take my lumps later… or whoever was on the receiving end of my moment wasn’t of a mind to give me any lumps.

Having sex with someone is… an agreement laced with expectations and one of the things that gets kinda/sorta discussed is what one likes and dislikes, what they’re gonna do and ain’t ever gonna do. The boundaries get set and they are inviolate… or so we think. True enough, a whole lot of people “stay within the lines…” but some people have told me that while they stayed in their lane, that wasn’t what was going on inside their head.

Like the one guy I was talking to about threesomes who said that one time, him and his boy were getting with this babe who was down for it and the “no funny stuff” rule was in effect but, as he said, “I wanted to suck his dick so bad it wasn’t funny… and I’ll be damned if I know why!”

Another guy was telling me that in a foursome with his lady and another couple, he almost had a heart attack when, all of a sudden, his lady snatched his head from between the other woman’s legs and took his place and, as he said, “Started eating her pussy like her life depended on it!” The other woman was shocked… for a moment and he said that himself and the other guy wound up sitting on the sidelines watching their ladies doing something that they both said they would never do or allow.

“It happens,” I said in both situations. “You do everything you can to not allow it to happen but sex is pretty damned powerful and powerful enough to unlock some shit within you that you either didn’t know was there or you would have preferred to not have unlocked…”

“But that shit ain’t supposed to happen!” Again, I’ve heard this so many times I think I lost count of the number of times somewhere back in the 1980s. I’ve had guys ask me, “So, what if y’all are getting busy, the shit is going good… and homeboy just leans over and starts sucking your dick? What do you do?”

And I’ve said, “Enjoy it – it’s a better situation than getting offended, starting a fight or argument and ruining the mood of things.” To the question of why would I allow it, my answer is, “Because it’s still sex – just some sex you didn’t expect. I don’t know about you but I like having my dick sucked…”

Or, on occasion, the question would be what would be my reaction if my lady started eating pussy “all of a sudden…” and the questioner would get a puzzled and confused look on their face when I’d say something like, “Take notes and enjoy the show…”

Having a heat of the moment moment can be… embarrassing because it’s a clear indication that we’re not as much in control of ourselves as we’d like to be or are supposed to be. They are so unexpected that, sure – shit just goes sideways and the whole thing crashes to a halt – then the shit really hits the fan and all that. I’ve seen it happen way too many times and it’s not like I don’t understand it because I do… but what puzzled me was why a lot of other people didn’t seem to understand it. Yep – it’s very bad form to do something to someone who doesn’t want whatever that something was to happen to them… but to just assume that it wouldn’t ever happen – and in the heat of the moment? Hmm. Even in normal, regular sex, I learned not to be all that surprised when a partner does something in the heat of the moment or goes off-script in some way.

I learned to really expect the unexpected and even with someone you’ve had sex with a lot because you just never know what’s going on inside of them when they’re caught in the throes of sex. Still, restraint is the order of the day, isn’t it? You really don’t want to offend the person or persons you’re having sex with so you tend to not let yourself go so much, don’t let yourself get too into whatever’s happening because, again, it’s pretty embarrassing… and no one wants to wind up getting punched in the mouth, cussed out, or all of the above.

Again, prior to group sex activity, I’ve sat and listened to the admonishments to not let any heat of the moment stuff happen… or else. And I’ve found it totally hilarious to have seen some of those folks who have made this a very clear thing go off the reservation in their own heat of the moment moment… and now they got some explaining to do… and few are able to explain it other than to say something like, “I didn’t think they’d really mind…” or, infamously, “I don’t know what the fuck made me do that!”

Sex made you do that. Being in the moment made you do that. You had yourself on lock down and playing by the rules of engagement… and the lock down got rescinded: I can’t explain it any better than that. If you know what to look for, you can sometimes tell when someone is fighting a heat of the moment moment and sometimes that can happen when something is happening to them that they want… but whatever that may be is about to unlock some stuff inside of them they don’t want unlocked – so they cut whatever it is short, tell the other person to stop, or just escape the moment.

It’s some pretty scary shit to be right on the edge of losing control of yourself during sex… and even scarier if it actually happens. Like the one guy who suddenly started blowing me during a group sex thing who said, “I couldn’t stop sucking your dick… and I didn’t want to! But…!” Boy… he was a mess for a few and I had a side conversation with him to, one, let him know that I wasn’t offended or otherwise pissed off and, two, yeah – sometimes, it just happens and there’s no explanation for it other than “it felt like a good idea at the time.”

I saw that same guy like two weeks later and I wasn’t too surprised when he suggested that, hmm, well, um, it wouldn’t be that bad of a thing if he were to suck my dick again and, you know, maybe, ah, it wouldn’t be all that bad for me to suck his.

And it wasn’t bad at all…

The military has a saying: No plan survives first contact with the enemy. The reason for this is that you can plan your actions right down to the nth degree and you can postulate how the enemy is going to react – or should react and respond to your plan – and chances are they’re gonna do something there’s no way you could have planned for or, really, they just don’t do what you want them to do in order to make your plan a successful one.

Sex can be like that and I think that people do know this… and go out of their way to make sure it doesn’t go off the reservation. I know some folks who have said that they’ve never had a heat of the moment moment and have never had any thoughts along those lines. Now, whether I believe them or not is a whole different matter… but it doesn’t matter what I believe one way or the other because I know it happens and, um, if your mind is focused on not having one of those moments, the fact that you’re thinking hard about not having a moment is pretty telling and, well, this aspect gets pretty… interesting given that you’re thinking about not doing something.

Let that one soak in for a moment and perhaps you might see why I find that interesting.

These moments can be scary, embarrassing, a real-deal mood killer and, yes, potentially physically dangerous during or after the fact. Hence, I think, our “need” to always remain in total control of ourselves and either hoping the other person – or everyone else in the mix – is in total control of themselves or even doing your best to make sure they stay in control of themselves.

What if some dude just started sucking my dick… and after he invoked the “no funny stuff” rule? Honestly? It’ll be everything I can do not to start laughing – that would be rude. What if I’m throwing it down with a lady and she slips a finger in my butt and out of the clear blue sky? No biggie and more so since, um, I’ve had bigger things than fingers in there – but that’s not really the point. Shit happens and sometimes it happens in the heat of the moment and now it’s up to you to decide what, if anything, you’re gonna do or say about it. Yes, you, too, could be subject to having one of those moments and now the inner “argument” is to either go with it or force your mind to shut it down before it can happen.

I think people who are of a mind that such things should never happen are… well, shit, maybe just a tad bit naive; that or they know something about themselves that they’d rather not let anyone else bear witness to. Losing control of one’s self during sex seems to be… anathema to a lot of people and, again, that can be some very scary shit and a lot of people do have inhibitions and inhibitors that, hopefully, will keep them on lock down during sex so that only the “expected” stuff happens.

In the swinging lifestyle, oh, boy – bi guys aren’t always a welcome addition to the mix and a lot of straight swinging dudes are of a mind that a bi guy isn’t going to be able to control his urge to do something with homey’s cock… and that’s kinda silly but to them, it’s a real fear as well as a real and present danger to their sensibilities – and some think that all bi guys are like that. They don’t seem to understand or take into consideration that, say, if you tell me that there will be no funny stuff between us, I will make sure no funny stuff is coming from me… but I’m really not gonna be surprised one bit if the other guy does some funny stuff – and I’m gonna enjoy hearing him explain that because I’m gonna ask him, “Didn’t you say no funny stuff?”

And, yeah – I have sat and watch them trip all over themselves trying to explain why they broke their own “no funny stuff” rule. In these things, incidental contact is… forgivable and even expected when you’re in a pile of hot, sweaty bodies. But deliberate contact? Oh, hell no! Had a guy who grabbed my dick and “helped” me get it into his lady – and he actually apologized for it and for breaking the “no contact” rule.

And I said, “Really? Did you hear me complaining about that? Come on, man… sheesh!” I have learned to expect the unexpected because I know, even if no one else wants to admit it, that heat of the moment things do happen and can come from any direction. I know me and I know – and admit – that I have a gazillion heat of the moment things running around in my head that would best serve the moment by staying in my head and not making an appearance. Thinking and doing, after all, still aren’t the same things. In my experiences, however, if a heat of the moment event happens, um, I’m not the one who gave into it – I just went with it because there’s no point in pitching a bitch about it and trashing the mood of the moment.

When with a guy, I have – in the heat of the moment – told the guy to fuck me… even though we both agreed that this was off the table. We go on the premise that once we make up our minds what we’re gonna do and allow that we can’t change our minds… or that the moment itself is incapable of getting us to change our minds about something. In such a setting, I learned to not be surprised to hear a guy say, “Stick it in me…” and have learned to have the presence of mind to ask, “You sure about that?”

People often get surprised… or they surprise themselves because, I guess at a high level, they really aren’t all that aware of the power sex has. Like I said, I’ve seen men and women get their bisexuality activated in the heat of the moment and it can be quite disturbing for them; the thing, at this point, is to assure them that no matter what they’re thinking now – and usually after the fact – it’s okay – it happens and like shit tends to do, when you least expect it or don’t want it happening.

The question I ask them – and specifically so – “Were you having fun when you were in the moment – and try not to tell me what you think about it now; go back to that moment in your mind and tell me if you had fun during that moment.”

Most find that they did have fun in the moment. Embarrassed and surprised but grudgingly admit that it was… satisfying. Now how the other person reacts to it, well, that’s something else, isn’t it? Some just go with the flow and make the snap decision to deal with the matter afterward… and some just lose their freaking minds and the shit hits the fan… and that happens, too.

“That would never happen to me!” I’ve heard it and for many, it’s the truth of things. Maybe they’re underestimating the true power of sex or maybe they’re really that overconfident in their ability to remain in total control of themselves at all times… but I do often wonder what’s going on inside their head that they’re “going out of their way” to make it stay in their head?

Only they know… and they’re not likely to say anything about it. Sometimes, I’ve had someone tell me – after the fact, of course, “I was thinking about (add whatever they were thinking here) but decided, nah, better not do that.” And that’s fine although someone hearing what might have happened during sex can be… upset about it. I get it… but it didn’t happen, did it? More proof that thinking and doing aren’t the same things. Some folks have asked me what I’m thinking about during sex… and I’ve told them, “You really don’t want to know…” and, well, sometimes, they do want to know and I’ll tell them… and they’re glad that I didn’t do what I was thinking about and, sometimes, the next question is, “Well, why didn’t you?”

Because it’s better to be safe than sorry. The heat of the moment, folks, is a real thing whether it’s just going on inside your head or – gasp – it manages to escape the prison you’ve locked such things into. Now it’s a matter of how you and the other person – or persons – are gonna deal with it and, of course, how you’re gonna deal with it to find yourself on the receiving end of a heat of the moment moment.

My “advice” – and if you can call it that – is to never underestimate the power of sex or its effects on you… or anyone else.

 
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Posted by on 19 August 2020 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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